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(Twilight #1.5) Midnight Sun Author: Stephenie Meyer

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发表于 2016-8-16 23:15 | 只看该作者
10. Theory

"Theory," Jacob read.

"Can I ask just one more?" she entreated instead of answering my demand.

"No... I said it was my turn," Jacob said, laughing.

Bella rolled her eyes.

"But seriously, don't let her ask another question," Jacob said. "I want to know what she's thinking already."

This time Bella chuckled.

I was on edge, anxious for the worst. And yet, how tempting it was to prolong this moment. To have Bella with me, willingly, for just a few seconds longer. I sighed at the dilemma, and then said, "One."

"Hm... I don't know if one would be enough," Bella said, and Jacob groaned.

"You really are going to stretch this out, aren't you?" Jacob asked and Bella shrugged.

"Well..." she hesitated for a moment, as if deciding which question to voice.

"You said you knew I hadn't gone into the bookstore, and that I had gone south. I was just wondering how you know that."

"Good question," Jacob chuckled. "I bet he's wishing that he didn't let you ask it now."

I glared out the windshield. Here was another question that revealed nothing on her part, and too much on mine.

"I thought we were past all the evasiveness," she said, her tone critical and disappointed.

How ironic. She was relentlessly evasive, without even trying.

"Well, it beats being purposefully evasive," Bella said defensively and Jacob laughed at that and the face she was making.

Well, she wanted me to be direct. And this conversation wasn't going anywhere good, regardless.

"Fine, then," I said. "I followed your scent."

Bella smiled because he answered honestly again.

I wanted to watch her face, but I was afraid of what I would see.

Jacob chuckled at that.

"Um... that wasn't really that funny," Bella said to him.

"Sorry... it just sounded so human," Jacob said and that got a smile out of Bella.

Instead, I listened to her breath accelerate and then stabilize. She spoke again after a moment, and her voice was steadier than I would have expected.

"And then you didn't answer one of my first questions..." she said.

"Ha... I knew you wouldn't stop at just one," Jacob said.

"Well at least this isn't a new one," Bella shrugged looking amused. "I must be thinking that I have to get answers out of him as long as he's being honest with me..." she added thoughtfully, and she was now frowning. It was sad that her book self really had no idea what Edward was thinking... or how much he really cared about her.

I looked down at her, frowning. She was stalling, too.

"Which one?"

"How does it work - the mind reading thing?" she asked, reiterating her question from the restaurant. "Can you read anybody's mind, anywhere? How do you do it? Can the rest of your family...?" She trailed off, flushing again.

"I don't seem to recall you asking him all that," Jacob said and Bella shrugged, laughing again.

"That's more than one," I said.

She just looked at me, waiting for her answers.

And why not tell her? She'd already guessed most of this, and it was an easier subject that the one that loomed.

"But I want to know about the one that looms," Jacob grumbled. "Stupid bloodsucker allowing her to stall."

"No, it's just me. And I can't hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close. The more familiar someone's...'voice' is, the farther away I can hear them. But still, no more than a few miles." I tried to think of a way to describe it so that she would understand. An analogy that she could relate to. "It's a little like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once. It's just a hum - a buzzing of voices in the background. Until I focus on one voice, and then what they're thinking is clear. Most of the time I tune it all out - it can be very distracting. And then it's easier to seem normal,"  - I grimaced -  "when I'm not accidentally answering someone's thoughts rather than their words."

Bella smiled again, imagining Edward when he was first turned doing just that. For some reason... though she knew it wasn't right, she imagined Edward as a little boy. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that it was associated with him learning something as he would when taking his first steps or talking for the first time. She could also picture a vague image of Carlisle, Edward's father, helping him learn how to work though this.

"Um... what's so amusing about that?" Jacob questioned her when he noticed the look in her eyes.

"It's nothing," Bella shook her head and motioned for Jacob to keep reading.

"Why do you think you can't hear me?" she wondered.

I gave her another truth and another analogy.

"I don't know," I admitted. "The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM."

Bella frowned at that, it made her sound like a freak.

I realized that she would not like this analogy. The anticipation of her reaction had me smiling. She didn't disappoint.

Jacob started chuckling at that point; he could see quite clearly her reaction to that.

"My mind doesn't work right?" she asked, her voice rising with chagrin. "I'm a freak?"

Jacob laughed loudly at that. "That's right, I'm glad you finally agree with me."

"Shut up, Jake," Bella glared at him.

Ah, the irony again.

"I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that you're the freak." I laughed.

She understood all the small things, and yet the big ones she got backwards. Always the wrong instincts...

Bella huffed, more annoyed by that because of her slight embarrassment.

Bella was gnawing on her lip, and the crease between her eyes was etched deep.

"Don't worry," I reassured her. "It's just a theory..." And there was a more important theory to be discussed. I was anxious to get it over with. Each passing second was beginning to feel more and more like borrowed time.

"Then ask your question already," Bella said. "I really want you to get past this borrowed time thing."

"Which brings us back to you," I said, divided in two, both anxious and reluctant.

She sighed, still chewing her lip - I worried that she would hurt herself. She stared into my eyes, her face troubled.

"Aren't we past all the evasions now?" I asked quietly.

She looked down, struggling with some internal dilemma. Suddenly, she stiffened and her eyes flew wide open. Fear flashed across her face for the first time.

"What?" Jacob asked.

"You know if you just read the book, we probably would have known by now," Bella said to him.

"Whatever," Jacob mumbled sheepishly and started reading.

"Holy crow!" she gasped.

I panicked. What had she seen? How had I frightened her?

Then she shouted, "Slow down!"

"Oh," Jacob said, pure amusement in his voice, before both of them started laughing.

"What's wrong?" I didn't understand where her terror was coming from.

"You're going a hundred miles an hour!" she yelled at me.

Bella was about to comment, but she really didn't want Jacob to laugh at her again. But really... why did he have to go that fast?

She flashed a look out the window, and recoiled from the dark trees racing past us.

This little thing, just a bit of speed, had her shouting in fear?

I rolled my eyes. "Relax, Bella."

"Are you trying to kill us?" she demanded, her voice high and tight.

"We're not going to crash," I promised her.

She sucked in a sharp breath, and then spoke in a slightly more level tone. "Why are you in such a hurry?"

"I always drive like this."

"Well at least I know that's true," Bella said. "Hm... I don't know if I'm going to be riding in his car too much."

"If you look at Edward, I'm sure you wouldn't notice anything," Jacob said, and then chuckled. "You'll be dazzled by him..."

"Shut up," Bella blushed and Jacob laughed harder.

I met her gaze, amused by her shocked expression.

"Keep your eyes on the road!" she shouted.

Jacob and Bella laughed at this... for Bella thought that laughing was just easier to do at the moment than worry... Edward wouldn't let anything happen to her after all.

"I've never been in an accident, Bella. I've never even gotten a ticket." I grinned at her and touched my forehead. It made it even more comical - the absurdity of being able to joke with her about something so secret and strange. "Built in radar detector."

"Very funny," she said sarcastically, her voice more frightened than angry.

"Charlie's a cop, remember? I was raised to abide by traffic laws. Besides, if you turn us into a Volvo pretzel around a tree trunk, you can probably just walk away."

"And now he slows down," Jacob said. "Well, you seemed to know how to make him listen to you."

"Probably," I repeated, and then laughed without humor. Yes, we would fare quite differently in a car accident. She was right to be afraid, despite my driving abilities... "But you can't."

With a sigh, I let the car drift to a crawl. "Happy?"

She eyed the speedometer. "Almost."

Was this still too fast for her? "I hate driving slow," I muttered, but let the needle slide another notch down.

"This is slow?" she asked.

Jacob was laughing as he read this. "You really are afraid of the strangest things."

"Enough commentary on my driving," I said impatiently. How many times had she dodged my question now? Three times? Four? Were her speculations that horrific?

"No... they are just that true," Bella said, suddenly a little worried herself, "I hope he's doesn't freak out about this."

I had to know - immediately. "I'm still waiting for your latest theory."

She bit her lip again, and her expression became upset, almost pained.

I reigned in my impatience and softened my voice. I didn't want her to be distressed.

"I won't laugh," I promised, wishing that it was only embarrassment that made her unwilling to talk.

"Oh... I'm sure you won't," Jacob sighed, he was become tense again.

"I'm more afraid that you'll be angry with me," she whispered.

I forced my voice to stay even. "Is it that bad?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

She looked down, refusing to meet my eyes. The seconds passed.

"Go ahead," I encouraged.

Her voice was small. "I don't know how to start."

"Why don't you start at the beginning?" I remembered her words before dinner.

"You said you didn't come up with this on your own."

"No," she agreed, and then was silent again.

I thought about things that might have inspired her. "What got you started -  book? A movie?"

I should have looked through her collections when she was out of the house. I had no idea if Bram Stoker or Anne Rice was there in her stack of worn paperbacks...

"Nope," Bella shook her head, she was pretty sure that she wouldn't have been able to figure out what Edward was by what she knew about vampires.

"No," she said again. "It was Saturday, at the beach."

Jacob groaned that; his first fear was confirmed and the second was sure to come true any second now.

I hadn't expected that. The local gossip about us had never strayed into anything too bizarre - or too precise. Was there a new rumor I'd missed? Bella peeked up from her hands and saw the surprise on my face.

"He knows what beach you were at... how could he not figure this out?" Jacob hissed, in a foul mood because of what he was sure was going to happen and he wanted it out there already.

"I ran into an old family friend - Jacob Black,"

Jacob sighed again, it was true then... great.

"I'm sorry," Bella said.

she went on. "His dad and Charlie have been friends since I was a baby."

Jacob Black - the name was not familiar, and yet it reminded me of something...some time, long ago... I stared out of the windshield, flipping through memories to find the connection.

Again there was a tense, almost angry quality to Jacob's voice as he read this.

"His dad is one of the Quileute elders," she said.

Jacob Black. Ephraim Black. A descendant, no doubt.

"Who's Ephraim Black?" Bella questioned, really wanting to know the answer to that, but mostly asking because she hoped it would calm Jacob down a little.

"He was the chief of our tribe the last time the Cullens were here," Jacob said. "He's the one who made the treaty... the one I apparently broke when I told you about the vampires... Er... and I think I broke it too yesterday, when I told..."

"You didn't really break it," Bella shook her head. "Um... I mean, I don't really know what this treaty says, but if it had something to do with telling me about the Cullens you didn't really do that... well, not yesterday at least. I knew there was something wrong with them... and the number of times that the book said it... I was going to know anyway, you just helped me to understand sooner."

"Thanks," Jacob said. "But that doesn't seem to help me out in this book."

"Sorry," Bella said, but Jacob did look slightly better now.

It was as bad as it could get.

She knew the truth.

My mind was flying through the ramifications as the car flew around the dark curves in the road, my body rigid with anguish - motionless except for the small, automatic actions it took to steer the car.

She knew the truth.

"Yes, yes, I know the truth... now talk to me about it," Bella said and Jacob had to smile at her childish behavior since she rarely acted this way.

But...if she'd learned the truth Saturday...then she'd known it all evening long...and yet...

"We went for a walk," she went on. "And he was telling me about some old legends - trying to scare me, I think. He told me one..."

"I would not just tell you about these things," Jacob hissed, looking angry and Bella wasn't sure if he was angry at what her book self just said or if he was angry because he thought his book self would have said that.

"Um... We're not sure what happened on the beach," Bella said, hoping that would calm him down a bit... it didn't work.

She stopped short, but there was no need for her qualms now; I knew what she was going to say. The only mystery left was why she was here with me now.

"Go on," I said.

"About vampires," she breathed, the words less than a whisper.

Somehow, it was even worse than knowing that she knew, hearing her speak the word aloud. I flinched at the sound of it, and then controlled myself again.

"He didn't seem to mind calling himself a vampire," Bella mumbled to herself.

"And you immediately thought of me?" I asked.

"No. He...mentioned your family."

"Argh," Jacob groaned, how could he be so stupid?

How ironic that it would be Ephraim's own progeny that would violate the treaty he'd vowed to uphold. A grandson, or great-grandson perhaps. How many years had it been? Seventy?

I should have realized that it was not the old men who believed in the legends that would be the danger. Of course, the younger generation - those who would have been warned, but would have thought the ancient superstitions laughable - of course that was where the danger of exposure would lie.

Jacob was seething as he read this, feeling both guilty and angry about what his book self had done.

I supposed this meant I was now free to slaughter the small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I so inclined. Ephraim and his pack of protectors were long dead...

"NO!" Bella said furious as Jacob looking angrily at the book; seeing how dangerous this slip really was.

"He just thought it was a silly superstition," Bella said suddenly, her voice edged with a new anxiety. "He didn't expect me to think anything of it."

"You must have realized how he was reacting to this," Jacob hissed in a tight, angry voice.

"He never would have hurt your family anyway," Bella said; she knew that was true, no matter how mad he was at the moment, he wouldn't do that.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her twist her hands uneasily.

"It was my fault," she said after a brief pause, and then she hung her head as if she were ashamed. "I forced him to tell me."

Jacob raised an eyebrow at that. Forced me, he thought, how could she force me?

"Why?" It wasn't so hard to keep my voice level now. The worst was already done. As long as we spoke of the details of the revelation, we didn't have to move on to the consequences of it.

"Lauren said something about you - she was trying to provoke me." She made a little face at the memory. I was slightly distracted, wondering how Bella would be provoked by someone talking about me... "And an older boy from the tribe said your family didn't come to the reservation, only it sounded like he meant something different.

"Well, at least you're not the one that mentioned the Cullens," Bella said and Jacob felt slightly better about that.

So I got Jacob alone and I tricked it out of him."

And now he looked completely hurt. That really didn't make him sound too good... nor did it sound like they were remotely friends.

Bella put her head in her hands, she felt horrible. How could she have done that to Jacob?

"I'm sorry," Bella said quietly.

"Whatever," Jacob said bitterly.

Her head dropped even lower as she admitted this, and her expression looked...guilty.

I looked away from her and laughed out loud. She felt guilty? What could she possibly have done to deserve censure of any kind?

"Tricked him how?" I asked.

"I tried to flirt - it worked better than I thought it would," she explained,

"You flirted with me," Jacob said, yeah that would do it. He couldn't lie, he definitely thought Bella was beautiful, and if she would be up for it, he would love to go out with her. But, that option clearly wasn't available to him, not with Edward. And that was okay, because he liked hanging out with Bella... it was nice being around her... Her friendship was enough.

Still, to hear that her book self had flirted with him, just so he would spill the beans about his family heritage... that wasn't nice at all. Nor was hearing her say she tricked him... like he was some kind of fool. Did she even like him? He wondered as he gave her a cold look.

Bella didn't say anything, she heard the hurt and anger in his voice, and she really hated herself at the moment. How could she play with a boy's affections so carelessly like that? She wanted to apologize again, but the words didn't come out. So she just sat there waiting for him to start reading again. The garage they were sitting in seemed to have gone cold as she waited for him to read...

and her voice turned incredulous at the memory of that success.

I could just imagine - considering the attraction she seemed to have for all things male, totally unconscious on her part - how overwhelming she would be when she tried to be attractive. I was suddenly full of pity for the unsuspecting boy she'd unleashed such a potent force on.

"Thanks," Jacob spat bitterly and Bella flinched. Was she really that attractive to guys?

"I'd like to have seen that," I said, and then I laughed again with the black humor.

I wished I could have heard the boy's reaction, witnessed the devastation for myself.

Jacob hissed at that.

"And you accused me of dazzling people - poor Jacob Black."

Jacob spat his words as he read and Bella just kept feeling worse.

I wasn't as angry with the source of my exposure as I would have expected to feel. He didn't know better. And how could I expect anyone to deny this girl what she wanted? No, I only felt sympathy for the damage she would have done to his peace of mind.

I felt her blush heat the air between us. I glanced at her, and she was staring out her window. She didn't speak again.

"What did you do then?" I prompted. Time to get back to the horror story.

"I did some research on the internet."

Bella let out a tiny sigh, knowing for sure they were done talking about Jacob now.

Jacob glared at her when she sighed and she tensed as her lip trembled.

"Do you even like me?" Jacob asked sharply at that point, he wasn't one to run away from conflict and he needed this question answered now.

Bella looked at him shocked and hurt that he had to ask that. "Of course I do."

Jacob sighed. "Then stop worrying about this... I'll get over it."

"I'm just... I'm sorry," Bella said. "I don't know why I would..."

"Trick me into telling you a secret that could have destroyed my tribe?" Jacob hissed then, he really didn't want her to try and explain herself to him.

Bella gasped and shook her head. "No... I couldn't have known the potential danger to your tribe..." she said this as if she was talking to herself. She wouldn't have done that, right?

"No, I suppose you wouldn't know about the treaty." Jacob said, "But still, it's just not like you to use someone like that. And it hurts that it was me that you tricked."

Bella swallowed. "I'm sorry... I don't know what else I can say about that..."

"Oh, Bella," Jacob groaned. "Of course you don't know what to say... we don't even know what was said on the beach... I'm sorry for blaming you... you really haven't done anything to me."

"But..." Bella said, but he cut her off shaking his head.

"Seriously, Bella, drop it," Jacob said. "We're cool now."

"Okay," Bella nodded her head sadly and Jacob rolled his eyes... she so wasn't going to just drop this, but whatever, he wasn't going to think about it anymore.

Ever practical. "And did that convince you?"

"No," she said. "Nothing fit. Most of it was kind of silly. And then - "

She broke off again, and I heard her teeth lock together.

"What?" I demanded. What had she found? What had made sense of the nightmare for her?

Jacob chuckled there, it was a little forced, but it still sounded natural. "You really have this guy on the edge of his seat with all the suspense you're building here."

"I doubt I know what I'm doing," Bella said, her voice a little distant. She really didn't know what she was doing when it came to boys; which was clear enough by the way that she had handled Jacob.

There was a short pause, and then she whispered, "I decided it didn't matter."

Shock froze my thoughts for a half-second, and then it all fit together. Why she'd sent her friends away tonight rather than escape with them. Why she had gotten into my car with me again instead of running, screaming for the police...

Her reactions were always wrong - always completely wrong. She pulled danger toward herself. She invited it.

"Why is he taking that so badly?" Bella asked a little confused. "Is it bad that I've accepted him?"

"Um... I'm not sure," Jacob said thoughtfully. "You know this guy... he always reacts the wrong way," he laughed this time and so did Bella.

"I suppose two wrongs do make a right then," Bella chuckled.

"That's not how the saying goes," Jacob shook his head.

"It didn't matter?" I said through my teeth, anger filling me. How was I supposed to protect someone so...so...so determined to be unprotected?

"No," she said in a low voice that was inexplicably tender. "It doesn't matter to me what you are."

She was impossible.

"And so is he," Bella hissed.

"Doesn't make you stop liking him though, does it?" Jacob said.

"Nope," Bella admitted with a smile.

"You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not human?"

"No."

I started to wonder if she was entirely stable.

I supposed that I could arrange for her to receive the best care available...

"I am not crazy, Edward Cullen!" Bella yelled.

"You are yelling at a book right now... that might be considered a bit crazy," Jacob pointed out with barely concealed laughter.

"Shut up!" Bella hissed at him.

Carlisle would have the connections to find her the most skilled doctors, the most talented therapists. Perhaps something could be done to fix whatever it was that was wrong with her, whatever it was that made her content to sit beside a vampire with her heart beating calmly and steadily. I would watch over the facility, naturally, and visit as often as I was allowed...

"Well, then I wouldn't be cured you idiot, because the reason is that I like you!" Bella yelled again.

"Yep... not crazy at all," Jacob really laughed this time and she glared at him furiously. She might have been a fully grown house cat, instead of a kitten with that glare, Jacob mused, laughing harder.

"You're angry," she sighed. "I shouldn't have said anything."

As if her hiding these disturbing tendencies would help either of us.

"No. I'd rather know what you're thinking - even if what you're thinking is insane."

"So I'm wrong again?" she asked, a bit belligerent now.

"She didn't like it when you questioned her sanity, man," Jacob said laughing.

"That's not what I was referring to!" My teeth clenched together again. "'It doesn't matter'!" I repeated in a scathing tone.

She gasped. "I'm right?"

"Does it matter?" I countered.

She took a deep breath. I waited angrily for her answer.

"Not really," she said, her voice composed again. "But I am curious."

"Of course you are," Jacob said.

Not really. It didn't really matter. She didn't care. She knew I was inhuman, a monster, and this didn't really matter to her.

Aside from my worries about her sanity, I began to feel a swelling of hope. I tried to quash it.

"And I'm the insane one," Bella grumbled. "Setting aside his hopes..."

"What are you curious about?" I asked her. There were no secrets left, only minor details.

"How old are you?" she asked.

My answer was automatic and ingrained. "Seventeen."

"Liar," Jacob said.

"Hmm... I'm sure that's true... in a way," Bella shrugged.

"And how long have you been seventeen?"

I tried not to smile at the patronizing tone. "A while," I admitted.

"Okay," she said, abruptly enthusiastic. She smiled up at me. When I stared back, anxious again about her mental health, she smiled wider. I grimaced.

"Don't laugh," she warned. "But how can you come out during the daytime?"

"There's no chance he's not going to laugh at that," Jacob laughed, being caught off guard by that question.

I laughed despite her request. Her research had not netted her anything unusual, it seemed. "Myth," I told her.

"Burned by the sun?"

"Myth."

"Sleeping in coffins?"

"Myth."

Sleep had not been a part of my life for so long - not until these last few nights, as I'd watched Bella dreaming...

"I can't sleep," I murmured, answering her question more fully.

"That one is a little freaky," Bella admitted.

"I know," Jacob said. "What doesn't sleep?"

"Vampire," Bella answer immediately and Jacob rolled his eyes.

She was silent for a moment.

"At all?" she asked.

"Never," I breathed.

I stared into her eyes, wide under the thick fringe of lashes, and yearned for sleep.

Not for oblivion, as I had before, not to escape boredom, but because I wanted to dream.

"Poor vampire not being able to dream," Jacob said.

Maybe, if I could be unconscious, if I could dream, I could live for a few hours in a world where she and I could be together. She dreamed of me. I wanted to dream of her.

She stared back at me, her expression full of wonder. I had to look away.

I could not dream of her. She should not dream of me.

"You haven't asked me the most important question yet," I said, my silent chest colder and harder than before. She had to be forced to understand. At some point, she would have to realize what she was doing now. She must be made to see that this all did matter - more than any other consideration. Considerations like the fact that I loved her.

"Um... what question is he talking about?" Jacob asked and Bella shrugged.

"Which one is that?" she asked, surprised and unaware.

This only made my voice harder. "You aren't concerned about my diet?"

"Oh. That." She spoke in a quiet tone that I couldn't interpret.

"Yes, that. Don't you want to know if I drink blood?"

She cringed away from my question. Finally. She was understanding.

"Well, Jacob said something about that," she said.

Bella flinched at the mention of Jacob's name, but Jacob really was over that now. Or at least he wasn't going to waste energy on getting worked up about it again. "It looks like I told you about their vegetarian ways," he said.

"What did Jacob say?"

"He said you didn't...hunt people. He said your family wasn't supposed to be dangerous because you only hunted animals."

"That seems to be a bit nicer than what I would say," Jacob said.

"Really?" Bella questioned.

"Yeah... I mean before this I never really believed the legends, but still," Jacob said and then shrugged there. "They're bloodsuckers that we had an uneasy treaty with... I'm not about to say something nice about them."

"He said we weren't dangerous?" I repeated cynically.

"Not exactly," she clarified. "He said you weren't supposed to be dangerous. But the Quileutes still didn't want you on their land, just in case."

I stared at the road, my thoughts in a hopeless snarl, my throat aching with the familiar fiery thirst.

"So, was he right?" she asked, as calmly as if she were confirming a weather report. "About not hunting people?"

"The Quileutes have a long memory."

She nodded to herself, thinking hard.

"Don't let that make you complacent, though," I said quickly. "They're right to keep their distance from us. We are still dangerous."

"Yes, they are," Jacob frowned, this book did prove that in a way. The vampires really did have a somewhat daily struggle to be able to be close to humans... and then if there was one that smelled too good... they would lose themselves in the monster. And yet, it was hard for him to hate them, because they were trying to stop their very nature...

"I don't understand."

No, she didn't. How to make her see?

"We try," I told her. "We're usually very good at what we do. Sometimes we make mistakes. Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you."

Her scent was still a force in the car. I was growing used to it, I could almost ignore it, but there was no denying that my body still yearned toward her for the wrong reason. My mouth was swimming with venom.

Jacob sighed, he really didn't want to hear that right now... it made it easy to hate them again.

"This is a mistake?" she asked, and there was heartbreak in her voice. The sound of it disarmed me. She wanted to be with me - despite everything, she wanted to be with me.

Hope swelled again, and I beat it back.

"A very dangerous one," I told her truthfully, wishing the truth could really somehow cease to matter.

She didn't respond for a moment. I heard her breathing change - it hitched in strange ways that did not sound like fear.

"What is it then?" Jacob asked.

Bella didn't answer; she just looked sadly at the book.

"Tell me more," she said suddenly, her voice distorted by anguish.

I examined her carefully.

She was in pain. How had I allowed this?

"You should watch your words more carefully," Bella mumbled.

"What more do you want to know?" I asked, trying to think of a way to keep her from hurting. She should not hurt. I couldn't let her be hurt.

"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people," she said, still anguished.

Wasn't it obvious? Or maybe this didn't matter to her either.

"I don't want to be a monster," I muttered.

Bella smiled at that, thinking how that proved that he wasn't a monster.

"But animals aren't enough?"

I searched for another comparison, a way that she could understand. "I can't be sure, of course, but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn't completely satiate the hunger - or rather thirst. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time." My voice got lower; I was ashamed of danger I had allowed her to be in. Danger I continued to allow...

"Sometimes it's more difficult than others."

"Is it very difficult for you now?"

I sighed. Of course she would ask the question I didn't want to answer.

"Because those are the questions that truly matters... that lets me know more about you," Bella said.

"Yes," I admitted.

I expected her physical response correctly this time: her breathing held steady, her heart kept its even pattern. I expected it, but I did not understand it. How could she not be afraid?

"Because she's a freak," Jacob supplied.

"But you're not hungry now," she declared, perfectly sure of herself.

"Why do you think that?"

"Your eyes," she said, her tone offhand. "I told you I had a theory. I've noticed that people - men in particular - are crabbier when they're hungry."

"That is ridiculous," Jacob said in mock indignation.

"Are you hungry now?" Bella questioned.

"I could do with a bit of eating, yeah," Jacob admitted.

"I rest my case," Bella said and Jacob rolled his eyes.

"But we are going to eat dinner after this, right?" Jacob asked, now that she's got him thinking about food, he really was hungry.

"I guess," Bella said. "I think I should call Charlie and see what's going on... he should be getting home soon."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Jacob said. "But let's finish this chapter first, okay?"

I chuckled at her description: crabby. There was an understatement. But she was dead right, as usual. "You are observant, aren't you?" I laughed again.

She smiled a little, the crease returning between her eyes as if she were concentrating on something.

"Were you hunting this weekend, with Emmett?" she asked after my laugh had faded. The casual way she spoke was as fascinating as it was frustrating. Could she really accept so much in stride? I was closer to shock than she seemed to be.

Both Jacob and Bella laughed at that one.

"Yes," I told her, and then, as I was about to leave it at that, I felt the same urge I'd had in the restaurant: I wanted her to know me. "I didn't want to leave," I went on slowly, "but it was necessary. It's a bit easier to be around you when I'm not thirsty."

"Why didn't you want to leave?"

I took a deep breath, and then turned to meet her gaze. This kind of honesty was difficult in a very different way.

"Why?" Bella questioned, but she knew that she wasn't going to get an answer to that.

"It makes me...anxious," I supposed that word would suffice, though it wasn't strong enough, "to be away from you. I wasn't joking when I asked you to try not to fall in the ocean or get run over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you. And after what happened tonight, I'm surprised that you did make it through a whole weekend unscathed."

Bella grimaced at this; as if Edward needed any more reasons to think that she couldn't survive without him near by... then again, having him nearby was a plus... so she wasn't too annoyed by this.

Then I remembered the scrapes on her palms. "Well, not totally unscathed," I amended.

"What?"

"Your hands," I reminded her.

She sighed and grimaced. "I fell."

I'd guessed right. "That's what I thought," I said, unable to contain my smile. "I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse - and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away. It was a very long three days. I really got on Emmett's nerves." Honestly, that didn't belong in the past tense. I was probably still irritating Emmett, and all the rest of my family, too. Except Alice...

"Three days?" she asked, her voice suddenly sharp. "Didn't you just get back today?"

I didn't understand the edge in her voice.

"She missed you too, you idiot," Jacob chuckled.

"No, we got back Sunday."

"Then why weren't any of you in school?" she demanded. Her irritation confused me. She didn't seem to realize that this question was one that related to mythology again.

"Well, you asked if the sun hurt me, and it doesn't," I said. "But I can't go out in the sunlight, at least, not where anyone can see."

That distracted her from her mysterious annoyance.

"Is it really that mysterious?" Bella questioned Jacob.

"I don't think so," Jacob said. "But of course I have you right here telling me what your book self is thinking... um... at least you do when you can."

"Why?" she asked, leaning her head to one side.

I doubted I could come up with the appropriate analogy to explain this one. So I just told her, "I'll show you sometime." And then I wondered if this was a promise I would end up breaking. Would I see her again, after tonight? Did I love her enough yet to be able to bear leaving her?

Bella growled, really annoyed by that. If he didn't stop thinking about leaving her... Saying that his leaving proved that he loved her, she was going to scream.

"You might have called me," she said.

What an odd conclusion. "But I knew you were safe."

"What a jerk," Jacob laughed. "Of course only he matters."

Bella rolled her eyes.

"But I didn't know where you were. I - " She came to an abrupt stop, and looked at her hands.

"What?"

"I didn't like it," she said shyly, the skin over her cheekbones warming. "Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too."

"Aww... poor Bella," Jacob teased.

"Shut up," Bella groaned.

Are you happy now? I demanded of myself. Well, here was my reward for hoping.

"He says that like it's a bad thing he got what he hoped for," Jacob rolled his eyes.

I was bewildered, elated, horrified - mostly horrified - to realize that all my wildest imaginings were not so far off the mark. This was why it didn't matter to her that I was a monster. It was exactly the same reason that the rules no longer mattered to me.

"And it's a horrifying reason," Jacob said.

Why right and wrong were no longer compelling influences. Why all my priorities had shifted one rung down to make room for this girl at the very top.

Bella cared for me, too.

Bella smiled.

"I don't think he's going to stop his negative thinking," Jacob pointed out to her.

"But it's still nice to know that I like him... and he knows it now," Bella said.

I knew it could be nothing in comparison to how I loved her.

"And apparently he's still going to underestimate you," Jacob chuckled.

"Um... well, he might have a point," Bella said. "I mean, you heard how he described how vampires love..."

"Yeah," Jacob agreed, knowing that it was close to what was described in his legends. "But if that is true, it's probably easy for you to feel the same way," he added a little reluctantly. "I mean if someone loves you like that... don't you think it would be easy... even for us lowly humans... to love the same way."

"I suppose," Bella said. "Still, I'll have to meet him before I really understand my feelings."

But it was enough for her to risk her life to sit here with me. To do so gladly.

Enough to cause her pain if I did the right thing and left her.

Bella groaned at that.

Was there anything I could do now that would not hurt her? Anything at all?

I should have stayed away. I should never have come back to Forks. I would cause her nothing but pain.

Would that stop me from staying now? From making it worse?

Bella grimaced, but now she was determined... she was going to have to make it clear to him that leaving wasn't an option. Of course how she was going to do that was the more difficult problem.

The way I felt right now, feeling her warmth against my skin...

No. Nothing would stop me.

"Ah," I groaned to myself. "This is wrong."

"What did I say?" she asked, quick to take the blame on herself.

"Don't you see, Bella? It's one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved. I don't want to hear that you feel that way."

It was the truth, it was a lie. The most selfish part of me was flying with the knowledge that she wanted me as I wanted her. "It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Bella -  please, grasp that."

"No." Her lips pouted out petulantly.

Jacob laughed at that, "Sorry man...but you're not going to get through that thick skull of hers."

Bella rolled her eyes, though Jacob was right about that statement.

"I'm serious." I was battling with myself so strongly - half desperate for her to accept, half desperate to keep the warnings from escaping - that the words came through my teeth as a growl.

"So am I," she insisted. "I told you, it doesn't matter what you are. It's too late."

"You probably should have picked better words than too late," Jacob said.

"Whatever," Bella said.

Too late? The world was bleakly black and white for one endless second as I watched the shadows crawl across the sunny lawn toward Bella's sleeping form in my memory. Inevitable, unstoppable. They stole the color from her skin, and plunged her into darkness.

Too late? Alice's vision swirled in my head, Bella's blood red eyes staring back at me impassively. Expressionless - but there was no way that she could not hate me for that future. Hate me for stealing everything from her. Stealing her life and her soul.

Jacob grimaced; he did not like these semi constant reminders of Bella becoming a vampire. It helped that Edward was so dead set against it, but still... it seemed like this was an eventuality that he really didn't want to happen.

Bella, on the other hand, was disagreeing with what Edward thought, believing that if she was a vampire in the future... it would be her choice. She knew better than to voice this thought though, Jacob looked tense enough as it was.

It could not be too late.

"Never say that," I hissed.

She stared out her window, and her teeth bit into her lip again. Her hands were balled into tight fists in her lap. Her breathing hitched and broke.

"What are you thinking?" I had to know.

She shook her head without looking at me. I saw something glisten, like a crystal, on her cheek.

"Y..." Jacob was about to make a comment about this, but stopped himself.

Agony. "Are you crying?" I'd made her cry. I'd hurt her that much.

She scrubbed the tears away with the back of her hand.

"No," she lied, her voice breaking.

Some long buried instinct had me reaching out toward her - in that one second I felt more human than I ever had. And then I remembered that I was...not. And I lowered my hand.

"You're human to me," Bella said, it would be nice if he comforted her there, though she wasn't sure if she was sad or angry... she cried when she's both.

"I'm sorry," I said, my jaw locked. How could I ever tell her how sorry I was?

Sorry for all the stupid mistakes I'd made. Sorry for my never-ending selfishness. Sorry that she was so unfortunate as to have inspired this first, tragic love of mine. Sorry also for the things beyond my control - that I'd been the monster chosen by fate to end her life in the first place.

I took a deep breath - ignoring my wretched reaction to the flavor in the car - and tried to collect myself.

I wanted to change the subject, to think of something else. Lucky for me, my curiosity about the girl was insatiable. I always had a question.

"Tell me something," I said.

"Yes?" she asked huskily, tears still in her voice.

"What were you thinking tonight, just before I came around the corner? I couldn't understand your expression - you didn't look that scared, you looked like you were concentrating very hard on something." I remembered her face - forcing myself to forget whose eyes I was looking through - the look of determination there.

"I was trying to remember how to incapacitate an attacker," she said, her voice more composed. "You know, self defense. I was going to smash his nose into his brain."

Jacob laughed at the comment, though it was a dark laugh, knowing the danger she had been in. "Don't you think running would have been better?"

"I trip when I run," Bella sighed.

"Oh," Jacob grimaced this time. "That does suck... at least you know defense techniques."

Her composure did not last to the end of her explanation. Her tone twisted until it seethed with hate. This was no hyperbole, and her kittenish fury was not humorous now.

I could see her frail figure - just silk over glass - overshadowed by the meaty, heavy fisted human monsters who would have hurt her. The fury boiled in the back of my head.

Jacob was quite upset himself. Knowing that she would have fought... but it wouldn't have helped her... yeah, he was pretty damn mad again.

"You were going to fight them?" I wanted to groan. Her instincts were deadly -  to herself. "Didn't you think about running?"

"I fall down a lot when I run," she said sheepishly.

"What about screaming for help?"

"I was getting to that part."

I shook my head in disbelief. How had she managed to stay alive before she'd come to Forks?

"My life was never threatened before I came here," Bella answered.

"You were right," I told her, a sour edge to my voice. "I'm definitely fighting fate trying to keep you alive."

"Or maybe fate is putting me in danger so that you won't leave me," Bella said.

"What?" Jacob asked.

"Well, it seems like Edward might have left if my life didn't need saving," Bella shrugged. "Plus, I doubt I would ever have found out about him if it weren't for the van accident... and knowing his secret will only improve our relationship.

She sighed, and glanced out the window. Then she looked back at me.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" she demanded abruptly.

As long as I was on my way to hell - I might as well enjoy the journey.

"Yes - I have a paper due, too." I smiled at her, and it felt good to do this. "I'll save you a seat at lunch."

Her heart fluttered; my dead heart suddenly felt warmer.

I stopped the car in front of her father's house. She made no move to leave me.

"Do you promise to be there tomorrow?" she insisted.

"Well, it seems you know about his tendency to want to leave," Jacob chuckled.

"Hm," Bella said, not sure if that was a good thing or not.

"I promise."

How could doing the wrong thing give me so much happiness? Surely there was something amiss in that.

She nodded to herself, satisfied, and started to remove my jacket.

"You can keep it," I assured her quickly. I rather wanted to leave her with something of myself. A token, like the bottle cap that was in my pocket now...

"Ah... he has the cap in his pocket," Jacob laughed.

"You don't have a jacket for tomorrow."

She handed it back to me, smiling ruefully. "I don't want to have to explain to Charlie," she told me.

"I can see your point," Jacob laughed as Bella looked as if she completely agreed with herself on that point.

I would imagine not. I smiled at her. "Oh, right."

She put her hand on the door handle, and then stopped. Unwilling to leave, just as I was unwilling for her to go.

To have her unprotected, even for a few moments...

Peter and Charlotte were well on their way by now, long past Seattle, no doubt.

But there were always others. This world was not a safe place for any human, and for her it seemed to be more dangerous than it was for the rest.

"Bella?" I asked, surprised at the pleasure there was in simply speaking her name.

"Yes?"

"Will you promise me something?"

"Yes," she agreed easily, and then her eyes tightened as if she'd thought of a reason to object.

"You can ask for anything," Bella muttered, hoping that he wouldn't ask for anything unreasonable.

"Don't go into the woods alone," I warned her, wondering if this request would trigger the objection in her eyes.

She blinked, startled. "Why?"

I glowered into the untrustworthy darkness. The lack of light was no problem for my eyes, but neither would it trouble another hunter. It only blinded humans.

"I'm not always the most dangerous thing out there," I told her. "Let's leave it at that."

She shivered, but recovered quickly and was even smiling when she told me, "Whatever you say."

"Don't dismiss that comment," Jacob said, he had shivered, too.

Her breath touched my face, so sweet and fragrant.

I could stay here all night like this, but she needed her sleep. The two desires seemed equally strong as they continually warred inside me: wanting her versus wanting her to be safe.

I sighed at the impossibilities. "I'll see you tomorrow," I said, knowing that I would see her much sooner than that. She wouldn't see me until tomorrow, though.

"Tomorrow, then," she agreed as she opened her door.

Agony again, watching her leave.

I leaned after her, wanting to hold her here. "Bella?"

She turned, and then froze, surprised to find our faces so close together.

I, too, was overwhelmed by the proximity. The heat rolled off her in waves, caressing my face. I could all but feel the silk of her skin...

Her heartbeat stuttered, and her lips fell open.

"Sleep well," I whispered, and leaned away before the urgency in my body -  either the familiar thirst or the very new and strange hunger I suddenly felt - could make me do something that might hurt her.

Bella shivered a little in fear... and anticipation.

She sat there motionless for a moment, her eyes wide and stunned. Dazzled, I guessed.

As was I.

And she smiled at that; it was nice to know that she could dazzle him, too.

She recovered - though her face was still a bit bemused - and half fell out of the car, tripping over her feet and having to catch the frame of the car to right herself.

I chuckled - hopefully it was too quiet for her to hear.

"I wouldn't be so sure with Bella," Jacob mumbled.

I watched her stumble her way up to the pool of light that surrounded the front door. Safe for the moment. And I would be back soon to make sure.

I could feel her eyes follow me as I drove down the dark street. Such a different sensation than I was accustomed to. Usually, I could simply watch myself through someone's following eyes, were I of a mind to. This was strangely exciting - this intangible sensation of watching eyes. I knew it was just because they were her eyes.

A million thoughts chased each other through my head as I drove aimlessly into the night.

For a long time I circled through the streets, going nowhere, thinking of Bella and the incredible release of having the truth known. No longer did I have to dread that she would find out what I was. She knew. It didn't matter to her. Even though this was obviously a bad thing for her, it was amazingly liberating for me.

"Well, that's nice to hear," Bella said; all his thoughts had been so negative before.

More than that, I thought of Bella and requited love. She couldn't love me the way I loved her - such an overpowering, all-consuming, crushing love would probably break her fragile body.

"Hmph," Bella huffed, she was stronger than he thought she was.

But she felt strongly enough. Enough to subdue the instinctive fear. Enough to want to be with me. And being with her was the greatest happiness I had ever known.

For a while - as I was all alone and hurting no one else for a change - I allowed myself to feel that happiness without dwelling on the tragedy. Just to be happy that she cared for me. Just to exult in the triumph of winning her affection. Just to imagine day after day of sitting close to her, hearing her voice and earning her smiles.

I replayed that smile in my head, seeing her full lips pull up at the corners, the hint of a dimple that touched her pointed chin, the way her eyes warmed and melted...

Bella was blushing from this description.

Her fingers had felt so warm and soft on my hand tonight. I imagined how it would feel to touch the delicate skin that stretched over her cheekbones - silky, warm...so fragile.

Silk over glass...frighteningly breakable.

I didn't see where my thoughts were leading until it was too late. As I dwelt on that devastating vulnerability, new images of her face intruded on my fantasies.

Lost in the shadows, pale with fear - yet her jaw tight and determined, her eyes fierce, full of concentration, her slim body braced to strike at the hulking forms that gathered around her, nightmares in the gloom...

Jacob hissed at this description and Bella shuddered.

"Ah," I groaned as the simmering hate that I'd all but forgotten in the joy of loving her burst again into an inferno of rage.

I was alone. Bella was, I trusted, safe inside her home; for a moment I was fiercely glad that Charlie Swan - head of the local law enforcement, trained and armed -  was her father. That ought to mean something, provide some shelter for her.

Jacob chuckled. "Ah, so that point eases his mind a little."

She was safe. It would not take me so very long to avenge the insult...

No. She deserved better. I could not allow her to care for a murderer.

But...what about the others?

Bella was safe, yes. Angela and Jessica were also, surely, safe in their beds.

"He has a point," Jacob hissed. "That man can't be allowed to just walk free... you're not the only one in danger."

"True," Bella said, but she was hoping for imprisonment.

Yet a monster was loose in the streets of Port Angeles. A human monster - did that make him the humans' problem? To commit the murder I ached to commit was wrong. I knew that. But leaving him free to attack again could not be the right thing either.

The blond hostess from the restaurant. The waitress I'd never really looked at.

"You can't like the idea of him hurting them or someone like them," Bella said, though the girls were annoying, they didn't deserve that.

Both had irritated me in a trivial way, but that did not mean they deserved to be in danger.

Either one of them might be somebody's Bella.

That realization decided me.

I turned the car north, accelerating now that I had a purpose. Whenever I had a problem that was beyond me - something tangible like this - I knew where I could go for help.

Alice was sitting on the porch, waiting for me. I pulled to a stop in front of the house rather than going around to the garage.

"Carlisle's in his study," Alice told me before I could ask.

"Ah, he goes to his dad," Bella smiled.

"Thank you," I said, tousling her hair as I passed.

Thank you for returning my call, she thought sarcastically.

"Oh." I paused by the door, pulling out my phone and flipping it open. "Sorry. I didn't even check to see who it was. I was...busy."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, too. By the time I saw what was going to happen, you were on your way."

Bella shivered as she wondered just how much Alice had seen.

"It was close," I murmured.

Sorry, she repeated, ashamed of herself.

It was easy to be generous, knowing that Bella was fine. "Don't be. I know you can't catch everything. No one expects you to be omniscient, Alice."

"Thanks."

"I almost asked you out to dinner tonight - did you catch that before I changed my mind?"

She grinned. "No, I missed that one, too. Wish I'd known. I would have come."

Though Bella did want to meet Alice, she was quite happy that she'd had that dinner with Edward alone.

"What were you concentrating on, that you missed so much?"

Jasper's thinking about our anniversary. She laughed. He's trying not to make a decision on my gift, but I think I have a pretty good idea...

Jacob laughed at that. "She would use her gift on something like that."

"You're shameless."

"Yep."

She pursed her lips, and stared up at me, a hint of accusation in her expression. I paid better attention later. Are you going to tell them that she knows?

"Oh," Bella said a little tensely. Now wondering what the rest of the family would think about her knowing their secret. She couldn't help but be a little reminded about their conversation after the van accident and it made her shiver. But surely they wouldn't be so hostile about her this time, right?

I sighed. "Yes. Later."

I won't say anything. Do me a favor and tell Rosalie when I'm not around, okay?

Jacob chuckled at that. "I'd like to see that one."

Bella just flinched.

I flinched. "Sure."

Bella took it pretty well.

"Too well."

Alice grinned at me. Don't underestimate Bella.

"I knew I liked her," Bella smiled.

I tried to block the image I didn't want to see -  Bella and Alice, best of friends.

"There is nothing wrong with that," Bella said firmly.

"Of course there is," Jacob said just as firmly. "I'm your best friend."

"Sure you are," Bella rolled her eyes, and laughed when Jacob pouted.

Impatient now, I sighed heavily. I wanted to be through with the next part of the evening; I wanted it over with. But I was a little worried to leave Forks...

"Alice..." I began. She saw what I was planning to ask.

She'll be fine tonight. I'm keeping a better watch now. She sort of needs twenty-four hour supervision, doesn't she?

"Argh," Bella groaned, now Alice was going to be watching her, too.

"At least."

"Anyway, you'll be with her soon enough."

I took a deep breath. The words were beautiful to me.

"Go on - get this done so you can be where you want to be," she told me.

I nodded, and hurried up to Carlisle's room.

He was waiting for me, his eyes on the door rather than the thick book on his desk.

"I heard Alice tell you where to find me," he said, and smiled.

It was a relief to be with him, to see the empathy and deep intelligence in his eyes.

Carlisle would know what to do.

"I can relate to that," Jacob said, thinking of the many times he had gone to his dad for help with things. This right here, really made Edward seem human to him.

"I need help."

"Anything, Edward," he promised.

"Did Alice tell you what happened to Bella tonight?"

Almost happened, he amended.

"Yes, almost. I've got a dilemma, Carlisle. You see, I want...very much...to kill him." The words started to flow fast and passionate. "So much. But I know that would be wrong, because it would be vengeance, not justice. All anger, no impartiality. Still, it can't be right to leave a serial ra**st and killer wandering Port Angeles! I don't know the humans there, but I can't let someone else take Bella's place as his victim. Those other women - someone might feel about them the way I feel about Bella. Might suffer what I would have suffered if she'd been harmed. It's not right - "

His wide, unexpected smile stopped the rush of my words cold.

She's very good for you, isn't she? So much compassion, so much control. I'm impressed.

Bella blushed at this, taking this as conformation that Carlisle approved of her.

"I'm not looking for compliments, Carlisle."

"Of course not. But I can't help my thoughts, can I?" He smiled again. "I'll take care of it. You can rest easy. No one else will be harmed in Bella's place."

"Good," Bella said looking relieved. "But then again... that doesn't really mean anything does it... He's still out there... only in this book is he being taken care of."

"We'll just have to make sure to tell someone about this guy," Jacob said.

I saw the plan in his head. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, it did not satisfy my craving for brutality, but I could see that it was the right thing.

"Aw," Jacob said, he wouldn't have minded a little brutality.

"I'll show you where to find him," I said.

"Let's go."

He grabbed his black bag on the way. I would have preferred a more aggressive form of sedation - like a cracked skull - but I would let Carlisle do this his way.

We took my car. Alice was still on the steps. She grinned and waved as we drove away. I saw that she had looked ahead for me; we would have no difficulties.

The trip was very short on the dark, empty road. I left off my headlights to keep from attracting attention. It made me smile to think how Bella would have reacted to this pace. I'd already been driving slower than usual - to prolong my time with her - when she'd objected.

Bella shuddered and Jacob laughed.

Carlisle was thinking of Bella, too.

I didn't foresee that she would be so good for him. That's unexpected. Perhaps this was somehow meant to be. Perhaps it serves a higher purpose. Only...

Bella smiled at that... yes she really liked Carlisle, too.

He pictured Bella with snow cold skin and blood red eyes, and then flinched away from the image.

Yes. Only. Indeed. Because how could there be any good in destroying something so pure and lovely?

I glowered into the night, all the joy of the evening destroyed by his thoughts.

Edward deserves happiness. He's owed it. The fierceness of Carlisle's thoughts surprised me. There must be a way.

"Oh, there will be a way... I'll make sure of that," Bella said firmly.

I wished I could believe that - either one. But there was no higher purpose to what was happening to Bella. Just a vicious harpy, an ugly, bitter fate who could not bear for Bella to have the life she deserved.

I did not linger in Port Angeles. I took Carlisle to the dive where the creature named Lonnie was drowning his disappointment with his friends - two of whom had already passed out. Carlisle could see how hard it was for me to be so close - for me to hear the monster's thoughts and see his memories, memories of Bella mixed in with less fortunate girls who no one could save now.

Bella's lip trembled as she thought of those poor girls.

My breathing sped. I clenched the steering wheel.

Go, Edward, he told me gently. I'll make the rest of them safe. You go back to Bella.

It was exactly the right thing to say. Her name was the only distraction that could mean anything to me now.

"And I'm sure he knew it," Bella said. Carlisle seemed to have a very good understanding of his son.

I left him in the car, and ran back to Forks in a straight line through the sleeping forest. It took less time than the first journey in the speeding car. It was just minutes later that I scaled the side of her house and slid her window out of my way.

I sighed silently with relief. Everything was just as it should be. Bella was safe in her bed, dreaming, her wet hair tangled like seaweed across the pillow.

But, unlike most nights, she was curled into a small ball with the covers stretched taut around her shoulders. Cold, I guessed. Before I could settle into my usual seat, she shivered in her sleep, and her lips trembled.

I thought for a brief moment, and then I eased out into the hallway, exploring another part of her house for the first time.

Charlie's snores were loud and even.

Jacob shivered; he had gotten used to the stalker vampire, but it seemed more unnerving now hearing Edward mention Charlie sleeping.

I could almost catch the edge of his dream. Something with the rush of water and patient expectation...fishing, maybe?

Bella and Jacob both chuckled at that. That really seemed like a dream Charlie would have.

There, at the top of the stairs, was a promising looking cupboard. I opened it hopefully, and found what I was looking for. I selected the thickest blanket from the tiny linen closet, and took it back into her room. I would return it before she woke, and no one would be the wiser.

Holding my breath, I cautiously spread the blanket over her; she didn't react to the added weight. I returned to the rocking chair.

While I waited anxiously for her to warm up, I thought of Carlisle, wondering where he was now. I knew his plan would go smoothly - Alice had seen that.

Thinking of my father made me sigh - Carlisle gave me too much credit. I wished I was the person he thought me to be. That person, the one who deserved happiness, might hope to be worthy of this sleeping girl. How different things would be if I could be that Edward.

"And what makes you so sure you're not that Edward?" Bella questioned, knowing there would be no answer (she was talking to a book after all).

As I pondered this, a strange, uncalled image filled my head.

For one moment, the hag-faced fate I'd imagined, the one who sought Bella's destruction, was replaced by the most foolish and reckless of angels. A guardian angel -  something Carlisle's version of me might have had. With a heedless smile on her lips, her sky-colored eyes full of mischief, the angel formed Bella in such a fashion that there was no way that I could possibly overlook her. A ridiculously potent scent to demand my attention, a silent mind to enflame my curiosity, a quiet beauty to hold my eyes, a selfless soul to earn my awe. Leave out the natural sense of self-preservation - so that Bella could bear to be near me - and, finally, add a wide streak of appallingly bad luck.

"Obviously she would have to have bad luck if her guardian angel was as reckless as all that," Jacob said.

"I don't think it sounds all that bad," Bella said. "Besides, he was talking about his angel."

"If the angel created you... it would be yours, too," Jacob shrugged.

With a careless laugh, the irresponsible angel propelled her fragile creation directly into my path, trusting blithely in my flawed morality to keep Bella alive.

In this vision, I was not Bella's sentence; she was my reward.

Bella nodded her head... that was a much better thought.

I shook my head at the fantasy of the unthinking angel. She was not much better than the harpy. I could not think well of a higher power that would behave in such a dangerous and stupid manner. At least the ugly fate I could fight against.

And I had no angel. They were reserved for the good - for people like Bella. So where was her angel through all this? Who was watching over her?

"It looks like they've given you that job, so keep up the good work," Bella said.

I laughed silently, startled, as I realized that, just now, I was filling that role.

A vampire angel - there was a stretch.

"No, it's not... he has his own TV show," Jacob laughed and Bella rolled her eyes.

"I don't think he was talking about a vampire named Angel," Bella said.

After about a half hour, Bella relaxed out of the tight ball. Her breathing got deeper and she started to murmur. I smiled, satisfied. It was a small thing, but at least she was sleeping more comfortably tonight because I was here.

"Edward," she sighed, and she smiled, too.

I shoved tragedy aside for the moment, and let myself be happy again.

"Good," Bella smiled.

"That's the end of the chapter," Jacob said, "let's get something to eat."
12#
发表于 2016-8-16 23:26 | 只看该作者
11. Interrogations

As soon as Jacob and Bella got to Jacob's house, Bella called Charlie. She tried their home first, but he wasn't there, so she called the office. It was almost seven o'clock, but it seemed that Charlie was still there. He seemed a little flustered when she called, he definitely wasn't used to having someone waiting for him... though in this case that was true, she wondered if he was always going to stay at the office late. He said that he was just going to eat at the office and asked that she was home before ten.

"So what's up?" Jacob asked, finishing making enough spaghetti for three people; Billy was sitting in his chair watching TV.

"I don't have to be home until ten," Bella shrugged, and then whispered so only he could hear, "that should be enough time to finish the manuscript."

"Yeah, it should be," Jacob said looking at his dad warily. "Do you think I should tell my dad about this...?"

"I don't know, Jake," Bella frowned, that was a good question. "What do you think will happen if you do?"

"I'm not sure," Jacob frowned, too. "But I'm going to have to tell him something... at some point."

"Well, let's finish the book first, and then you could tell him whatever you think you should," Bella said.

"Sounds good to me," Jacob said, wanting to put off the lengthy conversation he knew he was going to have to have with his father for as long as possible. Dinner was a pleasant enough event. Billy seemed pleased that the two kids appeared to have become friends so quickly and it was clear that Bella was a lot more comfortable today than she had been yesterday. She didn't look quite as gloomy as she did when he had first seen her at least.

After the meal was done, the two teens went back to Jacob's garage (Billy wondered what on Earth they were doing in there that was so interesting, but didn't ask out loud).

"I guess I'll read now," Bella said picking up the book and read, "Interrogations."

CNN broke the story first.

"What story?" Jacob asked.

Bella rolled her eyes. "About the guy that..."

"Oh," Jacob said and then glared at the book.

I was glad it hit the news before I had to leave for school, anxious to hear how the humans would phrase the account, and what amount of attention it would garner.

Luckily, it was a heavy news day. There was an earthquake in South America and a political kidnapping in the Middle East. So it ended up only earning a few seconds, a few sentences, and one grainy picture.

"It's a good thing that those terrible things happened," Jacob muttered darkly.

"I guess he just didn't want anyone in this town to notice that..." Bella said.

"I guess he didn't want you to notice that," Jacob corrected and Bella had to admit he was right.

"Alonzo Calderas Wallace, suspected serial ra**st and murderer wanted in the states of Texas and Oklahoma, was apprehended last night in Portland, Oregon thanks to an anonymous tip. Wallace was found unconscious in an alley early this morning, just a few yards from a police station. Officials are unable to tell us at this time whether he will be extradited to Houston or Oklahoma City to stand trial."

The picture was unclear, a mug shot, and he'd had a thick beard at the time of the photograph. Even if Bella saw it, she would probably not recognize him. I hoped she wouldn't; it would make her afraid needlessly.

"See," Jacob said triumphantly.

"I wasn't doubting you," Bella said, but she was looking at the book sadly.

"What's the matter?" Jacob asked.

"I was just wondering if... that man... if someone got hurt... now, while we're reading this book," Bella said.

"I don't know what to do about that," Jacob said. "I mean even if we do tell someone... it's not like we really know anything that would help catch him."

"I know," Bella frowned, even more down than she was before, but she picked up the book and started to read again.

"The coverage here in town will be light. It's too far away to be considered of local interest," Alice told me. "It was a good call to have Carlisle take him out of state."

I nodded. Bella didn't watch much TV regardless, and I'd never seen her father watching anything besides sports channels.

"That's so true," Jacob said, laughing harder than was necessary in hope that Bella would loosen up some.

I'd done what I could. This monster no longer hunted, and I was not a murderer.

Not recently, anyway. I'd been right to trust Carlisle, as much as I still wished the monster had not gotten off quite so easily. I caught myself hoping he would be extradited to Texas, where the death penalty was so popular...

"You'll get no arguments here," Jacob stated.

No. That didn't matter. I would put this behind me, and concentrate on what was most important.

I'd left Bella's room less than an hour ago. I was already aching to see her again.

"Alice, do you mind - "

She cut me off. "Rosalie will drive. She'll act pissed, but you know she'll enjoy the excuse to show off her car." Alice trilled a laugh.

Jacob rolled his eyes, though it was hard for him not to chuckle at that.

I grinned at her. "See you at school."

Alice sighed, and my grin became a grimace.

I know, I know, she thought. Not yet. I'll wait until you're ready for Bella to know me. You should know, though, this isn't just me being selfish. Bella's going to like me, too.

"Well of course I am," Bella said.

"I have to admit, she's not half bad," Jacob shrugged.

I didn't answer her as I hurried out the door. That was a different way of viewing the situation. Would Bella want to know Alice? To have a vampire for a girlfriend?

"Yes," Bella answered.

Knowing Bella...that idea probably wouldn't bother her in the slightest.

Bella rolled her eyes; he just had to make it sound negative that she felt that way. Jacob, on the other hand, was laughing at her expression.

I frowned to myself. What Bella wanted and what was best for Bella were two very separate things.

"No... what Bella wanted and what you think is best for Bella are two very separate things," Jacob said and Bella nodded her head in total agreement.

I started to feel uneasy as I parked my car in Bella's driveway. The human adage said that things looked different in the morning - that things changed when you slept on them. Would I look different to Bella in the weak light of a foggy day? More sinister or less sinister than I had in the blackness of night? Had the truth sunk in while she slept?

"Er... she's known the truth for like four days or something... I'm sure it's all sunk in," Jacob said.

"Yeah, but it was just confirmed today," Bella said.

"Do you think you'll be scared of him?" Jacob questioned and Bella rolled her eyes. "I rest my case."

Would she finally be afraid?

Her dreams had been peaceful, though, last night. When she'd spoken my name, time and time again, she'd smiled. More than once she'd murmured a plea for me to stay.

Would that mean nothing today?

I waited nervously, listening to the sounds of her inside the house - the fast, stumbling footsteps on the stairs, the sharp rip of a foil wrapper, the contents of the refrigerator crashing against each other when the door slammed. It sounded like she was in a hurry. Anxious to get to school? The thought made me smile, hopeful again.

I looked at the clock. I supposed that - taking in account the velocity her decrepit truck must limit her to - she was running a little late.

"You don't have to make fun of my truck," Bella muttered causing Jacob to laugh.

Bella rushed out of the house, her book bag sliding off her shoulder, her hair coiled into a messy twist that was already coming apart on the nape of her neck. The thick green sweater she wore was not enough to keep her thin shoulders from hunching against the cold fog.

The long sweater was too big for her, unflattering. It masked her slender figure, turning all her delicate curves and soft lines into a shapeless jumble. I appreciated this almost as much as I wished that she had worn something more like the soft blue blouse she'd worn last night...the fabric had clung to her skin in such an appealing way, cut low enough to reveal the mesmerizing way her collar bones curled away from the hollow beneath her throat. The blue had flowed like water along the subtle shape of her body...

Bella was blushing; did she always have to read the chapters where he described her like this?

It was better - essential - that I kept my thoughts far, far away from that shape, so I was grateful to the unbecoming sweater she wore.

"Well, thanks," Bella groaned.

I couldn't afford to make mistakes, and it would be a monumental mistake to dwell on the strange hungers that thoughts of her lips...her skin...her body...were shaking loose inside of me. Hungers that had evaded me for a hundred years. But I could not allow myself to think of touching her, because that was impossible.

Bella was blushing again... thinking about him touching her.

I would break her.

Both Bella and Jacob grimaced at that.

Bella turned away from the door, in such a hurry that she nearly ran right by my car without noticing it.

Then she skidded to a stop, her knees locking like a startled colt's. Her bag slid further down her arm, and her eyes flew wide as they focused on the car.

Jacob was laughing at this description... imaging it quite clearly in his head and Bella kept reading, blushing as she did so.

I got out, taking no care to move at human speed, and opened the passenger door for her. I would not try to deceive her anymore - when we were alone, at least, I would be myself.

Bella smiled at that... this was definitely what she wanted.

She looked up at me, startled again as I seemingly materialized out of the fog.

And then the surprise in her eyes changed to something else, and I was no longer afraid -  or hopeful - that her feelings for me had changed in the course of the night. Warmth, wonder, fascination, all swimming in the melted chocolate of her eyes.

"Do you want to ride with me today?" I asked. Unlike dinner last night, I would let her choose. From now on, it must always be her choice.

"Good," Jacob said.

"Yes, thank you," she murmured, climbing into my car without hesitation.

Would it ever cease to thrill me, that I was the one she was saying yes to? I doubted it.

I flashed around the car, eager to join her. She showed no sign of being shocked by my sudden reappearance.

The happiness I felt when she sat beside me this way had no precedent. As much as I enjoyed the love and companionship of my family, despite the various entertainments and distractions the world had to offer, I had never been happy like this. Even knowing that it was wrong, that this couldn't possibly end well, could not keep the smile from my face for long.

My jacket was folded over the headrest of her seat. I saw her eyeing it.

"I brought the jacket for you," I told her. This was my excuse, had I needed to provide one, for showing up uninvited this morning. It was cold. She had no jacket.

"Lame excuse," Jacob said.

"He doesn't need an excuse," Bella shrugged.

"Doesn't make that any less lame," Jacob shrugged.

Surely this was an acceptable form of chivalry. "I didn't want you to get sick or something."

"I'm not quite that delicate," she said, staring at my chest rather than my face, as if she were hesitant to meet my eyes.

"Or maybe she's just ogling you," Jacob said and laughed when Bella turned bright red.

But she put the coat on before I had to resort to commanding or coaxing.

"Aren't you?" I muttered to myself.

She stared out at the road as I accelerated toward the school. I could only stand the silence for a few seconds. I had to know what her thoughts were this morning. So much had changed between us since the last time the sun was up.

"What, no twenty questions today?" I asked, keeping it light again.

She smiled, seeming glad that I'd broached the subject. "Do my questions bother you?"

"Not as much as your reactions do," I told her honestly, smiling in response to her smile.

"There's nothing wrong with my reactions," Bella said.

"Except to this crazy vampire that doesn't want anything to make him too happy," Jacob said.

Her mouth turned down. "Do I react badly?"

"No, that's the problem. You take everything so coolly - it's unnatural." Not one scream so far. How could that be? "It makes me wonder what you're really thinking."

Of course, everything she did or didn't do made me wonder that.

"Sorry," Bella shrugged, smiling.

"I always tell you what I'm really thinking."

"You edit."

Her teeth pressed into her lip again. She didn't seem to notice when she did this - it was an unconscious response to tension.

"Apparently," Jacob chuckled, noticing that Bella was doing that at the moment.

"Not very much."

Just those words were enough to have my curiosity raging. What did she purposefully keep from me?

Bella rolled her eyes... purposefully keep from him...

"Enough to drive me insane," I said.

She hesitated, and then whispered, "You don't want to hear it."

I had to think for a moment, run through our entire conversation last night, word for word, before I made the connection. Perhaps it took so much concentration because I couldn't imagine anything that I wouldn't want her to say to me. And then - because the tone of her voice was the same as last night; there was suddenly pain there again - I remembered. Once, I had asked her not to speak her thoughts. Never say that, I'd all but snarled at her. I had made her cry...

Was this what she kept from me? The depth of her feelings about me? That my being a monster didn't matter to her, and that she thought it was too late for her to change her mind?

Well, that was entirely possible, Bella thought to herself.

I was unable to speak, because the joy and pain were too strong for words, the conflict between them too wild to allow for a coherent response. It was silent in the car except for the steady rhythms of her heart and lungs.

"Where's the rest of your family?" she asked suddenly.

"Always worrying about everyone else," Jacob said.

I took a deep breath - registering the scent in the car with true pain for the first time; I was getting used to this, I realized with satisfaction - and forced myself to be casual again.

"Well, that's really good to know," Jacob said.

"They took Rosalie's car." I parked in the open spot next to the car in question. I hid my smile as I watched her eyes widen. "Ostentatious, isn't it?"

"Um, wow. If she has that, why does she ride with you?"

Rosalie would have enjoyed Bella's reaction...if she were being objective about Bella, which probably wouldn't happen.

"Like I said, it's ostentatious. We try to blend in."

"You don't succeed," she told me, and then she laughed a carefree laugh.

The blithe, wholly untroubled sound of her laughter warmed my hollow chest even as it made my head swim with doubt.

"Oh come on, man... just join in with the laugh and be happy," Jacob said.

"So why did Rosalie drive today if it's more conspicuous?" she wondered.

"Hadn't you noticed? I'm breaking all the rules now."

My answer should have been mildly frightening - so, of course, Bella smiled at it.

"Of course," Jacob chuckled as Bella made a face.

She didn't wait for me to open her door, just like last night. I had to feign normality here at school - so I couldn't move fast enough to prevent this - but she was just going to have to get used to being treated with more courtesy, and get used to it soon.

"I already said I would," Bella said.

I walked as close to her as I dared, watching carefully for any sign that my proximity upset her. Twice her hand twitched toward me and then she would snatch it back. It looked like she wanted to touch me... My breath sped.

Jacob snickered at this. It was just funny to think of someone that was a hundred years old not even knowing how to handle almost holding hands.

"Why do you have cars like that at all? If you're looking for privacy?" she asked as we walked.

"An indulgence," I admitted. "We all like to drive fast."

"Figures," she mumbled, her tone sour.

She didn't look up to see my answering grin.

Nuh-uh! I don't believe this! How the hell did Bella pull this off? I don't get it! Why?

"Hmm... it seems like you might have been noticed," Jacob chuckled.

"You think?" Bella groaned; she was sure she was going to be grilled by Jessica.

Jessica's mental boggling interrupted my thoughts. She was waiting for Bella, taking refuge from the rain under the edge of the cafeteria's roof, with Bella's winter jacket over her arm. Her eyes were wide with disbelief.

Bella noticed her, too, in the next moment. A faint pink touched her cheek when Bella registered Jessica's expression. The thoughts in Jessica's head were fairly clear on her face.

"Ah, now Jessica is trying to imitate your expression," Jacob chuckled.

"Hey, Jessica. Thanks for remembering," Bella greeted her. She reached out for the jacket and Jessica handed it to her wordlessly.

I should be polite to Bella's friends, whether they were good friends or not.

"Good morning, Jessica."

Whoa...

"Hm..." Bella said, thinking that it might be better if Edward wasn't so nice to her friends.

Jessica's eyes popped even wider. It was strange and amusing...and, honestly, a bit embarrassing...to realize how much being near Bella had softened me.

"Tough luck, man," Jacob chuckled and Bella grimaced at that... of course she liked that he was able to be close to her, but the side effect of having girls like him more... that really sucked.

It seemed like no one was afraid of me anymore. If Emmett found out about this, he would be laughing for the next century.

"Hm... I'll be sure to tell him then," Jacob smiled.

"Er...hi," Jessica mumbled, and her eyes flashed to Bella's face, full of significance. "I guess I'll see you in Trig."

You are so going to spill. I'm not taking no for an answer. Details. I have to have details! Edward freaking CULLEN! Life is so unfair.

Bella's mouth twitched. "Yeah, I'll see you then."

Jessica's thoughts ran wild as she hurried to her first class, peeking back at us now and then.

The whole story. I'm not accepting anything less. Did they plan to meet up last night? Are they dating? How long? How could she keep this a secret? Why would she want to? It can't be a casual thing - she has to be seriously into him. Is there any other option? I will find out. I can't stand not knowing. I wonder if she's made out with him? Oh, swoon... Jessica's thoughts were suddenly disjointed, and she let wordless fantasies swirl through her head.

"Did she actually think 'Oh, swoon',?" Jacob asked laughing.

"Whatever," Bella shrugged; she was so not looking forward to this conversation with Jessica.

I winced at her speculations, and not just because she'd replaced Bella with herself in the mental pictures.

It couldn't be like that. And yet I...I wanted...

I resisted making the admission, even to myself. How many wrong ways would I want Bella in? Which one would end up killing her?

"How about you stop thinking about that one and give us all a break?" Jacob hissed.

I shook my head, and tried to lighten up.

"What are you going to tell her?" I asked Bella.

"Hey!" she whispered fiercely. "I thought you couldn't read my mind!"

"I can't." I stared at her, surprised, trying to make sense of her words. Ah - we must have been thinking the same thing at the same time. Hmm...I rather liked that.

"The simplest things pleases him," Jacob chuckled.

"Um... I'm pretty sure this book proves that's not true," Bella said. "He's never pleased about anything... or he never lets himself be pleased."

"However," I told her, "I can read hers - she'll be waiting to ambush you in class."

Bella groaned, and then let the jacket slide off her shoulders. I didn't realize that she was giving it back at first - I wouldn't have asked for it; I would rather she kept it...a token - so I was too slow to offer her my help. She handed me the jacket, and put her arms through her own, without looking up to see that my hands were extended to assist. I frowned at that, and then controlled my expression before she noticed it.

"He really is a gentleman," Bella muttered, she was really going to have to remember that and that it wasn't only car doors that he wanted to help her with.

"So, what are you going to tell her?" I pressed.

"A little help? What does she want to know?"

I smiled, and shook my head. I wanted to hear what she was thinking without a prompt. "That's not fair."

Her eyes tightened. "No, you not sharing what you know - now that's unfair."

Right - she didn't like double standards.

"No... so tell me what you know," Bella said.

We got to the door of her class - where I would have to leave her; I wondered idly if Ms. Cope would be more accommodating about a switch in the schedule of my English class... I made myself focus. I could be fair.

"She wants to know if we're secretly dating," I said slowly. "And she wants to know how you feel about me."

Her eyes were wide - not startled, but ingenious now. They were open to me, readable. She was playing innocent.

Jacob again laughed at this image.

"Yikes," she murmured. "What should I say?"

"Hmmm." She always tried to make me give away more than she did. I pondered how to respond.

Bella rolled her eyes... that so wasn't true.

A wayward strand of her hair, slightly damp from the fog, draped across her shoulder and curled around where her collar bone was hidden by the ridiculous sweater.

It drew my eyes...pulled them across the other hidden lines...

I reached for it carefully, not touching her skin - the morning was chill enough without my touch - and twisted it back into place in her untidy bun so that it wouldn't distract me again. I remembered when Mike Newton had touched her hair, and my jaw flexed at the memory. She had flinched away from him then. Her reaction now was nothing the same; instead, there was a slight widening of her eyes, a rush of blood under her skin, and a sudden, uneven thumping of her heart.

Bella was again annoyed at having to read this out loud, and for the blush that came to her face... and that she had to wait another few days before meeting Edward... and worried about how that meeting would go...

"Um... are you going to read again any time soon?" Jacob asked.

"Yeah... sorry," Bella blushed even more and then started reading.

I tried to hide my smile as I answered her question.

"I suppose you could say yes to the first...if you don't mind - ," her choice, always her choice, " - it's easier than any other explanation."

"I don't mind," she whispered. Her heart had not found its normal rhythm yet.

"And as for her other question..." I couldn't hide my smile now. "Well, I'll be listening to hear the answer to that one myself."

"Argh," Bella said, now glaring at the book. "That's not fair."

"But it does make this more entertaining," Jacob laughed.

Let Bella consider that. I held back my laugh as shock crossed her face.

I turned quickly, before she could ask for any more answers. I had a difficult time not giving her whatever she asked for. And I wanted to hear her thoughts, not mine.

"I'll see you at lunch," I called back to her over my shoulder, an excuse to check that she was still staring after me, wide-eyed. Her mouth was hanging open. I turned away again, and laughed.

Jacob was laughing too. It was definitely better hearing the annoyance in Bella's voice as she read this.

As I paced away, I was vaguely aware of the shocked and speculative thoughts that swirled around me - eyes bouncing back and forth between Bella's face and my retreating figure. I paid them little attention. I couldn't concentrate. It was hard enough to keep my feet moving at an acceptable speed as I crossed the soggy grass to my next class. I wanted to run - really run, so fast that I would disappear, so fast that it would feel like I was flying. Part of me was flying already.

I put the jacket on when I got to class, letting her fragrance swim thick around me.

I would burn now - let the scent desensitize me - and then it would be easier to ignore it later, when I was with her again at lunch...

"Hmm..." Bella said, "maybe I should wear his jacket more often then... if it would help him."

It was a good thing that my teachers no longer bothered to call on me. Today might have been the day that they would have caught me out, unprepared and answerless.

"I wouldn't call that a good thing," Jacob pouted.

My mind was in so many places this morning; only my body was in the classroom.

Of course I was watching Bella. That was becoming natural - as automatic as breathing. I heard her conversation with a demoralized Mike Newton. She quickly directed the conversation to Jessica, and I grinned so wide that Rob Sawyer, who sat at the desk to my right, flinched visibly and slid deeper into his seat, away from me.

Ugh. Creepy.

Well, I hadn't lost it entirely.

"And you want to be creepy?" Jacob said. "This guy is weird."

I was also monitoring Jessica loosely, watching her refine her questions for Bella.

I could barely wait for fourth period, ten times as eager and anxious as the curious human girl who wanted fresh gossip.

And I was also listening to Angela Weber.

I had not forgotten the gratitude I felt to her - for thinking nothing but kind things toward Bella in the first place, and then for her help last night. So I waited through the morning, looking for something that she wanted. I assumed it would be an easy; like any other human, there must be some bauble or toy she wanted particularly. Several, probably. I would deliver something anonymously and call us even...

"Would it really be that easy to please someone?" Bella asked, she couldn't really think of a 'thing' that would make her happy.

"Probably," Jacob said, thinking about the master cylinder that he needed for his car

But Angela proved almost as unaccommodating as Bella with her thoughts. She was oddly content for a teenager. Happy. Perhaps this was the reason for her unusual kindness - she was one of those rare people who had what they wanted and wanted what they had. If she wasn't paying attention to her teachers and her notes, she was thinking of the twin little brothers she was taking to the beach this weekend - anticipating their excitement with an almost maternal pleasure. She cared for them often, but was not resentful of this fact... It was very sweet.

Bella smiled, she was definitely going to have to make friends with this girl.

"Well, it looks like you're not so unique after all," Jacob said. "There are other humans out there that aren't selfish."

"I never thought I was unique," Bella shrugged.

But not really helpful to me.

There had to be something she wanted. I would just have to keep looking. But later. It was time for Bella's trig class with Jessica.

Bella grimaced and the annoyance was back in her voice now.

I wasn't watching where I was going as I made my way to English. Jessica was already in her seat, both her feet tapping impatiently against the floor as she waited for Bella to arrive.

Conversely, once I settled into my assigned seat in the classroom, I became utterly still. I had to remind myself to fidget now and then. To keep up the charade. It was difficult, my thoughts were so focused on Jessica's. I hoped she would pay attention, really try to read Bella's face for me.

Jessica's tapping intensified when Bella walked into the room.

She looks...glum. Why? Maybe there's nothing going on with Edward Cullen.

"That's not it," Jacob said chuckling. "I bet you're glum because you have to talk to her..."

"And I know that Edward will be listening," Bella added, her voice was even more annoyed than it was before."

That would be a disappointment. Except...then he's still available... If he's suddenly interested in dating, I don't mind helping out with that...

Bella had hissed the last words out and Jacob chuckled harder than ever.

Bella's face didn't look glum, it looked reluctant. She was worried - she knew I would hear all of this. I smiled to myself.

"Tell me everything!" Jess demanded while Bella was still removing her jacket to hang it on the back of her seat. She was moving with deliberation, unwilling.

Ugh, she's so slow. Let's get to the juicy stuff!

"What do you want to know?" Bella stalled as she took her seat.

Jacob groaned and chuckled at this. "You're not going to make this easy on her are you?"

"No," Bella shook her head.

"What happened last night?"

"He bought me dinner, and then he drove me home."

The chuckling got louder now. "You really are going to annoy her... and Edward, too, of course."

And then? C'mon, there has to be more than that! She's lying anyway, I know that. I'm going to call her on it.

"How did you get home so fast?"

I watched Bella roll her eyes at the suspicious Jessica.

"He drives like a maniac. It was terrifying."

This time both Jacob and Bella were chuckling.

She smiled a tiny smile, and I laughed out loud, interrupting Mr. Mason's announcements. I tried to turn the laugh into a cough, but no one was fooled. Mr. Mason shot me an irritated look, but I didn't even bother to listen to the thought behind it. I was hearing Jessica.

Huh. She sounds like she's telling the truth. Why is she making me pull this out of her, word by word? I would be bragging at the top of my lungs if it were me.

"That's not Bella's style," Jacob shrugged.

"Was it like a date - did you tell him to meet you there?"

Jessica watched surprise cross Bella's expression, and was disappointed at how genuine it seemed.

"Well there's one good thing about having an open face," Jacob said and laughed when Bella stuck her tongue out at him.

"No - I was very surprised to see him there," Bella told her.

What is going on? "But he picked you up for school today?" There has to be more to the story.

"Yes - that was a surprise, too. He noticed I didn't have a jacket last night."

That's not very much fun, Jessica thought, disappointed again.

"Ah... poor Jessie not getting anything fun out of you," Jacob laughed.

I was tired of her line of questioning - I wanted to hear something I didn't already know. I hoped she wasn't so dissatisfied that she would skip the questions I was waiting for.

"So are you going out again?" Jessica demanded.

"He offered to drive me to Seattle Saturday because he thinks my truck isn't up to it - does that count?"

Hmm. He sure is going out of his way to...well, take care of her, sort of. There must be something there on his side, if not on hers. How could THAT be? Bella's crazy.

"Why does everyone have to question my sanity in this book?" Bella huffed.

"Because you're crazy!" Jacob laughed.

"Yes," Jessica answered Bella's question.

"Well, then," Bella concluded. "Yes."

"Wow...Edward Cullen." Whether she likes him or not, this is major.

"I know," Bella sighed.

The tone of her voice encouraged Jessica.

"Damn," Bella said, she really wished she could have gotten out of this without revealing anything.

Finally - she sounds like she gets it! She must realize...

"Wait!" Jessica said, suddenly remembering her most vital question. "Has he kissed you?" Please say yes. And then describe every second!

"Do girls really care about that crap?" Jacob rolled his eyes. "Talking about kisses and stuff like that?"

"I guess," Bella shrugged, she wasn't one to talk about something like that unless it was pulled out of her painfully like Jessica seemed to want to do.

"No," Bella mumbled, and then she looked down at her hands, her face falling.

"It's not like that."

Damn. I wish... Ha. Looks like she does too.

Bella blushed again, and of course Edward was listening to that.

I frowned. Bella did look upset about something, but it couldn't be disappointment like Jessica assumed. She couldn't want that. Not knowing what she knew. She couldn't want to be that close to my teeth. For all she knew, I had fangs.

"Um... this guy does realize that if you like someone you probably think about kissing them, right?" Jacob said.

Bella shrugged at that.

I shuddered.

"Do you think Saturday...?" Jessica prodded.

Bella looked even more frustrated as she said, "I really doubt it."

Yeah, she does wish. That sucks for her.

Was it because I was watching all this through the filter of Jessica's perceptions that it seemed like Jessica was right?

Bella rolled her eyes.

"Slow as always, man," Jacob said.

For a half-second I was distracted by the idea, the impossibility, of what it would be like to try to kiss her. My lips to her lips, cold stone to warm, yielding silk...

And then she dies.

Bella rolled her eyes and Jacob flinched at that.

"You really have to take that seriously, Bella," Jacob said. "He's getting used to you... but it's got to be harder for him if he's close to you like that."

"I'll be careful," Bella said, but that didn't change her mind about wanting to be close to him like that.

I shook my head, wincing, and made myself pay attention.

"What did you talk about?" Did you talk to him, or did you make him drag every ounce of information out of you like this?

"A little of both," Jacob chuckled.

I smiled ruefully. Jessica wasn't far off.

"I don't know, Jess, lots of stuff. We talked about the English essay a little."

"Um... you did?" Jacob questioned.

"He mentioned it," Bella shrugged.

A very little. I smiled wider.

Oh, c'MON. "Please, Bella! Give me some details."

Bella deliberated for a moment.

"Well...okay, I've got one. You should have seen the waitress flirting with him -  it was over the top. But he didn't pay any attention to her at all."

What a strange detail to share. I was surprised Bella had even noticed. It seemed a very inconsequential thing.

"Yeah, to you," Bella said. "But having someone flaunt themselves in front of someone you like isn't fun at all... and something that anyone would notice."

Interesting... "That's a good sign. Was she pretty?"

Hmm. Jessica thought more of it that I did. Must be a female thing.

"Or maybe it's a human thing," Jacob said, he thought it meant something, too. Of course he wouldn't have discussed this...

"Very," Bella told her. "And probably nineteen or twenty."

Jessica was momentarily distracted by a memory of Mike on her date Monday night - Mike being a little too friendly with a waitress who Jessica did not consider pretty at all.

"Hmph," Jacob huffed, his opinion of Mike, which was already low, just dropped there. He could have had at least the decency to not look at other girls when he was out on a date.

She shoved the memory away and returned, stifling her irritation, to her quest for details.

"Even better. He must like you."

"I think so," Bella said slowly, and I was on the edge of my seat, my body rigidly still. "But it's hard to tell. He's always so cryptic."

Jacob snorted at that.

"What? It's true!" Bella exclaimed.

"I know," Jacob said still laughing. "It's just so funny because we know how he really feels."

Bella give him a reluctant smile at that, even as she felt sorry for her book self for not knowing how Edward felt about her.

I must not have been as transparently obvious and out of control as I'd thought.

Still...observant as she was... How could she not realize that I was in love with her? I sifted through our conversation, almost surprised that I hadn't said the words out loud. It had felt like that knowledge had been the subtext of every word between us.

"Yeah and the other subtext was 'run away, Bella'... or 'I'm going to leave you, Bella,'" Bella said angrily; how was she supposed to know what he was thinking?

Wow. How do you sit there across from a male model and make conversation?

"I don't know how you're brave enough to be alone with him," Jessica said.

Shock flashed across Bella's face. "Why?"

Weird reaction. What does she think I meant?

"That he's a dangerous monster that's trying to be good," Jacob said.

"Who is good," Bella corrected him.

"He's so..." What's the right word? "Intimidating. I wouldn't know what to say to him." I couldn't even speak English to him today, and all he said was good morning. I must have sounded like such an idiot.

"Yep," Jacob agreed.

Bella smiled. "I do have some trouble with incoherency when I'm around him."

She must be trying to make Jessica feel better. She was almost unnaturally self-possessed when we were together.

Bella rolled her eyes; he so didn't see how much he affected her.

"Oh well," Jessica sighed. "He is unbelievably gorgeous."

Bella's face was suddenly colder. Her eyes flashed the same way they did when she resented some injustice. Jessica didn't process the change in her expression.

"Um... what does that expression mean?" Jacob questioned.

"He's not just a pretty face," Bella said and then started reading.

"There's a lot more to him than that," Bella snapped.

Oooh. Now we're getting somewhere. "Really? Like what?"

Bella gnawed her lip for a moment. "I can't explain it right," she finally said.

"But he's even more unbelievable behind the face." She looked away from Jessica, her eyes slightly unfocused as if she was staring at something very far away.

The feeling I felt now was loosely similar to how it felt when Carlisle or Esme praised me beyond what I deserved. Similar, but more intense, more consuming.

Bella frowned; she really was going to have to find out why he believed so strongly that he didn't deserve being praised.

Sell stupid somewhere else - there's nothing better than that face! Unless it's his body. Swoon. "Is that possible?" Jessica giggled.

Jacob chuckled at Jessica use of swoon again... it just was a weird thing to think.

Bella didn't turn. She continued to stare into the distance, ignoring Jessica.

A normal person would be gloating. Maybe if I keep the questions simple. Ha ha. Like I'm talking to a kindergartener.

Jacob narrowed his eyes at that... that sounded insulting to him.

"So you like him, then?"

I was rigid again.

Bella didn't look at Jessica. "Yes."

"I mean, do you really like him?"

"Yes."

Look at that blush!

I was.

Bella groaned.

"How much do you like him?" Jessica demanded.

The English room could have gone up in flames and I wouldn't have noticed.

Bella's face was bright red now - I could almost feel the heat from the mental picture.

"Too much," she whispered. "More than he likes me. But I don't see how I can help that."

"Do you really think you like him more?" Jacob questioned.

"I think I like him more than he's showed me that he has likes me," Bella said, completely confusing Jacob. Bella sighed and then said, "Obviously, I know that Edward loves me after hearing what he thought... but in the book... there is no way that I realize that. In the book, I must be convinced that... I don't know what I'm thinking in the book actually."

Shoot! What did Mr. Varner just ask? "Um - which number, Mr. Varner?"

It was good that Jessica could no longer quiz Bella. I needed a minute.

What on earth was that girl thinking now? More than he likes me? How did she come up with that? But I don't see how I can help that? What was that supposed to mean? I couldn't fit a rational explanation to the words. They were practically senseless.

It seemed I couldn't take anything for granted. Obvious things, things that made perfect sense, somehow got twisted up and turned backwards in that bizarre brain of hers.

Bella hissed as she read this. Was it her that twisted everything! He was the one who never seemed to be able to settle with one thought. Always having to think twenty different things at once.

More than he likes me? Maybe I shouldn't rule out the institution just yet.

I glared at the clock, gritting my teeth. How could mere minutes feel so impossibly long to an immortal? Where was my perspective?

My jaw was tight throughout Mr. Varner's entire trigonometry lesson. I heard more of that than the lecture in my own class. Bella and Jessica didn't speak again, but Jessica peeked at Bella several times, and once her face was brilliant scarlet again for no apparent reason.

Lunch couldn't come fast enough.

I wasn't sure if Jessica would get some of the answers I was waiting for when the class was over, but Bella was quicker than she was.

As soon as the bell sounded, Bella turned to Jessica.

"In English, Mike asked me if you said anything about Monday night," Bella said, a smile pulling at the corners of her lips. I understood this for what is was - offense as the best defense.

"Good one, Bells," Jacob chuckled.

"Yeah," Bella said smugly, though she was still upset that he kept thinking she was crazy.

Mike asked about me? Joy made Jessica's mind suddenly unguarded, softer, without its usual snide edge. "You're kidding! What did you say?"

"I told him you said you had a lot of fun - and he looked pleased."

"Tell me exactly what he said, and your exact answer!"

That was all I was going to get from Jessica today, clearly. Bella was smiling like she was thinking the same thing. Like she'd won the round.

"Well, obviously she did," Jacob chuckled.

Well, lunch would be another story. I would have better success with getting answers out of her than Jessica, I would make sure of that.

I could hardly bear to check in occasionally with Jessica through the fourth hour.

I had no patience for her obsessive thoughts of Mike Newton. I'd had more than enough of him in the last two weeks. He was lucky to be alive.

I moved apathetically through gym class with Alice, the way we always moved when it came to physical activity with humans. She was my teammate, naturally. It was the first day of badminton.

"Badminton!" Bella repeated in a whisper... she didn't like the sounds of having a racket in her hand.

Of course, all this exclamation did was cause Jacob to chuckle at her reaction.

I sighed with boredom, swinging the racket in slow motion to tap the birdie back to the other side. Lauren Mallory was on the other team; she missed.

Alice was twirling her racket like a baton, staring at the ceiling.

We all hated gym, Emmett especially. Throwing games was an affront to his personal philosophy. Gym seemed worse today than usual - I felt just as irritated as Emmett always did.

Before my head could explode with impatience, Coach Clapp called the games and sent us out early. I was ridiculously grateful that he'd skipped breakfast - a fresh attempt to diet - and the consequent hunger had him in a hurry to leave campus to find a greasy lunch somewhere. He promised himself he would start over tomorrow...

"Yeah, right... I believe him," Jacob rolled his eyes.

This gave me enough time to get to the math building before Bella's class ended.

Enjoy yourself, Alice thought as she headed off to meet Jasper. Just a few days more to be patient. I suppose you won't say hi to Bella for me, will you?

I shook my head, exasperated. Were all psychics so smug?

FYI, it's going to be sunny on both sides of the sound this weekend. You might want to rearrange your plans.

"He's not going to cancel, is he?" Bella frowned, that would be devastating to her.

I sighed as I continued in the opposite direction. Smug, but definitely useful.

I leaned against the wall by the door, waiting. I was close enough that I could hear Jessica's voice through the bricks as well as her thoughts.

"You're not sitting with us today, are you?" She looks all...lit up. I bet there's tons she didn't tell me.

"Oh, you have no idea," Jacob chuckled.

"I don't think so," Bella answered, oddly unsure.

Hadn't I promised to spend lunch with her? What was she thinking?

"Sorry, you don't get to know that," Jacob laughed.

They came out of the class together, and both girls' eyes widened when they saw me. But I could only hear Jessica.

Nice. Wow. Oh, yeah, there's more going on here than she's telling me. Maybe I'll call her tonight... Or maybe I shouldn't encourage her. Huh. I hope he moves past her in a hurry. Mike is cute but...wow.

Again, Bella's voice turned a little angry and Jacob had to laugh at that.

"See you later, Bella."

Bella walked toward me, pausing a step away, still unsure. Her skin was pink across her cheekbones.

I knew her well enough now to be sure that there was no fear behind her hesitation. Apparently, this was about some gulf she imagined between her feelings and mine. More than he likes me. Absurd!

"You know, if he annoys you so much, you don't have to like him," Jacob said.

"It's too late for that, Jake," Bella said. "And his thoughts can be annoying, but that doesn't make me like him any less."

"Hello," I said, my voice a tad curt.

Her face got brighter. "Hi."

She didn't seem inclined to say anything else, so I led the way to the cafeteria and she walked silently beside me.

The jacket had worked - her scent was not the blow it usually was. It was just an intensification of the pain I already felt. I could ignore it more easily than I once would have believed possible.

Bella was restless as we waited in line, toying absently with the zipper on her jacket and shifting nervously from foot to foot. She glanced at me often, but whenever she met my gaze, she looked down as if she were embarrassed. Was this because so many people were staring at us? Maybe she could hear the loud whispers - the gossip was verbal as well as mental today.

"Argh," Bella groaned, she wasn't sure if she noticed the other people or not, but she didn't like hearing it now. Then her mind drifted as she thought about the attention she now knew she was going to get in soon on her first day of school.

Or maybe she realized, from my expression, that she was in trouble. She didn't say anything until I was assembling her lunch. I didn't know what she liked - not yet - so I grabbed one of everything.

"What are you doing?" she hissed in a low voice. "You're not getting all that for me?"

"Why are you complaining... it's free food," Jacob said, incredulously.

Bella shrugged, she was sure he wouldn't understand her reason.

I shook my head, and shoved the tray up to the register. "Half is for me, of course."

She raised one eyebrow skeptically, but said nothing more as I paid for the food and escorted her to the table we'd sat at last week before her disastrous experience with blood typing. It seemed like much more than a few days. Everything was different now.

She sat across from me again. I pushed the tray toward her.

"Take whatever you want," I encouraged.

She picked up an apple and twisted it in her hands, a speculative look on her face.

"I'm curious."

What a surprise.

"Yes... it is rather shocking," Jacob chuckled and Bella rolled her eyes.

"What would you do if someone dared you to eat food?" she continued in a low voice that wouldn't carry to human ears. Immortal ears were another matter, if those ears were paying attention. I probably should have mentioned something to them earlier...

"Oh great," Bella said, suddenly looking very self-conscious; she had a feeling the others weren't going to like this.

"You're always curious," I complained. Oh well. It wasn't like I hadn't had to eat before. It was part of the charade. An unpleasant part.

I reached for the closest thing, and held her eyes while I bite off a small bite of whatever it was.

"I wasn't actually asking you to eat it," Bella rolled her eyes. "A verbal answer would have been enough."

Without looking, I couldn't tell. It was as slimy and chunky and repulsive as any other human food. I chewed swiftly and swallowed, trying to keep the grimace off my face. The gob of food moved slowly and uncomfortably down my throat.

I sighed as I thought of how I would have to choke it back up later. Disgusting.

"That is disgusting... and something that we didn't need to hear about," Jacob said.

Bella's expression was shocked. Impressed.

I wanted to roll my eyes. Of course we would have perfected such deceptions.

"If someone dared you to eat dirt, you could, couldn't you?"

Her nose wrinkled and she smiled. "I did once...on a dare. It wasn't so bad."

Jacob laughed at that. "Why?"

"It was a dare," Bella said as if it was obviously, the all too common blush was coloring her checks again.

I laughed. "I suppose I'm not surprised."

They look cozy, don't they? Good body language. I'll give Bella my take later. He's leaning toward her just the way he should, if he's interested. He looks interested. He looks...perfect. Jessica sighed. Yum.

I met Jessica's curious eyes, and she looked away nervously, giggling to the girl next to her.

Hmmm. Probably better to stick to Mike. Reality, not fantasy...

"Yeah, you do that," Bella said.

"Jessica's analyzing everything I do," I informed Bella. "She'll break it down for you later."

I pushed the plate of food back towards her - pizza, I realized - wondering how best to begin. My former frustration flared as the words repeated in my head: More than he likes me. But I don't see how I can help that.

She took a bite from the same slice of pizza. It amazed me how trusting she was.

"Why? Is there something wrong with the pizza?" Bella wondered.

"I doubt it, he wouldn't give you anything that could have the slightest possibility of being dangerous," Jacob chuckled.

Of course, she didn't know I was poisonous - not that sharing food would hurt her. Still, I expected her to treat me differently. As something other. She never did - at least, not in a negative way...

I would start off gently.

"So the waitress was pretty, was she?"

She raised the eyebrow again. "You really didn't notice?"

As if any woman could hope to capture my attention from Bella. Absurd, again.

"If you don't say things like that to me, how am I supposed to know that's what you're thinking?" Bella muttered.

"No. I wasn't paying attention. I had a lot on my mind." Not the least of which had been the soft cling of her thin blouse...

Good thing she'd worn that ugly sweater today.

"Poor girl," Bella said, smiling.

She liked that I hadn't found the waitress interesting in any way. I could understand that. How many times had I imagined crippling Mike Newton in the biology room?

She couldn't honestly believe that her human feelings, the fruition of seventeen short mortal years, could be stronger than the immortal passions that had been building up in me for a century.

Bella grimaced, when he said it like that it made sense and yet it hurt that he couldn't perceive how much she liked him.

"Something you said to Jessica..." I couldn't keep my voice casual. "Well, it bothers me."

She was immediately on the defensive. "I'm not surprised you heard something you didn't like. You know what they say about eavesdroppers."

Eavesdroppers never hear good of themselves, that was the saying.

"I warned you I would be listening," I reminded her.

"And I warned you that you didn't want to know everything I was thinking."

Ah, she was thinking of when I'd made her cry. Remorse made my voice thicker.

"You did. You aren't precisely right, though. I do want to know what you're thinking -  everything. I just wish...that you wouldn't be thinking some things."

"Um... he's being confusing again," Jacob said.

More half-lies. I knew I shouldn't want her to care about me. But I did. Of course I did.

"That's quite a distinction," she grumbled, scowling at me.

"But that's not really the point at the moment."

"Then what is?"

She leaned toward me, her hand cupped lightly around her throat. It drew my eye - distracted me. How soft that skin must feel...

Focus, I commanded myself.

"Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you?" I asked. The question sounded ridiculous to me, like the words were scrambled.

Her eyes were wide, her breathing stopped. Then she looked away, blinking quickly. Her breath came in a low gasp.

"You're doing it again," she murmured.

"What?"

"Dazzling me," she admitted, meeting my eyes warily.

"What did he do to dazzle you?" Jacob asked and Bella shrugged... how could she know?

"Oh." Hmm. I wasn't quite sure what to do about that. Nor was I sure that I didn't want to dazzle her. I was still thrilled that I could. But it wasn't helping the progression of the conversation.

"It's not your fault." She sighed. "You can't help it."

"Are you going to answer my question?" I demanded.

She stared at the table. "Yes."

That was all she said.

"Yes, you are going to answer, or yes, you really think that?" I asked impatiently.

More chuckling from Jacob and this time Bella joined him.

"Yes, I really think that," she said without looking up. There was a faint undertone of sadness in her voice. She blushed again, and her teeth moved unconsciously to worry her lip.

Abruptly, I realized that this was very hard for her to admit, because she truly believed it. And I was no better than that coward, Mike, asking for her to confirm her feelings before I'd confirmed my own. It didn't matter that I felt I'd make my side abundantly clear. It hadn't gotten through to her, and so I had no excuse.

"You're so right, man, how could you be so hypocritical?" Jacob stated. "And I thought you were a gentleman."

"You're wrong," I promised. She must hear the tenderness in my voice.

Bella looked up to me, her eyes opaque, giving nothing away. "You can't know that," she whispered.

She thought that I was underestimating her feelings because I couldn't hear her thoughts. But, in truth, the problem was that she was underestimating mine.

"Hmph," Bella said. Yes, she was underestimating his feelings, that was clear to her, but him thinking that he wasn't doing the same thing... he didn't know how much she cared about him. She didn't know how much her book self cared about him, but it had to be more than she did right now reading this book, and she knew that she already cared about him a lot.

"What makes you think so?" I wondered.

She stared back at me, the furrow between her brows, biting her lips. For the millionth time, I wished desperately that I could just hear her.

I was about to beg her to tell me what thought she was struggling with, but she held up a finger to keep me from speaking.

"Let me think," she requested.

As long as she was simply organizing her thoughts, I could be patient.

"I don't believe you," Jacob chuckled.

Or I could pretend to be.

And he laughed smugly at that.

She pressed her hands together, twining and untwining her slender fingers. She was watching her hands as if they belonged to someone else while she spoke.

"Well, aside from the obvious," she murmured. "Sometimes... I can't be sure - I don't know how to read minds - but sometimes it seems like you're trying to say goodbye when you're saying something else." She didn't look up.

"No way... never does anything like that," Jacob said sarcastically.

She'd caught that, had she? Did she realize that it was only weakness and selfishness that kept me here? Did she think less of me for that?

"Perceptive," I breathed, and then watched in horror as pain twisted her expression. I hurried to contradict her assumption. "That's exactly why you're wrong, though - " I began, and then I paused, remembering the first words of her explanation.

They bothered me, though I wasn't sure I understood exactly. "What do you mean, 'the obvious'?"

"Well, look at me," she said.

"There is nothing wrong with the way you look," Jacob said to her, there was no joking in his voice as he said this.

Bella blushed a little with the sincerity of his voice.

I was looking. All I ever did was look at her. What did she mean?

"I'm absolutely ordinary," she explained. "Well, except for the bad things like all the near death experiences and being so clumsy that I'm almost disabled. And look at you." She fanned the air toward me, like she was making some point so obvious it wasn't worth spelling out.

She thought she was ordinary? She thought that I was somehow preferable to her? In whose estimation? Silly, narrow-minded, blind humans like Jessica or Ms. Cope? How could she not realize that she was the most beautiful...most exquisite...

Bella blushed, but she knew that was too much to say... he was only thinking that because he liked her... still it wasn't so bad that he was thinking that.

"Looks aren't everything, Bells," Jacob said, "and you have both looks and a good heart..."

"Stop, Jake," Bella said, he was starting to make her feel uncomfortable.

Those words weren't even enough.

And she had no idea.

"You don't see yourself very clearly, you know," I told her. "I'll admit you're dead-on about the bad things..." I laughed humorlessly. I did not find the evil fate who haunted her comical. The clumsiness, however, was sort of funny. Endearing.

Bella rolled her eyes; of course he would think that.

Would she believe me if I told her she was beautiful, inside and out? Perhaps she would find corroboration more persuasive. "But you didn't hear what every human male was thinking on your first day."

Bella shivered, she didn't want to hear that either.

Ah, the hope, the thrill, the eagerness of those thoughts. The speed with which they'd turned to impossible fantasies. Impossible, because she wanted none of them.

I was the one she said yes to.

My smile must have been smug.

Her face was blank with surprise. "I don't believe it," she mumbled.

"Trust me just this once - you are the opposite of ordinary."

Her existence alone was excuse enough to justify the creation of the entire world.

She wasn't used to compliments, I could see that. Another thing she would just have to get used to. She flushed, and changed the subject.

"Well, that one is going to be more difficult," Bella mumbled.

"But I'm not saying goodbye."

"Don't you see? That's what proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it..." Would I ever be unselfish enough to do the right thing? I shook my head in despair. I would have to find the strength. She deserved a life. Not what Alice had seen coming for her. "If leaving is the right thing to do..." And it had to be the right thing, didn't it? There was no reckless angel. Bella didn't belong with me. "Then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe."

"But it wouldn't stop from hurting me," Bella mumbled softly, almost painfully as she thought of that.

As I said the words, I willed them to be true.

She glared at me. Somehow, my words had angered her. "And you don't think I would do the same?" she demanded furiously.

"Would you?" Jacob asked.

Bella looked thoughtful for a moment; she was so lost in Edward's thoughts that it was hard to gather her own. "Yes, if I knew it was better for him... I would have to, wouldn't I?" she said, but she was shaking her head at the same time, she knew it couldn't be better for him if she left so it was ridiculous to even think of that.

So furious - so soft and so fragile. How could she ever hurt anyone? "You'd never have to make the choice," I told her, depressed anew by the wide difference between us.

She stared at me, concern replacing the anger in her eyes and bringing out the little pucker between them.

There was something truly wrong with the order of the universe if someone so good and so breakable did not merit a guardian angel to keep her out of trouble.

"I have a guardian vampire and that's better," Bella said.

"Um... that doesn't sound better to me," Jacob shook his head and Bella just shrugged.

Well, I thought with dark humor, at least she has a guardian vampire.

I smiled. How I loved my excuse to stay. "Of course, keeping you safe is beginning to feel like a full-time occupation that requires my constant presence."

She smiled, too. "No one has tried to do away with me today," she said lightly, and then her face turned speculative for half a second before her eyes went opaque again.

"Yet," I added dryly.

"Yet," she agreed to my surprise. I'd expected her to deny any need for protection.

How could he? That selfish jackass! How could he do this to us? Rosalie's piercing mental shriek broke through my concentration.

Bella flinched as she read this... at the hostility in Rosalie's thoughts.

"Shut up, Blondie," Jacob hissed.

"Easy, Rose," I heard Emmett whisper from across the cafeteria. His arm was around her shoulders, holding her tight into his side - restraining her.

Sorry, Edward, Alice thought guiltily. She could tell Bella knew too much from your conversation...and, well, it would have been worse if I hadn't told her the truth right away. Trust me on that.

I winced at the mental picture that followed, at what would have happened if I'd told Rosalie that Bella knew I was a vampire at home, where Rosalie didn't have a fa?ade to keep up. I'd have to hide my Aston Martin somewhere out of state if she didn't calm down by the time school was over. The sight of my favorite car, mangled and burning, was upsetting - though I knew I'd earned the retribution.

"Still... you don't have to take it out on the car," Jacob said horrified, and there was a longing look in his head that stated clearly that he wanted to see said car.

Jasper was not much happier.

Bella flinched again.

I'd deal with the others later. I only had so much time allotted to be to be with Bella, and I wasn't going to waste it. And hearing Alice had reminded me that I had some business to attend to.

"I have another question for you," I said, tuning out Rosalie's mental hysterics.

"Shoot," Bella said, smiling.

"Do you really need to go to Seattle this Saturday, or was that just an excuse to get out of saying no to all your admirers?"

She grimaced at me. "You know, I haven't forgiven you for the Tyler thing yet. It's your fault that he's deluded himself into thinking I'm going to prom with him."

"Oh, he would have found a chance to ask you without me - I just really wanted to watch your face."

"Jerk," Bella muttered.

I laughed now, remembering her aghast expression. Nothing I'd ever told her about my own dark story had ever made her look so horrified. The truth didn't frighten her. She wanted to be with me. Mind-boggling.

"If I'd asked you, would you have turned me down?"

"Probably not," she said. "But I would have cancelled later - faked an illness or a sprained ankle."

How strange. "Why would you do that?"

Jacob chuckled and Bella rolled her eyes; the answer was so obvious.

"He calls you absurd for missing things but this guy is even worse," Jacob laughed.

She shook her head, as if she was disappointed that I did not understand at once.

"You've never seen me in gym, I guess, but I would have thought that you would understand."

Ah. "Are you referring to the fact that you can't walk across a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over?"

"Obviously."

"That wouldn't be a problem. It's all in the leading."

For a brief fraction of a second, I was overwhelmed by the idea of holding her in my arms at a dance - where she would surely wear something pretty and delicate rather than this hideous sweater.

Bella grimaced; she would have to get rid of that sweater.

With perfect clarity, I remembered how her body had felt under mine after I'd thrown her out of the way of the oncoming van. Stronger than the panic or the desperation or the chagrin, I could remember that sensation. She'd been so warm and so soft, fitting easily into my own stone shape...

I wrenched myself back from the memory.

"But you never told me - " I said quickly, preventing her from arguing with me about her clumsiness, as she clearly intended to do. "Are you resolved on going to Seattle, or do you mind if we do something different?"

"As long as it's with you, anything is fine," Bella smiled.

Devious - giving her a choice without giving her the option of getting away from me for the day. Hardly fair of me. But I had made her a promise last night...and I liked the idea of fulfilling it - almost as much as that idea terrified me.

The sun would be shining Saturday. I could show her the real me, if I was brave enough to endure her horror and disgust. I knew just the place to take such a risk...

Bella was really smiling now... she wanted to know more about what he looked like in the sun.

"I'm open to alternatives," Bella said. "But I do have a favor to ask."

A qualified yes. What would she want from me?

"What?"

"Can I drive?"

Was this her idea of humor?

"Nope," Jacob shook his head.

"Why?"

"Well, mostly because when I told Charlie I was going to Seattle, he specifically asked if I was going alone and, at the time, I was. If he asked again, I probably wouldn't lie, but I don't think he will ask again, and leaving my truck at home would just bring up the subject unnecessarily. And also, because your driving frightens me."

"I knew that last bit would come up," Jacob chuckled.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving." Truly, her brain worked backwards. I shook my head, disgusted.

Edward, Alice called urgently.

Suddenly I was staring into a bright circle of sunlight, caught up in one of Alice's visions.

It was a place I knew well, the place I'd just considered taking Bella - a little meadow where no one ever went beside myself. A quiet, pretty place where I could count on being alone - far enough from any trail or human habitation that even my mind could have peace and quiet.

Alice recognized it, too, because she had seen me there not so long ago in another vision - one of those flickering, indistinct visions that Alice had shown me the morning I'd saved Bella from the van.

"No!" Jacob said, knowing where this was going. "You can't go there."

"It's not going to happen, Jake," Bella said, she too, knew where this was going.

"Bella..." Jacob started to say.

"Let me just keep reading," Bella interrupted and stated reading again.

In that flickering vision, I hadn't been alone. And now it was clear - Bella was with me there. So I was brave enough. She stared at me, rainbows dancing across her face, her eyes fathomless.

It's the same place, Alice thought, her mind full of a horror that did not match the vision. Tension, perhaps, but horror? What did she mean, the same place?

Both Jacob and Bella shivered, knowing what place Alice had to mean.

And then I saw it.

Edward! Alice protested shrilly. I love her, Edward!

I shut her out viciously.

She didn't love Bella the way I did. Her vision was impossible. Wrong. She was blinded somehow, seeing impossibilities.

Not even a half a second had passed. Bella was looking curiously at my face, waiting for me to approve her request. Had she seen the flash of dread, or had it been too quick for her?

I focused on her, on our unfinished conversation, pushing Alice and her flawed, lying visions far from my thoughts. They didn't deserve my attention.

"If it's not a flawed vision..." Jacob started, gritting his teeth.

"It is," Bella said, her voice calm though she was a little afraid. "Edward won't let it be."

"Does he even have a choice?" Jacob hissed at her.

"He muddled up Alice's visions before," Bella said. "When he stopped talking to me... he'll do it again."

"Right," Jacob said, not believing it, but hoping it was true.

I wasn't able to keep up the playful tone of our banter, though.

"Won't you want to tell your father that you're spending the day with me?" I asked, darkness seeping into my voice.

I shoved at the visions again, trying to push them farther away, to keep them from flickering through my head.

"With Charlie, less is always more," Bella said, certain of this fact. "Where are we going, anyway?"

"You should tell him at least," Jacob said.

Alice was wrong. Dead wrong. There was no chance of that. And it was just an old vision, invalid now. Things had changed.

"Right," Jacob said again, in his non-believing hopeful tone, and then added stiffly, "but that doesn't mean you should take her to this meadow of yours."

"The weather will be nice," I told her slowly, fighting the panic and indecision.

Alice was wrong. I would continue as if I hadn't heard or seen anything. "So I'll be staying out of the public eye...and you can stay with me, if you'd like to."

Bella caught the significance at once; her eyes were bright and eager. "And you'll show me what you meant, about the sun?"

Maybe, like so many times before, her reaction would be the opposite of what I expected. I smiled at that possibility, struggling to return to the lighter moment. "Yes. But..." She hadn't said yes. "If you don't want to be...alone with me, I'd still rather you didn't go to Seattle by yourself. I shudder to think of the trouble you could find in a city that size."

Her lips pressed together; she was offended.

The Bella who was reading the book wasn't offended by this... she was too busy worrying about what was going to happen next to be offended.

"Phoenix is three times bigger than Seattle - just in population. In physical size - "

"But apparently your number wasn't up in Phoenix," I said, cutting off her justifications. "So I'd rather you stayed with me."

She could stay forever and it would not be long enough.

I shouldn't think that way. We didn't have forever. The passing seconds counted more than they ever had before; each second changed her while I remained untouched.

Bella grimaced... that sounded so sad, the way that he described her changing every second...

Jacob grimaced, it sounded liked Edward wanted her to be a vampire... or at least part of him wanted that so that she would always be by his side.

"As it happens, I don't mind being alone with you," she said.

No - because her instincts were backwards.

"I know." I sighed. "You should tell Charlie, though."

"Why in the world would I do that?" she asked, sounding horrified.

"Because it's the right thing to do," Jacob said.

"So you always tell Billy where you go?" Bella questioned.

"Um..." Jacob said.

"That's what I thought," Bella said.

"I don't..." Jacob started, but Bella had started reading again.

I glared at her, the visions I couldn't quite manage to repress swirling sickeningly through my head.

"To give me some small incentive to bring you back," I hissed. She should give me that much - one witness to compel me to be cautious.

Why had Alice forced this knowledge on me now?

"Oh," Bella said and then looked thoughtful. "Maybe she did it so that you would be on guard... that you wouldn't be careless there."

"You think?" Jacob asked.

"It's a possibility," Bella shrugged.

Bella swallowed loudly, and stared at me for a long moment. What did she see?

"I think I'll take my chances," she said.

Ugh! Did she get some thrill out of risking her life? Some shot of adrenaline she craved?

"I'm not some kind of adrenaline junky," Bella rolled her eyes.

I scowled at Alice, who met my glare with a warning glance. Beside her, Rosalie was glowering furiously, but I couldn't have cared less. Let her destroy the car. It was just a toy.

"Let's talk about something else," Bella suggested suddenly.

I looked back at her, wondering how she could be so oblivious to what really mattered. Why wouldn't she see me for the monster I was?

Because it's better to see you as the good man that you are, Bella thought to herself, not sure if Jacob would want to hear something like that, with the attitude he had right now.

"What do you want to talk about?"

Her eyes darted to the left and then the right, as if checking to make sure there were no eavesdroppers. She must be planning to introduce another myth-related topic.

Her eyes froze for a second and her body stiffened, and then she looked back to me.

"Why did you go to that Goat Rocks place last weekend...to hunt? Charlie said it wasn't a good place to hike, because of bears."

So oblivious. I stared at her, raising one eyebrow.

"How did you miss that one?" Jacob tried to chuckle.

"Because it's bears... how could something that looks so human hunt bears?" Bella said.

"Bears?" she gasped.

I smiled wryly, watching that sink in. Would this make her take me seriously?

Would anything?

She pulled her expression together. "You know, bears are not in season," she said severely, narrowing her eyes.

"If you read carefully, the laws only cover hunting with weapons."

She lost control over her face again for a moment. Her lips fell open.

"Bears?" she said again, a tentative question this time rather than a gasp of shock.

"Grizzly is Emmett's favorite."

I watched her eyes, seeing this settle in.

"Hmm," she murmured. She took a bite of the pizza, looking down. She chewed thoughtfully, and then took a drink.

"What are you thinking?" Jacob asked.

"Don't know," Bella said.

"So," she said, finally looking up. "What's your favorite?"

I supposed I should have expected something like that, but I hadn't. Bella was always interesting, at the very least.

"That was a great compliment," Jacob said and Bella rolled her eyes.

"Mountain lion," I answered brusquely.

"Really?" Bella said, the idea of hunting a mountain lion seemed scary too... but she remembered how Emmett had hunted the bear... they couldn't be hurt by animals.

"Ah," she said in a neutral tone. Her heartbeat continued steady and even, as if we were discussing a favorite restaurant.

Fine, then. If she wanted to act like this was nothing unusual...

"Of course, we have to be careful not to impact the environment with injudicious hunting," I told her, my voice detached and clinical. "We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators - ranging as far away as we need. There's always plenty of deer and elk here, and they'll do, but where's the fun in that?"

She listened with a politely interested expression, as if I were a teacher giving a lecture. I had to smile.

"Where indeed," she murmured calmly, taking another bite of pizza.

"Early spring is Emmett's favorite bear season," I said, continuing with the lecture. "They're just coming out of hibernation, so they're more irritable."

Seventy years later, and he still hadn't gotten over losing that first match.

"Yeah well, he basically died, didn't he? I wouldn't have gotten over that quickly either," Jacob said.

"Nothing more fun than an irritated grizzly bear," Bella agreed, nodding solemnly.

Jacob snorted. "You are so weird."

I couldn't hold back a chuckle as I shook my head at her illogical calm. It had to be put on. "Tell me what you're really thinking, please."

"I'm trying to picture it - but I can't," she said, the crease appearing between her eyes. "How to you hunt a bear without weapons?"

"It's not difficult at all for them," Bella answered.

"Oh, we have weapons," I told her, and then flashed her a wide smile. I expected her to recoil, but she was very still, watching me. "Just not the kind they consider when writing hunting laws. If you've ever seen a bear attack on television, you should be able to visualize Emmett hunting."

She glanced toward the table where the others sat, and shuddered.

Finally. And then I laughed at myself, because I knew part of me was wishing she would stay oblivious.

Her dark eyes were wide and deep as she stared at me now. "Are you like a bear, too?" she asked in an almost-whisper.

"More like the lion, or so they tell me," I told her, striving to sound detached again. "Perhaps our preferences are indicative."

"That's an interesting theory," Bella said. "I wonder how the others hunt and what their preferences are."

Her lips pulled up a tiny bit at the corners. "Perhaps," she repeated. And then her head leaned to the side, and curiosity was suddenly clear in her eyes. "Is that something I might get to see?"

"NO!" Jacob said.

"Why... it's not that bad?" Bella said.

"It would be very dangerous for you to be there," Jacob said. "I mean beyond dangerous... don't you get it, you're his prey."

"Jacob..." Bella started.

"I get that he doesn't want that to be the case, but that doesn't change the fact that you've got to be a hell of a lot more appealing than any of those animals he would be hunting," Jacob said.

"Right," Bella gulped, that did sound dangerous.

I didn't need pictures from Alice to illustrate this horror - my imagination was quite enough.

"Absolutely not," I snarled at her.

She jerked away from me, her eyes bewildered and frightened.

I leaned back, too, wanting to put space between us. She was never going to see, was she? She wouldn't do one thing to help me keep her alive.

Jacob grimaced at Bella as she rolled her eyes at Edward's comment.

"Too scary for me?" she asked, her voice even. Her heart, however, was still moving in double time.

"If that were it, I would take you out tonight," I retorted through my teeth. "You need a healthy dose of fear. Nothing could be more beneficial for you."

"Then why?" she demanded, undeterred.

I glared at her blackly, waiting for her to be afraid. I was afraid. I could imagine only too clearly having Bella near when I hunted...

Her eyes remained curious, impatient, nothing more. She waited for her answer, not giving in.

But our hour was up.

"Later," I snapped, and I rose to my feet. "We're going to be late."

She looked around herself, disoriented, like she'd forgotten we were at lunch.

Like she'd forgotten we were even at school - surprised that we were not alone in some private place. I understood that feeling exactly. It was hard to remember the rest of the world when I was with her.

She got up quickly, bobbling once, and threw her bag over her shoulder.

"Later, then," she said, and I could see the determination in the set of her mouth she would hold me to that.

"Which means she's going to bring this up later," Jacob said.

"That's the end of the chapter," Bella said.
13#
发表于 2016-8-16 23:48 | 只看该作者
12. Complications

"Complications," Jacob read. "I don't like the sound of that."

"I'm sure it's not as bad as it sounds," Bella shrugged.

Bella and I walked silently to biology. I was trying to focus myself on the moment, on the girl beside me, on what was real and solid, on anything that would keep Alice's deceitful, meaningless visions out of my head.

"It's not meaningless," Jacob muttered, "don't underestimate it."

We passed Angela Weber, lingering on the sidewalk, discussing an assignment with a boy from her Trigonometry class. I scanned her thoughts perfunctorily, expecting more disappointment, only to be surprised by their wistful tenor.

Ah, so there was something Angela wanted. Unfortunately, it wasn't something that could be easily gift-wrapped.

"She must like the guy," Bella said.

"This should be interesting," Jacob chuckled.

"It will only work if the guy likes her back though," Bella said.

"But Angela is cool... who wouldn't like her," Jacob said.

I felt strangely comforted for a moment, hearing Angela's hopeless yearning. A sense of kinship that Angela would never know about passed through me, and I was, in that second, at one with the kind human girl.

"What does he mean by that... your yearning isn't hopeless, Edward!" Bella huffed.

It was oddly consoling to know that I wasn't the only one living out a tragic love story. Heartbreak was everywhere.

"Argh," Bella groaned. "Only if you keep thinking that way."

In the next second, I was abruptly and thoroughly irritated. Because Angela's story didn't have to be tragic. She was human and he was human and the difference that seemed so insurmountable in her head was ridiculous, truly ridiculous compared to my own situation. There was no point in her broken heart. What a wasteful sadness, when there was no valid reason for her not to be with the one she wanted.

"Yeah, wasteful," Bella muttered, thinking that Edward's was wasteful too, though he did have more of a reason to be so cautious.

Why shouldn't she have what she wanted? Why shouldn't this one story have a happy ending?

I wanted to give her a gift... Well, I would give her what she wanted. Knowing what I did of human nature, it probably wouldn't even be very difficult. I sifted through the consciousness of the boy beside her, the object of her affections, and he did not seem unwilling, he was just stymied by the same difficulty she was. Hopeless and resigned, the way she was.

"Come on, people, have faith in yourselves," Jacob said.

Bella, however, was thoughtful. She wondered if this was a mirror of how she and Edward felt... both of them not fully realizing what they other felt. She was sure that her book self couldn't have known how much he loved her... there was no possible way for her to know that. And she could see clearly that Edward didn't understand how much she lo... er... however she felt about him.

She stopped that train of thought as something else seemed to go through her. She was wondering how strongly did she feel about this guy that she had yet to meet... and she longed for that meeting to happen already. Jacob started reading then, drawing her concentration back to the book.

All I would have to do was plant the suggestion...

The plan formed easily, the script wrote itself without effort on my part. I would need Emmett's help - getting him to go along with this was the only real difficulty.

Human nature was so much easier to manipulate than vampire nature.

"You've got to watch out for this guy, Bells, he's definitely a speciesist," Jacob said.

"Whatever," Bella rolled her eyes.

I was pleased with my solution, with my gift for Angela. It was a nice diversion from my own problems. Would that mine were as easily fixed.

My mood was slightly improved as Bella and I took our seats. Maybe I should be more positive. Maybe there was some solution out there for us that was escaping me, the way Angela's obvious solution was so invisible to her. Not likely... But why waste time with hopelessness? I didn't have time to waste when it came to Bella. Each second mattered.

Mr. Banner entered pulling an ancient TV and VCR. He was skipping through a section he wasn't particularly interested in - genetic disorders - by showing a movie for the next three days. Lorenzo's Oil was not a very cheerful piece, but that didn't stop the excitement in the room. No notes, no test-able material. Three free days. The humans exulted.

"It sounds kind of boring to me," Bella mumbled and Jacob looked at her oddly.

It didn't matter to me, either way. I hadn't been planning on paying any attention to anything but Bella.

I did not pull my chair away from hers today, to give myself space to breathe.

Instead, I sat close beside her like any normal human would. Closer than we sat inside my car, close enough that the left side of my body felt submerged in the heat from her skin.

"I get it! She's hot!" Jacob said and laughed when Bella blushed and glared at him.

It was a strange experience, both enjoyable and nerve-racking, but I preferred this to sitting across the table from her. It was more than I was used to, and yet I quickly realized that it was not enough. I was not satisfied. Being this close to her only made me want to be closer still. The pull was stronger the closer I got.

I had accused her of being a magnet for danger. Right now, it felt like that was the literal truth.

Bella rolled her eyes but chuckled at this.

I was danger, and, with every inch I allowed myself nearer to her, her attraction grew in force.

And then Mr. Banner turned the lights out.

It was odd how much of a difference this made, considering that the lack of light meant little to my eyes. I could still see just as perfectly as before. Every detail of the room was clear.

"That's cool," Jacob said. "I wish I could see in the dark like that."

So why the sudden shock of electricity in the air, in this dark that was not dark to me?

"Shock of electricity?" Bella raised an eyebrow. What was he talking about and why did that make her think of the first time he touched her in the second chapter (the first time he talked to her in the books)?

Was it because I knew that I was the only one who could see clearly? That both Bella and I were invisible to the others? Like we were alone, just the two of us, hidden in the dark room, sitting so close beside one another...

My hand moved toward her without my permission. Just to touch her hand, to hold it in the darkness. Would that be such a horrific mistake? If my skin bothered her, she only had to pull away...

I yanked my hand back, folded my arms tightly across my chest and clenched my hands closed. No mistakes. I'd promised myself that I would make no mistakes, no matter how minimal they seemed. If I held her hand, I would only want more - another insignificant touch, another move closer to her. I could feel that. A new kind of desire was growing in me, working to override my self-control.

Jacob and Bella were thinking the complete opposite thing here.

No mistakes.

Bella folded her arms securely across her own chest, and her hands balled up into fists, just like mine.

"You feeling this too, aren't you?" Jacob questioned, "and I know it didn't happen..."

"Yeah, I think I am feeling this," Bella answer before he could say any more. "I wonder what it means."

"It seems like you're calling to each other somehow," Jacob said, and then he bit his lip. It seemed like some kind of instinctual reaction that went way beyond human... whatever that means.

What are you thinking? I was dying to whisper the words to her, but the room was too quiet to get away with even a whispered conversation.

The movie began, lightening the darkness just a bit. Bella glanced up at me. She noted the rigid way I held my body - just like hers - and smiled. Her lips parted slightly, and her eyes seemed full of warm invitations.

Or perhaps I was seeing what I wanted to see.

I smiled back; her breathing caught with a low gasp and she looked quickly away.

That made it worse. I didn't know her thoughts, but I was suddenly positive that I had been right before, and that she wanted me to touch her. She felt this dangerous desire just as I did.

Between her body and mine, the electricity hummed.

Bella blushed, still not sure what this all meant, but had a good idea. She was also wondering what would happen if he did touch her.

She didn't move all through the hour, holding her stiff, controlled pose as I held mine. Occasionally she would peek at me again, and the humming current would jolt through me with a sudden shock.

"Um... stop looking at him," Jacob said.

"I doubt I can help it," Bella said. "Besides, he's looking at me nonstop... I should be allowed to look too."

The hour passed - slowly, and yet not slowly enough. This was so new, I could have sat like this with her for days, just to experience the feeling fully.

"So the electricity was pleasant," Jacob said.

"Apparently," Bella said evenly, but she was still blushing.

I had a dozen different arguments with myself while the minutes passed, rationality struggling with desire as I tried to justify touching her.

Finally, Mr. Banner turned the lights on again.

In the bright fluorescent light, the atmosphere of the room returned to normal.

Bella sighed and stretched, flexing her fingers in front of her. It must have been uncomfortable for her to hold that position for so long. It was easier for me - stillness came naturally.

"So now you're trying to mimic the vampires," Jacob said shaking his head, trying to laugh.

"Well, they are the coolest thing around," Bella smiled when he made a face at that.

I chuckled at the relieved expression on her face. "Well, that was interesting."

"Umm," she murmured, clearly understanding what I referred to, but making no comment. What I wouldn't give to hear what she was thinking right now.

"I would like to know that too," Bella said.

"I wouldn't have guessed that by your smug expression," Jacob chuckled.

I sighed. No amount of wishing was going to help with that.

Both Bella and Jacob were chuckling at that.

"Shall we?" I asked, standing.

She made a face and got unsteadily to her feet, her hands splayed out as if she were afraid she was going to fall.

I could offer her my hand. Or I could place that hand underneath her elbow - just lightly - and steady her. Surely that wouldn't be such a horrible infraction...

No mistakes.

"How would that be a mistake?" Bella questioned.

"Even with hearing his thoughts, I can't really understand most of his thinking," Jacob shrugged. "Though it's clear that he's afraid of touching you."

She was very quiet as we walked toward the gym. The crease was in evidence between her eyes, a sign that she was deep in thought. I, too, was thinking deeply.

One touch of her skin wouldn't hurt her, my selfish side contended.

I could easily moderate the pressure of my hand. It wasn't exactly difficult, as long as I was firmly in control of myself. My tactile sense was better developed than a human's; I could juggle a dozen crystal goblets without breaking any of them; I could stroke a soap bubble without popping it. As long as I was firmly in control...

"And you're always in control, so it will be fine," Bella said.

"He's not always in control... we've seen him out of control," Jacob said anxiously.

Bella just frowned at that and Jacob read on.

Bella was like a soap bubble - fragile and ephemeral. Temporary.

How long would I be able to justify my presence in her life? How much time did I have? Would I have another chance like this chance, like this moment, like this second?

She would not always be within my arm's reach...

Bella turned to face me at the gym's door, and her eyes widened at the expression on my face. She didn't speak. I looked at myself in the reflection of her eyes and saw the conflict raging in my own. I watched my face change as my better side lost the argument.

"Who's to say what the better said is, Edward?" Bella mumbled to herself but Jacob heard.

My hand lifted without a conscious command for it to do so. As gently as if she were made of the thinnest glass, as if she were fragile as a bubble, my fingers stroked the warm skin that covered her cheekbone. It heated under my touch, and I could feel the pulse of blood speed beneath her transparent skin.

Enough, I ordered, though my hand was aching to shape itself to the side of her face. Enough.

"He doesn't sound too controlled now," Jacob muttered.

"He's touch is gentle... it's not hurting me," Bella said.

"But his mind doesn't seem to have control over his actions," Jacob countered. "His instincts do."

"And what instinct is he following now?" Bella raised her eyebrows. "It's not to hurt me."

"Right," Jacob mumbled, "but there still is an instinct in him that wants to hurt you... don't forget that."

"I won't," Bella sighed. "But that isn't the only instinct he has towards me now."

It was difficult to pull my hand back, to stop myself from moving closer to her than I already was. A thousand different possibilities ran through my mind in an instant - a thousand different ways to touch her. The tip of my finger tracing the shape of her lips. My palm cupping under her chin. Pulling the clip from her hair and letting it spill out across my hand. My arms winding around her waist, holding her against the length of my body.

Enough.

I forced myself to turn, to move away from her. My body moved stiffly -  unwilling.

I let my mind linger behind to watch her as I walked swiftly away, almost running from the temptation. I caught Mike Newton's thoughts - they were the loudest - while he watched Bella walk past him in oblivion, her eyes unfocused and her cheeks red. He glowered and suddenly my name was mingled with curses in his head; I couldn't help grinning slightly in response.

"Too bad Mikey," Jacob said, trying to chuckle again.

My hand was tingling. I flexed it and then curled it into a fist, but it continued to sting painlessly.

No, I hadn't hurt her - but touching her had still been a mistake.

It felt like fire - like the thirsting burn of my throat had spread throughout my entire body.

The next time I was close to her, would I be able to stop myself from touching her again? And if I touched her once, would I be able to stop at that?

"Yes," Bella answered, there was no doubt in her, though Jacob wasn't totally convinced.

No more mistakes. That was it. Savor the memory, Edward, I told myself grimly, and keep your hands to yourself. That, or I would have to force myself to leave...somehow. Because I couldn't allow myself near her if I insisted on making errors.

I took a deep breath and tried to steady my thoughts.

Emmett caught up to me outside the English building.

"Hey, Edward." He's looking better. Weird, but better. Happy.

"Ah... and him being happy is weird," Jacob chuckled.

"Hey, Em." Did I look happy? I supposed, despite the chaos in my head, I felt that way.

Way to keep your mouth shut, kid. Rosalie wants to rip your tongue out.

"I like to see her try... and then get beaten down," Jacob chuckled.

"That's not very nice," Bella glared at him and he shrugged.

I sighed. "Sorry I left you to deal with that. Are you angry with me?"

"Naw. Rose'll get over it. It was bound to happen anyway." With what Alice sees coming...

"Don't mention that," Jacob flinched.

Alice's visions were not what I wanted to think about right now. I stared forward, my teeth locking together.

As I searched for a distraction, I caught sight of Ben Cheney entering the Spanish room ahead of us. Ah - here was my chance to give Angela Weber her gift.

"Ben Cheney," Bella mumbled and got out her year book to look at him. He was cute enough, though not her type at all. Still she studied the picture, if Angela and Ben liked each other she wanted them to be together in this reality, too. She thought that things might be different now that she knew what Edward was thinking about her, so she might have to be the one to help Ben and Angela out... argh... that wasn't really her strong point. Oh well, it will have to happen someway.

I stopped walking and caught Emmett's arm. "Hold on a second."

What's up?

"I know I don't deserve it, but would you do me a favor anyway?"

"What is it?" he asked, curious.

Under my breath - and at a speed that would have made the words incomprehensible to a human no matter how loud they'd been spoken - I explained to him what I wanted.

He stared at me blankly when I was done, his thoughts as blank as his face.

"That sound interesting," Jacob chuckled.

"So?" I prompted. "Will you help me do it?"

It took him a minute to respond. "But, why?"

"C'mon, Emmett. Why not?"

Who are you and what have you done with my brother?

Bella and Jacob both chuckled at this.

"Aren't you the one who complains that school is always the same? This is something a little different, isn't it? Consider it an experiment - an experiment in human nature."

He stared at me for another moment before he caved. "Well, it is different, I'll give you that... Okay, fine." Emmett snorted and then shrugged. "I'll help you."

I grinned at him, feeling more enthusiastic about my plan now that he was on board. Rosalie was a pain, but I would always owe her one for choosing Emmett; no one had a better brother than mine.

"Aw," Jacob said in teasing voice but Bella smiled at what Edward had just said.

Emmett didn't need to practice. I whispered his lines to him once under my breath as we walked into the classroom.

Ben was already in his seat behind mine, assembling his homework to hand in.

Emmett and I both sat and did the same thing. The classroom was not quiet yet; the murmur of subdued conversation would continue until Mrs. Goff called for attention.

She was in no hurry, appraising the quizzes from the last class.

"So," Emmett said, his voice louder than necessary - if he were really speaking only to me. "Did you ask Angela Weber out yet?"

"Oh... I get it," Jacob said laughing. "This should work."

The sound of papers rustling behind me came to an abrupt stop as Ben froze, his attention suddenly riveted on our conversation.

Angela? They're talking about Angela?

"Hm... it definitely makes it easy that Edward knows what he's thinking," Bella muttered.

Good. I had his interest.

"No," I said, shaking my head slowly to appear regretful.

"Why not?" Emmett improvised. "Are you chicken?"

I grimaced at him. "No. I heard that she was interested in someone else."

Edward Cullen was going to ask Angela out? But... No. I don't like that. I don't want him near her. He's...not right for her. Not...safe.

"You got that right," Jacob chuckled and Bella glared at him. "What? You want him to go out with Angela?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Bella rolled her eyes and Jacob laughed louder.

I hadn't anticipated the chivalry, the protective instinct. I'd been working for jealousy. But whatever worked.

"You're going to let that stop you?" Emmett asked scornfully, improvising again.

Jacob laughed even more at that.

"Not up for the competition?"

I glared at him, but made use of what he gave me. "Look, I guess she really likes this Ben person. I'm not going to try to convince her otherwise. There are other girls."

The reaction in the chair behind me was electric.

"Who?" Emmett asked, back to the script.

"My lab partner said it was some kid named Cheney. I'm not sure I know who he is."

"That's rude... the guy's right behind you," Jacob muttered.

"Um... Jake, that's the point," Bella said.

"I know," Jacob rolled his eyes. "I'm just saying it makes him sound like a stuck up..."

"Whatever," Bella rolled her eyes.

I bit back my smile. Only the haughty Cullens could get away with pretending not to know every student at this tiny school.

Ben's head was whirling with shock. Me? Over Edward Cullen? But why would she like me?

"Edward," Emmett muttered in a lower tone, rolling his eyes toward the boy.

"He's right behind you," he mouthed, so obviously that the human could easily read the words.

"Oh," I muttered back.

Jacob and Bella were laughing at this again.

I turned in my seat and glanced once at the boy behind me. For a second, the black eyes behind the glasses were frightened, but then he stiffened and squared his narrow shoulders, affronted by my clearly disparaging evaluation. His chin shot out and an angry flush darkened his golden-brown skin.

"Huh," I said arrogantly as I turned back to Emmett.

He thinks he's better than me. But Angela doesn't. I'll show him...

"Well, there's that problem solved," Jacob chuckled.

Perfect.

"Didn't you say she was taking Yorkie to the dance, though?" Emmett asked, snorting as he said the name of the boy that many scorned for his awkwardness.

"That was a group decision apparently." I wanted to be sure that Ben was clear on this. "Angela's shy. If B - well, if a guy doesn't have the nerve to ask her out, she'd never ask him."

"You like shy girls," Emmett said, back to improvisation. Quiet girls. Girls like...hmm, I don't know. Maybe Bella Swan?

Jacob laughed at this line of teasing as Bella blushed.

I grinned at him. "Exactly." Then I returned to the performance. "Maybe Angela will get tired of waiting. Maybe I'll ask her to the prom."

No, you won't, Ben thought, straightening up in his chair. So what if she's so much taller than me?

"Oh... it's because he's short... poor guy," Jacob chuckled.

"I suppose that's not a problem you have to deal with," Bella said, Jacob seemed pretty tall for his age.

"Not at all," Jacob said. "I think I might even have grown an inch since yesterday."

"Sure you did, Jake," Bella rolled her eyes.

If she doesn't care, then neither do I. She's the nicest, smartest, prettiest girl in this school... and she wants me.

I liked this Ben. He seemed bright and well-meaning. Maybe even worthy of a girl like Angela.

"Well, it looks like there're three humans that he might think highly of," Jacob chuckled.

I gave Emmett a thumbs up under the desk as Mrs. Goff stood and greeted the class.

Okay, I'll admit it - that was sort of fun, Emmett thought.

I smiled to myself, pleased that I'd been able to shape one love story's happy ending. I was positive that Ben would follow through, and Angela would receive my anonymous gift. My debt was repaid.

How silly humans were, to let a six inch height differential confound their happiness.

"That is a pretty big difference," Jacob said. "That guy must be a midget."

"Jake!" Bella reprimanded him.

"Sorry," Jacob sighed.

My success put me in a good mood. I smiled again as I settled into my chair and prepared to be entertained. After all, as Bella had pointed out at lunch, I'd never seen her in action in her gym class before.

"No," Bella groaned and Jacob laughed in anticipation.

Mike's thoughts were the easiest to pinpoint in the babble of voices that swarmed through the gym. His mind had gotten far too familiar over the last few weeks. With a sigh, I resigned myself to listening through him. At least I could be sure that he would be paying attention to Bella.

I was just in time to hear him offer to be her badminton partner; as he made the suggestion, other partnerings ran through his mind. My smile faded, my teeth clenched together, and I had to remind myself that murdering Mike Newton was not a permissible option.

"Hm... I'm not so sure about that," Jacob laughed.

"It's not," Bella said firmly.

"Thanks, Mike - you don't have to do this, you know."

"Don't worry, I'll keep out of your way."

They grinned at each other, and flashes of numerous accidents - always in some way connected to Bella - flashed through Mike's head.

Jacob started chuckling and Bella groaned.

Mike played alone at first, while Bella hesitated on the back half of the court, holding her racket gingerly, as if it was some kind of weapon. Then Coach Clapp ambled by and ordered Mike to let Bella play.

"Why?" Bella moaned, didn't the coach understand yet?

Uh oh, Mike thought as Bella moved forward with a sigh, holding her racquet at an awkward angle.

Jennifer Ford served the birdie directly toward Bella with a smug twist to her thoughts. Mike saw Bella lurch toward it, swinging the racket yards wide of her target, and he rushed in to try to save the volley.

I watched the trajectory of Bella's racquet with alarm. Sure enough, it hit the taut net and sprung back at her, clipping her forehead before it spun out to strike Mike's arm with a resounding thwack.

Jacob was howling with laughed and Bella turned bright red and held her head in her hands. That was a new all time low for her.

"You really are awful," Jacob choked out some time later.

"Yeah, yeah, now can you continue reading," Bella tried to sound as if this wasn't bothering her, but she was still red and her voice was too weak to pull that off.

Ow. Ow. Ungh. That's going to leave a bruise.

"Good," Jacob said, his dying laughter starting again.

Bella was kneading her forehead. It was hard to stay in my seat where I belonged, knowing she was hurt. But what could I do, if I were there? And it didn't seem to be serious... I hesitated, watching. If she intended to continue to try to play, I was going to have to manufacture an excuse to pull her out of class.

"Overreaction," Bella rolled her eyes.

The coach laughed. "Sorry, Newton." That girl's the worst jinx I've ever seen. Shouldn't inflict her on the others...

More laughter for Jacob, but Bella was pleased that the coach seemed to get it better now.

He turned his back deliberately and moved to watch another game so that Bella could return to her former spectator's role.

Ow, Mike thought again, massaging his arm. He turned to Bella. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, are you?" she asked sheepishly, blushing.

"I think I'll make it." Don't want to sound like a crybaby. But, man, that hurts!

"Crybaby," Jacob laughed.

Mike swung his arm in a circle, wincing.

"I'll just stay back here," Bella said, embarrassment and chagrin on her face rather than pain. Maybe Mike had got the worst of it. I certainly hoped that was the case.

At least she wasn't playing anymore. She held her racquet so carefully behind her back, her eyes wide with remorse... I had to disguise my laugh as coughing.

What's funny? Emmett wanted to know.

"You know... if you were in Emmett's Gym class, I bet he would have liked you from the first day," Jacob teased.

"Shut up," Bella hissed at him.

"Tell you later," I muttered.

Bella didn't venture into the game again. The coach ignored her and let Mike play alone.

I breezed through the quiz at the end of the hour, and Mrs. Goff let me go early. I was listening intently to Mike as I walked across the campus. He'd decided to confront Bella about me.

Jessica swears they're dating. Why? Why did he have to pick her?

He didn't recognize the real phenomenon - that she'd picked me.

"Don't go overboard with that," Bella rolled her eyes, it was more of a phenomenon that he had picked her after a hundred years after all.

"So."

"So what?" she wondered.

"You and Cullen, huh?" You and the freak. I guess, if a rich guy is that important to you...

Bella was glaring at the book, she didn't like this assumption at all, but what was really getting to her was how very wrong Mike was... Edward was so much more than just a rich guy.

I gritted my teeth at his degrading assumption.

"That's none of your business, Mike."

Defensive. So it's true. Crap. "I don't like it."

"You don't have to," she snapped.

Why can't she see what a circus sideshow he is? Like they all are.

Bella was glaring more at the book than before, not liking his way of thinking at all.

The way he stares at her. It gives me chills to watch. "He looks at you like...like you're something to eat."

Bella and Jacob both tensed a little at that... it wasn't good that Mike was able to notice that.

I cringed, waiting for her response.

Her face turned bright red, and her lips pressed together like she was holding her breath. Then, suddenly, a giggle burst through her lips.

"You laughed?" Jacob looked at her incredulously.

"Um... the irony of that must have gotten to me," Bella said. "I'm sure it was a nervous laugh if that makes you feel any better."

"It doesn't," Jacob said and then started reading again.

Now she's laughing at me. Great.

Mike turned, thoughts sullen, and wandered off to change.

I leaned against the gym wall and tried to compose myself.

How could she have laughed at Mike's accusation - so entirely on target that I began to worry that Forks was becoming too aware... Why would she laugh at the suggestion that I could kill her, when she knew that it was entirely true? Where was the humor in that?

What was wrong with her?

"Nothing's wrong with me," Bella huffed.

"I beg to differ," Jacob chuckled, though he was giving her an odd look, too.

Did she have morbid sense of humor? That didn't fit with my idea of her character, but how could I be sure? Or maybe my daydream of the giddy angel was true in the one respect, in that she had no sense of fear at all. Brave - that was one word for it.

"I'm not brave," Bella mumbled.

Others might say stupid,

"So I guess you're stupid then," Jacob chuckled and Bella glared at him.

but I knew how bright she was. No matter what the reason, though, this lack of fear or twisted sense of humor wasn't good for her. Was it this strange lack that put her in danger so constantly? Maybe she would always need me here...

Just like that, my mood was soaring.

If I could just discipline myself, make myself safe, then perhaps it would be right for me to stay with her.

When she walked through the gym doors, her shoulders were stiff and her lower lip was between her teeth again - a sign of anxiety. But as soon as her eyes met mine, her rigid shoulders relaxed and a wide smile spread across her face. It was an oddly peaceful expression. She walked right to my side without hesitation, only stopping when she was so close that her body heat crashed over me like a tidal wave.

"Hi," she whispered.

The happiness I felt in this moment was, again, without precedent.

"Hello," I said, and then - because with my mood suddenly so light I couldn't resist teasing her - I added, "How was gym?"

"Argh... did he have to mention that?" Bella groaned.

"Yep," Jacob chuckled. "Besides, isn't it better that you know he's watching you... not as creepy that way at least."

"Whatever," Bella shrugged.

Her smile wavered. "Fine."

She was a poor liar.

"True," Jacob and Bella both said.

"Really?" I asked, about to press the issue - I was still concerned about her head; was she in pain? - but then Mike Newton's thoughts we so loud they broke my concentration.

I hate him. I wish he would die. I hope he drives that shiny car right off a cliff. Why couldn't he just leave her alone? Stick to his own kind - to the freaks.

"What does he mean, his own kind?" Jacob asked. "He doesn't know that Edward is a vampire."

"I suppose he means rich?" Bella said slowly, not sure of the answer herself. "That or he instinctively knows that Edward is different."

"What?" Bella demanded.

My eyes refocused on her face. She looked at Mike's retreating back, and then at me again.

"Newton's getting on my nerves," I admitted.

Her mouth fell open, and her smile disappeared. She must have forgotten that I'd had the power to watch through her calamitous last hour, or hoped that I hadn't utilized it.

"More likely the latter," Bella said, after all he had demonstrated that gift quite well during their last few encounters.

"You weren't listening again?"

"How's your head?"

"You're unbelievable!" she said through her teeth, and then she turned away from me and stalked furiously toward the parking lot. Her skin flushed dark red - she was embarrassed.

"You got that right," Jacob said.

"Well, no one asked him to watch me in Gym," Bella grumbled, her clumsiness was always a sore spot for her.

I kept pace with her, hoping that her anger would pass soon. She was usually quick to forgive me.

"You were the one who mentioned how I'd never seen you in Gym," I explained. "It made me curious."

She didn't answer; her eyebrows pulled together.

She came to a sudden halt in the parking lot when she realized that the way to my car was blocked by a crowd of male students.

I wonder how fast they've gone in this thing...

Look at the SMG shift paddles. I've never seen those outside of a magazine...

Nice side grills...

Sure wish I had sixty thousand dollars laying around...

"Um... Jacob do you want me to leave," Bella chuckled as Jacob was practically drooling at the description of the car.

"No, but I want you to get me into the Cullen garage sometime in the future," Jacob said.

"You do realize that's Rosalie's car..." Bella said smirking.

"Argh," Jacob groaned. "Why did you have to remind me of that?"

This was exactly why it was better for Rosalie to only use her car out of town.

I wound through the throng of lustful boys to my car; after a second of hesitation, Bella followed suit.

"Ostentatious," I muttered as she climbed in.

"What kind of car is that?" she wondered.

"An M3."

She frowned. "I don't speak Car and Driver."

"Come on, Bella!" Jacob groaned. "You should know that at least."

"Sorry," Bella shrugged, chuckling at his behavior.

"It's a BMW." I rolled my eyes and then focused on backing out without running anyone down. I had to lock eyes with a few boys that didn't seem willing to move out of my way. A half-second meeting my gaze seemed to be enough to convince them.

"Is that car really that special?" Bella rolled her eyes.

Jacob just stared at her incredulously.

"I guess it is," Bella mumbled.

"Are you still angry?" I asked her. Her frown had relaxed.

"Definitely," she answered curtly.

I sighed. Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up. Oh well. I could try to make amends, I supposed. "Will you forgive me if I apologize?"

She thought about that for a moment. "Maybe...if you mean it," she decided.

"And if you promise not to do it again."

"Don't hold your breath," Jacob chuckled.

"I know... that's never going to happen," Bella chuckled too.

I wasn't going to lie to her, and there was no way I was agreeing to that. Perhaps if I offered her a different exchange.

"How about if I mean it, and I agree to let you drive this Saturday?" I cringed internally at the thought.

"Oh... that works," Bella said.

The furrow popped into existence between her eyes as she considered the new bargain. "Deal," she said after a moment of thought.

Now for my apology... I'd never tried to dazzle Bella on purpose before, but now seemed like a good time.

"Oh great," Bella mumbled, blushing already. The thought of him actually trying to dazzle her was too much for her.

I stared deep into her eyes as I drove away from the school, wondering if I was doing it right. I used my most persuasive tone.

"Then I'm very sorry I upset you."

Her heartbeat thudded louder than before, and the rhythm was abruptly staccato.

Her eyes widened, looking a little stunned.

I half-smiled. It seemed like I'd gotten it right. Of course, I was having a bit of difficulty looking away from her eyes, too. Equally dazzled. It was a good thing I had this road memorized.

"What?" Bella said, snapping out of her daze... she liked thinking of them both being dazzled by each other... but still, "He's not even looking at the road!"

"But he has it memorized... that's just as good," Jacob laughed at her expression.

"That is not good at all!" Bella snapped, note to self, no dazzling in the car... um... while it's moving at least.

"And I'll be on your doorstep bright and early Saturday morning," I added, finishing the agreement.

She blinked swiftly, shaking her head as if to clear it. "Um," she said, "it doesn't help with the Charlie situation if an unexplained Volvo is left in the driveway."

"He's not going to take his car," Bella said, how little she understood him in this book.

Ah, how little she still knew me. "I wasn't intending to bring a car."

Bella blinked at that and then smiled, it was nice knowing they could think alike.

"How - " she started to ask.

I interrupted her. The answer would be hard to explain without a demonstration, and now was hardly the time. "Don't worry about it. I'll be there, no car."

She put her head on one side, and looked for a second like she was going to press for more, but then she seemed to change her mind.

"Is it later yet?" she asked, reminding me of our unfinished conversation in the cafeteria today; she'd let go of one difficult question just to return another that was more unappealing.

"Yeah, isn't that nice of her," Jacob chuckled.

"I suppose it is later," I agreed unwillingly.

I parked in front of her house, tensing as I tried to think of how to explain...without making my monstrous nature too evident, without frightening her again. Or was that wrong? To minimalize my darkness?

She waited with the same politely interested mask she'd worn at lunch. If I'd been less anxious, her preposterous calm would have made me laugh.

"And you still want to know why you can't see me hunt?" I asked.

"Well, mostly I was wondering about your reaction," she said.

"Did I frighten you?" I asked, positive that she would deny it.

"No."

I tried not to smile, and failed. "I apologize for scaring you." And then my smile vanished with the momentary humor. "It was just the very thought of you being there...while we hunted."

Jacob shivered at that.

"That would be bad?"

The mental picture was too much - Bella, so vulnerable in the empty darkness; myself, out of control... I tried to banish it from my head.

"Well, you don't have to send it our way," Jacob snapped.

"Extremely."

"Because...?"

I took a deep breath, concentrating for one moment on the burning thirst. Feeling it, managing it, proving my dominion over it. It would never control me again - I willed that to be true. I would be safe for her. I stared at the welcome clouds without seeing them, wishing I could believe that my determination would make any difference if I were hunting when I crossed her scent.

"When we hunt...we give ourselves over to our senses," I told her, thinking through each word before I spoke it. "Govern less with our minds. Especially our sense of smell. If you were anywhere near me when I lost control that way..."

Jacob and Bella both shivered at that. No, she could definitely never see him hunt.

I shook my head in agony at the thought of what would - not what could, but what would - surely happen then.

I listened to the spike in her heartbeat, and then turned, restless, to read her eyes.

Bella's face was composed, her eyes grave. Her mouth was pursed just slightly in what I guessed was concern. But concern for what? Her own safety? Or my anguish? I continued to stare at her, trying to translate her ambiguous expression into sure fact.

"Your anguish, I'm sure," Jacob mumbled. "She puts others before herself."

"You don't have to make it sound like a bad thing," Bella sighed.

She gazed back. Her eyes grew wider after a moment, and her pupils dilated, though the light had not changed.

My breathing accelerated, and suddenly the quiet in the car seemed to be humming, just like in the darkened biology room this afternoon. The pulsing current raced between us again, and my desire to touch her was, briefly, stronger even than the demands of my thirst.

"Um... this really is pretty freaky," Jacob muttered and Bella rolled her eyes, curious to know what this really meant.

The throbbing electricity made it feel like I had a pulse again. My body sang with it. Like I was human. More than anything in the world, I wanted to feel the heat of her lips against mine. For one second, I struggled desperately to find the strength, the control, to able to put my mouth so close to her skin...

Bella froze in place... waiting in anticipation... heart hammering.

Jacob shifted uncomfortably and was wary about how dangerous that would be.

She sucked in a ragged breath, and only then did I realize that when I had started breathing faster, she had stopped breathing altogether.

I closed my eyes, trying to break the connection between us.

No more mistakes.

Bella sighed sadly.

Bella's existence was tied to a thousand delicately balanced chemical processes, all so easily disrupted. The rhythmic expansion of her lungs, the flow of oxygen, was life or death to her. The fluttering cadence of her fragile heart could be stopped by so many stupid accidents or illnesses or...by me.

I did not believe that any member of my family would hesitate if he or she were offered a chance back - if he or she could trade immortality for mortality again. Any one of us would stand in fire for it. Burn for as many days or centuries as were necessary.

"But you can't go back," Bella said sadly, which meant that if they were ever going to be equal she would have to change...

Most of our kind prized immortality above anything else. There were even humans who craved this, who searched in dark places for those who could give them the blackest of gifts...

Not us. Not my family. We would trade anything to be human.

"Right," Jacob said, and he believed what Edward was saying, it really did explain why they did what they did.

But none of us had ever been as desperate for a way back as I was now.

I stared at the microscopic pits and flaws in the windshield, like there was some solution hidden in the glass. The electricity had not faded, and I had to concentrate to keep my hands on the wheel.

My right hand began to sting without pain again, from when I'd touched her before.

"Bella, I think you should go inside now."

She obeyed at once, without comment, getting out of the car and shutting the door behind herself. Did she feel the potential for disaster as clearly as I did?

"Um... I'm sure I felt the electricity... and noticed that you don't want to touch me," Bella sighed, "I'm probably just following your lead."

Did it hurt her to leave, as it hurt me to let her go? The only solace was that I would see her soon. Sooner than she would see me. I smiled at that, then rolled the window down and leaned across to speak to her one more time - it was safer now, with the heat of her body outside the car.

She turned to see what I wanted, curious.

Still curious, though she'd asked me so many questions today.

"Oh there're so many more questions I have for you," Bella said.

My own curiosity was entirely unsatisfied; answering her questions today had only revealed my secrets -

"It looks like he's thinking the same thing," Jacob chuckled.

I'd gotten little from her but my own conjectures. That wasn't fair.

"Oh, Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Tomorrow it's my turn."

Her forehead puckered. "Your turn to what?"

"Ask the questions." Tomorrow, when we were in a safer place, surrounded by witnesses, I would get my own answers. I grinned at the thought, and then I turned away because she made no move to leave. Even with her outside of the car, the echo of the electricity zinged in the air. I wanted to get out, too, to walk her to her door as an excuse to stay beside her...

No more mistakes. I hit the gas, and then sighed as she disappeared behind me. It seemed like I was always running toward Bella or running away from her, never staying in place. I would have to find some way to hold my ground if we were ever going to have any peace.

"Well, that's most definitely true," Bella said. "I wonder what he's going to ask me."

"Well, it looks like you're going to have to wait a long time to figure out," Jacob said putting the book down.

"Why?" Bella said looking at the clock, it was nine. "We still have some time."

"That's not why," Jacob chuckled. "It's because that was the end of the book."

"What?" Bella said. "That can't be the end... there so much more... I don't know what happens!"

"Sorry, Bells, that's it," Jacob shrugged.

"Is there at note or anything like that?" Bella asked, picking up the book and noticing a small note and read:

I'm sorry that this was all that I could give you, but this was all I could write before you got to school. But there is no need to worry; your story goes on for a long time after this.

Bella frowned as she read this, how could this person end the book here but promise that there is a lot more for her to find out? "Who is this SM person?"

"Um... I'm not sure, but it's the person that left me the note in the first place," Jacob said.

"Yeah, I figured," Bella rolled her eyes.

"So... um... what do we do now?" Jacob asked.

"I'm not sure," Bella said.

"But you're planning on meeting this Edward guy for real, aren't you," Jacob said.

"Of course," Bella looked at him suspiciously. He had promised at one time that he wouldn't let that happen. She hoped he had changed his mind because there was no way she would allow that.

"And how do you plan on meeting him at first?" Jacob questioned.

"Um..." Bella said, she didn't think of that but he was right... the first meeting really was something that she had to think about... Edward was, after all going to be deathly attracted to her. "I suppose we'll just have to think of something."
14#
发表于 2016-8-17 00:00 | 只看该作者
13. Knowledge

I weaved my way down my driveway while imagining all the ways I could bring myself closer to Bella. Just to lightly touch her hair, to hold her close to me like I did so carelessly after the accident, or to bring her warm lips to mine...I trailed off in thought as the fantasy went visual.

Enough, I ordered, though I was aching to feel the warmth of her rich skin. Enough.

When I reached the end of the drive I knew what to expect, though, the insults that continued at maximum capacity fissured my nerves.

Idiot! Jackass! Lunatic! I really hope you are happy! If I have to move again..., Rosalie was seething belligerence. The vivid image she thrust on my mind was my Vanquish being catastrophically driven off a ravine.

I sighed and shook my head trying to dispel her thoughts, but after living with her for this long I'd learned to hum a tune or ignore her internal muttering, even when she was screaming at the top of her mental lungs and making the visual pictures more devastating.

After watching all of the possible ways she would crash my car over and over in her head I realized that it didn't matter.

It was Bella who was ultimately significant now. Her silent thoughts - how warm and trusting she is.

Ah, I thought gleefully. My mental distraction worked perfectly.

I sat in the car, my fingers still wrapped tightly on the steering wheel as I thought about going back. I inhaled deeply at her scent that was still lingering in the car. White hot knives cut down my throat, but I embraced it, content that I was satiated for the moment.

A thought disrupted my internal blitheness.

Boy, do you have some explaining to do.

"Emmett," I muttered, though I was grateful he had forgiven me of my actions so quickly. His low chuckle came from inside the house as he over took Jasper's knight in a game of chess.

I had to deal with this now. I couldn't go see her until my family was resolved, though, honestly, I should never go back. Her life would be the better for it - she would have a life to live.

Carlisle's car was parked next to Rosalie's M3. I sighed in relief. If he was here, then maybe Rosalie would be on her best behavior.

More thoughts filled my mind bringing me back to the present. It was time to confront my family about the secrets that Bella logically pieced together.

I finally persuaded myself into going inside to speak with Carlisle.

Alice's thoughts interrupted my anxiety filled mind.

I hope you've reconsidered your plans for the weekend. I love her, too. Her internal cry was a lament.

I twitched slightly under the impact of the earlier vision. I tried to expunge her thoughts from my mind as my stomach began to twist in pain.

Absurd - it was a lie, impossible. I would never hurt Bella...would I? Bella...in my arms...cold, white, dead... The thoughts were inconceivable. Alice was blind or confused somehow, the vision insurmountable.

The pain swiftly took me under - it felt like my body was burning from the inside out, almost as if the pain of her death would literally make me combust. I gave Alice a grave look.

"You're wrong." My tone was hollow.

Please, Edward! Alice begged.

I could feel every degree of love she had for her. She doesn't even know her - her love was nonexistent compared to mine.

I sighed.

But doesn't everyone have that reaction to her? Hadn't I? Didn't I risk everything just to save her life so I could observe her; watch her sleep at night?

My need to speak with Carlisle was growing at an immense rate. He would have answers. He always knew what to do.

I marched past Alice where she was sitting on the stairs, her face rested on her hands, her lower lip jutting out slightly from her upper. I ignored her pouting, knowing it was because of her vision that was bringing her into this trepidation. And her vision was wrong.

I clenched my teeth together as I spoke, making my words almost incoherent "I'm strong."

I'm brave enough, I tried to convince myself.

"I won't hurt her, Alice. Your vision is impossible!"

I'm begging you, she continued to plead.

Her anguish was beginning to weigh on me. I shoved her mental insight from me viciously. How could I possibly bring death to her?

I wanted - no - I needed Bella. The necessity to hold her, my hunger...my thirst for her was exponentially growing at a sizable intensity. But, it wasn't my thirst that I was craving the most; I desired for her, longed for the face, the voice, that accompanied the fragrance.

I moved swiftly up the stairs so quick, in fact, a normal human wouldn't have seen me.

Slowly opening the door to my potential sentencing I entered Carlisle's office. His face was so close to the book he was reading that his nose was nearly touching the pages.

Association between PPI's and spontaneous bacterial peritonitis...His eyes moved up the page until they left the book flowing upward towards my face which was perfectly mirrored in his eyes. Guilt was resolutely displayed across my face.

I looked away.

Esme, joyfully flitting around the room, was re-organizing the bookshelves in effort to make room for new books Carlisle had just purchased. She caught my glance when I entered the room.

Edward!She beamed.

She didn't consciously think her name but to some extent of reasoning her mind was radiating the essence of Bella's presence that always accompanied me. The fond attachment she had formed for Bella, without ever meeting her, brought a hazardous new light upon being with her. If it were up to Esme, Bella would already be transformed into a vampire. My obvious love was enough for her to wish this often, though she would never voice her desires.

Each second I grew closer to Bella was another second that was being taken from her life. My thirst. My love for her. Which one was stronger? Would they intermingle and make her a vampire?

Risky. My thought was fleeting because I knew that I wouldn't leave her alone and that I wouldn't change her. What was the future, her fate? The internal struggle of her inevitable future began nagging at me almost as bad as Rosalie thought's that were now blaring in my head.

This wasn't something I could run from. Maybe Carlisle would have the answer. The strong desire for advice wasn't approaching quick enough. I was growing impatient at all the courtesies.

Hello Edward. His mental tone showed no inflection that he knew of Bella's knowledge.

Good; Rosalie kept her trap shut, another surprise on top of the already growing pile of shocking news that I seemed to be attracting. Would this news, this information, prove my malefaction?

Now that I was standing here, ready to concede my guilt to him, I didn't know what to say, speech wouldn't form. How do you tell someone you deeply care for, more than that, your creator...your father that you betrayed their family - my family - for a mere human girl?

But to me she wasn't just ahuman girl - she was thehuman girl, the only one that ever truly mattered.

Carlisle read my expression, his thoughts scattering in every direction, dancing in his mind before he settled on being alarmed at my facial expression. My calm fa?ade must have faded.

What is it Edward? What is wrong? Is Bella...his thoughts trailed off, but I knew the direction they were heading.

Luckily, his concern for that subject was unnecessary.

For now.

"Carlisle, I...she..." I hesitated, pausing.

I didn't know how to tell my family, those who loved me the most, that I was Judas made flesh. A betrayer.

Carlisle raised an eyebrow at my state of irresolution.

"Edward? Is everything all right?" he asked incredulously, bringing attention to our conversation.

Esme turned at his words, bringing her thoughts and concentration to the open dialog.

Ignoring their stares I continued to sway on the spot, standing there with my mouth halfway open like a gold fish out of water gasping for air. The words failed me.

Would this, of all things, break their faith in me? No one had so absolutely guessed our secret before, learned our truths. If my heart was alive, beating, I swear even a human would be able to hear it. There was only venom in my veins - the one thing that would inevitably bring Bella to her death.

Death. No, this couldn't be the end. Her knowledge wouldn't condemn her, I refused. Would this be Carlisle's conclusion, just like it had been for the rest of the family? I would fight against them, if this is what they decided.

"Edward?" Esme prodded.

I had to tell them what she knew; no doubt Rosalie will make sure they were aware if I didn't confess this soon. It's better if they hear it from me, but still, the words wouldn't escape my lips. How do you confess a betrayal? It's much more difficult than I thought it would be.

Feeling guilty, Edward? Rosalie sneered mentally. What a surprise! I can't believe you. Once again I had to shove Rosalie's thoughts from my mind. The barrier was harder to put into place when my concentration was being pulled in so many directions.

Besides the aggressively hostile nature of Rosalie, everyone else was silent, the dead air making it evident that everyone was eavesdropping at this ultimate of pivotal moments, surely waiting to hear my betrayal, or ultimately deciding her fate for me. None of them dared to think it. Not now. Not after I had already fought so hard to keep her alive.

I inhaled a generous gulp of air.

Esme's anxious look continued to grow deeper.

What is it? Please tell us, she thought tentatively.

Only a brief second had passed before I finally bowed my head downward as if I were admitting a great shame and delivered the words I was terrified would hurt my family. Judas had nothing on me. I sunk into the nearest chair.

"Bella...well, she...she knows, Carlisle." I had never struggled with words like I did when Bella was involved.

His eyes grew wide, his thoughts in an uproar of intense confusion and concern.

Bella knows? About us? She knows about us? ... "Edward, what is going on? Is everything okay? Should I be worried?" Carlisle's thoughts spilled from his mouth like a stream of water, so rapid I didn't have time to respond to one of them.

At the same time I brought my glance to his and he focused on my blameworthy expression. He observed my look and then reassured himself that I hadn't done something foolish. Boy was he wrong.

This all happened in a tenth of a second. My mind still hadn't fully comprehended all his thoughts.

Of course I shouldn't be worried, everything will be fine. Okay. Now, "what exactly does Bella know?" he asked, zealous.

I ignored his enthusiasm at the prospect of Bella knowing our secret. Was it an act? Surely my words would cut deeper in a minute. He hadn't really had time to settle on the thought.

"She knows everything about me!" About us, I amended internally. "She put the pieces together and I just...I couldn't keep lying to her." I figured the truth would be better than lies right now.

Honestly, I'm surprised he didn't tell her himself. Carlisle contemplated mentally. The way she has changed him...I can't describe it. She would be his perfect pairing. Why not change her? he murmured in thought.

Excellent, Esme beamed. Was she excited about this news too? Was this not the huge betrayal I thought it would be?

"She is the best thing that has ever happened to you, Edward." Carlisle cut into my thoughts. "I'm so glad she knows," he whispered softly to me. "It was to be expected. But now, maybe it's time to move to the next step."

My head snapped up.

Esme nodded in agreement.

"Next step?" I shouted. "Move to the next step?"

Was this the conclusion? An immortal life? I couldn't be responsible for such a brutal act. It felt like a brick was sliding down my throat into the pit of my stomach.

"You want me to what...ask her to die?" I shot up like a bottle rocket. "Ask her if she wished to be doomed to go to hell? Are you insane?"

The thought of her burning with the fiery thirst day by day or the first initial three days of begging for death as her veins burned with venom - my venom - nearly sent me over the edge.

I was hoping beyond hope that this would not come to some sort of vote like what nearly happened after I saved her from the van. To make her into the appalling creature that I am or bring on her early death...no, there is another option. There has to be.

I looked to Carlisle. If anyone's opinion mattered it would be his. He froze for just a fraction of a second and then sighed heavily. I studied him for a few seconds, apprehension etched into my face, easily reflected in his golden eyes. Also, I could see my face from two viewpoints perfectly. There it was, my pain jerking down the corners of my lips.

"I can't imagine hurting her, bringing her to her death."

"If it's a matter of self control...I can offer my services," Carlisle proposed.

"A vampire, forever frozen at seventeen...forever doomed to our existence." Carlisle flinched at my words. "I just can't...you can't! How can either of you possibly think her knowledge of our existence a good thing when this is the conclusion?" I shouted.

There were a few murmured agreements throughout the house. Jasper was quiet but thought the next step or death should be the only options. But, after Alice's request he seemed to try his best to keep his thoughts to himself.

"Who is to say she couldn't live out her mortal life?" I paused, chagrin obvious in my tone. "I haven't killed her." But I could. So easily.

But you haven't killed her, you even saved her life, I thought to myself, the little devil sitting on my shoulder. Not yet, I amended. The guilt was plainly splayed across my face.

Couldn't Carlisle tell I was scarcely clutching onto my humanity - just barely by my fingertips when I was around the sweet seduction of Bella's blood and her enticing pulse? Each second around her was like crawling through the desert and happening upon water that was poisonous. So seductive.

If being human is what you wish for her and you feel that you can't offer this...then maybe this is the time to leave. Carlisle offered as a choice. He saw me flinch and changed tact. I just don't want you to make a mistake by denying yourself your true mate by keeping her human. He spoke silently to me."If you wish to keep her human, then that is your decision. We will not demand her death, or her transformation." Carlisle added, trying to calm my frenzied nerves. At the same time he was letting everyone in the house know this was his final word. And they are to abide by it. No deaths, no transformations. The end. "You have amazing self control. I believe that you will make the right decision."

Shock. Yes, that was the emotion I was feeling; stunned, surprised, astonished...I looked up and stared at him incredulously.

Even if I did decide to change her, I wouldn't have the strength to stop myself from drinking her dry. Just thinking about the luscious taste on my lips sent a shiver of pleasure down my spine.

How could he possibly believe that this whole situation is a good idea? Dread flowed through my frozen veins as the thought of hurting the delicate flower of a girl, Bella, entered my mind. I tried to expunge the images that Alice had embossed into my brain, for they seemed to be coming to the surface at this conversation.

I wasn't the only one surprised and outraged by his responses to it all, how easily Carlisle just accepted this bit of news like he knew it was going to happen all along.

Rosalie, working on her car, had thrown a wrench down and walked away, muttering choice swear words under her breath. Jasper coughed - something a vampire would never need to do - while breaking part of the chess piece he was holding. He knew of the danger this could possibly cause us all.

Then there were those two thoughts that were unsurprised, actually elated. Alice, for obvious reasons, predicted this future. She loved Bella, human or vampire. Esme, who didn't care if Bella had four fingers and crossed eyes, was smiling at me. Her thoughts were content, pleased at this news, even though a sturdier Bella, in her mind, would be the better choice.

There was only one neutral thought. "Next time we'll use your chess set," Emmett muttered to Jasper. Though, I knew if it came to sides, he would choose Rosalie's.

Before I responded to Carlisle's words Esme's thoughts protruded into my head. I wonder when I can meet her.

I turned and gave Esme a withering look.

"Why are you guys doing this to me?" Derision was obvious in my voice. "If I stay with her..." I needed to leave her alone. She needs to live a mortal life, one that I can not offer her. "I could kill her." My face screwed up in pain at the word kill.

It's been months, Edward. She's still alive. You can do this, I have faith in you, Carlisle thought.

My hands were trembling slightly as fear pulsed through me. Faith, I scoffed. Esme approached me swiftly and embraced me, all fear flooded from my body at her gentle touch.

Carlisle approached me and Esme let go as he placed his hand on my shoulder and thought sympathetically; everything will be all right, son.

It was silent for a minute, as everyone let the news sink in.

"So, what did you tell Bella?" Carlisle asked, intrigued now. Our previous conversation was now in the distant past.

Everything I was doing seemed so human lately. I sank lower into the chair as if it were my only support after being deflated.

"I didn't tell her, Carlisle, she guessed. She guessed everything, even my little talent of reading minds!"

Carlisle's thoughts were incoherent with surprise; his words spiraled together and were muddled so I continued.

"I only filled in the blanks, which were not many. She is much more perceptive than I realized..." My voice trailed off and I slumped even lower into the chair. I had made so many mistakes.

I then remembered what she had told me about her trip to First Beach.

"Then her little friend Jacob Black..."

Before I could get another word out Carlisle already knew exactly what had happen.

Jacob...Black. Oh! "The Quileute's?"

I nodded.

Oh... I see. He chuckled."I never thought it would be their side to break the treaty! Oh, of course, I know it couldn't have been meant like that, surely he doesn't think the stories are true." he shook is head.

This house became silent, not a word or thought formed for several spiraling seconds. When the curtain of silent thoughts became louder then thoughts themselves, I finally looked up to try to interpret Carlisle's face since his mind had become nothing more than a bewildered mental humming. The astonishment on his alabaster face was humorous.

Before I could make my mouth move to ask the question I seemed to be asking more and more lately, what are you thinking, Carlisle began to chuckle at full volume. He was truly taken aback, but this news hadn't bothered him at all. His mind was stunned into silence as flashes of Bella went through - all from that almost tragic day with the van.

I couldn't take the ever-growing silence emanating off the walls.

"What?" I asked with irritation.

Carlisle shot Esme a look.

Go on,Esme thought while nodding to Carlisle to continue, as if he could read her thoughts. He finally spoke.

"How did she react?"

"She said, 'it doesn't matter' what I am," my teeth gritted at the memory, and then my expression softened when I remembered the tears that welled up in her eyes at my reaction. Another mistake.

"She won't tell anyone?" he asked.

"No. I trust her." At my look, he accepted my answer without a doubt.

"Edward, this cannot be a coincidence. There is a real change happening here." Carlisle chuckled once more.

Esme put her arm around Carlisle and a large grin gradually spread across her face. My parents were... happy, excessively, even. I hadn't predicted the conversation going in this direction at all.

I was given the impression that everything was happening very fast. The monster in me began backing into the darkest corners of my mind, gradually dissipating as I was becoming more and more human the more familiar I became with Bella.

What should I do? I know what I should do; it was a matter of what I was going to do.I knew what the answer should be. I need to leave her alone. Even if I can cage the monster for the time, it is not likely I can keep him caged forever. Yes, I have my family for support, but that won't stop me from accidently hurting her. I had to leave, as Carlisle suggested.

I placed my hand over my eyes and slouched even deeper in the chair. If I sunk down any lower I'd fall right off of it.

Then thought of her deep chocolate brown eyes looking at me with tears as I said goodbye made my un-beating heart ache. The memory of her tear stained face flashed across my mind.

Would she cry? If I left, would she even care? She shouldn't. I sighed. She really does embrace danger, or maybe the right word was Entice.

I thought about Alice's vision. I pinched the bridge of my nose at the recollection. The more I thought about it the harder it was for me to imagine being alone with her without breaking or damaging her. Why did Alice put these thoughts in my head? I don't want to hurt Bella, but I don't know how much more I could take!

Being in Bella's presence with the aroma, her warmth...so brave and trusting... not touching her was going to become a problem. Her skin - so soft...electric. I started imaging her warm and cradled comfortably in my arms - lightly touching her face and pulling my hands through her hair. Before I could get too deep into that daydream I had to make a decision and fast.

Regardless of what my decision should be, I was a selfish creature and refused to go. Leaving the girl isn't an option, I decided. She was a danger to herself and she needed me to protect her, I lied effortlessly.

I shook my head as I ultimately determined I was still going to take her to the meadow. I will give her the chance to see me for who I am, I promised myself. Maybe she would finally learn how dangerous I am and run away screaming.

I won't kill her, though. I love her. I tried to convince myself that love was enough. The love I felt for her was so exquisite it was nearly pain because I knew there were only two options left for her now.

No, those won't be her only options. I will make this work. Three options. She could grow old and live out her life, but with me in tow.

Only a few seconds had passed during my reprieve. Carlisle and Esme looked fixedly at me. Their confidence in me was overwhelming. They honestly believed in me, trusted that I wouldn't hurt her. Maybe Judas did have the corner on the betrayal market.

As I saw the conviction in their faces, something deep inside of me settled. I stood up, surveyed their loving faces and the inner workings of my brain and my non-beating heart finally accepted her fate. Option three.

She will live, I'll look after her and she will live, I determined. As long as I was around, no one would ever harm her because I would break them limb from limb if they even attempted, or even if they possibly thought it. Her vampire protector. Forever.

"It seems I can't stay away from her." I grimaced, but deep inside I was glowing.

I don't want him to stay away from her; he's been a different person since she came into his life,Esme thought cheerfully.

Carlisle grinned, his thoughts in sync with Esme.

I sighed, but the sound wasn't as pained as before. It was almost...joyous.

Striding swiftly from the room I realized it was no longer silent in the house. I could hear faint mutterings from Rosalie. Instantly I shoved her constant jeering from my mind.

Deep down, Rosalie's problem with Bella really was pure jealousy. She hated that Bella was human because she wanted to be human. But I thought her warm, trusting humanness was Bella's best quality.

Edward!Alice bellowed from her head while skipping up the stairs towards me.

The cloudy, blurry vision from earlier today was instantly clear. No longer did she see Bella's lifeless form lying in the bracken of the forest floor. My eyes no longer glowed that ominous red.

When she reached me at the top of the stairs she grinned widely while practically jumping on me to wrap her tiny arms around my neck.

"Thank you, Edward!" Alice was jubilant.

I nodded and returned her hug, releasing her quickly because I was on a mission.

Have fun at Bella's. I suppose you won't tell her hi for me, will you?

For the first time since I entered the house this afternoon, my lips twitched up into a smile, completely opposite from my previous grimace. My stomach was doing back flips at the thought of being with her again.

I couldn't stand being away from her any longer.

I dashed through the forest towards her house as if someone was lighting a fire beneath my feet. As I took off I heard faded thoughts from Alice.

I wonder what happened to change the vision? I hope Edward starts letting me hang out with her. Just two more days...She was counting down. Then I saw images of her dressing a blushing Bella up and playing with her hair like she was a doll.

I rolled my eyes, but instantly craved for this to come true.

I was sitting in the rocking chair in Bella's room. Her warm delicious scent was swirling around me and I was sucking it slowly into my lungs with each breath. I was willing myself to stay away from her. A feat much harder than one would realize.

Tonight, she was not sleeping soundly. I watched as she tangled herself into the blankets early on in the evening.

I stood. Realizing I was unable to help her, I sat. The chair was my prison, holding me in my seat. She was the dessert across the table from a kid who had to eat broccoli. The temptation would never go away, yet each second I grew stronger against my will to rush over and hold her. I couldn't allow myself to do something so foolish. It was about her now. What she wants, what she needs. I had to toss my selfishness away as best I could, even though my presence was selfish enough.

She tossed again. I got up once more, my hands reaching out like I could help. My touch was too cold...wrong. I seated myself back into my prison.

I sighed. With the quick intake of air the burning persisted in my dry throat. Each breath brought me pleasure and torture. Mainly torture, though her scent reminded me of how alive she is.

"Edward..." she mumbled in her sleep.

This was not the first time this evening that she murmured my name in her sweet magical voice. Each sound or movement was watched by me as she continued to tangle herself in the sheets.

I couldn't help but worry that she wasn't having a good dream. I was a monster after all.

She woke a few times in the night, startled from her dream - or nightmare - but I was stealthy enough to hide. She never caught me but I wondered what she would think if she did. Would she finally scream? Would she shriek at the sight of the peeping tom that I had become? Would she turn her deep gaze towards me and beg me to leave and never come back?Anguish fell over me at the thought. This must be why I continued to hide every time I saw her eyes flutter.

She tossed again, holding her pillow tightly while a small sigh escaped her lips.

"Edward...mmmmm."

Once again my heart leapt at the sound of my name on her breath.

As the night progressed she settled into a deeper sleep, finally calm and unmoving. In the earlier hours of the morning I saw her shudder and watched as goose bumps arose on her skin.

Without thought I was standing, walking over to her, leaning down, hand out stretched before my mind finally caught up with my actions. Indecision was deep in my thoughts.

Another breath.

More fiery thirst.

I wasn't sure if it was the monster or my protective side, but without thinking I reached out to unravel her blanket to cover her. As I slowly moved the blanket over her I accidently touched her arm. Or was it an accident?

It was if a million little electrodes sent pleasant shocks down my spine. I closed me eyes to take in her aroma.

She was soft...warm.

I quickly held my breath but realized that if I were going to stay with her that I had to overcome my thirst, my ever growing desire to crush her to my body and dig my teeth deep into her neck.

Another breath.

My mouth was instantly full of venom. The monster inside of me was clawing at my chest bones, trying to break free of my body and drink the most delicious blood that ever existed. I grabbed at my chest trying to push the monster back in when suddenly I felt something vibrate. It was my phone.

Alice. I swallowed the pool of venom pouring into my mouth.

Leaping out of her window I answered the phone. I opened my mouth to speak but before I could say hello Alice began pleading in her bell voice.

"Edward! Please!"

My hand automatically met the bridge of my nose. She was my favorite and the most irritating of my family.

She continued without pause.

"I keep getting flashes of you killing Bella! If you kill her I will be very upset. I haven't even had the opportunity to talk to her," her voice was petulant.

I gritted my teeth and breathed in the light morning air around me. The fresh air cleared my head making the monster retreat. How had I let things get out of hand? Why did I have to put my hand in the cookie jar?

"Alice," I breathed.

She interjected.

"Please, just be careful, Edward! Your future has been changing erratically...I never know what is going to happen with you anymore." I could almost hear her pout.

I sighed because she was right. The easy flow of my future had taken a wild spin and even I couldn't tell her what my plans were from day to day anymore.

"I won't hurt her, Alice," I said with chagrin.

"You better not!" It was a command. "I'll see you soon." She hung up the phone.

I groaned. Was I really that close? I didn't think I was. Looking back up at her window I decided it was okay for me to check on her - just one more time - tonight.

Her small chest was moving up and down evenly along with her steady breath. She was still sound asleep. Safe. Her protector kept her free from danger.

But didn't protect her from himself, I growled internally. I was going to have to work on that.

The light of a new day began to peak over the tops of the trees, sending blue tints across the grey clouds that accompanied the sky.

My mind was racing around with what this new day would bring me as I was soaring through the forest at a ferocious velocity back towards home. The questions I would ask her...the responses I would receive. To just dive in and understand her mind, to know what she was thinking.

My thirst instantly became secondary to her knowing mind. My curiosity was aching like a thirst.

Thirst, I thought warily.

I needed to hunt. I needed more blood to help dilute the intense sensations that came over when I was around Bella. I'd do it now, while I was out - one more time - just in case it wasn't true after all, that my ravenous desire to have her was second to her.

I closed my eyes, letting my nose take over.

Deer, I groaned. Ugh.

I still raced towards it and quenched my ever burning throat, letting the warm blood soak into my dry and frozen throat. Gluttonous. That is what I had become. If I shook myself you might even hear the blood slosh around in me.

But, there was no blood that would ease this ache...this hollow yearning. I pushed the animal off of me with disgust and realized my need for a shower and fresh clothes.

When I arrived at home I ran into Rosalie in the garage.

Great, I thought. Exactly what I need.

"You know this is going to cause problems, Edward," she hissed my name.

"Not now, Rosalie." I growled back.

"You are so self-centered, haven't you thought about what this will do to our family?" she bit back at me.

Of course I had thought about it. Wasn't it obvious that it was eating at me, every second of every day? It was only earlier that I admitted my betrayal.

She must be bored - this argument was getting old.

"Rosalie, go jump off a cliff," I snapped back at her, not like that would do much to her; maybe ruffle her hair and clothes - that should piss her off.

I chuckled at my internal thought.

Ignoring her jibes and muttering I continued to walk inside. Everyone else was pointedly ignoring me. It was apparent that they were all acting busy. I saw through the pretense but I was relieved they were leaving me alone.

I was swiftly dressed and back at Bella's before Charlie left, parking my car around the block so it would be out of sight. I raced towards her house, hoping to hear something new today.

Lurking in the shadows outside her house, the feeling of being a stalker came over me again. Was this how I would forever live my life - being a crazy vampire stalker?

Catching the tail end of their conversation I reprimanded myself for letting Rosalie distract me, taking away a considerable amount of my time. My stalking time, I laughed mirthlessly at myself.

Feeling a little belligerence because I failed to get back before her thoughts were being spoken, I listened with more effort....eavesdropping on their conversation more tentatively.

"I'm not going to the dance, Dad." I heard the stubbornness in Bella's tone as I imagined her vulnerable face creasing with anger. Her kitten anger.

I chuckled.

Today seemed to be a mostly silent thought day for Charlie, but the tenor of his mind was still leaking out. Fear raged through him at the possibility that none of the boys liked her at school. What was wrong with his daughter? These thoughts were more pointless than he realized. If only he knew what all the males at school thought about her...

Even worse - what she liked: a vampire.

"Didn't anyone ask you?" Charlie asked, concerned.

"It's a girl's choice." Bella's voice was exultant with smugness.

I could almost hear the triumph in her voice as she realized she won this argument. Once again I imagined her face; her chin jutting out, her lips pursing.

Another chuckle.

Oh, how light my heart felt every second I was around her.

"Oh." Charlie huffed, disappointed.

His thoughts turned a different direction while he contemplated why she didn't like anyone at school.

She did like someone though...me. My heart leapt, my desires raced, my body ached to hold her. Enough, I ordered. Hadn't I gone too far already today?

The clattering of dishes rang out into the yard before Charlie emerged from the house. I watched as he waved, saying goodbye to Bella. I raced towards my car.

As soon as Charlie drove off I was in the driveway waiting for her, anxious that one day she will walk out of the house, see me waiting for her and then will deny me her company.

It pained me to think like this but I was still not completely sure of her feelings. Her hidden thoughts make things more interesting, I sighed, but they also drive me insane.

Bella came out of the house with a slight skip in her step as she turned around to lock the door, leaving the main dead bolt unlocked. I noticed everything about her, even the inconsequential.

As I watched her carefully, I almost exited the car to give her a hand, worried she might fall at her pace but she slowed when she saw the silver Volvo waiting for her in the drive. I felt a quick sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Well, I should remain in the car; she obviously was considering her options at this point.

More pain, my burning desire feared to be extinguished.

She continued her unhurried pace in my direction. What was she thinking? Did she not want to ride with me today?

She stopped with her hand on the door, wavering. Aggravation flooded me in waves I'd never felt before, not at Bella, but the fact that I didn't know what she was thinking. I tried to probe her mind once again, and reached a solid and impermeable wall.

My light mood quickly faded at my new fear.

Her hand reached out to grab the handle. I exhaled heavily at the relief that now flooded me.

Finally, she decided to ride with me, I hoped, considering she was now opening the door. Her head ducked under the roof of the car and I greeted her with a smile while I waited for her scent to assault me.

She finally sat in the passenger seat and shut the door, sending a hot wave of freesia in my direction.

Daggers, white hot knives...burning. I took in a large breath, closing my eyes.

Her scent did exactly what I expected. The warmth of her body and her pulse emitted the loveliest smell and the scent wrapped around me as it scorched down my throat. I opened my eyes to see the particles of air swirling around me that were now doused with her aroma.

My eyes finally met hers.

"Good Morning," I said after swallowing my thirst. "How are you today?"

How was she? What were her dreams about? Did she miss me? There were countless quantities of things I wanted to inquire about. My questions distracted me from my thirst more than anything else.

I suppressed a sigh.

"Good, thank you," she smiled.

Smiling, that was good. I surveyed her face and could tell she didn't sleep well because she had large circles under her eyes. And I stayed in her room all night as she tossed in her sleep, I added mentally. No need to inform her of my nightly visits, though.

Once again I became frustrated because I couldn't hear her knowing mind. What kept her up at night? What made her toss and turn and say my name? It never appeared like she was having a nightmare, or maybe I was just trying to convince myself of this. What else could possibly be making her so restless if not scary monsters that actually exist? Maybe I was just fooling myself.

"You look tired," I pointed out to continue her talking.

I took in another breath and was instantly intoxicated by her scent. My mouth watered, I was nearly salivating.

No mistakes, I ordered.

"I couldn't sleep." She looked like she was confessing to something and then hid behind her curtain of hair.

Keep it light.

"Neither could I," I teased as I turned the key to start the engine.

She laughed and the sound was harmonious.

"I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did."

"I wager you did," I returned her smile; relieved the conversation was going so well.

Another - deeper - breath soared down my throat this time and I bit down hard on my cheek. The tantalizing smell was luxurious, painfully pleasurable...a rich profusion, opulent. The elaborate mix of her enticing scent was the only thing I ever wanted to breathe in, though, at the same time I craved the fresh air outside...just to clear my mind. I could literally stick my tongue out and taste her on the air; it was so saturated with her aroma.

Oh, who cares about the pain, she was here with me and that was all I wanted, I told myself.

No mistakes!

I took in a few more gulps of air while the monster clawed angrily at my throat. He was so close to the edge that I was using all my concentration now to fight him back.

"So what did you do last night?" she asked, intrigued.

She instantly scared the monster back into the darkness with just the sound of her voice.

She's clever...but not clever enough, it was my turn to ask the questions - as I had made clear the day before. There were so many questions that were left unanswered and I had to know.

A smile broke across my face and I chuckled.

"Not a chance. It's my day to ask questions," I said enthusiastically.

"Oh, that's right. What do you want to know?" her forehead creased.

What was going on in her mind? She looked worried and I almost reached out to press my finger in between her eyebrows to smooth out the worry lines.

Keep it simple, light.

"What's your favorite color?"

That was simple enough.

She rolled her eyes.

Maybe too simple.

"It changes from day to day," she smiled.

I knew I was going to have to drag everything out of her, no surprise there.

"What's your favorite color today?" I asked gruffly.

"Probably brown," she said, looking down at her brown shirt.

Really? I had to stop myself from snorting and instantly dropped my serious gaze, the pretense no longer needed.

"Brown?" I asked skeptically.

"Sure. Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown - tree trunks, rocks, dirt - is all covered up with squashy green stuff here," she complained.

At her answer, I was able to add another thing to my list: she was self-effacing. She wasn't easily led by other people, choosing her color because of what she liked, not what the populace agreed upon.

Suddenly I remembered her muttering, "It's too green," when she was sleeping one evening and tried not to chuckle aloud.

"You're right," I decided, excitement racing through me at all the thoughts I would unlock today. Even learning this little thing about her made me reel with glee.

Okay, back to business. I was abruptly serious again.

"Brown is warm."

Brown was in fact one of my favorite colors, too. I don't know why it took me so long to become aware of this; her deep brown eyes and long brown hair. I hesitated for an instant, not wanting to spoil the moment, but feelings I had never felt before I met Bella were surfacing.

My hand twitched, wanting to reach over and pull her hair from her face, so I could see the beauty that lied beneath. To just lift her chin slightly, turning it in my direction so I could try to read the deep depths of her eyes... Enough.

It would be wrong for me to do it, to place her warm face in my cold hands. The warmth. If I just slightly raised her chin, I could meet her half way...place my lips to hers.

Enough, I ordered again, but it was too late. My hand was out stretched, reaching towards her as I pulled her hair behind her shoulder, gently. Some of the lose strands spilled over my hand. Enough!

I dropped my hand instantly.

No mistakes!

I could feel the warmth coming off of her skin, her fragrance was enveloping, and her hair was soft like silk. My urge to press my cold hard lips to her delicate soft ones had not evaded me.

Stop there, I scolded myself. No more errors. You mustn't be so selfish, I reprimanded.

We pulled into the school parking lot but this didn't mean that my questioning was over...that my desires were gone.

Keep it light, I reminded myself.

"What music is in your CD player right now?" I asked.

She thought for a moment, her eyes un-focusing, looking up.

"Linkin Park." Her eyes met mine again.

Hum, interesting choice. I reached into a compartment under my CD player and after rummaging through the debris I pulled out the same exact CD.

"Debussy to this?" I raised an eyebrow.

She just grinned at me. It was infectious. I returned her smile.

It was time for school to start and we had to part ways. Luckily I could locate her no matter where she was, jumping from mind to mind. I was listing questions to ask her while I waited for the hours away from her to pass. Purgatory had now become a small slice of heaven.

Watching her interact with other humans only added more questions to my ever growing list. I wanted to know everything about her. Was her responses what she was really thinking or was she replying with what they wanted to hear?

My list grew. I made sure to meet up with her in between every class and stroll along side her while she talked; absorbing the information like a snake soaks up the heat from the sun.

During our short walks I was able to unleash some of the questions from my ever growing list. Her every expression, body language, and replies were all-encompassing and intriguing. I was gradually learning each of her little quirks and thoughts.

As I continued to unlock the mystery that was Isabella Swan, I learned something new. She wasn't just good; she was virtuous...above me. I looked at the crowd in the hallway. Above them all.

The day when I could question her nonstop had finally arrived and I was entirely full of a bright glowing light. As each moment passed I was deeply afraid she would realize I was below her, insignificant compared to her greatness.

She still ate with me at lunch, or she ate, I questioned. Sometimes, I got so excited with the information being spilled from her that I began spitting out the questions so fast that she was almost breathless trying to respond to them all. It was hard to control myself.

It was like someone switched on the computer and I was accessing her hard drive, absorbing the knowledge of her mind that she kept locked up nice and secure.

Then, something miraculous happened. Or, by my standards it was miraculous. Because who could possibly like a vampire? During our questioning I asked her what her favorite gemstone was and she blurted out topaz immediately and then her skin turned an appetizing color of red. Automatically, I breathed in a gluttonous amount of air and sighed. Why was she blushing? I begged her to enlighten me as to why she was embarrassed by her answer.

"Tell me," I begged.

"It's the color of your eyes today," she sighed and I watched her look down while the blush on her cheeks became a brilliant red again.

She loved me, too. Like I said - a miracle. Another thing to add to my list: she was passionate. Joy rushed me; almost flipping me over my seat at the feelings of deep affection that warmed me, almost making me feel human. Almost.

I suddenly thanked whatever force brought her to me.

And then, surprising me even more, she elaborated on her answer.

"I suppose if you ask me in two weeks I'd say onyx." Her face turned even a darker shade of pink. I ignored the thirst, easily wiping it away like a bug on my windshield.

Was she finally opening up? I could feel the spring in my step, the instant craving to bound over the table and bring her into my arms...to kiss her warm lips.

She gave me a face like she was bracing for something.

Was she waiting for the fury that radiated off of me when I realized how engrossed she was with a vampire and the fact that she just didn't care? I'd forever hate myself for my poor reactions in Port Angeles...for making her cry.

When the lunch break was over we walked to Biology class. I wanted to reach out and seize her hand...her warm - inviting - hand looked very welcoming to my own. She was next to me but I was feeling detached, like our fingers should forever be interlocked.

Stop it, I thought. No mistakes. And holding her would be a mistake.

We would be continuing the movie in Biology class today which I wasn't thrilled about. Yesterday the electricity in the room was encompassing us. I wasn't sure I would be able to not touch her while she sat so close to me in the dark room where the electricity flowed freely between us. Each little zing practically making me automatically reach out towards her.

We took our seats beside each other and I knew the warm room would soon fill with Bella's scent. The heater turned on and I was waiting to embrace it, to bring it deeper into my lungs so I could revel in the delicious scent, let it intoxicate me. I've never been drunk, but if I had to guess, I'd say her scent made me quite tipsy.

Every moment that passed by when I was with Bella was the most painful and pleasant. Though the fire I felt in my throat didn't dissipate, her aroma was something I continued to embrace. Over time her scent had become less over powering which helped the monster stay securely caged in my chest. Or maybe being around her all the time helped? Had my constant presence in her life helped to make the thirst dissipate? Each moment, the thirst was becoming more manageable with my familiarity with her scent.

The lights dimmed for the movie and I moved my chair a little farther away from hers this time. I saw her eye my movement with sadness, but it was better if I don't entice my senses too much, even though the space didn't matter much to these new feelings I had.

The need to reach out and hold her hand, or maybe put my arm around her was nearly overwhelming.

No mistakes, I fought internally.

She would probably be repulsed by how cold my skin is. She would feel the hardness of my body and maybe then she would realize the monster I am. Would she be terrified then?

No matter how far away I moved from Bella in this warm little room I could sense her and feel the current in the air around us. I watched her as she leaned forward, folding her arms on the desk and resting her chin on them. Not once did I look away from Bella. I watched as she twitched occasionally and wondered what was bothering her.

Did she want to touch me too?

If she did, it would only make it that much more difficult for me to not give her what she wants - to bring her into my arms and hold her securely to my chest like I did the day I saved her from the van.

Hah! He moved away from her. Mike sneered in our direction. Guess things aren't going so well in Cullen land after all.

This enraged me beyond belief and made it that much more difficult to keep my hands off Bella. I wanted to protect her from his thoughts; I wanted to show him that she was mine. But again, I had to remind myself of what a horrible mistake I was about to make as my arm twitched in her direction.

I folded my arms securely across my chest attempting to keep the monster caged and trying to hold my hands at bay. If I were not a vampire, I would have crushed my own bones from crossing my arms so tightly. I was trying to hold back my other desires, now, as they burned and begged for me to just reach over and grab her up into my arms. The fantasy was beginning to spin wildly out of control.

Enough!

When the movie was over I saw her sit up. She was gripping the desk so hard that I saw her fingers go from white to pink as the blood rushed back into them. I watched as the blood swirled under her clear skin. I was internally struggling, trying not to caress her, hoping she hadn't hurt herself by her deathly grip on the desk.

The class was dismissed and I stood up and waited for her to get to her feet. I grabbed her books and walked her to gym. What was she thinking now? The questions burning inside me were not the questions I was going to raise today.

Do you love me too? came to mind. I sighed as my curiosity was beginning to burn as hot as the thirst in my throat.

As I was walking with her I was fighting the urge to reach out and hold her hand, again. The urge was becoming unbearable. My thirst was now second to my new desires.

I was walking at her pace hoping I could convince myself that all of my cravings had to take a backseat to Bella's needs. She is so frail and breakable. The internal conflict was becoming regular.

When we finally reached the gym I still hadn't completely made up my mind. I was totally and utterly unsure of my path. When she turned to look at me with her deep communicative eyes any commitment I had crumbled to pieces.

She looked so glorious that my arm was raised, hand out, and caressing her face from her temple down to her jaw without my consent. A deep fervor brought new sensations down my spine. A tingling feeling rushed through my veins, entering my heart, expanding it with just the thought of my affection. As soon as I realized what I was doing I dropped my hand, turned around and staggered away.

Any semblance of my good nature persona was probably crushed at my rude goodbye. Heck, I didn't even say goodbye.

What in the world were you thinking? I thought angrily at myself. She didn't seem to mind though. She might have even leaned a little into my touch, the devilish side of me thought.

Wow, her instincts were backwards. Who would want to be touched by something so cold?

As I was walking I started peeking into peoples' minds in her gym class. After what happened last time in gym class I had to admit I was slightly anxious that she might injure herself again. To imagine her warmth dissipating nearly crippled me.

I wanted to stay out of Mikes mind but he was always paying so much attention to Bella. As much as I hated him, I appreciated him for always paying attention, but loathed him for unlocking some of her secrets before I did.

Reaching class I sat next to Emmett.

I really hate Cullen, he is such a freak. Mike was thinking in irritation. What does she see in him? He's such a tool. Mike thought scathingly while playing badminton. Well, things did seem a little cool between them in Biology.

At his thoughts I almost shot out of my seat in anger. He was mentally picturing fighting with me and winning Bella's affections. Suddenly, the thought of this feeble human trying to fight me was comical and I was trying very hard to suppress laughter.

Emmett stared at me as he watched the many expressions flicker across my face. I ignored him because I was busy watching Bella in gym.

Mike and Bella didn't speak, and I had to admit it was rather delightful to see him sweat over it. I really didn't like the way he thought about her, or the way he fantasized about being with her. I started to imagine all the ways I could torture him. I smiled at the wistful thought but I needed to banish that idea from my mind quickly before that daydream got too out of control.

What is so funny? Emmett was staring at me, smiling.

It was clear he wanted to know what was going on by his raised eyebrow, no mind reading necessary. I knew he was having a hard time with my situation with Bella. It wasn't because he cared, it was because of Rosalie. She was being difficult. If anything, he was having an enjoyable time with the situation minus Rosalie. Emmett was learning to love humans because he thought they were so hilarious.

I grinned at him and whispered too low for human ears to hear.

"Mike is thinking of fighting me," I chuckled low.

Emmett's eyes grew tight as his smile widened. Now he was trying to stifle a laugh. Emmett always loved a fight, but that one would be too easy.

We could just put him in a room with Rosalie. She has been very irritated lately, Emmett couldn't stop from laughing this time.

He pictured Rosalie in a room with Mike. In this image, Mike was pathetically trying to fight off a very powerful and pissed off Rosalie. Mike wouldn't stand a chance. I grinned widely at the thought, another chuckle escaping my lips.

Ms. Goff looked for the culprit of the laughing and passed over us quickly. Just like the other teachers, they all thought us to be perfect students.

Who is interrupting my class? What could possibly be so funny? She thought angrily.

I arrived outside the gym before Bella had exited, practically bouncing on the balls of my feet. My desires started flaring up again when she finally walked through the doors and her eyes met mine. A smile crept up her elegant face. She was happy to see me, too.

I don't deserve her.

I couldn't help but smile back. It was all I could do to not grab her up into my arms and hug her.

No mistakes. Especially after the one I made before her gym class.

Her scent enveloped me, and the monster reared up, but the desire to hold her over powered the monster and he was pushed into the dark again. Just another stupid bug on my windshield. My body was taking charge without my permission when it came to acquiring what I desired most with Bella.

To preoccupy my time I decided to start my questioning again.

I drove her to her house while unlocking the mysteries of her mind the whole all way there. I parked in her driveway while our conversation continued. We were so engrossed in our exchange that Bella didn't seem to notice we had stopped.

After sitting in the car for quite some time I noticed that she never tried to exit. I was bathing in her aroma and letting the hollow yearn in my stomach and the dry dull ache of my throat remind myself of the monster that I am.

I started asking her questions about her past and I became instantly terrified. Did I really want to know what was lurking in her past? Was there another boy? Someone she had to leave behind? Someone who could hold her, embrace her, care for her without having the desire to drink her dry of life? The fear behind this thought nearly crippled me so I decided I would ask her later about previous boys she dated.

Skipping over the subject I asked her why she loved Arizona. She explained it to me in great detail, excited to answer this one. The way she talked about the place was almost like she loved it, just like I loved her. She used her hands to describe things. It was like I unlocked her voice box. Her thoughts were finally being freed from her mind.

When she was done answering I already had another question in mind. I asked her what her room was like and she began telling me about it in detail. Of course I already knew exactly what it looked like; dotted with shoes, tangles of covers on her bed, closet lacking jumbles of clothes, piles of books and an old computer that at first glance you wouldn't think would work. I couldn't help myself. I had to be near her and asking the inconsequential seemed to be the best way. I felt so alone without her around.

When did she become my life? How did she become my life?

"Are you finished?" she asked with relief in her voice when I didn't spit out another query.

Finished? "Not even close - your father will be home soon." It was more of a reminder for me, not for her.

She looked out the window quickly like she was wondering where the sun went.

"How late is it?" she asked, a little panic in her voice.

She glanced at the clock and surprise crossed her face.

"It's twilight," I answered.

I looked out the windshield and realized another day was over.

"It's the safest time of day for us. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way... the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" I grinned at her, trying to remind myself to keep it light.

"I like the night" she announced. "Without the dark we would never see the stars," she frowned and looked out the window. "Not that you see them here much," she finished sarcastically.

Her tone caught me off guard and I laughed.

Crap, her father. I heard Charlie a few streets away.

"Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him you will be with me Saturday..." I raised an eyebrow teasingly.

I wanted her to tell him because it would give me a reason to bring her back. It would keep my new desires in check...my thirst, my ever growing need to kidnap her and never bring her home again.

"Thanks but no thanks," she replied airily. There she went again, embracing danger.

She began gathering her books, looking a little uncomfortable. Did I say something wrong? Was it the look on my face?She turned and looked at me.

"So, is it my turn tomorrow, then?" she asked.

She still wanted to see me tomorrow! I rejoiced.

"Certainly not!" I said in mock rage.

It felt so good to be light and teasing around her. She made my skin sing.

"What more is there?" she said, perplexed.

There was everything more. I wanted to know everything about this girl, every detail of her life.

"You'll find out tomorrow." I teased.

I reached across her - before thinking about it - to open her door. Her warmth washed over me and it took every bit of my brain to concentrate on not leaning over and letting my desires take control. I heard her heart start to beat rapidly. It skipped a few beats and I felt her breath on me. I ached...I yearned for her.

No mistakes!

How much could I take before I did something I regretted?

A thought startled me back into reality.

I hope Charlie is home. I'm ready to watch the game. It sure has been a while since I've seen him, hope he's not still mad at me.

I froze with my hand on the door handle.

"Not good," I muttered.

I clenched my teeth together; it was Billy Black.

"What is it?" She stared at me trying to read my face.

Well, I knew I was going to have to let her out of the car eventually, but not while the Blacks were here. I wanted to take her and run. What other kind of stories could they fill her mind with?

"Another complication." I said glumly.

I grabbed the door handle and pushed it open. The air outside blew swiftly into the car and brought her scent with it. I was instantly ravenous and moved quickly away from her, trying to shove the monster back in my chest with the movement.

Stay Bella I wanted to beg but she really did need to just leave me alone. I knew I wouldn't let her leave me alone though, not after discovering that she was the most astounding creature I had ever known. I suppressed a sigh as the Blacks headlights flashed across her gorgeous face.

"Charlie's around the corner," I warned her.

She got out at once. Sheets of rain were pelting down on my windshield. Odd, I didn't notice it was raining until she opened the door. I could see her squinting through it towards the Black's car. She must not know who it is. I stared right through the headlights seeing very clearly. I could hear Jacob Blacks thoughts now and he was irritating me immediately.

Oh, it's Bella! I wonder if there is something wrong with her truck. I should take a look at it, maybe make something up that would take me a long time to fix so I could spend more time with her. Man, she is so pretty. I wonder what she thinks of me...Who is that? He stared in my direction but he didn't recognize me.

I had to get out of there. I squealed my tires and drove away more quickly than necessary. As I drove away I was struggling with myself about spying on her some more. Would the Blacks convince her to stay away from me? I was not oblivious to Billy's thoughts, I had heard his opinion many times in the past and he loathed me.

But Bella was still alive, and she was still with me. She said it didn't matter to her that I was a vampire. I wonder what it will finally be, the thing that scares her away, I pondered. The thoughts of leaving her alone started to become fewer and farther between.

What was her fate now? I was still worried about our trip to the meadow. I remembered Alice's vision before my resolve but they are so skewed that they could change the instant I decide to take a bite.

Would I kill her? Would I take her into my arms, press my lips to her neck and sink my teeth into her, making her an immortal? I couldn't even imagine being able to stop.

Would I ask Carlisle?

No, she didn't deserve my fate. I would never take her soul.
15#
发表于 2016-8-17 00:03 | 只看该作者
14. Plans

Coasting down the sweeping drive, I was reveling in the scent that was still lingering in the car. When I pulled up to the garage I saw Jasper and Emmett fooling around and wrestling outside.

Instead of leaving the vehicle I took another breath. The aroma was intoxicating.

Jasper turned to stare at me after he was immersed immediately in undulations of love, like a sponge absorbing water. My intense love was flowing through me as if there were blood flowing through my veins again. Each second, Jasper was being saturated in my bliss. He shook his head in absolute fascination at my involvement with the human girl that was swiftly taking over my existence.

I rolled my eyes at him, ignoring his preconceived notions.

He turned back to Emmett, grabbing his wrist and swinging him over his shoulder while Emmett landed with a loud thud on the ground.

"I'm going to get you for that," Emmett grabbed at Jaspers ankle, bringing him down to the ground, another loud thud issued through the small clearing. They both jumped up and began beating on each other.

Watching the pair of them brawl was always amusing to me because Jasper would use moves that Emmett had never imagined before and Emmett would ultimately be defeated. Though he was tremendously sturdy, Jasper had familiarity in fighting particularly strong vampires. Their grappling continued while Jasper attempted to throw Emmett down, which eventually worked, but fighting with Emmett reminded me of a human trying to wrestle a piano up the stairs.

Dammit! Where does he come up with those moves?Emmett rumbled.

Jasper was chuckling in a patronizing tone at Emmett's indistinct muttering. I couldn't help but snicker right along with him.

He's in a better mood. "Hey, wanna wrestle, bro?"Emmet smiled at the thought.

"Emmett," I tried to stifle my chuckle. "You know that you will just get angry because I will hear what move you are going to make!" I said in good spirits.

Whatever, Edward! Emmett replied sarcastically.

His lip curved up in a menacing way and in the next instant he visualized tackling me. He flashed towards me, and in that second I bounded up and on his back, ready for the attack.

A few choice curse words exited his mouth. Snickering, I leapt off his back and continued walking towards the house, Jasper's loud guffaws continued echoing through the forest.

"It's so unfair, you know?" Emmett complained.

I am beginning to see why Alice likes this human girl so much, Edward is not brooding anymore, Jasper hit Emmett with a small pine tree.

Thwack.

"Ahhhh," Emmett shouted while running full force toward Jasper like a train going full speed.

Thwack.

Emmett laid on the ground, giving up.

Jasper chuckled.

I threw them a quick smile over my shoulder before entering the house.

"I bet he won't bring her back," Jasper said to Emmett, knowing I could still hear.

I grimaced.

"What's on the table?" Emmett chuckled.

"I won't use my abilities during our next three football games," Jasper said, grinning.

"Yeah, no more warm fuzzy feelings about how precious the pig skin football is!" Emmett agreed.

"And if you lose, Emmett?" Jasper continued.

"I won't say another word about that incident in Alaska...you remember, don't you?" Emmett retorted with a smile in his voice.

"You're on!" Jasper exclaimed.

This was apparently the second bet Jasper had made today, though I never understood why he would bet against Alice. I continued to be in better spirits regardless of the banter between Emmett and Jasper and no doubt it was due to the exceptionally delicate girl, Bella. I saw Alice and Rosalie working on their fashion line when I walked inside and they both looked up. Rosalie was finally starting to rein in most of her frustrations.

Alice flitted toward me. Can I meet Bella now? Please! I just found the perfect dress for her to wear. Seriously, have you seen the girl's wardrobe? She needs help!

Alice's vision of Bella and her, arms around each other's waist, once more flickered in her mind. There was something new there, though, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"Alice, please, not now," I pleaded.

Her bottom lip puckered out and she frowned.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I just don't think I am ready." Or I'm not willing to share her when I just so recently obtained her, I thought dubiously.

It will happen, Edward. I love her and you can't keep her to yourself forever!Alice's lower lip was still protruding.

She marched away from me and began working with Rosalie again.

Pig, Rosalie snapped. At least her thoughts were becoming less insulting.

When I entered my room I placed a classical CD in the player, trying to drive my thoughts away from the brown-eyed girl that was always at the forefront of my mind. Instead of listening to the intricate workings of the master piece I was listening to all I could think about is how Bella's heart sounded strangely like the melody flowing from the violin in the background, or how her voice sounded like some musical ballad that no instrument would ever be able to duplicate. Or how the rhythm of her pulse was perfectly harmonious with her very soul.

An hour had elapsed and no matter how relentlessly I tried, all I could imagine was her magnificent bouquet, her blushing cheeks or her continuous, melody like heart pumping her soul with life. I was in dispute with myself about going to see her. Each grueling minute was passing at a snail's pace as I sat on my couch, yearning to be close to her. It wasn't long before I lost my internal argument, though; I sprang out my window and proceeded in the direction of Bella's.

There he goes again, Emmett saw me through the window.

When I arrived outside her house, Billy and Jacob Black were still there. I began searching their thoughts, hoping I hadn't missed something important. Jacob's thoughts were very irritating. He couldn't keep his eyes off Bella but his thoughts were not like Mike's; he put Bella on a pedestal in his mind and respected her. Regardless, I was still not happy about the way he fantasized her.

The Blacks were about to depart and I was able to listen in on them with no difficulty, easily probing their minds for information, secretly unlocking more of Bella's thoughts by spying on her. Here I was, being the vampire stalker again, like a falcon searching for prey.

"Are you and your friends coming back to the beach soon?" Jacob asked, excited. I really hope so...I think Bella likes me. Man, she is so good-looking!

"I'm not sure," Bella sidestepped Jacob's question.

Dang, I hope she comes to the reservation soon. I had a good time with her last time she was there. I think she likes me, too. She was flirting with me... I think.Jacob was picturing them strolling on the beach together.

I clenched my teeth tight enough to cut steel, I was so annoyed. Yes, I was undeniably aggravated.

Abruptly my mood was lightened when I saw how Bella was trying to flirt with Jacob in his memory. I suddenly couldn't suppress a laugh that came through my still clenched teeth when I saw how Bella was attempting to flirt. She truly had no idea what she did to the males around her, how her light flick of her lashes brought some boys to their knees, begging to go out with her. Unexpectedly, I felt sorry for the child. It couldn't possibly be his fault that she was entirely unaware to her exquisiteness.

"That was fun, Charlie," Billy said, though his thoughts were elsewhere. I can't believe I didn't get the opportunity to tell Charlie about Edward! Next time...

So, Billy did recognize me earlier. He probably weaved an intricate thread of lies into Bella's head. His recollection of his histories was more involved than I realized, but still, his opinions are based solely on half-truths.

"Come up for the next game," Charlie encouraged.

"Sure, sure," Billy said. "We'll be here. Have a good night."

He suddenly looked at Bella. I'm going to have a talk with her about this Cullen business. "You take care, Bella," he added gravely.

Billy had every right to be concerned about Bella. She was hanging around a vampire... for fun; what's more perilous than that? And not just any vampire; the one who hungered after her blood above all others of his kind. Though Bella's mind is cut off to my extraordinary gift, one thing was still certain: she was absolutely unique.

"Thanks," she mumbled and then looked away.

She didn't look incredibly pleased with Billy and without thinking about it, once again I tried to penetrate the solid wall surrounding her thoughts. Nothing, silence. So, instead, I was now observing Bella via Charlie's mind which was quite tedious at times considering his thoughts were sometimes non-existent and his human eyes were weak. I saw the back of Bella's head through his cloudy human vision as she began walking towards the stairs.

Charlie hurriedly called out to her. "Wait, Bella."

She jerked slightly and turned around warily. She had a severe look on her face, or maybe it was a look of guilt...shame? Hum, I really hope I hadn't missed anything for the short period of time that I was gone. What could she possibly be feeling guilty about? Again, I was chastising myself for not just giving up my hopeless effort to stay away from her. There was something I missed and now I was regretting my absence.

"I didn't get a chance to talk to you tonight. How was your day?" Charlie inquired.

"Good," Bella said, still hesitating on the stairs.

It looked like she was in deep thought and once again I was perturbed by the lack of thoughts emitting from her. What could possibly be going through that curious mind of hers? I tried to probe her mind once more, just to check, before I reached the silent and impenetrable barrier that was always there.

"My badminton team won all four games," she said dubiously.

I immediately remembered her hitting the net, herself, and Mike in one swing. Now that I knew she was all right, I laughed loudly. The poor girl really was the clumsiest creature I had ever known. She seriously had the grace of a drunk sailor playing golf.

"Wow, I didn't know you could play badminton!" Charlie exclaimed. Four games? Wow. I'm impressed.

I laughed even louder at the fact that he thought she was the reason why the team won. Charlie was truly taken aback and had every right to be according to her statement.

"Well, actually I can't, but my partner is really good," she admitted with chagrin.

Oh. I should have known better. "Who is it?" he insisted.

"Um..." she hesitated. "...Mike Newton."

Jealousy ripped at me. This new emotion was masterfully working its way into my daily routine and continuing to aggravate me. She didn't like him, it was obvious, yet every time they talked or I had to listen to his every fantasy, the little green monster grew to another size.

"Oh yeah - you said you were friends with the Newton kid. Nice family. Why didn't you ask him to the dance this weekend?" Charlie was smiling now and his thoughts were wistful.

There it was again, the now larger green monster tugging at my heart, making me want to bring my previous 'torture Mike' fantasies to reality. Blow torches came to mind.

"Dad!" Bella groaned, snapping me out of my unhealthy fantasy. "He's kind of dating my friend Jessica. Besides, you know I can't dance."

"Oh, yeah," Charlie muttered, disappointed. "So I guess it's good you'll be gone Saturday... I've made plans to go fishing with the guys from the station. The weather's supposed to be real warm. But if you wanted to put your trip off till someone could go with you, I'd stay home. I know I leave you here alone too much."

"Dad, you're doing a great job." Bella smiled at him and I saw a sign of relief in her eyes.

What was she so relieved about? Why wasn't she telling him she would be with me that day? Even if we weren't going to Seattle, as long as he knew she was with me...I'd have to bring her back. If she doesn't...No. Stop there.

"I've never minded being alone - I'm too much like you." She winked at him, a sign of trust.

She went upstairs after that and I could hear her preparing for bed. As soon as she was asleep I would be in her room again, watching over her as her vampire protector.

Bella slept very peacefully that night. I was sitting in my usual spot and taking pleasure in the delectable fragrance that was now engrained in my mind forever. Each breath sent flames down my throat, but it was somewhat pleasurable, too. I was hoping that with each painful gulp of air I would eventually become immune to her scent.

Deep down, I was still mildly worried that I wouldn't stay in control for long when I had her alone in the far away meadow. I took in another breath and it was like swallowing daggers, but it was almost a good pain, a sweet pain. After several hours, the scent started to feel less agonizing and much sweeter. I was grateful that it was becoming easier to be around her. If I were to be away from her for any period of time I would be afraid I would have to start all over again. I sighed. I was just giving myself excuses to never leave her.

Tonight, I ventured towards her pile of books. Along with Shakespeare there were other classics. Her copy of Wuthering Heights was torn to pieces. Going through the small pile next to her bed, I learned that she still had several surprises up her sleeves. She was, undoubtedly, the most original and unordinary teenager I had ever met.

When dawn broke across the night sky, I decided I needed to leave before Charlie woke up.

Darting through the misty forest, I was whizzing past trees at a lethal speed. The air from the night was moving rapidly past me and my throat was still burning from her magnificent fragrance. I was thinking about hunting prior to Saturday so that I would be prepared before I was with her in the meadow... alone. Me and her delicate soul alone - no thoughts, no nosy vampires - just me and her in the riveting meadow. The monster was too tightly bound and needed a release. Just a small ounce of prevention - inadequate though I knew it would be.

When I arrived at home Alice was waiting for me, already in on the plan. Let's go this afternoon!She beamed at me.

Her eyes were twinkling and she couldn't suppress her radiant smile. I soon saw why she wanted to go hunting with me so badly. Her vision was clear; she would be introduced to Bella today. Even though the meeting would be quick and last a few seconds, she was elated.

"Is that the only reason you want to go hunting with me?" I raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

Of course not, silly! I don't want you to hurt her, Edward. Hunting before you see Bella is a great idea. You could use my company, too. I can tell it bothers you that you don't have the greatest self-control, and I am used to it with Jasper. I understand.

"Okay, but you better be good! Don't thrust yourself on Bella. I don't want to scare her off." I paused for a moment before adding, "even though she probably needs a good dose of fear." I frowned.

Alice just grinned widely and scampered off into the house as she sang joyfully in her mind about meeting her new best friend.

"I mean it!" I shouted.

I washed up, jumped into my Volvo and hurried back to Bella's, pulling into the driveway as soon as Charlie was gone. Bella ran out of the house quickly, and this time she didn't hesitate before she got into the car eagerly. Her hair was shiny and smelled like strawberries, a strong whiff of it hit me as she shut the car door. As soon as the door was shut, her aroma swam around my nose. I was beginning to enjoy her scent, embracing it instead of cringing away from it. No mistakes. As soon as I saw her smiling face and recognized that she was pleased to see me, too, I couldn't help but smile back at her, it was an automatic response.

"How did you sleep?" I asked. I knew she slept well. I kept watch over her all night. She didn't even speak. It must have been a dreamless night for her.

"Fine, how was your night?" She smiled wider.

"Pleasant." I was thinking about how Bella had another suitor she didn't want, Jacob Black. She said yes to me. I couldn't help but feel euphoric.

She looked at me and her eyes were so warm and inviting. Her hot, delicious breath surrounded me and I just wanted to tell her how much I loved her. Couldn't she tell? It must be obviously splayed across my face. I took in the air between us. Mouth-watering; there were no other words to describe it.

"Can I ask what you did?" she inquired with a smirk.

She wanted to know what I was doing last night. Did she really care what I did, or was she just being polite? No, she did think about me. She even thinks that her feelings for me overshadow my own. She couldn't comprehend the mere complexity of my love for her. She didn't realize how lucky I really was.

"No, today is still mine," I said.

She looked at me in disbelief and kitten outrage. Today I had a brand new list of questions to ask her. I asked her about Renee, her hobbies, and what the two of them did in their free time together. I wanted to know about her grandparents, even her school friends. Every thought I unlocked was like opening a door to a new world.

During our lunch break together, I remembered I wanted to know more about her past relationships; or not, actually, but I still had to know her complete story. My lips moved and freed the question before I gave them permission to do so. She looked embarrassed and I watched as her face went from her lovely white and slowly began to flush pink. The flood of blood up to her face made me bite down on my cheek. Her flush was utterly stunning, and delectable. My surprise kept the monster at bay as the realization of the fact that she had never chosen anyone before me hit.

Were we dating? Is that what this is called?It was hard to believe that she didn't have someone in the past. Every male she has come across has had to mentally remind themselves to put their tongues back in their mouths. They flock to her. Did she say no to every one of them, even before me? She said yes to me, I reminded myself.

"So, you never met anyone you wanted?" I asked.

"Not in Phoenix," she answered, blushing again.

What are you thinking? My lips pressed together into a hard line. I watched her across the cafeteria table as she took a bite of her bagel. Human food did look utterly disgusting.

What does Edward see in Bella? She isn't even pretty, Jessica glared at her.

I wanted to shield Bella from her thoughts, but at that moment I remembered my hunting trip. "I should have let you drive yourself today."

"Why?" she demanded. She looked confused.

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch," I said

She blinked, "Oh." She looked disappointed and then said, "That's okay; it's not that far of a walk."

What? She couldn't be serious. After all this time did she not think of me as a gentleman? I would never make her walk. I was frowning. "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you."

"I don't have my key with me," she sighed. "I really don't mind walking." She looked upset then.

What are you thinking now? This was getting exasperating. I shook my head.

I know where the key is, Edward, Alice's thoughts chimed in.

"Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition - unless you're afraid someone might steal it." I laughed. Who would want to steal that truck? If someone did I would hunt them down.

"All right," she agreed. She pursed her lips like she was thinking hard and I could almost see a hint of a challenge. I smirked at the thought. Having a psychic as a little sister had its advantages.

"So where are you going?" she asked casually.

"Hunting," I answered grimly. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can."

Run, Bella, run! Stay, Bella, stay, I was pleading silently. I had to give Bella the choice. It had to be her choice, always. "You can always cancel, you know."

She looked down and I was frustrated because I couldn't see her face.

"No," she whispered and looked up at me again. "I can't."

She can't? I sighed mentally and realized that I couldn't cancel either. "Perhaps you're right."

She changed the subject, "What time will I see you tomorrow?" she asked.

She looked upset. Had I said something to upset her? Exasperating, not knowing her thoughts was purely frustrating. Did some god send this wonderful creature here to drive me mad? Hoping I hadn't upset her I answered, "That depends... it's Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" I offered.

"No!" she answered quickly.

I almost felt my heart restart after 80 years of being still. She didn't want to sleep in because she wanted to be with me. I tried my best to suppress a smile so she wouldn't be able to tell how pleased this actually made me.

"The same time as usual, then," I decided.

Then I wondered about Charlie. She didn't tell him that she was going with me, I speculated how she was going to explain me showing up at her house, "Will Charlie be there?"

Her eyes grew tight and she said, "No, he's fishing tomorrow."

She seemed enormously pleased about something. I thought about taking her and never bringing her back. Stop! That fantasy, above all the rest, should be the one I would will myself to never think. Didn't she want me to bring her back? I was feeling frustrated and my voice came out a little sharper then I meant, "And if you don't come home, what will he think?"

She looked at me like she was prepared to answer this question, "I have no idea, he knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer."

She was tempting me to seize her and run for it! I scowled at her and she attempted to be angry by scowling back. Just like always, she was just a vicious kitten. She scowled at me for a few more moments and then her expression changed. She looked thoughtful. What was she thinking now?

"What are you hunting tonight?" she inquired like she was asking me to pass the salt. It was so causal, like she was asking about the weather or what was on TV.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far." I mused.

"Why are you going with Alice?" she asked with obvious curiosity.

I considered this for a moment. She talked about my clandestine existence like it was normal. I mulled things over; how to tell her that it was Alice that was going because most of my family members were... un-approving of my newly found obsession with a human girl.

"She is the most... supportive." I frowned, thinking about her visions of vampire Bella.

You know it is because I am your favorite sister. Alice thought. Great, she was listening.

Bella looked up at me with her beautiful chocolate eyes, "And the others?" she asked apprehensively, "What are they?"

Pissed off that is what we are. Rosalie thought.

Emmet looked at Rosalie then and followed her stare. I try to rein her in bro, but she is feisty. That's Rosalie for ya. Emmett thought.

I wrinkled my brow and replied the best way I could without hurting her feelings, "Incredulous, for the most part."

I watched her gaze go from my face to over her shoulder. I watched my family with disbelief. They were staring off in different directions, acting like they weren't listening. I couldn't be so lucky.

"They don't like me," she guessed.

She wouldn't think that Edward if you would introduce us. You know Bella and I are going to be best friends. You know how much I love her. Alice mused.

"That's not it," I disagreed.

Liar, Rosalie thought.

"They don't understand why I can't leave you alone." I said.

Damn right I can't understand. She's a human. Rosalie thought with disgust.

It's true bro, I can't really understand the appeal, but if it makes you happy then I got your back. Emmett contemplated.

"Neither do I, for that matter." Bella added on top of the already massive amounts of thoughts coming from my family over this conversation.

I couldn't accept that she would consider something like that. Didn't she know that her beauty was one of a kind, inside and out? I've never meet a being quite like her before. I shook my head and rolled my eyes towards the ceiling, partially for her answer, and partially answering my family's thoughts. I looked back at Bella, "I told you - you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me."

She glared at me with her furious kitten face again. I smiled at her face, "Having the advantages I do," I mused, touching my forehead, "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you... you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."

She looked away then, and back at my family. She looked... embarrassed? Upset? I couldn't tell, "That part is easy enough to explain," I added. I wished she would look my direction, "But there's more... and it's not so easy to put into words-"

What the hell are you thinking of saying to her, Edward? Rosalie then turned and glared at Bella. What is so special about this girl? Huh? I don't see it. She is so breakable and human. You just keep her around because she smells like the greatest snack you'll ever have! Rosalie continued to give Bella a fierce look. If you take a bite out of her this will hurt our whole family, you know that!

I had it with her and I snarled under my breath.

Whatever, nitwit. Rosalie turned her head then.

Bella looked back at me then and I was relieved to see her face. She looked... frightened? Was that possible? Did Bella even know what fear was? I was going to have to give Rosalie a good scolding later.

"I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see... it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly..." I didn't want to finish my sentence. I was hoping she wouldn't ask to hear the rest, but of course, she would want to know.

"If?"

"If this ends... badly." I put my head in my hands and tried to push the thought out of my head. Maybe she will finally see that this is serious. That I could... gulp... kill her at any moment. I could breathe her delectable scent in and one day the monster might break free from the darkness I put him in and decide to taste the delicious blood that I could see pulsing on her neck. I heard her drop her hand on the table. I kept trying to push those thoughts away, but then I took in a large gulp of her rich aroma. Instantly the monster reared up.

I heard Bella's shaky voice then, "And you have to leave now?"

The monster retreated then. "Yes," wait, she wasn't.... scared? She still didn't want me to leave? I relaxed and couldn't help but look delighted, "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology - I don't think I could take any more."

Bella gave me a look like she completely understood what I meant, she must have been feeling the same way about the dull movie, not like I was watching it anyways.

It's time to meet Bella! Yay! Alice trilled in her mind. I could see the back of my head from her vision as she skipped over to the table.

"Alice," I said.

"Edward," she answered, and added, this is where you introduce us, in her thoughts.

"Alice, Bella - Bella, Alice," I introduced them, hoping that Alice won't start bugging me every five minutes about hanging out with her. I only barely obtained Bella, and I didn't want Alice to take all her time away from me.

"Hello, Bella," Alice smiled, "It's nice to finally meet you."

Once again I saw a vision of her and Bella arm in arm, smiling at each other, Bella's eyes bright, crimson red. I shot a dark look at her.

"Hi, Alice," Bella whispered shyly.

"Are you ready?" Alice asked me. I didn't want to leave Bella, but I was more than happy to remove Alice from her, "Nearly, I'll meet you at the car."



I glanced at Bella and as she watched Alice dance away.

"Should I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?" she asked, looking back at me.

Her expression showed a painful emotion, like me leaving her for a short moment in time would cause her great pain. She was so nonchalant about talking about my world that I couldn't help but grin.

"No, 'have fun,' works as well as anything." I said.

"Have fun, then" she said, I could tell there was an edge to her voice. Was she going to miss me while I was away? Being separated from her was overwhelmingly painful, was she feeling this way too? She couldn't possibly grasp the concept of the kind of love I felt for her.

"I'll try," I continued to smile at her, "And you try to be safe, please."

"Safe in Forks - what a challenge."

"For you it is a challenge." I hoped that she remembered my last request about her safety; that she stays out of the woods. "Promise." I begged. If she put herself in harm's way or was hurt in any way because I wasn't there to protect her... it would shattered my cold, silent, heart into pieces.

"I promise to try to be safe," she mused, "I'll do the laundry tonight - that ought to be fraught with peril."

If that were all she was going to do this evening, she should be safe. I remembered her incident in gym from the other day and grasped the concept that no matter what Bella was doing, there was always an opportunity for her to injure herself. The thought merely brought on an internal chuckle, though, and I teased, "Don't fall in."

"I'll do my best" she mocked.

I stood then, wishing I didn't have to leave. Bella got up too.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she sighed.

I was suddenly absorbed by my desires again. Maybe if I just lightly gripped her around the waist, I would only have to concentrate on the amount of pressure I used. No mistakes, I scolded myself. I suppressed a sigh.

"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" I asked.

She nodded with a sullen expression. She was continually saying yes to me.

"I'll be there in the morning," I promised.

The infatuation I had over touching her was winning my inner dispute. I longed to hold her in my arms, to be engulfed in her warmth. I was craving her touch, too. My body was burning with the yearning to possess her and before I knew it I had reached over and touched her face, lightly touching her cheekbone. Her scent was lingering between us and I took air in my lungs slowly, as if to make the burning and aching of my throat a more pleasurable experience. It wasn't, it was only a burning pain and I knew if I didn't turn away now I wouldn't stop at her face. I'd grab at her waist and bring my lips to hers. No mistakes, I yelled internally. I turned on my heel and strode swiftly from the room, even though my mind was begging me to turn around and take the girl into my arms and... stop there!

When I arrived at the car Alice was sitting on the hood, "You know, Carlisle could help you turn her," Alice mused. I glared at her.

"I will not take her life Alice!"

"Sure fooled me, I thought I was going to have to drag you out of the lunch room with the visions that were flashing in my mind," Alice said, "Now I'm super thirsty after all the imagines I saw," she faux pouted.

"Like I said, I won't end her life," I eyed her evenly.

"Like I said," she mocked, "you should ask Carlisle. If you aren't biting her because you are afraid you will end her life, then why? To keep her human?" she looked at me in aversion, "but you know... Carlisle won't kill her." Alice continued.

"Alice, Bella will not be turned into a vampire, the first one who tries will suffer the consequences!" I growled.

"Okay, okay. Just a thought, Edward," she looked unhappy.

Alice got into the Volvo and we drove to Bella's.

She'll be fine, you know? Her night looks extremely uneventful. She really needs to get out more... Alice thought.

"I know, being away from her just makes me extremely anxious," I explained.

"I know," she trilled.

We arrived at Bella's shortly.

You'll find the key in her blue jeans downstairs in a blue laundry basket, Alice thought, figured I would save you some time. You would have found it eventually, of course, but this way you get out of there quicker.

"Thanks, Alice," I said, glad our little spat was patched up, or at least put behind us.

"You're Welcome!" Alice said while she jumped in the driver's side of the Volvo and drove off towards our house.

I was lurking inside Bella's house and found her truck key quickly. Her lingering scent was ever present throughout the house. I was breathing in deeper than I ever had before around the seductive scent, only because she wasn't here in the house. I was in no danger of hurting her when she wasn't here, I contemplated. So I took in another gulp of her perfume before I left the house, which I know I would regret later when I was hunting.

I drove her truck back to the school; her aroma was stronger in here than in her house. I tried to distract my mind by musing over all the things I could upgrade on her truck before Bella got out of school. If Rosalie and I were on better terms I would have her do some work under the hood. This truck couldn't possibly be that safe. I grabbed a piece of paper out of my backpack and decided to write a note to Bella. I have a keep sake from her, she deserves to have one from me, too. I thought of what to write while I was driving (more like snail crawling) back to the school. I decided simple was safer. When I parked the truck I left the key in the ignition and wrote "Be Safe" on the white piece of paper. I left it in her seat. I checked to make sure there was no one looking and I speed off through the forest and back home. Alice was waiting on the doorstep for me.

"Are you ready?" She trilled.

"Yes, let's go."

We sprinted through the forest in silence for several miles. I knew it was safe to hunt when the only thoughts I heard were Alice's. She was thinking about what she was going to pick out for Rosalie to wear tomorrow, whether green and pink or black and pink would look better on her new design for a shirt, and which shoe would look better with Esme's pants, open toed or not. Her thoughts wondered every which fashionable way possible, and I was grateful. I didn't want her to bring Bella up. She had so many visions and images in her mind when it came to Bella, and I would never be ready to see some of those visions come to light.

Her mind suddenly shifted to our purpose. She stopped suddenly and her eyes went blank. I saw flashes of a large animal in her thoughts but they were flashing and changing so rapidly I was unable to ascertain what she was seeing.

Her eyes focused on me now; there is a bear 5 miles from here. Go north and follow the river, you will run into him in 8.2 miles. Alice smiled at me.

"You know, Emmett will be jealous if I tell him you helped me catch a grizzly." I grinned.

"I know, but you need carnivore blood to help you out with tomorrow." She smirked.

"Meet you back here in 30?" I asked.

You've got it! She was gone before she finished her thought.

I ran north until I hit the river and followed it. I was letting the monster out of the cage, disengaging my ever flimsy hold on my growing thirst. The monster had been begging for release more than normal lately and I finally let my animal instincts take over. I thought of Bella's blood, and I was instantly ravenous. I came across a bear exactly 8.2 miles from my starting location. Alice really did have an amazing gift. The monster reared up and I let out a menacing growl. The bear stood on its hind legs and growled back unimpressively. I leapt towards the beast and quenched my thirst. I was right, Bella's scent and blood even made the bear's blood dull to the point of being dissatisfying. Bears were much more delicious then the deer I usually ate, but I had been exceedingly gluttonous with feeding since I met Bella, making my meals less than appetizing.

When the animal was dry of its blood I pushed the carcass off me and breathed in the cold night air. I rejoined with Alice shortly after.

"Are you going to Bella's tonight?" she asked.

"Of course, Alice, why?" I stared at her suspiciously.

"Oh, well, Jasper and Emmett have been missing you like crazy, I think I might have even seen Emmett pout the other night when you left so early," she chortled.

I didn't respond. I know that I had been spending an abundance of my time with Bella, but didn't they understand? They hardly leave their other half. That is what Bella had become though, my other half.

"Please, Edward... please," she begged.

I couldn't stand to see my little sister beg like this. I did owe my family a plenitude of my time after everything I had been putting them through lately.

"Okay Alice, but just for the earlier hours of the evening," I gave in.

During the evening Jasper, Emmet, Alice and myself decided that we were going to play cards. With the many talents my family members have, you would think that playing cards would be ludicrous. Jasper would be feeling the triumph or failure emitting from a card player, Alice would see future moves that you were going to make, and I could hear their thoughts. We didn't play games where we had to use our brains though. The card games we played were strictly speed based. With our vampire speed we tore through every deck of cards. Jasper and Emmet loved to gamble, and our games wouldn't be the same without a bet. Because of their constant opposition, Esme made us move our game outside before Emmett broke anymore furniture. Rosalie was still fuming about the situation with Bella, but even she couldn't hold herself up in the garage anymore and came to play. After 79 decks of cards, 2 broken tables, 1 broken vase, 1 ripped shirt (Jaspers), and 3 trees knocked down, we decided that we had caused enough destruction.

I did get pleasure from the time spent during the evening with my siblings. My regular moping had abruptly wilted away after I came back from Denali. I could tell that my family was enjoying the new Edward, the less mummy-like Edward. Something told me they didn't want the sulky one back again, which just gave me another excuse to stay with Bella.

Time passed slowly, even with the fun I was having with my family. I looked at the clock and noticed it was 10pm. I quickly stood up, ready to leave and watch Bella sleep. Emmett looked up at me and gave me a pleading look.

Come on bro, we are about to play some serious football. Jasper and I have come up with some new rules; you have to catch the ball with your elbows only. Come on, it will be hilarious! Emmett begged. Plus I have a bet that... he continued, but I interrupted him.

"Emmett, I'm sorry... maybe another time. It makes me uneasy to be away from her, you understand, right?"

Emmett scoffed and I grinned, "I knew you would understand!"

When I arrived at Bella's, she was already asleep. Any normal teenager would have been out with friends, going on a date, or shopping... but not my Bella. When I finally climbed through her window, I heard music playing. I was instantly intrigued. It was Chopin's Nocturnes. Once again, we shared a common interest. I knew this CD well. As I stepped closer to her, the scent that had almost taken me the first time we met entered my lungs and I felt like succumbing to the monster inside. She turned over once, and I heard her sigh my name. The clawing monster was instantly diminished.

She didn't move much after that, and she even lightly snored. I sat in the rocking chair breathing her scent in deeply. I was fighting all of my cravings tonight. She looked absolutely beautiful with her hair splayed across her face and pillow. Her pink cheeks lightly flushed. How long was I going to be able to suppress my growing desires to touch her? I knew that our trip to the meadow would either be our breaking or making point. Would she leave alive, or would she leave a vampire? I won't end her life, I promised myself. Tomorrow, of all the days I had spent with Bella, would be the one day I would not be allowed to make a mistake. I repeated, no mistakes, to myself for good measure. I suppressed a sigh. I honestly don't know if I will ever really leave her alone, but I would like to think that after tomorrow, I will have a plan.

When it started to get light outside I decided to leave, realizing Charlie would be up soon to go fishing. I was leaning over Bella, taking in her scent one last time before I left, and suddenly my hand was at her face lightly caressing. I pulled away immediately and flew out the window.

I decided that before I took Bella to the meadow, I needed to see Alice. Her visions were versatile lately. My future was a mystery and I wanted reassurance that Bella would come home to Charlie alive and unharmed. I knew what my decisions would be, but these new cravings were taking over. How many times had I reached out and touched Bella, not even realizing it until my hand was warming from her skin.

Alice greeted me at the door, "Edward, I know you are worried, let me show you what I see. There was one outcome where you bite Bella and she becomes a vampire, hum... but that one has become distant and fuzzy. This clearer vision shows you and Bella laying in the meadow, and my last vision shows you bringing her home safely." Alice showed me mentally.

I had a lump in my throat as I tried to thrust the first vision from my mind. That lump continued to grow as I began panicking. I didn't know how to ask, but I had to ask for her help. Before I could request her help, Alice answered, "I will be close by Edward. I won't let anything happen to Bella." I love her too, doesn't he realize this!

"Thanks, Alice." I whispered.

I swiftly rose up the stairs to prepare myself for our new journey together.
16#
发表于 2016-8-17 20:30 | 只看该作者
Chapter 15

As I swiftly proceed through the forest I noticed that the sky was still cloudy enough that I wouldn't catch the attention of any unsuspecting humans until mid-afternoon. I was slightly apprehensive about today's events. My family had become more encouraging of my decisions surrounding Bella, but the outcome of her fate was still questionable. Alice had assured me one more time before I left home that Bella would be fine, and that she would still be close, "just in case." I knew what I willed her fate to be, but the many outcomes all appeared to be impractical to me. Take her life? Not hardly! Turn her into a vampire so I could keep her? Take her soul? So selfish - or I could leave her human and watch as she out grows me - I sighed.

The trees around me were becoming less dense and I was suddenly outside Bella's house. I advanced to her door, something I had never done before. I had constantly been scaling the walls and climbing in and out through the window when entering this house. It was relatively quiet. It was divulged of any thoughts. I heard buoyant footsteps coming down the stairs. I nimbly knocked on her front door, immediately tense. I listened to her fumble around with the dead bolt, but a second later she flung the door wide open, sending a wave of her heady scent towards me. I wasn't expecting it so suddenly. I had to move the dry ache of my thirst to the back of my mind, today is about Bella, I reminded myself. I finally gazed at her and noticed that she was wearing a white shirt with a tan sweater and blue jeans. I started laughing because I was wearing something similar.

"Good morning," I chuckled.

"What's wrong?" she glanced down at her clothes with panic in her voice.

"We match." I laughed again.

I saw her eyes travel from my collar down to my jeans and she joined in with my laughter. She marched out of the house then, and shut the door behind her, locking it. I turned to walk to her truck, remembering I conceded in our dispute of who would drive today. A cool breeze blew her aroma in my direction and I was instantly grateful that the majority of the day would be spent in the great outdoors, where her scent was not nearly as potent. I turned and looked at her as she walked towards the truck. She had a smug look on her face.

"We made a deal," she reminded me haughtily as she wrenched herself up into the driver's side seat.

I grimaced.

"Where to?" she asked.

"Put your seat belt on - I'm nervous already." I commanded, even though I was mostly teasing. There is no accident I couldn't protect her from.

She gave me a menacing look and reached over her shoulder and pulled the seat belt across her lap and buckled herself in.

She sighed, "Where to?" she repeated.

"Take the one-oh-one north." I instructed.

The heat coming from the vents in the truck sent her rich scent flooding into my lungs. The constant dull pain that her scent caused me was suddenly fierce. I stared at her face while she drove, a reminder that the most exquisite soul was next to me and that I needed to immediately cage the monster. I began planning the day in my head. If I knew what was to be expected, I would be less likely to make a mistake. That's right, no mistakes today! The problem with my planning was that I wasn't sure if we were going to make it to the meadow before the day ended because of how slow her truck was.

"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before night fall?" I teased, hoping it would encourage a faster pace.

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather - have some respect." She retorted.

I continued to look fixedly at her. The anticipation of being all alone with Bella in the most peaceful meadow was causing a different type of monster to rear its head up now; infatuation maybe? It was electricity that was flowing through me now, preparing to be freed at a moment's touch. We were about to approach our next turn, "Turn right on the one-ten," I instructed.

She complied silently.

"Now we drive until the pavement ends." I smiled, thinking about how close we were to being by ourselves.

Some would consider our time now to mean 'alone', but my mind was abundantly full of the never ending humming and buzzing of thoughts. The meadow, my little slice of heaven, was one of the few places where I was able to give my mind some peace.

Bella's face turned curious, "and what's there, at the pavements end?" she asked.

"A trail."

"We're hiking?" she asked with panic in her tone.

"Is that a problem?"

"No," she lied.

"Don't worry, it is only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry." Hoping my words would calm her.

I could understand her panic though; she couldn't walk across a room without tripping, falling, or running into something. The woods must seem like a mine field to her. She had nothing to worry about though, if she were to trip, I would gladly save her from hitting the ground. It would be so easy to place my hand lightly, gently, under her elbow as I helped her through the slippery forest floor. My new desire was pulsing through my skin, sending more electricity through my finger tips. This new - desire - was now adding to the constant pressure in my chest.

I fixed my eyes on her face, trying to comprehend the apparent terror in her eyes. Her expression altered numerous times, and instead of internally imploring my mind to finally perceive her thoughts, I decided I would simply make a request.

"What are you thinking?" I beseeched.

"Just wondering where we're going." She replied smoothly; she was hiding her fright.

I wanted to ease her mind a bit, so I provided a hint, "It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice."

I glanced out the window and she followed my gaze. The sky was still cloudy enough that my skin wasn't emitting rainbows.

"Charlie said it would be warm today," she mused.

Ah, Charlie. I remembered that she refused to tell him about our outing. Had she changed her mind about that?

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" I asked.

"Nope," she said complacently.

Of course not. But, she did tell Jessica about us, and the trip - hadn't she?

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" I asked. If she told Jessica, then I would have to bring her back, for her family and mine.

"No, I told her you canceled on me - which is true," she reminded me.

I was suddenly angry. Didn't she want me to bring her back? She would be willing to follow a killer into the woods, alone, and not tell a single soul. I growled internally. Who would know it was me who didn't bring her back home? I didn't want to bring her back and she was eager to tempt me to do just that. The monster began clawing at my chest bones again and I was dangerously irate that she put me in this situation. Hadn't I suffered enough? I pulled myself together, for the most part, before I responded.

"No one knows you're with me?" I growled.

She looked smug, "That depends... I assume you told Alice?" she pondered.

She thought that Alice knowing would make me want to bring her back?

"That's very helpful, Bella," I snapped, but at the sound of her name exiting my lips the electricity flared up and that new creature sent a lump to my throat. This... desire; a longing; ripped through my body. I glared at her then and she was looking out the windshield like the conversation never took place, so nonchalant. Anger suddenly flared again.

"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" I hissed.

"You said it might cause trouble for you... us being together publicly," she reminded me.

Unbelievable! She was worried about my safety, "So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me - if you don't come home?" my voice rose on the last word.

She never looked away from the road, but nodded her head. She didn't look at all troubled about this!

Unbelievable, I muttered so low she couldn't understand me.

What could she possibly be thinking? Maybe she was sent here from my own personal hell to destroy me! Great - first her scent, then her ever growing presence in my life, and her unspoken thoughts; now she was essentially handing herself over to me on a silver platter. If I hadn't been continuously worried about my family she would have been dead when I first inhaled her heady scent. Now it was this precious soul in the car that I didn't want to destroy, and she was making it inconceivably hard not to. She was driving me to her demise.

Insane. It was the only word to describe her actions. Maybe masochistic?

Bella never took her eyes off the road. She must know that I was infuriated. The road did, though, inevitably end. There was a trail marked by a wooden sign; we would be going the opposite direction. She pulled the truck over, put it in park, and hoped out without one glance in my direction. I was immediately anxious that she didn't want to spend the rest of the day with me. Did I hurt her feelings? If she left me now - would I let her? Would she forgive me?

I pulled my sweater off and placed it in the truck. It was unnecessary for me to wear something that was supposed to bring warmth when I was a cold creature. I was secretly hoping that the sun would warm my skin when it eventually appears through the clouds. I shut the door harder then I intended. I turned towards the forest and quietly reminded myself, no mistakes.

"This way," I called to her.

I glanced over my shoulder to see her confused expression, "The trail?" she asked, terror in her voice. She had removed her sweater too, and it was tied securely around her waist.

"I won't let you get lost," I said with a mocking tone.

She continued to stare at me without moving. Was she frightened now? I couldn't tell for sure - was she about to run away? Run Bella, run, I thought, then added, stay Bella, stay. She still didn't move, and I was again asking myself the ever prominent question, what is she thinking? I remembered that the best way to break her from her dejection was to guess what she was thinking. She would correct me if I were wrong, so I asked, "Do you want to go home?" Pain broke through my voice without my permission.

"No," she answered while walking towards me until she was close enough that I could feel the warmth of her body wash over me like a tidal wave.

Her delectable scent made the monster inside me initiate it's slow clawing up my throat. I looked in her eyes, and there was still something distressing her. Fear maybe?

"What's wrong?" I asked, apprehensive.

"I'm not a good hiker," she looked glum; "You'll have to be very patient."

This wasn't a challenge. "I can be patient - if I make a great effort." I stared into her eyes and smiled, hoping she would realize that I wasn't lying. She didn't look convinced. Maybe she was finally coming to her senses. Was she afraid? Was it really fear I was sensing? Fear, I scoffed internally.

"I'll take you home," I assured her.

Abruptly she responded, "If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way," she hissed.

So it wasn't fear that I saw, it was anger? Of course, I thought. I stood there frozen for a moment and frowned. I concealed a sigh and started towards the forest.

I knew the forest well, and I chose a path that would be easiest for Bella. There were a few places where I had to move branches and hold down ferns to help her pass. When boulders and downed trees were in our path I hesitated only briefly. I didn't want to offer my hand, still worried that my ice cold skin would repulse her. I concentrated a great deal when I finally reached out to steady her by lifting her by her elbow. I knew if I were to hold any part of her body besides there, my desires would take over and I would bring my cold lips to her soft, warm ones. Each time I helped her, her heart would skip a beat, stutter, falter, and then rapidly pick up in double time. A few times I was worried that her heart had completely stopped.

At one moment, I was helping her over a tree when the thought of kissing her sent a rush of desire through my body and I almost dropped her. She didn't notice. She was concentrating intently on not falling or tripping. After walking in silence for some distance, I decided to distract myself by asking her some more questions. She told me about some of her birthdays with her mother and stories about her grade school teachers. Each time she looked at me her breath sent a rush of longing and electricity through me. I thought of a few more questions, but the funniest answer I heard all day was when I asked her about family pets.

"I have to admit, after killing three fish in a row, I'd given up on the whole institution," she told me.

I laughed so loudly that it echoed through the forest.

I didn't mind being patient with Bella. Every moment spent with her was a blessing. The hours passed and I was holding back the monster inside me and my new found creature, desire. It was easier than I anticipated. How long I could keep them both caged was still a mystery. The sun was beginning to protrude through the tops of the trees. I was feeling a little uneasy about her seeing me in the sunlight. Would that be the moment she decides to leave my world?

"Are we there yet?" Bella asked in mock-rage after several hours of hiking.

"Nearly" I reassured her with a smile, "Do you see the brightness ahead?"

I looked through the dense forest at the bright sunlight beaming through to the opening of a beautiful meadow. I watched her squint her eyes and look impatient.

"Um, should I?" she asked incredulous.

I smirked, "Maybe it's a bit soon for your eyes."

She looked at me then, "Time to visit the optometrist," she grumbled.

Like seeing the optometrist would improve her vision. My grin grew wider across my face.

I noticed when she saw the light from the meadow. The sun was lighting the grassy floor and beautiful colors were reflecting from the different vegetation. I let her lead the way then, following behind her. I wanted her to enter the meadow first. Abruptly, a lump entered my throat at the thought of letting her see my crystal like skin reflecting in the sunlight.

We reached the meadow then. I stopped in the shadows as I watched Bella walk easily into the sunlight. She gazed around with a look of wonder in her eyes. I could see her taking it all in, the flowers, the green grass, and the musical water in the background. She turned then, wondering where I had gone.

I stood, once again, at the edge of the sunlight, like I had that time in Port Angeles. Then, I was fenced in by the dark shadows... so limited, but this time I just needed to make that one simple step. Bella stepped towards me then, curiosity flaring in her eyes. I was reluctant to pass this invisible line. I belonged in the shadows, she belonged in the light. She smiled at me then and moved a step closer. She raised her hand in welcome. I wasn't ready, I put my hand up to stop her before she got to close, and she stopped hesitantly. It was too late, her warmth hit me suddenly and I took in a deep breath. Unthinking, I stepped closer to her, breaking the invisible fence between light and dark.

Author's note: Thank you for the support on this story so far. I feel like with each chapter I become a better writer and if it wasn't for those of you who have been reading it and reviewing I probably would have never gotten this far!

As I stepped into the sunlight my skin instantly absorbed the rays and emitted them back out in a band of colors. I could see my reflection in her deep chocolate eyes and in that moment I became a statue of uneasiness. What would this revelation do to her resolve? Her mouth slightly parted and I could smell her sweet breath on the light breeze. She only hesitated for a second, and then, with deliberate slowness, stepped closer to me, and I could instantly tell it wasn't because she had an aversion to me, but because she was anxious of what my reaction would be. I moved in that moment, a smile slowly spread across my face. She returned my smile immediately.

Neither of us spoke for an immeasurable moment. I couldn't read her thoughts, but I could clearly read her eyes and her facial expressions. She was dazzled, and so was I. She slid down to the forest floor then, and sat with her arms around her knees. I mirrored her actions and lowered myself to the ground next to her.

There were no foreign thoughts in my head at this moment and it was amazingly pleasant. I lay on the ground with my eyes closed. I felt the warm sun on my ice cold skin and hoped that it would warm up my skin so it wouldn't be abhorrent to the touch. As I laid there in silence, I was breathing in her fragrance. Mixed with the outside air and breeze, her scent was more appealing than it should be. As the silence around us grew, I began composing in my head and singing so quietly that I wasn't sure if Bella would be able to hear. She couldn't hear, because she asked after a minute what I was doing.

As I lay there, enjoying the quietness of my mind and the divine essence of Bella, I felt something very lightly caress my hand. She was warm and I felt so many emotions at once, desire - fear - anxiety. My desire won my attention though, but the other emotions were still there in the back of my mind. I opened my eyes then, and my eyes met her face. She was the most exquisite creature I had ever seen. Her brown hair had glittering red tints in it when the sunlight hit it just right and her wide eyes were sparkling. She was staring fixedly at my hand, but moved her gaze to meet mine. She looked hesitant, like she was preparing for a scolding. I smiled then.

"I don't scare you?" I tried to sound playful, though I was curious.

"No more than usual," she replied playfully.

My smile grew, and I was nearly grinning from ear to ear. She returned my smile and then moved her stroking fingers up my forearm. I could see her hand quiver slightly as she moved her hand back and forth. I closed my eyes then. I didn't want to look away from her, but my thirst for her touch was growing. Desire was pulsing through my veins. In that moment I pictured grabbing her and holding her to my chest, caressing her back with my hands and pulling her ever closer. I imagined pulling her face into my hands and stroking her cheeks and hair. Desire pulsed through me in waves and I knew she could feel the electricity too. She was still tentative.

"Do you mind?" she inquired.

Didn't she know that she was sending large electric shocks of pleasure through my body?

"No," I replied, still keeping my eyes shut, afraid that if I were to look upon her, I would make my fantasies a reality, and I couldn't let that happen. "You can't imagine how that feels."

I sighed.

She continued to trail her warm fingers across my arm, expanding her search up my arm. I felt the new creature, desire, break through my carefully cultivated fa?ade and divulged into more fantasies. I pictured bringing my lips to her neck, not to take her life, but to kiss lightly. I imagined moving my lips from her neck to her ear where I would whisper how much I loved her.

She grabbed my hand lightly with her free hand and was trying to turn it over. My own nature took over and I flipped my hand, palm up, so fast that her fingers froze on my arm and I realized that I made a mistake. No mistakes, I reminded myself.

"Sorry," I whispered.

I briefly caught a glimpse of her face, making sure I was forgiven. I saw that I was, and closed my eyes again then added, "It's too easy to be myself with you."

She carefully moved my hand back and forth in hers. She was incredibly warm and electricity was throbbing through me. I imagined bringing my lips down her jaw line and then to her unbelievably warm and delicious lips. I sighed internally at the new creature who had broken through all the barriers I had placed to protect this amazing soul next to me. Was she feeling the same desires? I opened my eyes to try and read her expression. Reflections of rainbows were scattered across her face. She looked peaceful. Not being able to hear her thoughts was still taxing. Instantly, I had to know...

"Tell me what you're thinking," I pleaded.

Her eyes swiftly met mine.

"It's still so strange for me, not knowing," I explained.

"You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time," she said, her voice acerbic.

"It's a hard life," I acknowledged.

I willed my mind to hear her thoughts in that moment... even a single sound would quench my ever dying thirst for her knowing mind. I realized then that she hadn't told me what was on her mind, "But you didn't tell me."

She paused for a moment, biting her delicate bottom lip, "I was wishing I could know what you were thinking..." her voice faltered.

I tried to encourage her to continue, "And?"

Her voice accelerated then, "I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid."

I was grief-stricken instantaneously.

"I don't want you to be afraid," I spoke the words that were undeniable. I kept my voice soft, pleading. She should be afraid though, she should fear this menacing creature in front of her. She spoke then, bringing me out of my dejection, "Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that is certainly something to think about."

Without thinking, I propped myself up on my right arm, in a momentum that would have been unsettling to a human, but my Bella didn't move a centimeter. During my movement, my left hand stayed securely in hers. My action had only placed me but a few inches from her glorious face. Electricity exploded in me and it took every fiber of my being not to move those few extra inches and place my lips to her delicate ones. I stared fixedly at her and she was dazzled.

"What are you afraid of, then?" I wondered.

She took a deep breath, and then leaned in, inhaling my scent. I took in the sweet air between us into my lungs, too. I was instantly eager. Ecstasy quickly washed over me and I began to lean closer to place my lips against hers. Before she noticed that I had leaned in too, I did the only thing I could to stop my passion from becoming her death and I fled. I was instantly standing in the shade across the meadow. I tried to leave off any expression that would be readable on my face. I didn't want her to see the monster that almost broke free. Which one? I asked myself.

She looked around until she spotted me and then met my gaze. Her face displayed many emotions until she finally settled on shocked. I immediately felt like reaching into my chest to calm my still heart. I could tell that I had done something to upset her.

"I'm... sorry... Edward," she whispered.

No mistakes, I ordered to myself. I just needed to tame the beast within. The craving for her body was overwhelming.

"Give me a moment," I implored.

I took one - two - three deep breaths, hoping to dispel any lingering lust for her blood. I am dangerous, I know she saw that, but I didn't want her to know this side of me. I looked at her then, keeping her eyes fixed in mine and walked slowly back into the light, a place I knew I didn't belong. I stopped several feet from her now, trying to bridle my flaming desires. I sank to the ground then, never taking my eyes off Bella. I didn't want to miss a single expression.

I inhaled the air around me, slowly welcoming back her fragrance. I took another breath, just to reassure myself that I could handle this. No mistakes, I reminded myself, though I already knew I had made too many. With our eyes still fixed, I tried to calm her with a smile, "I am so very sorry."

How do I make her understand how sorry I am?

"Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?" I asked, hoping that she would comprehend what I was trying to explain to her.

She nodded once, with just a light twitch of her lips. Was she afraid now? Had I made a mistake so devastating that she would never grace me with her presence again? I could hear how hard her heart was working, trying to get the blood to her body as quickly as possible. I realized then, that I had promised myself that I would show her what I truly am, so she could understand why we shouldn't be together. My smile turned devilish in the thought of what I was going to show her now.

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in - my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!" I bellowed.

I ran around the meadow two times at my normal pace to add to my statement, "As if you could outrun me," I laughed sharply.

I watched her face, she didn't seem convinced that I was a monster yet so I grabbed the closest branch from the tree next to me and snapped it in half like I was breaking a twig. I held it in my hand effortlessly and then threw it so it hit another tree and it broke into several pieces. She looked frightened then, and I was immediately thrown into purgatory. I had to calm her somehow! I went to her in that instant, standing only two feet away, frozen so I wouldn't scare her.

"As if you could fight me off," I said, tenderly.

Her eyes never left mine, and I watched them grow wide during my attempt to persuade her to see the deplorable creature that I am. She didn't run from me, even after she witnessed the things I could do - the things I could do to her, I added. I felt a lump rise in my throat. She wasn't running... why wasn't she running? I could see the terror in her eyes, yet she stayed. I knew how she felt though; I knew I couldn't leave her either. If she were to stay with me, I couldn't bare to witness her terrified expression, "Don't be afraid," I said gently, "I promise..." the words were all wrong, I paused, thinking. How could I promise something I was so unsure of? "I swear not to hurt you," I refuted.

No mistakes - I snapped at my new enemy, desire. I looked at her expression then, and I obviously hadn't convinced her.

"Don't be afraid," I begged in a whisper.

I stepped closer, but I gave myself adequate space from her so that I wouldn't be tempted to grab her around the waist, pull her body close to mine, gently grab her chin and direct her mouth to mine... stop there! While I was spinning my fantasies I realized I was now only a foot away from her face, not knowing how I had gotten there.

Keep it together - I snapped at myself. Desire had surely taken over.

"Please forgive me," I begged, "I can control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now." I tried to persuade myself more than anything.

I was beginning to worry about her. Bella hadn't even whimpered or made a single noise since I decided to show her exactly what a vampire was capable of. Hadn't I reassured her that I wouldn't hurt her after my mistake? What else could I say?

"I'm not thirsty today, honestly." I winked trying to show her she could trust me.

She suddenly, and unexpectedly, began laughing. Her silvery bell chime voice shaking slightly. Had she gone mad? Did I finally do something to make her mind snap? Horribly, terrifyingly, I was worried that I had damaged the one person who I loved above all else.

"Are you all right?" I asked delicately.

Maybe if I were to try and put us back together again. I placed my hand back in hers and the warmth made me inhale her heady scent while passion and desire started rearing their heads up in approval. She looked down at my hand then, like I had pulled her out of a deep thought. Her eyes slowly rose to meet mine. I was pleading for forgiveness with my eyes, hoping she could see that I was sorry.

She looked back at my hand again, like she was checking that it was still there. Suddenly I was shivering in pleasure as her fingers began tracing lines up and down my arm again. She returned her gaze to my face again and smiled apprehensively. Was everything back to normal now? I returned her smile quickly so she would feel reassured.

"So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" I asked, making sure she realized that I was still sorry for my mistake.

"I honestly can't remember," she said, and I was grateful for her response.

I smiled but the remorse was still plain on my face.

"I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason." I reminded her.

"Oh, right," she paused.

"Well?" I pushed, impatiently.

She looked away from me again, and stared fixedly on my hand that she was caressing. She didn't look back up or respond for several seconds. What are you thinking? I asked internally. I was becoming extremely frustrated.

"How easily frustrated I am," I sighed then.

She returned her gaze to my face, still not responding. I wanted to take her into my arms then, but she saved me from making my mistake by finally responding, "I was afraid... because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should."

Her eyes left mine then, returning to our hands. Was she finally admitting what I have been trying to convince her of the whole time? That being with me was dangerous...

"Yes," I agreed, "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest."

She frowned then. Was she upset now? What was I doing to this wonderful girl? Will I inevitable kill her?

"I should have left long ago," I sighed. I was now beginning to think aloud, "I should leave now. But I don't know if I can."

She pulled me out of my thoughts, "I don't want you to leave," she whimpered, looking at our hands again.

Why did she have to make everything so difficult? Why did she have to want me as absolutely as I wanted her?

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should," I said. I crave more than just her company, I crave her body, her blood, her soft sweet lips...

"I'm glad."

"Don't be!" I snapped.

I pulled my hand from her grip. I couldn't let her go if she was holding onto me. I showed her what kind of a monster I am and she becomes frightened - then I try to reassure her that I won't hurt her... What is my problem? I moved my gaze from her face to the forest, knowing I couldn't let her go if I was staring at her, looking into those deep chocolate eyes.

"It's not only your company I crave. Never forget that. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." I realized I had become harsh, and again, I was nervous that I might have hurt her feelings.

I heard her heart beating. It was a heavenly sound. She spoke then, "I don't think I understand exactly what you mean - by that last part anyway."

I turned to look at her then; I hadn't expected her to ask this question. I smiled, realizing I never truly explained what her blood does to me.

"How do I explain?" I deliberated, "And without frightening you again... hmmmm."

My hand was suddenly warm again, and I realized that it had found its way back into her hands. I reached out and placed it there without even giving it my permission. I was distracted immediately, "That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth." I sighed.

I began thinking of how I could explain what her blood does to me. What could I say that would make it not sound like I was fighting to not drink her blood every second I was around her? It's true, the monster has been clawing less, but that is because my desires to possess her in other ways had become forefront in my mind. Maybe a food analogy?

"You know how everyone enjoys different flavors?" I asked, "Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?"

She nodded, and I decided that maybe food wasn't the best way to explain this, "Sorry about the food analogy - I couldn't think of another way to explain."

She smiled and I returned it. I mulled over how to explain this craving I have, "You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now, let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac - and filled the room with its warm aroma - how do you think he would fare then?" I tried to explain.

I stared fixedly at her then, waiting for her to understand. Alcohol was such a weak comparison. How her blood could ever compare to something so flagrant. At that moment, a light breeze enhanced what I was thinking. Her scent continued to leave a dry dull ache in my throat. She still hadn't answered.

"Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead." I decided.

I had never drank alcohol or did any type of drug, those things do nothing for me, but I do know what these things could do to a human. My degrees in medicine helped me understand these types of addictions, but my addiction to Bella was still no comparison.

"So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" she asked playfully.

She always knew what to say to lift my spirits. I smiled at her, "Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin."

"Does that happen often?" she asked me.

It doesn't happen often, I have only seen it too clearly in Emmett's mind what happened when he crossed paths with someone who smelled as delicious as Bella does to me. I didn't know how to answer her question without making her fear me more, but maybe she needed another dose of fear, "I spoke to my brothers about it." I told her.

I looked away from her as I spoke, not wanting to see her reaction to what I was about to tell her, "To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor." I inclined my head in her direction, hoping she would understand I was sorry that I would have to tell her the rest, "Sorry." I murmured.

"I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can," she commanded me.

Silly Bella, I'm always worried about your well being, even your mental health, I thought. I gulped in some of the air around us. Her scent went rushing down my throat and filled my lungs with a burning hunger, emphasizing my explanation, "So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as," I hesitated, making sure I'd pick a word that wouldn't scare her, "appealing as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."

"And for you?"

"Never," I responded.

We were both silent then. What was she thinking now?

"What did Emmett do?" she asked.

I wished she hadn't asked this question. I clenched my teeth as I remembered what happened just as clearly as Emmett had when he was telling me about his experiences. Of course, the humans didn't survive. Bella will live, I promised myself, because I knew I couldn't live without her now.

"I guess I know," she said, taking the burden off my shoulders.

I looked at her then, wishing she would understand that I didn't want her fate to be like those other humans, that I loved her and would do everything in my power to protect her. I sighed internally; "Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?" the thought was wistful.

"What are you asking? My permission?" she hissed acidly, "I mean, is there no hope then?" she said softly.

She spoke openly about her death, like she would have welcomed it if it came from me. How could she possibly think there was no hope? Hadn't I proven that I was stronger than I was when I first engulfed her fragrance? I was instantly repentant, "No, no! Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't..." take your life, I added mentally.

I was gazing into her wide eyes. I wanted to explain to her that I was different then my brother. I just wanted her to understand that there was hope.

"It's different for us. Emmet... these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as... practiced, as careful, as he is now."

I watched her expressions. She was in deep thought. She bit at her lower lip and instantly I wondered what her lower lip would taste like. She broke through my fantasy before it got out of control, "So if we'd met... oh, in a dark alley or something..." she left the sentence hanging.

I answered without thinking, "It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and - " I realized I was about to tell her that I thought about snapping all of their necks and saving her for last so I could enjoy her warm blood alone. I decided to leave some details out, "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself."

I paused, looking into the trees. A scowl ever present on my face by the choice of our topic. I glanced at her and I could see that she was remembering that first meeting, too.

"You must have thought I was possessed," I said grimly.

"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly..." she trailed off.

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin... I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow..." the memory bit at my cold heart.

Bella's lips had parted then, a little gasp of horror etched into her skin.

"You would have come," I told her.

And she would have. The way Bella flocks towards danger, it would have been very easy. I remembered how I had planned to take her as soon as I got her by myself and grimaced internally.

"Without a doubt," she replied

I removed my eyes from her face then, and frowned down at our hands. I was remembering that first day, "And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there - in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there - so easily dealt with."

I felt her tremble and was immediately concerned that I had said too much. Her eyes were blank, like she was remembering something awful, and she trembled again. I was instantly angry with myself for ever making her feel that way. My behavior that first day was something I have tried to forget, but my mind is not like a human's, I retain every last detail of every moment. She didn't speak.

"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home - I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong - and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving." I explained to her.

Of all the things I did that day after I had inhaled the most delicious blood ever, fleeing was the only one I was satisfied with. If I hadn't, surely she would be dead - my eyes crimson. I continued my story,

"I traded cars with him - he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary... By the next morning I was in Alaska," chagrin was etched in my face. I know it was weak to run away, but what else could I have done?

Bella sat there, frozen, enveloped in my story. I continued, "I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances... but I was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl" - I smiled at the fact that I ever thought her insignificant because she was the most significant thing in my world, "to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back..." I peered into the forest then, remembering how my family surrounded me my first day back at school, afraid I'd still kill her.

Bella was speechless. Her fingers were still slowly moving up and down my arm. Telling her this story now, I suddenly felt free. I wanted to explain this to her since the first time I came back to school, to explain the reasons for loathing her so much that first day. I wanted Bella to be acquainted with everything about me. I continued, "I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human, I was arrogant about it."

"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind... her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating," I frowned, trying once more to make my mind explore hers with no luck.

"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions... and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair and the scent would stun me again... Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment - because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'"

I closed my eyes then, remembering that fateful day; the van rushing towards her, me running to save her. I remembered how I was very afraid I had hurt her... and I remember it was the first time I had held her in my arms, securely to my chest. I was craving to hold her to me again. Bella pulled me from my distraction, "In the hospital?" she asked.

My eyes met hers then, "I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power - you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." I felt a jolt of pain at the thought, and I felt Bella shiver too, "But it had the opposite effect," I told her quickly, trying to reassure her, "I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time... the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice," of course, Alice was thinking I would turn her.

I frowned at the thought but continued, "Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay." I tried to shake the uneasiness I was feeling, because the only way I would stay, was to stop seeing her, and I knew that there was nothing that would prevent me from seeing her, now. The pain I would endure if I were to leave her was inconceivable.

"All that next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair... it hit me as hard as the very first day." My eyes found hers then.

My lungs took in the air around us, and the scent was the most delicious fragrant. I took in one more gulp of air and continued, hoping I hadn't scared her off, "And for all that, I'd have fared better if I had exposed us all that first moment, than if now, here - with no witnesses and nothing to stop me - I were to hurt you."

I was still irritated at the fact that she hadn't told a single soul that she was spending the day with me.

"Why?" she asked.

I didn't understand why she had to ask, didn't she know that it would cause me physical pain to hurt her now, that I loved her more than my own existence?

"Isabella." I said, letting her know that I was being nothing but serious by saying her full name. I stared into her eyes then, and my hand came up and I carefully ruffled her hair with my free hand. The current of electricity was now going in one hand and out the other, being released and zapping again with our touches, like we were meant to be joined together.

"Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." I looked down, away from her gaze because I was abashed. I didn't want the words to exit my mouth, but she had to know, "The thought of you, still, white, cold... to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses...it would be unendurable." I returned my gaze to her eyes then, "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

At the sound of my words, a craving burst through my chest and it wasn't for her blood, it was for her soul. I wanted to hold this precious soul close to me and never let go. To protect it from anything and everything that would harm it. I continued to stare fixedly upon her face, she had looked down, securing my hand in hers... reaffirming that she felt the same way. She spoke then, "You already know how I feel, of course. I'm here... which roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." Her lips turned down then, "I'm an idiot."

"You are an idiot," I agreed, but I couldn't help but laugh. She met my gaze then and joined in with my laughter. My cold dead heart squeezed in that moment. I felt eager to pull our bodies together, to intertwine them. After everything I confessed today, she still wanted to be with me, she was continually saying yes to me. At that moment, I wanted to confess my feelings for her. I wanted to bring her close to my body and whisper what she meant to me. I finally spoke, "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...," I whispered.

She looked away then and her cheeks began to flush.

"What a stupid lamb," she sighed.

"What a sick masochistic lion." I murmured.

I had wondered if she were masochistic before, about not telling anyone we were together today and realized it was me who gained gratification from pain, not her. Every breath, every touch... it was exceedingly painful and fantastic. Every moment of pain I was feeling was pleasurable because I was able to be with her. I continued to seek her out and deny myself a touch. I was the only one who was masochistic here.

"Why...?" Bella asked, not finishing her question. She had paused, like she wasn't sure how to finish. Ah, what was she thinking now? I smiled at her expression, "Yes?"

"Tell me why you ran from me before." She pleaded.

My lips began to turn down then, "You know why."

"No, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This for example" she caressed my hand then and the warmth sent electricity up my spine and down to my toes, "seems to be all right."

My smile returned. She wanted to make things easier for me because she wanted to be with me. Even after we leave this meadow, she was planning on staying with me. Would I ever get use to this wonderful creature? She needed to understand though, that there wasn't anything she did to make me want to take her life, it was strictly on how delicious she smelled.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you." She explained.

"Well..." honestly, everything she did made it difficult for me. Her scent - her attachment to me - her unreadable thoughts - how she was constantly needing me to save her, it all made it difficult. "It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness...I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat." I was immediately aware that I almost exposed how much I craved everything about her. I looked at her then, making sure I hadn't scared her with what little I told her.

"Okay then," she replied breezily.

She tucked her neck in then, "No throat exposure." She said seriously.

My laugh was instantaneous. She didn't understand what I was trying to say, "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else."

I raised my hand then, trying to prove a point, and placed my hand gently on her soft, warm, neck. In that moment, I pictured doing several things; bringing her closer to me and caressing her striking face, running my hand up through her hair so I could lightly pull her to my lips, bringing my nose to her neck and smell her from her neck to her ear... but I resisted.

"You see, perfectly fine." I said.

I felt her blood pulsing under my palm and her breath coming faster and blowing sweetly into my face. The scent, the sound, it was so appealing. Eagerness ran through me and I was instantly excited. She began to blush a light red color that set her eyes and lips glowing richly with desire.

"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," I whispered.

That insatiable creature, desire, refused to be caged at this point and took over my body. I released my hand from her grasp lightly and watched her hands fall limply into her lap. I reached up; slowly, deliberately gentle to place my hand on her cheek. I held her warm, precious face, in between my hands. I filled my lungs with her luscious scent, and it only sent electricity through my body now, being released slowly into her sweet cheeks from my palms. My passion for her was making me greedy.

"Be very still," I whispered.

I looked deep into her eyes and leaned in to kiss her, to bring my lips to hers and lick her warm skin, but abruptly I changed my mind, not wanting to tempt myself anymore then I already was. I placed my cheek against her neck. It fit there, like it belonged. I didn't know what I was doing, but ecstasy was quickly filling my veins. I continued to breathe in her aroma, and decided I needed a better whiff of what was driving me to crave more and more. I let my hands slide from her neck, just in case I was to make a mistake during my inability to re-cage my desires and snap it. I slowly brought my face closer to her collarbone and my nose lightly brushed her skin. She trembled then. The thought of what I was doing to her sent spasms of pleasurable electricity through my body and I inhaled one quick breath and held it for only a second longer than normal before releasing the air. The fragrance left a dull ache in my throat, but it was second to my new desires now. I continued to move my head and finally rested against her chest, making sure that each touch was calculated so I wouldn't damage her. Her heart was still racing under the tender membrane of her skin.

"Ah," I sighed.

I continued to listen to her heart. Sometimes it skipped a beat, and a few times it stopped all together. After an immeasurable moment her pulse slowed, and I realized in that moment that it was the most significant sound in my life. She never moved, but all too soon I was releasing her. I had brought her to me and didn't hurt her.

"It won't be so hard again," I said with resolution.

"Was that very hard for you?" she asked.

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?" I asked, still curious if I were what she really wanted, if what I did was something she wanted.

"No, it wasn't bad...for me." She said timidly.

I grinned. Of course it wasn't hard for her...and I know it wasn't bad, either.

"You know what I mean." She said ruefully, and then smiled.

My face was warm from being against her for so long, "Here," I said, placing her hand against my cheek, "Do you feel how warm it is?"

Electricity flowed through our touch. Suddenly, she whispered, "Don't move."

I froze. I closed my eyes then, and settled into being a statue. I could smell the air being stirred close to my face and suddenly she was touching my cheek, her warm hand rubbing up and down my face, like she had been doing with my arm. I wanted to pull her into my chest, and I wanted to push her away. I didn't want to do something I would regret and she was making it amazingly hard to say no to her now. Her finger tips moved from my chin to my eyelids. Her fingers traced around my eyes, down my nose and then she reached my lips. Pleasure washed over me. The bliss of her touch had me begging for more. I parted my lips then, sucking in the air of the warm aroma that was her hand. She dropped her hand then, this time I was instantly upset, wanting her to continue. I opened my eyes and she looked into them. Her pulse picked up again.

"I wish...I wish you could feel the... complexity...the confusion...I feel. That you could understand," I whispered.

I reached up to gently move a strand of her hair away from her face. I remembered when Mike had done this, she seemed repulsed. Now, she was just as eager as I was.

"Tell me," she barely made a noise, it was mostly a wisp of a breath.

"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger - the thirst - that deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though," I grinned half heartily, "as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely. But..." I brought my fingers to her lips and watched her shiver under my touch, a shiver of pleasure, emphasizing my next words, "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

She responded quickly, "I may understand that better than you think."

Did she understand? There was no way she could understand my feelings, but maybe she did, maybe it is because it is so new to me that I think she wasn't feeling them too. Maybe this was something that was more human than vampire.

"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?"

"For me?" she asked, but answered before I could tell her to continue, "No, never. Never before this."

I held her hands securely in mine, making sure that I was gentle; constantly afraid I would use too much force and break her.

"I don't know how to be close to you." I confessed, "I don't know if I can."

She took charge then, slowly moving her face closer to mine. She kept her eyes on mine until she couldn't see me anymore. She had placed her head against my chest now. I continued to breathe slowly.

"This is enough," she sighed.

Before I understood my own actions, desire reared up and took control. I wrapped my arms around her, enveloping her, making sure my grip was not too strong, but was secure enough to show her that she could count on me to protect her. I brought my face to her hair and took in a large breath or her heady scent. Thirst broke free then, but the two creatures, hunger and desire fought, and desire won.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for," she noted.

"I have human instincts - they may be buried deep, but they're there." I explained to her.

My desire was refusing to let her go, and she didn't struggle against my tender grasp. After several long, but not long enough, moments, she sighed. I looked to the forest and realized the sun slanted at a different angle.

"You have to go," I told her.

"I thought you couldn't read my mind," she mocked.

"It's getting clearer," I responded playfully, my lips turning up.

I released her, only to grasp her shoulders, "Can I show you something?" I asked.

I wanted her to understand me more, and one way to do that was to show her exactly how I travel.

"I'll show you how I travel in the forest."

She looked apprehensive, "Don't worry, you'll be safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." I grinned widely and I heard her heart skip a beat.

She looked at me then, a smile in her voice, "Will you turn into a bat?" she asked.

I laughed so loud that I was sure it could have been heard for some distance.

"Like I haven't heard that one before!" I scoffed.

"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time," she replied, still playful.

"Come on, little coward, climb on my back." I suppressed a laugh.

Her eyes became wide and she hesitated. I became impatient and grabbed for her, making sure I was gentle. Her heart beat speed up and I could smell her pulse hammering. I placed her on my back and she engulfed me. He body wrapped around me and I could feel the heat emitting from her. She embraced me fiercely.

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack," she cautioned.

She was light as a feather to me, almost like she wasn't there, but she was, because I could feel her warmth and her beating pulse.

"Hah!" I rolled my eyes then.

This day had turned out better than I have ever believed imaginable. I hadn't hurt her, or killed her, instead her scent was becoming less sensitive and I had been able to let my desires take control and I held her in my arms, I caressed her face and brought my mouth so close to the base of her neck without biting. I grabbed her hand that was wrapped tightly around my neck and pressed her palm into my nose, inhaling as deeply as possible. The ache burned in my throat. I was still thirsting for her blood, but desire bounded up and out my mouth, "Easier all the time."

I took off through the forest.
17#
发表于 2016-8-17 20:39 | 只看该作者
16. Desire

I was flowing through the forest effortlessly. Running like this was something that I did on a daily basis. Even after all these years, it was still invigorating. The velocity I was moving at felt freeing, as the air moved rapidly past me. I was feeling boisterous. To a human, moving this fast would be inconceivable; it was without effort that I moved over rocks, trees, and the slippery forest floor.

Bella was still securely entwined on my back, warming my cold skin. The wind whipped her scent behind me, but her arms were around my neck and so I was able to continue to breathe in her warm aroma. I was wondering what her thoughts were in these moments. All I could think about is how I was able to hold her, clutch her to my chest, and not harm her when we were in the meadow. How her scent enticed my hungry desires to bring her warm lips to mine. Maybe I could? If I were to use just the right amount of pressure, I wouldn't harm her. It had taken us hours to reach the meadow going at Bella's pace, and within minutes we were at the road, next to her truck.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" I asked, elated.

She didn't move or say anything. Her grip was just as secure as if I were still running. I waited. Still, she didn't even make a sound, though I knew she was alive, I could feel her pulse and smell her breath. I waited another second, and still, nothing.

"Bella?" I asked, concerned now.

She finally spoke, though her voice sounded strained, "I think I need to lie down," she panted.

Instantly I was nervous. After the whole day in the meadow, did I finally make a mistake and not realize it? I was apologetic then, "Oh, sorry."

I stood there, still, waiting for her to release her grasp on me. Honestly, I didn't want her to, but my insatiable desire was instantly dissolved at my growing panic.

"I think I need help," she admitted.

I laughed under my breath, but it was because I was relieved, not because the situation was humorous. I placed my hands on her locked fingers and gently pulled them apart. I continued to hold on to her, and pulled her into my arms. I gazed into her eyes in that moment, never wanting to put her down. Her warmth, her smell, everything about her was begging me to feed; yet, I did not want to, my hungers were strictly about the love and adoration I felt for her. I thought about bringing my lips to hers in this moment, how she would inevitably wrap her arms around me once more, and embrace me back. Maybe this wasn't the best time though; she did seem a little faint. Slowly, not wanting to, but slowly, I lowered her to the ground, as gently as I could, like she was especially breakable; which she was. Now that she was no longer in my arms, I could concentrate on her well being without being distracted.

"How do you feel?" I asked, still anxious.

She looked like she couldn't focus, "Dizzy, I think."

From my years of medical schooling, I realized that she must have motion sickness. I didn't think of this before I made yet another mistake by throwing her on my back and running.

"Put your head between your knees." I insisted.

She obeyed, and lowered herself to the ground and gently placed her head between her knees, closing her eyes tightly. I moved closer to her, lowering myself to the ground, also. I sat beside her, thinking I might have damaged her. The thought sent sharp bristles of pain through my body. I stared at her for several minutes. She finally lifted her head, looking a little sick. Her eyes were still securely closed. She had the same expression on her face the day I found her practically laying on the ground, recovering from her dizzy spell after smelling blood in biology class.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea," I contemplated.

I thought back to the moment before we left the meadow. The thought of this hurting her never crossed my mind. I continued to stare at her, she was a little green, and her skin was beginning to lose all color.

"No, it was very interesting," she tried to sound affirmative. She couldn't fool me.

"Hah! You're as white as a ghost - no, you're as white as me!" I exclaimed.

"I think I should have closed my eyes," she concluded.

"Remember that next time," I told her. Would there be a next time? Surely a dizzy spell would not prevent her from wrapping her arms and legs around me and enjoying a run would it?

"Next time!" she moaned.

I couldn't suppress a laugh at this point. The day had fared better than I could have expected, and even this wouldn't damper my mood.

"Show-off" she grumbled, though I know she wasn't really mad at me.

Her face was slowly beginning to gain back some of its color. Her eyes were still shut tightly; she was even straining to keep them that way. I couldn't hear what she was thinking, and one of the only ways to read her was to look into her deep soulful eyes, where I could usually decipher her thoughts. With them closed I had no outlet and I wanted to beg her to open them. I couldn't restrain myself, "Open your eyes, Bella," I whispered.

I had moved so I was only a few inches from her face now, breathing in her intoxicating scent. She opened her eyes then, and she looked stunned. She wasn't nervous though, I could read in her eyes that she was just as absorbed as I was by our closeness. Her eyes beckoned me to move closer.

"I was thinking, while I was running..." I hesitated.

Bella interrupted me, "About not hitting the trees, I hope."

"Silly Bella," I laughed, 'Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show-off," she grumbled again.

I smiled, but glad she dropped it because I was instantly hungry for her.

"No," I whispered, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."

Slowly, I moved my hands to her face and held it securely in my palms. She stopped breathing then; worried I did something wrong, I hesitated, but she continued to stare at me with hunger in her eyes now. So many emotions raged through me at once, desire, passion, ecstasy, thirst. I began leaning closer to her, until our lips were only an inch apart. She closed her eyes. I paused when I could feel the electricity flowing between us already. Every centimeter I moved closer to her, a new emotion would flit through my body sending shivers of pleasure and pain down my frozen veins.

I was in control, I could feel it. I continued to lean in, until the very tips of my lips brushed lightly against her supple warm ones. I pressed a little harder to her lips until our lips were moving with each other, her sweet breath was enveloping me and her taste was like an explosion in my mouth, so much better than any blood I had ever tasted. I could hear her pulse hammering and feel her skin becoming warmer.

Our lips only parted for a second at a time, and each time she caught her breath. She was breathing heavily now. Suddenly, she gasped in pleasure and her arms came up around my neck. I embraced her back fiercely. She knotted her hands in my hair and pulled me closer. Her mouth was warm and inviting. She parted her lips breathing heavier. Her scent rushed through me and the monster inside me clawed up my throat.

I clenched my teeth and then I froze. She didn't let go, she continued to clutch herself to me. I didn't want to let go, I wanted to bring myself closer to her. I had never felt these feelings before. I couldn't let this continue, NO MISTAKES, I yelled at myself. My hands were still wrapped around her face, and I slowly, but forcefully, pushed Bella away. How could she have such a hold on me? She opened her eyes then, and she was breathing heavily.

"Oops," she said breathlessly.

"That's an understatement." I replied.

She was reading my face. I knew she could tell that I was feeling several different emotions. I refused to let her go, though. I didn't want to; I was fighting internally on whether I should kiss her again. My hungry desire was pounding through my body. Each electric shock made me want to clutch her closer. I would only have to move two inches to be back in her embrace.

"Should I...?" she asked, knowing I would understand her unasked question.

She tried to disentangle herself from me, but I wouldn't let her. Actually, I couldn't let her. I held her in place, refusing to let her go. I took in a few gulps of air and felt the fiery thirst burn my throat. I took in another breath and another. Each time it was getting easier to cage my thirst, with each breath my desire to kiss her grew.

"No, it's tolerable. Wait a moment, please," I begged, not wanting to ever let her go.

She stared into my eyes, surely reading the internal fight I was having. I was eager to bring our bodies back together. They fit so perfectly, but I couldn't make any more mistakes. If I were to hurt her now, I would surely wither and die. I continued to stare into her eyes. This kiss... it was the most pleasurable thing I had ever done. I smiled at her casually. I had caged all the beasts.

"There," I exclaimed.

"Tolerable?" she asked.

Tolerable? It was the most amazing experience I have ever had, couldn't she tell? I laughed loudly at the absurdity.

"I am stronger than I thought. It's nice to know." I explained.

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry," she replied with an impish grin.

I was high, excited, "You are only human, after all," I said playfully.

"Thanks so much," she said sharply.

I quickly stood up and offered her my hand, something that I had never done before, but after this afternoon, and after our kiss, I realized that contact with her was not something I should shy from. She looked at my hand in surprise, but reached up without any hesitation, bringing her hand to mine. The warmth was tremendously pleasurable. She wobbled on her feet, but I kept her hand to steady her, not wanting to let go. I was still a little worried about her.

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" I asked playfully.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy," she replied, "I think it's some of both, though."

How amazing were the feelings I had. I felt so light hearted, like there was nothing in this world that could damper my good mood. I looked at her truck then, and remembered that she insisted on driving, "Maybe you should let me drive," I offered.

"Are you insane?" she protested.

"I can drive better than you on your best day," I teased, "You have much slower reflexes," I explained after she gave me a doubtful look.

"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."

"Some trust, please, Bella," did she really not think I could handle driving her truck? Was she that nervous I would harm her, after everything we went through today? I looked at her then, saw she was clutching something in her pocket, her key, no doubt. She tightened her lips, considering her options. She shook her head while grinning, her lips still tight, "Nope. Not a chance." She said.

I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. I couldn't believe she wouldn't let me drive. Did she still not fully trust me? She stepped to my side to walk around me and I watched her unbalanced step carefully, making sure I didn't need to catch her. I stuck my arm out and caught her around the waist, refusing to let her go.

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk," I added playfully and chuckled.

"Drunk?" she scoffed.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence," I smiled at her, though it was me who was intoxicated by her presence.

"I can't argue with that," she admitted with a sigh.

I swear, in that moment, I might have felt my heart beat. She removed her hand from her pocket, holding the key. She raised her hand then, and opened it up and I watched the key fall. I snatched it up before it hit the ground, effortlessly.

"Take it easy - my truck is a senior citizen" she muttered.

"Very sensible," I agreed.

"And are you not affected at all?" she asked me, a little pain in her voice, "by my presence?"

All the sensations from this afternoon flooded back into my body and I was instantly eager to hold her in my arms and reassure her. Unthinking, I bent down and touched my lips to her jaw, where I slowly traced a line from her ear down to her chin, knowing if I were to place my lips to hers at this moment, I wouldn't stop her next time she clutched me to her chest. She shivered in pleasure in that moment, and it sent electricity shooting through my body.

"Regardless," I whispered, "I have better reflexes."

I drove Bella's truck with ease. I kept to the speed limit, in no hurry to bring her back. While driving, I kept one hand securely in hers. The windows were rolled down and the breeze whipped her scent all around me. I turned the radio on and began singing along with a song that was playing. Bella's eyes never left my face, and I returned her gaze as often as possible.

"You like fifties music?" she asked.

"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!" I shuddered. "The eighties were bearable." I explained to her.

I realized I made a mistake when she asked, "Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" but her face was soft.

"Does it matter much?" I smiled, hoping she wouldn't press the issue worried that she wouldn't like what she would hear.

"No, but I still wonder..." she frowned, "There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night."

"I wonder if it will upset you," I mused, hoping she would give me a hint of how old would bother her.

I stared into the sun then, and she didn't respond. I could tell that her face was still looking at mine. After several minutes she insisted, "Try me."

I sighed, turned my gaze on her, and realized I could never lie to her. Keeping secrets from her would be unbearable. Her gaze only made me want to tell her more than just my age. I turned and looked into the sun again, rainbows reflected off of every surface.

"I was born in Chicago in 1901." I paused, and glanced over to gage her expression. She showed no emotion on her face. My lips twitched at her fa?ade, but I continued, "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza." I explained.

She gasped and I turned to look at her, afraid I had said too much. I don't know why, but I continued, refusing to have secrets between us.

"I don't remember it well - it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade." I tried to sift through my memories of that time, but they were dark and unfocused.

"I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget." I told her.

I wanted to tell her the truth, but some things, like how painful the transformation is, and how agonizing it could be, were not something I wanted to divulge quite yet.

"You're parents?" she insisted on more information.

"They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That is why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone."

"How did he...save you?" she asked.

There was no way I would explain the transformation process, so I tried to explain with as little details as possible, "It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us...I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history." I paused, "for me, it was merely very, very painful." And that was all I would say, if she were to ask anything more, I would refuse.

I stared at her then and could see the curiosity in her eyes, but she could tell that I wouldn't say anything more on this subject and didn't ask any more questions. Her expressions made me feel like I should explain why Carlisle turned me, "He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating." I clarified.

"So you must be dying, then, to become..." She didn't say the last word, and I was grateful.

"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice." I spoke of him with respect, "It is easier he says, though, if the blood is weak." The sun finally went below the horizon, and I gazed down the dark road.

"And Emmett and Rosalie?" She wondered.

She was curious about our family, and I would inevitably give her whatever she wished, "Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him - he was careful with his thoughts around me," I rolled my eyes; like anyone, except Bella, could conceal their thoughts from me, "But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting - we were in Appalachia at the time - and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." I raised our hands and I brought them to her face where I brushed her cheek, to point out that after smelling her sweet blood, there is no way that carrying a bloody human for miles would have anything on the thirst I felt for Bella.

Bella looked at me then, "But she made it." She was looking for more answers.

"Yes," I whispered, "She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school," I chuckled, "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again." Which I will inevitably have to play the best man, again, I added mentally.

Bella continued to question me, now that I was being flippantly open with her, "Alice and Jasper?"

"Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another...family, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

Bella interrupted me then, "Really? But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

"That's true. She knows other things. She sees things - things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change." I explained to her, hoping this bit of news wouldn't scare her off.

I suddenly remembered her vision of vampire Bella. I instantly became furious at myself, and clenched my teeth. I looked at Bella then, her eyes were intrigued, and I looked away before she could read my anger.

Bella pulled me from my distraction, "What kinds of things does she see?"

I wouldn't dare tell her about Alice's visions of her, so I settled on a story, "She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

I remembered Alice and Jasper showing up at our house. She knew all of our names and asked which room she could move into. I was out on a hunting trip when she first arrived, and she decided she wanted my room and packed all of my stuff up and put it in the garage. Bella's question pulled me from my musings; "Are there a lot of...your kind?" she looked surprised.

I tried to reassure her, "No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting people." I quickly looked in her direction, hoping I hadn't made yet another mistake. She didn't flinch so I continued, "can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live...differently tend to band together."

"And the others?" she insisted on more information.

"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."

"Why is that?" she asked, and I realized I gave more information than I intended.

I parked her truck in her driveway then, and turned the truck off. I decided I wouldn't mention anything about the Southern Wars at this moment.

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?" I teased. "Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years." I mused.

"So that's where the legends come from?" she asked, interested.

"Probably," I smiled.

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?" Bella inquired.

She had so many questions, but I answered anyways, "No, and that is a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle, and know that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage." I explained to her.

Suddenly, her stomach made a rumbling noise. I suddenly realized that through the day I had forgotten to feed her! I was instantly angry at myself for not making sure she was taken care of.

"I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner." And I was sorry.

She tried to play it off, "I'm fine really." But her stomach was still making hungry grumbles.

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forgot." I tried to explain, hoping she wasn't angry at me, like I was with myself.

"I want to stay with you." She admitted.

I wanted to stay with her too, very much so.

"Can't I come in?" I asked, hoping for an invite.

Her eyes sparkled then, like she never thought of this idea before, "Would you like to?" she asked, excitement in her voice.

"Yes, if that's all right." My excitement over powered me and in one second I was out the driver's side door, and opening the passenger's side.

I never wanted to leave her, and the feelings that were pulsing through me were extremely pleasant. Bella didn't flinch at my instantaneous movement.

"Very human," she complimented, sarcastically.

"It's definitely resurfacing," I teased.

Bella stepped out of the car and we slowly made our way to her front door. I walked closely beside her, reveling in her warmth and beauty. Bella glanced my direction several times, like she was checking to make sure I was still there. Before we arrived at her front door, I strode ahead of her to swipe her key from the eave and open the door for her. She began to walk in, but paused in the door frame, realizing something, "The door was unlocked?" she questioned me.

"No, I used the key from under the eave," I admitted to her, instantly realizing my mistake.

She had never used the key in front of me that she knew about. She stepped inside the house and turned to flip the porch light on. She stared at me dubiously and raised her eyebrows. I knew I had to tell her the truth.

"I was curious about you."

"You spied on me?" she said, with little inflection in her voice.

She hadn't convinced me she was angry, I knew I'd be forgiven, "What else is there to do at night?" I explained.

She turned away from me, and I quickly raced by her and entered the kitchen before she did. I sat in a chair at the kitchen table. Bella's eyes didn't leave mine for several moments. She finally looked away. I hated it when she looked away from me; I could no longer see inside her mind by means of her deep brown eyes. I watched her curiously. She rummaged through the fridge until she pulled something out. It smelt like tomatoes and oregano, blah. I watched her place the food onto a plate and put it in a microwave. She never took her eyes off the plate of food as it rotated in the microwave.

"How often?" she questioned.

"Hmmm?" I asked. I was distracted by my internal babbling.

She still didn't turn around when she spoke, like she knew she was able to hide things easier when I couldn't read her expressions. "How often did you come here?" she asked very softly.

"I come here almost every night," I admitted, hoping she would forgive me for being the peeping tom.

She whirled around then, the vortex of air she made sent her warm aroma all around me and I took her scent into my lungs. My throat ached dully. "Why?" she gasped.

"You're very interesting when you sleep." I suppressed a laugh, "You talk." I explained.

"No!" she gasped, with a little O of horror on her face.

I heard her pulse begin to hammer rapidly, and watched as the blood made its way swiftly up to her cheeks, coloring them red. She leaned into the kitchen counter, grasping it for support, I assumed. If she were to fall, I'd catch her. She didn't say anything else; her face was expressing many emotions, embarrassment, fury, and annoyance. I was immediately displeased by my actions, would she ask me to leave now?

"Are you very angry with me?" I questioned intently.

"That depends!" she said breathlessly.

I paused, waiting to hear her rebuttal.

"On?" I urged.

"What you heard!" she almost yelled.

Instantly, I was relieved that she wasn't mad at me sneaking in, that she was just angry because she was afraid I heard something she didn't want me to hear. I rushed to her side, taking her warm hands into mine, "Don't be upset!" I pleaded.

I lowered my face to hears, looking into her eyes. She tried to look away, but I distracted her, "You miss your mother," I whispered, "You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too green.'" I laughed, but I continued to hold her gaze, hoping she realized that I wasn't trying to offend her.

"Anything else?" she demanded.

I remembered the many nights I sat in her room and watched her sleep. How, when she said my name, it sent a jolt of pleasure through me.

"You did say my name," I confessed.

Bella sighed then, "A lot?" she asked.

I was suppressing a smile, "How much do you mean by 'a lot', exactly?"

She instantly looked mortified, "Oh no!" she hung her head, taking her gaze from me.

I heard Charlie's thoughts in that instant. He was just down the road from us. Before he arrived I wanted to let her know it was alright, that the many nights she said my name only made me love her more. I placed my arms around her, exerting the right amount of pressure, and pulled her to my chest tightly. I put my lips to her ear and whispered, "Don't be self-conscious. If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it." I admitted.

I heard Charlie pull into the driveway at that moment, and realized Bella heard it too. She froze in my arms and ascertained that maybe she wasn't ready to introduce us, after all.

"Should your father know I'm here?" I asked.

"I'm not sure..." she hesitated.

"Another time then..." and I released her and ran swiftly from the kitchen.

"Edward!" Bella called out to me.

I laughed softly then. Charlie placed the key in the lock at that moment and opened the door.

I had moved up the stairs and into Bella's bedroom with a quick motion that no human would have seen. Charlie stepped through the front door in that moment, "Bella?" he called out.

"In here" Bella responded a little breathless.

I heard her open the microwave, pull her dinner out, and pull a chair out to probably sit on. I heard Charlie's footsteps as he walked from the front door to the kitchen. I still had a difficult time reading Charlie's thoughts, though it was obvious what they were this evening; tired and hungry.

"Can you get me some of that? I'm bushed." Charlie asked.

I heard some scuffling on the floor, as if he were taking his boots off. I had to concentrate hard to see Bella in Charlie's mind. He watched her take her food to the counter to eat it while she was preparing food for him. She was eating like she had never had food before, like she was completely ravenous. I instantly scolded myself for forgetting to bring food to the meadow today.

"Thanks," Charlie said, and continued to watch Bella.

Charlie could tell there was something off about Bella; he just couldn't put his finger on it. He watched as she took large bites of food, rushing her meal.

"How was your day?" Bella rushed the words in between large bites of food.

Was she anxious to see me again? Is that why she was rushing? Charlie knew there was something up, but he still didn't say anything, "Good. The fish were biting...how about you? Did you get everything done that you wanted to?"

"Not really - it was too nice out to stay indoors." She explained while taking another large bite of food.

"It was a nice day," Charlie agreed, and he continued to watch his daughter eat her food like she was a starving child from Ethiopia.

She had finished the rest of her food and gulped her milk down in a couple of chugs. I chuckled internally. I was standing in the corner of her room, breathing her scent in, while I waited for her.

Suddenly, Charlie decided to say something about her behavior, and I listened intently. "In a hurry?" he asked.

Was she in a hurry? Charlie imagined she maybe had plans with some friends this evening, and was actually surprised to hear her response, "Yeah, I'm tired. I'm going to bed early." she clarified.

He wasn't convinced, "You look kinda keyed up."

"Do I?" Bella responded.

"It's Saturday," Charlie mused.

Charlie's mind then began to wonder towards reasons of why she would be keyed up. Was she sneaking out? Was there a boy involved? Did she have plans with someone she didn't want to tell him about? I grinned widely at this, because there was someone she wasn't telling him about, and that person is in her room.

"No plans tonight?" Charlie asked, trying to figure out what was going on.

"No, Dad, I just want to get some sleep." Bella replied, a little annoyance in her tone.

"None of the boys in town your type, eh?" Charlie asked, still trying to get more information.

If only she knew the type of boy she was interested in.

"No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet," she told him, and she slightly emphasized the word boy, though Charlie didn't notice.

Suddenly, I was...angry...or jealous when I heard Charlie's next thought. He wants Bella to date Mike Newton. If only he knew what kind of kid he really was. Mike would easily trade a girl out for another one that is a better model, how could he want that for his daughter?

"I thought maybe that Mike Newton...you said he was friendly." Charlie smiled at the thought.

"He's just a friend, Dad." Bella said, annoyed.

The jealousy was still raging inside me, I loathe the Newton kid. I would damage him if he were to try to take Bella from me.

"Well, you're too good for them all, anyway." That's an understatement, I thought, "Wait till you get to college to start looking," Charlie was pleased she wasn't dating anyone, or looking to date anyone for that matter...if only he knew.

"Sounds like a good idea to me," Bella agreed.

I was hoping I was excluded from that statement, though I am sure that I was, since I am the one waiting for her in her bedroom with her unsuspecting father in the kitchen below.

I heard Bella's light footsteps going up the stairs, slowly. I wanted to run down them, grab her up into my arms, pull her close to my chest and race back up the stairs, just so I wouldn't have to waste another second away from her.

"'Night, honey," Charlie called to her.

Charlie was still not completely convinced, and he was making plans and arranging ways to keep Bella home, just in case she were to try and leave without his permission. I didn't blame him though; I was just as protective of her as he was.

"See you in the morning, Dad." She called out.

Bella was still climbing the stairs, slowly, deliberately slow, even. I was becoming impatient. She finally reached the top of the stairs and entered her bed room. She rushed across the floor on her tip toes in an attempt to muffle her footsteps. It worked for Charlie's ears, but not mine. She didn't see me, and I just continued to watch her. She reached the window, flung it wide open, looked back and forth, squinted her eyes, and then whispered, "Edward?"

During her scuttle to the window, and her searching outside, I walked swiftly to her bed and lay there, placing my hands behind my head all without making a single sound. I chuckled then, and whispered, "Yes?"

She turned around so quickly that I felt a breeze from her movement. Her fragrance lapped at my tongue when I caught my breath. It was still amazingly sweet, and doubly tempting. Her hand reached up and grabbed at her throat while her heart starting pounding out loud palpitations.

I had a large smile splayed across my face.

"Oh!" she gasped and sank quickly to the floor.

I pursed my lips, trying to hold back a chuckle, "I'm sorry."

Her heart was beating rapidly, "Just give me a minute to restart my heart."

I sat up slowly, as to not shock her again. I leaned forward then, and reached out, grabbed her by her arms and placed her on the bed next to me. I didn't want her to be sitting on the floor. And I want to be closer to her, I added mentally.

"Why don't you sit with me," I suggested. I put my hand over hers, "How's the heart?"

"You tell me - I'm sure you hear it better than I do." She said sarcastically.

I chuckled low, it was true, I could hear her heart, and tell her that it was beating at eighty beats per minute, which is fast for her heart, but it has lowered since I startled her, then it was ninety beats per minute. We sat there in silence for several long moments. I was listening intently on her heart, as it finally reached about her normal heart rate of sixty-five beats per minute. Once she calmed down she turned to look at me, "Can I have a minute to be human?" she asked.

"Certainly," and I motioned my hand to indicate she should go ahead.

She looked at me for another moment, "Stay," she commanded.

"Yes, Ma'am." I replied and in that moment I froze, showing her that I wasn't going anywhere.

She rose from the bed swiftly, grabbed some clothes off the floor, a bag off the desk and left the room. She left the light off, but that was not an issue, I could see clearly in the dark. Her scent was still lingering, and I breathed in several generous gulps.

I heard her bang a door loudly, probably the bathroom door. I could hear her running water in the bathroom. After a few minutes, the scent hit me...she was in the shower. Her aroma floated under the bedroom door and right to my nose, surrounding my whole body. I could smell the soap she was using and I could smell her blood, as the shower water warmed it. Bella's scent when she was in the rain enriched her scent beyond belief...but this, this was almost torture.

Her scent was so extravagant and delicious that my mouth was watering and venom flowed freely in my mouth. I didn't know if I could take it, I grabbed at her mattress and pulled my free hand to my chest as I tried to cage the monster that was breaking free in this moment. As the scent continued to flow through the room, I was beginning to see her as my prey. All my desires had reared up in this moment, and I knew that I needed to keep them in check.

The water shut off then and I heard movement in the shower. The thirst was still overwhelming. I was becoming anxious at this moment that I would do something I would regret. Should I flee? I was quickly going through all the outcomes that could happen in this moment. Suddenly, pulling me from my distraction, I heard a thought that was screaming loudly.

Edward! I've only come here to warn you of the many flashes I have seen in my head since Bella left you alone in her room. Please, please, be careful. Alice's thoughts were a warning.

The visions that she had in her head had pulled me out of my hunting status. I was very grateful to her tonight. She could have easily let it play out, and see Bella possibly become a living statue like me. She had stayed close, just like I asked her to, and she might have saved Bella's life. Her visions had flashed through my head and shown me what I might have done. The thoughts instantly burned me, not in a thirsty way, in an way that would make me beg for death if they were to come true. The monster was now securely caged in my chest. I went to the window where I saw Alice standing in the trees, and whispered, "Thank you."

You're welcome, Edward. By the way, I hope you are still planning on asking her to come over. Alice mused.

I whispered with a little bit of a growl this time, "Thanks, Alice, you can go now."

Just a thought, Alice chuckled and ran swiftly from the house.

I heard the bathroom door open in that moment. I moved quickly back to her bed, and resumed my statute pose. I could hear Bella literally running down the stairs. She stopped in the middle, "'Night Dad," she called down to Charlie.

Charlie's thoughts were confused, and he was still not convinced she was not up to any good.

"'Night, Bella." he called back up to her.

I heard her jumping up the stairs. The bedroom door flung open, she turned quickly, and shut the door slowly behind her. She smiled at me and I returned her grin. I gazed at her appearance, her hair was still wet from the shower and she was wearing a holey t-shirt with grey sweat pants, and she was absolutely striking. Her smell was tremendously intoxicating, but now that she was here in the room, the monster who almost got free, didn't even scratch at my chest. I raised one eyebrow then, "Nice."

She frowned. She had gotten the wrong impression, "No, it looks good on you." I tried to explain.

"Thanks," she whispered.

She crossed the room and sat on the bed, crossing her legs beside me. She wasn't looking at me; she was staring at the floor.

"What was all of that for?" I asked about her running down the stairs and running back up.

"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out." She mused.

She is perceptive, "Oh," I said, trying to sound like I had no idea, "Why?"

"Apparently, I look a little over excited."

I reached over and lightly placed my finger under her chin to lift it up so I could see her face, and read her eyes. I took air in my lungs then, and the aroma coming off her body should be illegal.

"You look very warm, actually." I mused.

In the moment, I had to know what her skin felt like after being in that hot shower for so long. I slowly bent my face to meet her cheek. Bella didn't move. My mouth was to her ear, "Mmmmmm...," I breathed in her ear, she smelt absolutely delectable.

Her breathing picked up along with her pulse. I was instantly eager, like I had been when we first kissed.

"It seems to be...much easier for you, now, to be close to me," she thought.

"Does it seem that way to you?" I murmured.

It was true; it was getting easier for me to be around her. I'm afraid if I were to be away from her for any period of time that I would have to start all over, giving me yet another excuse to stay with her.

I moved my nose so it lightly caressed her jaw line. I reached up to move her hair away from her neck with the lightest of touches. She trembled under my touch. I moved my lips to the hollow under her ear and kissed lightly.

"Much, much easier," she breathed.

Her pulse was hammering.

"Hmm." I murmured in her ear.

"So I was wondering...," Bella began talking, but I hushed her immediately with my touch.

I started stroking her collarbone with my finger tip, but I was still curious, "Yes?" I breathed in her ear. She trembled again.

"Why is that, do you think?" her voice was trembling with pleasure.

I laughed lightly, breathing in her ear, realizing that it would cause her to tremble again. Her pulse picked up, "Mind over matter," I breathed.

She pulled away from me then. Instantly I was nervous I had done something perverse. I wanted to pull her back to me. I froze; worried I did something incredibly wrong. I clenched my jaw in worry. She stared fixedly at me, her eyes cautious. I slowly and deliberately unclenched my teeth. What was the matter?

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No - the opposite. You're driving me crazy," she exclaimed.

I was euphoric in that moment. She was enjoying this as much as I was.

"Really?" I asked, exultant.

A smile gradually spread across my previously worried face.

"Would you like a round of applause?" she asked, her voice acerbic.

My grin became wider, "I'm just pleasantly surprised," I explained, "In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with...in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it...at being with you..."

Belle interrupted, "You're good at everything."

The only thing I cared about being good at was being with her. I shrugged and we both silently laughed.

"But how can it be so easy now?" she asked, pure curiosity in her eyes, "This afternoon..."

"It's not easy," I sighed, "But this afternoon, I was still... undecided. I am sorry about that; it was unforgiveable for me to behave so." Before the self chastisement could commence she was quickly disagreeing, "Not unforgiveable."

She was ever so self sacrificing, "Thank you," I smiled, "You see," I continued, taking my eyes from her so she couldn't read the chagrin, "I wasn't sure if I was strong enough..."

I reached out and pulled her hand to my face, letting it warm my cheek, "And while there was still that possibility that I might be...overcome" I sucked in the air at her wrist, letting it envelope me, "I was...susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would...that I ever could..." I couldn't say the words that would condemn me.

"So there's no possibility now?" she asked, hope in her voice.

"Mind over matter," I repeated, and smiled at her, even though it wasn't completely true.

"Wow, that was easy," she said, amused.

Unbelievable, I threw my head back and chuckled in whispers at the ceiling.

"Easy for you!" I told her as I lightly touched the tip of her nose with my finger.

The touch sent electricity through me, like it always does when we touch. She needed to understand though, that it wasn't easy for me at all, I had been fighting with so many desires when I was around her I was unsure if I could constantly keep them all caged.

"I'm trying," I whispered to her and to my thoughts, "If it gets to be...too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave."

Who was I kidding? Would I ever be able to leave this wonderful soul now that I found her? I would never find someone like her again. She frowned at me then.

"And it will be harder tomorrow," I continued, "I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though. I think" I explained to her.

I wanted her to realize that I am still a blood drinking killer, and that her blood was still the sweetest of them all.

"Don't go away, then," she pleaded.

More than happy, I replied, "That suits me," and I smiled at her loving face, "Bring on the shackles - I'm your prisoner."

I encompassed my hands around her wrists. I laughed quietly.

"You seem more...optimistic than usual," she ascertained, "I haven't seen you like this before."

"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" I grinned widely, "The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"

If this was not love, I would like to know what it was. I had never felt so euphoric before.

"Very different," she agreed, "More forceful than I'd imagined."

"For example: the emotion of jealousy; I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me..." I frowned, remembering how all the boys in town lined up for Bella, "Do you remember the day Mike asked you to the dance?"

She was looking intently at me. She nodded, "The day you started talking to me again."

"I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury that I felt - I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care. And then the line started forming," I laughed at the memory of her face as she became angrier each time someone asked her to the dance.

Bella frowned at the memory.

"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure.

"That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew if I continued to ignore you as I should or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike or someone like him. It made me angry."

"And then," I whispered, "as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer."

During my small speech, Bella's heart began to pound, and her pulse began to race, I continued, "But jealousy...it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational. Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton..." I shook my head, I absolutely hated that kid.

"I should have known you'd be listening," she grumbled.

"Of course," I said, it should be obvious.

"That made you feel jealous, though, really?" she asked, skeptical.

Irrational, I repeated in my head, "I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh." I tried to explain my illogical thoughts.

"But honestly, for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie - Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie - was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?" She scoffed.

I felt a sensation in my chest...she was jealous of me! It felt wonderful that she should feel that away. Irrational, I thought again.

"There's no competition," I smiled.

Her wrists were still in my hands and I pulled her closer, bringing her hands to my back. I held her to my chest. She was very still, and was taking light, even breaths. Her scent was amazingly warm and was oh so pleasant.

"I know there's no competition," she muttered into my chest, "That's the problem."

She thinks that Rosalie is better than her? Insane! If she knew Rosalie, she would understand that her beauty far outweighs Rosalie's!

"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me. For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind and yours...all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet." I tried to explain, to show her how much she means to me.

"It hardly seems fair," she whispered, still securely wrapped in my arms, "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?" she wondered.

"You're right," I chuckled, "I should make this harder for you, definitely."

I released one of my hands that was holding her wrists behind my back, and quickly grabbed up both of her wrists in my one hand. I brought my freed hand to her face then, and gently brushed her hair, moving my hand from the top of her head down to her waist. She trembled under my touch and it sent pleasurable sensations rippling through me.

"You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity...what's that worth?" I asked.

"Very little - I don't feel deprived of anything," she murmured.

"Not yet," I replied, grief thickly covering my every word.

When she realizes her mistake, she will leave me, and it will be for someone who is human, someone who can grow old with her. She tried to pull away from me now, and I couldn't let her see the sadness that was on my face. I held her tightly to my chest.

"What..." she began to ask something.

I froze, because Charlie's thoughts were evident, he was going to check on Bella, She better be in her bed. Charlie thought.

I released her hands, even though it caused me pain to do so, and moved into a corner of the room where Charlie wouldn't see me. I suddenly realized that Bella had no idea what was going on, "Lie down!" I whispered fiercely.

She quickly wrapped herself in her quilt and lay down on her side. Charlie cracked open the door only a second later. I watched as she exaggerated each breath and I rolled my eyes. Charlie could tell she wasn't completely asleep either. He stood there for a whole minute before closing the door quietly. Bella never moved. Had she fallen asleep?

I moved swiftly over to her and I wrapped my arms around her under the covers. Her heart skipped a beat and then began speeding up. Her pulse was racing. I was instantly eager. I put my lips to her ear, "You are a terrible actress - I'd say that career path is out for you." I breathed.

She trembled, and then replied, "Darn it," she whispered.

I held her securely to my chest and I began to hum her lullaby that I composed. I hesitated for a moment, "Would you like me to sing you to sleep?" I asked.

"Right," she laughed, "Like I could sleep with you here!"

"You do it all the time," I reminded her.

"But I didn't know you were here," she said, her voice snippy.

It was true; she hadn't known I was here. I didn't want to leave though, so I decided a compromise would be best, "So if you don't want to sleep..." I breathed in her ear.

I had other ideas...of things we could do, but I knew that my insatiable desires could cause me to lose control, especially if she were to embrace me back like she did this afternoon. I couldn't imagine how I would feel if I lost control. I banished the thought from my mind immediately.

"If I don't want to sleep...?" she responded.

I laughed in whispers, "What do you want to do then?"

She hesitated for a moment, and that moment felt like a life time...if only I could read her thoughts.

"I'm not sure," she said timidly.

I couldn't make this decision for her, she had to decide...it was her choice; it has to always be her choice.

"Tell me when you decide," I replied.

I brought my nose to her neck and engulfed her scent. Daggers were being dragged down my throat, I was sure of it. The burning desire enthralled me. I slid my nose up her neck to her jaw, breathing in her scent, her incredibly appetizing scent.

"I thought you were desensitized"

"Just because I'm resisting the wine, doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," I whispered against her ear, "You have a very floral smell, like lavender...or freesia, it's mouthwatering." I trailed my nose down her neck again, inhaling the sweet scent.

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell," she said sarcastically.

I laughed lightly and failed to suppress a sigh.

"I've decided what I want to do, I want to hear more about you," she told me.

I could handle this, "Ask me anything" I prompted.

She paused for a moment, "Why do you do it?" she asked, curiosity flaring in her voice, "I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you...are. Please don't misunderstand; of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place." she pointed out.

I wasn't sure how to answer this, I had to think how the right way to explain it, "That's a good question, and you are not the first to ask it. The others - the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot - they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been...dealt a certain hand...it doesn't mean that we can't chose to rise above - to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can." I explained to her.

She didn't move, but she was still snuggled securely against me. I waited for a few moments, no sound. I was worried instantly, then realized she might be asleep, "Did you fall asleep?" I whispered in her ear.

"No." she whispered back.

"Is that all you were curious about?" I wondered.

"Not quite," she said like I should know better.

"What else do you want to know?" I asked, curious now.

"Why can you read minds - why only you? And Alice, seeing the future...why does that happen?" she whispered.

I shrugged then, not really knowing how to answer this question. I contemplated for only a second, "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory...he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified - like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."

I only quit speaking for a second before she had another question, "What did he bring into the next life, and the others?" she was incredibly curious, which I don't blame her for.

"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her...tenacity. Or you could all if pigheadedness," I laughed, "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, he was able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him - calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."

She lay there, very still and quiet. Maybe she had fallen asleep. I waited for a few minutes, moving my nose up and down her neck, breathing in her fragrance once more. She finally spoke, "So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on..."

She was asking an impossible question. I tried to think about it logically, "Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?" I mused.

She hesitated, "Let me get this straight - I'm the baby seal, right?" she asked, a smile in her voice.

"Right," I laughed, agreeing.

I brought my lips to her hair then. I took a deep breath of her heady scent. She was silent then, "Are you ready to sleep?" I asked, "Or do you have any more questions?"

"Only a million or two," she responded, and I grinned widely.

It felt amazing to know that she wanted to know everything about me.

"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next...," I promised her.

I knew from this moment on, I would never leave her side. What her fate was, I was still unsure, but as long as I stood as protector, she would stay human and in my arms.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning?" she asked, seriously, "You are mythical, after all," she added playfully.

"I won't leave you," and my promise was unconditional.

"One more, then, tonight..."

I couldn't see her blush, but I could smell the blood rushing up to her face and I could hear her pulse speeding up. I was instantly curious, "What is it?"

She replied immediately, "No, forget it. I changed my mind."

What was she thinking? It was so infuriating. I groaned in her ear, letting her know my frustration, "I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it gets worse and worse." I complained.

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking," she replied, her voice acerbic.

I would have gotten down on my knees and begged her if I thought it would help, but I decided to go another route. I brought my lips to her ear and breathed in deeply and let out a light gust of air. She shivered in pleasure. I tried asking then, "Please," I begged.

She shook her head. Apparently I am not as persuasive as I thought, I decided to try another route, "If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is," I threatened.

She said nothing, she didn't even move, "Please?" I pleaded.

Finally she spoke, "Well," she began.

When she hesitated I thought I was going to go insane. The never ending silence of her thoughts was driving me over the edge. I was extremely frustrated. I tried to convince her to continue, "Yes?"

"You said Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon...Is that...marriage...the same as it is for humans?" she was blushing.

I knew she was blushing; the scent of her blood was heavy in her face. Her pulse was still racing. I took air in my lungs at her neck. I understood why she was blushing though and laughed lightly, "Is that what you're getting at?" I asked.

Suddenly, I realized what was different about Bella in one of Alice's most recent visions. Bella, crimson red eyes, arm in arm with Alice, a ring on her ring finger, a very familiar ring... my mothers. Bella interrupted my revelation. She began fidgeting, "Yes, I suppose it is much the same," I replied, "I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires." I explained, still lost in my new revelation.

I was anxious. Is that what our future held? It looked peaceful, wonderful...but how could I take her soul? I wouldn't, I refuse.

"Oh," Bella breathed.

I was instantly curious as to why this was brought up, "Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?" I asked.

"Well, I did wonder...," she hesitated, "about you and me...someday..." her sentence trailed off.

I froze. She was thinking about us being married. I couldn't imagine losing control with her. I would kill her! I also knew I would never take her soul and change her. Alice had to be mistaken!

"I don't think that...that...would be possible for us." I said, very serious.

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that...close?" she wondered.

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply my accident." I explained to her, hoping she realized that I would never hurt her, therefore - I can never lose control.

I moved my hand to her cheek. The warmth only pressed my point on her breakable state, "If I was too hasty...if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

She didn't respond. Her silence was unnerving. With every breath she took, I became more anxious, "Are you scared?" I asked, worried.

She still didn't respond. Had she gone to sleep? No, her pulse was still hammering and her breath was still staggered. I secured my arms around her, hoping to reassure her that I would never hurt her. She finally spoke, "No. I'm fine." she lied smoothly.

I thought about it for a minute. I had questions of my own now, "I'm curious now, though," I said lightly, "Have you ever...?" I didn't finish my sentence, hoping she would realize what I was asking.

She responded immediately, "Of course not." I could smell the blood rushing to her face again, "I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."

I instantly felt appalled for ever thinking that Bella was like a normal human.

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company." I explained.

"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all," she sighed.

I tightened my arms around her again, and took her fragrance into my lungs, letting my throat burn in pleasure, "That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." I said, pleased.

In my whole existence, I had never been with another woman, human or vampire. I had never been this physically or emotionally close to anyone. I was grateful that I waited until this moment to be with Bella. Being with anyone else was unconceivable. The sensations I am feeling are incredible and worth the wait.

"Your human instincts..." she began, I waited, "Well, do you find me attractive, in that way, at all?"

I was taken aback. Did she seriously think I found her unattractive in any sort of way? I laughed low, to not let Charlie hear. I moved one of my hands to her hair and lightly fluffed it up.

"I may not be human, but I am a man," I assured her.

Suddenly, she was yawning. I was keeping her awake, she needed to get sleep, "I've answered your questions, now you should sleep," I insisted.

"I'm not sure if I can."

It broke my heart to ask her, but it always had to be Bella's choice, "Do you want me to leave?" there was sadness in my voice.

"No!" She almost yelled.

I laughed; I became light hearted immediately at her exclamation. I began humming her lullaby in her ear again. We laid there for only a few moments before Bella's breathing became deep.

Then, the talking began.
18#
发表于 2016-8-17 21:29 | 只看该作者
17. Family

When Bella first fell asleep, she was quiet. I held her in my arms and kept my face close to her neck. I continued to breathe deeply while I hummed her lullaby very quietly in her ear. Even in her sleep, she trembled at my touch. This moment is what I had always wished for when I was the peeping tom, and now, after everything I've done; spying on her, being rude to her, ignoring her, she invites me in and still wants to be with me. The thought sent pleasure through me. A feeling I couldn't get used to, yet I craved it more.

While I was laying there with an angel in my arms I was thinking about the past day's events. I couldn't think of my life before her, because that was no life at all. I was so joyous, euphoric. Every time I felt her warmth, hear her pulse speed up, watch her face flush I fell deeper and deeper into love.

After fifteen minutes of silence, Bella began to mumble. I couldn't understand what she was saying for the most part. She shivered then, and I realized that I was probably making her cold. Though it pained me to do it, I removed her from my arms and pulled the blanket around her firmly. Bella turned over when I let go of her, and I thought she woke up when she mumbled, "I love you, Edward." She sighed then, and smiled. Bursts of pleasure and exultation flowed swiftly through my body at the thought of her love for me. I was rejoicing, my skin literally singing. The onslaught of euphoric feelings was almost overwhelming.

A light snore followed and then she turned again, moving her left hand around like she was looking for something...this distracted me. I didn't know what she could possibly be feeling for. An idea sparked in my head then. I grabbed another blanket and wrapped it securely around her. She mumbled, sighed, and said my name. Her hand never stopped searching. I finally laid down next to her, holding her while she was bundled in her quilt and another blanket.

Like her hand found what it was looking for, she grabbed my neck and pulled her face into the hollow below my ear. She breathed deep heavy breaths onto my neck. The warmth made me tremble. I pulled her in closer to me. The sensations of her breath were almost maddening. She reached up with her right hand and then it limply fell onto my chest. I held her even closer then. She was quiet.

After several immeasurable moments, she turned over and sighed. Her hand came around her back and pulled me close again. I gently caressed her face. Even in her sleep she flushed red. I wonder what she is dreaming about. She sighed my name once more, lightly snored again and didn't move for over an hour.

It was becoming late in the evening and Charlie decided he was going to bed. Before he went to bed though, he went outside, opened the hood of Bella's truck, felt to see if it was warm...just in case she had snuck out and back without his knowledge, and then swiftly unplugged the battery cables. Did he seriously think that is all it would take to stop Bella from leaving? Charlie went to bed then, and he was snoring in a matter of minutes.

Bella moved once more, bringing her head to my chest, over my still heart. I moved the hair from her face and watched as she slept peacefully. I caressed her face, her hair, her lips over and over again. Every time I pressed my fingers to her skin I was stung by the electricity. It was an astonishing feeling.

When I could see the sky turning a deep dark blue, I left to take a shower and change my clothes. Removing my arms from Bella was torture. But I had to. I jumped out of Bella's window and raced to my house. It isn't home without Bella, she was my home now.

Alice, oh Alice...she was waiting for me, just like always, at the bottom of the stairs outside.

"Thanks," I mumbled under my breath, I was still grateful for her presence this evening.

"So, Jasper lost the bet - he should know better than to bet against me." Alice laughed.

We heard Emmett's chuckling from inside the house, immediately after we heard a loud thud and a, "I'll get you for that!"

Shortly after we heard Esme, "Boy's, cut it out!" followed by "I'm Sorry," from Jasper and Emmett both.

Alice and I just grinned widely at each other.

"So, are the boys ready to meet Bella?" I asked Alice.

Her face went blank as I watched her go through her most recent visions. She was seeing Jasper staying far from Bella, Emmett enjoying Bella's presence immensely until Rosalie show's up and Bella and I laughing exuberantly.

"Thanks again," I said.

I heard a chuckle from inside the house again, "Hey Edward, is meeting Bella going to be as fun as messing with that kid in Spanish class?" Emmett mused.

I heard a light slap from inside the house, "Emmett, you will be good to Bella, she is going to be a part of this family!" Esme reprimanded him.

"Alice, can I ask you a question?" I wondered.

Oh, of course you would be wondering about that. I am surprised it took you this long to notice, Alice thought.

"Please, Alice," I pleaded, "Show me the vision again."

Bella and Alice were in a room together, Bella's room, I noticed. Alice was taking measurements of her body and Bella was blushing scarlet with a frown prominent on her face. Immediately I noticed the ring on her left hand.

"Stop," I begged.

What is it Edward, I don't understand, Alice asked, concerned.

"This isn't the same vision, is this newer?" I asked

Alice tried to hide her thoughts. It was a new vision, but I was noticing how she was getting measured for a wedding gown and how her face was still flushing a deep red, which meant that she was human. How was that possible? Was it when Bella asked me about marriage? I must admit, the thought did run through my mind, but for only a fraction of a second. Did we both want it at the same time? It seemed a dream come true - but how could this be possible. I was completely miffed! How could I let myself get so deeply into this? Because you love her, you idiot, I yelled internally.

She was my life now, and there was no taking it back. I could not leave her, and I knew she felt the same way. I frowned at Alice. It wasn't her fault, but she was the one who was showing me what I could possibly be doing to Bella. I was coveting her.

I went inside the house. Carlisle was talking with Jasper intently about a new medical study going on at the hospital. When I walked in the room, they stopped immediately. Jasper could feel the mix of emotions coming off of me.

What is going on with you Edward? I have never felt so many emotions radiating off one person, love, self hatred, anger, happiness... there are so many feelings, get a grip, Edward! Jasper scolded.

"I'm sorry," I muttered to Jasper.

I put my feelings in check then, deciding to focus on today's events.

"Carlisle, I am going to invite Bella over to meet the family, is that okay?" I asked

Absolutely, that would be delightful, Carlisle thought.

Esme came into the room then, interested in our conversation. I had not talked that much about Bella in the past, but they all knew how my mood has changed since I met her. She has altered me in ways I didn't know were possible.

"You know my thoughts on that Edward. I've wanted to meet her for some time now. She is your partner, which means she is family. I am ready to meet my new daughter," Esme beamed.

"Thank you," I said to both of them with a grin on my face.

"No need to thank us Edward, we want to thank Bella!" Carlisle exclaimed.

"No doubt," I mumbled, distracted now.

My family could tell I was distracted, and they scattered, while their mental humming starting thinking about the days events, which would include a human.

I went to my bedroom and quickly showered and changed. I was in a hurry and I was finished in just two minutes. I was out the door in the next second.

Can't wait to see Bella, Alice thought as I flew by.

I was back at Bella's before Charlie left. Charlie was humming under his breath while gathering his fishing supplies. He checked on Bella, went downstairs, and pulled something out of the fridge. I was standing in the shade of the trees. My arms were feeling cold, something they have never felt before, but I knew it was because Bella's warmth was absent and I was becoming impatient with Charlie's human slowness.

He finally exited the house and I was already in Bella's room. When I jumped in the window, wind blew inward and then back out the window throwing Bella's scent into my face, instantly assaulting my throat. Hot flames burst down my throat licking at my aching wounds from my already dry thirsty throat. I whirled around to look at Bella. She was sleeping soundly, her hair all around her, where it had dried in the shape of her pillow. A little laugh escaped my lips and the monster was instantly caged, even though the dull ache in my throat continued to burn.

Charlie reconnected Bella's battery cables and left to meet Harry Clearwater at the lake in that moment. I was busy watching over Bella, though. I didn't have time to deal with anyone else's thoughts. My arms were still feeling cold from Bella's absence, but my heart had warmed since I reentered her bedroom. I continually breathed in several large generous gulps of air, letting her scent burn my throat, sending painful pleasure through my body.

I sat in the rocking chair, afraid pulling her into my arms would wake her now. An hour passed, and she still hadn't moved. I would have thought her dead if it weren't for her regular pulse and light snoring.

Suddenly Bella moaned, putting her arm over her face and then she rolled over. She was still for a moment. Her heart started pounding, and her pulse began racing. I was worried but then, instantly, she was sitting up, "Oh!" she breathed.

She met my gaze and I smiled, "Your hair looks like a haystack...but I like it," I teased.

Her hair was splayed across her face...she was adorable. In a fluid movement, by her standards, she was out of the bed and into my arms, clutching herself to me, "Edward! You stayed!" she exulted. My arms instantly engulfed her and brought her to my chest.

She became stone under my arms and her gaze met mine, worry in her expression. She must be worried she went too far but when she threw herself into my arms, I was instantly satisfied, my arms simultaneously warming. I laughed, joyous, "Of course," I told her.

My hands were at her back and began moving up and down gently, caressing her. She shivered in pleasure. I breathed in her delicious scent. Her head met my shoulder, and I brought my arms around her again, securing her to my chest.

"I was sure it was a dream," she mused.

"You're not that creative," I teased.

"Charlie," she exclaimed, leaving my arms quickly to go to the door.

My arms stung without her presence, like they were turning to ice.

"He left an hour ago - after reattaching your battery cables, I might add. I have to admit I was disappointed. Is that really all it would take to stop you, if you were determined to go?" I asked, curious.

She stood in the middle of her room, with a confused expression on her face, unresponsive to my question, "You're not usually this confused in the morning," I noted.

My arms were still stinging unbearably now. I held my arms out, welcoming her back into my embrace. She stared at me, wavered, and then spoke, "I need another human minute," she explained.

"I'll wait."

Bella literally skipped to the bathroom. I had never seen her do that, and it sent a new sensation spiraling down my spine. I still didn't know Bella, there were so many things I didn't understand and I wanted to know everything about it. Her expressions, her thoughts and feelings. I gritted my teeth, and tightened my eyes shut trying to read her thoughts once more. Nothing, not even a hum, murmur, or buzz. Absolutely...frustrating, there was no other word for it. I heard the water running in the bathroom again and I was extremely happy that she wasn't taking another warm shower. The memory of the scent left painful scorch marks in my throat.

I heard the water turn off. She ran back into the room and I immediately held out my arms, pleading obvious on my face. For her to be in my arms was a necessity at this moment. I couldn't remain in this chair for long if she wasn't locked in my arms.

"Welcome back," I murmured.

Her heart began beating rapidly and she embraced me back. I held her to my chest, rocking her lightly back and forth while lightly tracing her bodies every line. A rush of sensations was rippling through my body, at each electric jolt; jubilance, happiness, triumph...the uplifting joy I was feeling was indescribable.

Bella grabbed the collar of my shirt, "You left?" she accused.

I felt so light-hearted at this moment, "I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in - what would the neighbors think?" I teased, not like the neighbors would see me.

Her bottom lip was suddenly protruding from her face. My new desires and the passion I was always feeling for her flared up and I wanted to bring my mouth to hers to nibble on her lower lip. No mistakes, I told myself. If I were to slip, I might break the skin. I decided to distract myself, "You were very deeply asleep; I didn't miss anything," I stared at her, "The talking came earlier."

She groaned loudly and I automatically brought my arms around her to comfort her.

"What did you hear?" she moaned.

"You said you loved me." I explained with adoration in my joyous expression.

"You knew that already," she noted, bringing her head to my chest again.

Her warmth was insatiable and I brought her scent into my lungs again and again, relishing in the burning desires.

"It was nice to hear, just the same," I explained.

She didn't even hesitate, "I love you," she whispered softly.

My heart, unbeating, felt like it grew to ten times its normal size, a walking stereo type for the Grinch. I wrapped my arms around her in this moment, holding her closely while inhaling the delicate scent that I would on no account be able to acquire enough of.

I was holding Bella in my arms as she was confessing her love to me. I had to affirm my affections for her, and love wasn't an effective enough declaration, "You are my life now." I replied with an understated fervor.

Not one word escaped her mouth, but she drew me closer to her warm body. Her reaction was all the confirmation I needed. She understood. It would be foolish for me to deny myself the warmth of this soul. After several moments of pure bliss, I recalled her human weakness, "Breakfast time," I said, letting her know that I didn't forget all her human frailties.

She glanced at me and in an abrupt action she grasped her neck with both hands. Her eyes widened in terror. I was instantly distressed, terrified that she thought I was going to drink from her. She comprehended my reaction. It must be apparent on my face.

"Kidding!" she giggled, "And you said I couldn't act!" she pointed out.

I felt a moment of unease. Unbelievable! How could she possibly think of her life as a joke? Did she think so little of me, too? I was offended and a little out-raged, "That wasn't funny." I stated with vexation clear on my face.

"It was very funny, and you know it," she responded, laugh lines still present on her cheeks.

Nothing could smoother her uplifted mood or mine. She continued to examine my face. The anger I was feeling fled from my body as quickly as it came, "Shall I rephrase?" I inspected her face, "Breakfast time for the human."

"Oh, okay," she answered with a smirk.

I felt suddenly playful. I grabbed her up, and in the gentlest of ways, tossed her over my shoulder. She caught her breath and her pulse raced. The warmth emitted from her like the sun. Her scent was assaulting my nose, and entering my lungs in waves. I reveled in it because I knew the cold would return as soon as I placed her back on her feet. I disappeared down the stairs and in a seconds time I was in the kitchen. With my new discipline of my easy touch coming more naturally, I placed Bella carefully on a chair.

"What's for breakfast?" she asked with smile lines still prominent on her face.

Crap, I groaned internally. I remembered that she needed food, but I didn't think to learn to make food. I still hadn't found out all her little secrets like all the things she liked and disliked, including foods.

"Er, I'm not sure," I answered honestly, "What would you like?"

I was hoping she wouldn't ask for anything difficult. A pop tart maybe? Disgusting! I could see my reflection in her bright brown eyes and I watched as my brow furrowed at the complexity that was food. I was stumped on what to do.

She could read the apprehension on my face. She grinned her magnificent smile, bounded toward the cabinets and began searching.

"That's all right," she giggled, "I fend for myself pretty well. Watch me hunt."

My gaze followed her every move. I saw how she bounced on each of her steps. How every time she found something distasteful she would slightly shake her head, and when she was considering her options she would purse her lips. When she found something to her liking, she pulled it out of the cabinet and placed it on the table returning to the fridge to grab something else, and then added the two together. I could smell the sourness of the milk and the wheat from the cereal. It was repulsive. How could she eat something like that? No wonder she was so frail.

She froze, "Can I get you something?" she asked.

If she was meaning to offer me some of her food the answer was undeniably, 'no thanks'! I just rolled my eyes at the thought, "Just eat Bella." I commanded.

She sat at the table and never moved her gaze from my expressions. I continued to watch myself mirrored in her eyes. I saw how she placed the food in her mouth and watched as her communicative eyes delighted in each bite. She made a light coughing nose, pulling me from my distraction, "What's on the agenda for today?" she wondered.

"Hmmm..." I thought carefully on how I would tell her about meeting my family.

It is still her decision, I reminded myself.

"What would you say to meeting my family?" I framed the answer as a question, giving her options.

I heard the loud swallow of her food. Was she anxious?

"Are you afraid now?" I asked, afraid myself, though I formed the question as sounding hopeful so she wouldn't notice my panic that was bringing a light haze to my brain.

"Yes," she admitted.

There was an automatic tightening of my muscles. I wanted to reassure her, "Don't worry," I grinned playfully, hoping this would ease her mind. "I'll protect you," I added.

It was an understatement. No one would ever lay one finger on her.

"I'm not afraid of them," she explained, "I'm afraid they won't...like me. Won't they be, well, surprised that you would bring someone...like me...home to meet them? Do they know that I know about them?" She asked nervously.

"Oh, they already know everything. They'd taken bets yesterday, you know" I smiled at her, trying to show her how little stock I put in their games, but she could read the revulsion on my face, "on whether I'd bring you back, though why anyone would bet against Alice, I can't imagine. At any rate, we don't have secrets in the family. It's not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seeing the future and all that."

"And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that."

"You paid attention," I smiled.

Of course she paid attention, she was always absorbing more information than I was releasing.

"I've been known to do that every now and then," she frowned. "So did Alice see me coming?" she asked.

A memory came floating to the forefront of my mind; Bella as a vampire. Suddenly the onslaught of memories of Alice's visions overpowered me. I was temporarily still, "Something like that," I murmured.

I saw how my face looked in her eyes and turned my head swiftly, unable to hide my expressions of pain, horror and...happiness. A distraction, that is what I need right now.

"Is that any good?" I asked.

I was actually kind of curious now, "Honestly, it doesn't look very appetizing."

"Well, it's no irritable grizzly..."

I growled under my breath at her causal talk of our hunting. She ignored me. She continued to eat her food. Sometimes a crease would appear between her eyes and the curiosity would flare inside me. Unknowingly, I began probing her mind. It was something I did naturally, without effort. Once again I reached an invisible barrier that let me no farther than the deepest depths of her eyes. I turned towards the window to hide my facial expressions.

Another distraction, that is what I needed, "And you should introduce me to your father, too, I think."

"He already knows you," she exclaimed, horror in her voice.

It worked, I was distracted. Did she not want me to meet him... maybe I should explain, "As your boyfriend, I mean."

She glared at me apprehensively, "Why?"

I was confused, "Isn't that customary?" I wondered.

"I don't know," she admitted.

She hesitated for a minute before continuing, "That's not necessary, you know. I don't expect you to...I mean, you don't have to pretend for me."

Pretend? She was my life now, didn't she remember our conversation from only a few moments ago. There was nothing about my affections for her that were in any way false.

"I'm not pretending," I smiled to let her know that this was not a lie.

She didn't say anything, the quiet of the room biting at my uneasy thoughts. I watched as she moved her food around her bowl. She bit her lower lip. Would she break the skin? I was worried about her and my words came out sharper then I intended, "Are you going to tell Charlie I'm your boyfriend or not?"

"Is that what you are?"

Wasn't it? Maybe we hadn't declared our status, but I thought it was obvious. I decided that I was her...boyfriend, "It's a loose interpretation of the word 'boy,' I'll admit."

"I was under the impression that you were something more, actually," she admitted while she turned her gaze to the table.

A joyous feeling suddenly broke free and through my body. My frozen veins full of venom, of death, were instantly pulsing with a jubilant sensation, reveling in the life and soul of her, of Bella.

"Well, I don't know if we need to give him all the gory details," I mused.

Her gaze had not returned to me, and I took decisive action so I could read her conversational eyes. I lightly brought my finger to her chin, using the lightest of pressure, and brought her gaze to mine, "But he will need some explanation for why I'm around here so much. I don't want Chief Swan getting a restraining order put on me."

"Will you be? Will you really be here?"

She sounded anxious, worried.

"As long as you want me," I assured her, quickly.

"I'll always want you. Forever." She sounded like she was warning me.

I walked around the table so I could be closer to her. I paused, leaving a small distance between us. I brought my hand to her face, and gently, I touched her cheek with my finger tips. A red hot desire washed over me as her warmth engulfed me. I had barely touched her, yet I felt her heat flowing up my arm and filling my body with a need, my need for her.

"Does that make you sad?" she asked.

I didn't want Bella, I needed her. I needed her like she needs air. Couldn't she tell it wasn't sadness on my face, that is was something else? Bliss, ecstasy, pure joy was radiating off me like a nuclear explosion had imploded inside me, sending waves of happiness to all those who surrounded me. Couldn't she feel it?

"Are you finished?"

She hoped up out of her seat, eager, "Yes."

"Get dressed - I'll wait here." I commanded.

She bounded up the stairs, skipping two at a time. I waited for her at the foot of the stairs. When she was out of sight, my imagination got the better of me. The thought of her exposed body while she tried on clothes sent new desires rippling through me. I immediately reprimanded myself. I had to remember that she was fragile and innocent. I couldn't fathom how I would feel if I were to harm a single hair on her body, or worse, if I were to become so physical with her that my need and my desire became thirst and hunger. I shuddered and pushed the thoughts away.

My husband's not going to be home for a while; maybe I should call him...

She is so sexy; I wonder what it would feel like to...

The pink top or the white top

Several thoughts from the surrounding neighborhood intruded on my mind. Human's minds were always unoriginal and sometimes completely disgusting. How they thought of each other as interchangeable made me sick.

I heard Bella's door open, "Okay," she called while running down the stairs, "I'm decent."

I watched her as if she were in slow motion. She over stepped and in a fluid movement she ran right into me. I held her to steady her. And to feel her warmth, I added. I have to admit, I could have stopped her before she fell into me, but I didn't want to.

She was wearing a skirt and the dark blue blouse she wore when I rescued her in Port Angeles. The way her blouse hugged her body caused a hollow yearning in my stomach and the excess of venom flowed freely in my mouth at her delicious aroma. I brought my lips to her neck, and I resisted.

"Wrong again," I whispered in her ear, "You are utterly indecent - no one should look so tempting, it's not fair."

She trembled under my breath.

"Tempting how? I can change..." Bella asked, worried. Or was it fear in her voice now? Was she finally coming to her senses? Of course not, that would never happen.

"You as so absurd," I told her.

I brought my lips to her forehead, letting the dry ache have its way with me.

"Shall I explain how you are tempting me?"

I brought myself ever closer to her, taking her into my embrace. Gentle, I reminded myself. I slowly stroked my fingertips down her spine. She trembled and her pulse speed up. My wanting; longing was taking a grasp on my senses. I felt the new creature, desire, rejoice as I brought my lips closer to hers. My craving was over powering. I could feel her cheeks warming from the rise of emotions. Passion flowed freely in my veins. I was taking in the air around us. Every particle of air in the room was saturated with Bella's fragrance. The temptation to bring her neck to my teeth was strong. Her hands were on my chest, warming my dead heart. I brought my face closer to hers, bringing our lips inches apart. I took in another generous gulp of her fragrance and brought my lips to hers. I parted her slips slightly as euphoria fell over me and my body was screaming in exultation.

I was holding Bella tightly against my chest when suddenly she went limp in my arms. I was alarmed. Did I squeeze her too tight? Had I hurt her? I was panicking. I checked my hold on her, making sure my arms were gentle. I wasn't exerting any more pressure then I had all night when I was holding her.

"Bella?" I whispered in fear.

Her eyes fluttered and met mine. She was breathless, "You...made...me...faint," she said.

I rejoiced at her voice. I couldn't read her eyes, they were unfocused.

"What am I going to do with you?" I groaned in exasperation. "Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!"

She was still limp in my arms, but a small laugh came out of her lips, "That's the problem. You're too good. Far, far too good."

She was still unmoving in my arms. I was holding her up. She looked dizzy, "Do you feel sick?"

"No - that wasn't the same kind of fainting at all. I don't know what happened." She shook her head, "I think I forgot to breath."

She hadn't taken a breath, I remembered. What would Esme and Alice think if I brought her over there like this?

"I can't take you anywhere like this."

"I'm fine," she insisted, "Your family is going to think I'm insane anyway, what's the difference?"

I suppressed a sigh, deciding another distraction was needed. I looked down at her clothes.

"I'm very partial to that color with your skin," I told her.

The flood of blood to her cheeks made her glow. She was glorious.

"Look, I'm trying really hard not to think about what I'm about to do, so can we go already?" she said impatiently.

"And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?"

"That's right," she answered quickly...and maybe a hint of surprise in her voice.

I moved my head back and forth, "You're incredible."

As my house became visible Bella's eyes widened in surprise. I watched her eyes dart from the trees, the lawn, and finally to the house.

"Wow." She exclaimed.

I smiled, "You like it?"

"It...has a certain charm." She replied.

Bella's here! Alice bellowed from her mind. I ignored her.

I reached out and pulled the end of her ponytail lightly. What a human gesture, I mused to myself. I chuckled lightly. I parked her truck and was out of the driver's side door and outside her door opening it before she realized I was gone. She didn't even blink at the fast movement, she expected it.

"Ready?" I asked her.

"Not even a little bit - let's go" she attempted a laugh. It sounded more like choking. She was patting her hair, a nervous gesture.

"You look lovely," I reassured her.

I took her hand in mine, leading her up the porch. She was tense. I began caressing her hand with my thumb, trying to soothe her.

"Carlisle, they are on the porch," Esme called.

I opened the door to the house for Bella; she stepped in, still tense. I found it odd that Alice wasn't waiting at the door. I watched as Bella's eyes searched the house, looking for something suspect, I assumed. Her eyes darted from the far wall, which was made of only glass, to the piano and then to the staircase where Esme and Carlisle were waiting for us. They were grinning at her, but didn't approach.

She is lovely! Esme thought.

Then the scent hit her, I can see her initial appeal, she does smell wonderful...don't worry Edward, I'd never hurt her. Esme's thoughts continued.

Welcome home, Edward. Carlisle thought.

"Carlisle, Esme, this is Bella." I introduced them.

"You're very welcome, Bella," Carlisle stepped closer.

She isn't...scared is she? Carlisle wondered.

I shook my head in a motion that Bella wouldn't have noticed. Each step Carlisle took was slow, careful, and cautious. He raised his hand to shake Bella's. She stepped forward without hesitating and shook his hand, "It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen."

"Please, call me Carlisle."

"Carlisle," Bella grinned.

I was relieved that this initial meeting was over with, and I was sure Bella could read my body language.

Is she even nervous? Esme wondered, looking in my direction. I shook my head behind Bella.

Oh...I knew she was meant for you, and so maybe she is meant for our life too, Edward. Esme thought.

I banished the idea from my head immediately. I couldn't let myself...hope...to take her life.

Esme stepped forward, feeling elated about this meeting, and reached her hand to shake Bella's also. Bella took her hand like she was meeting a normal human.

"It's very nice to know you," Esme said sincerely.

"Thank you. I'm glad to meet you, too." Bella truly looked happy.

During these first meetings with my vampire parents Bella's pulse didn't speed up once. She was brave. Alice was still a no show. I searched for her thoughts and found them.

No, that color doesn't look right...yes, blue, Edward loves it when Bella wears blue. That's it, this dress will look spectacular on her!

"Where is Alice and Jasper?" I called out to them.

They both appeared at the top of the stairs in that second.

"Hey, Edward!" Alice called enthusiastically.

This is what I've been waiting for. Alice dived down the stairs and was abruptly in front of Bella.

I wanted to shout at her for doing this, but I decided that saying something in front of Bella was not a wise idea. She was taking everything so well, no need to scare her now. I knew Alice wouldn't hurt Bella, she loved her, too. Esme and Carlisle were giving her a reproving look.

"Hi, Bella!" Alice literally bounced forward and kissed her cheek.

I saw Esme grab Carlisle by the arm, like she was holding herself back.

Oh my! Esme thought.

I felt the temptation of Bella's seductive scent through Alice's thoughts. I was immediately tense.

Pipe down! She hissed in her head at me.

"You do smell nice, I never noticed before," Alice mused.

Blood began flooding up Bella's face as she blushed a light pink. I was anxious again when I realized the scent had finally reached Jasper.

Jasper quickly stopped the flow of air going into his lungs, refusing to take in anymore of her scent. The twin thirsts I felt whenever I was around Jasper were quieted. I felt relieved. He could still taste the curiosity and flavor of Bella from everyone's emotions.

I still don't see why you have such a fixation. Jasper thought.

He automatically emitted a flood of peace and calm. It swirled around her and she mirrored his emotions back. My eyebrow raised on its own. What was he doing?

"Hello Bella," Jasper said, using part of his air supply left in his lungs.

He kept his distance, heeding my previous warnings. Or, maybe, just maybe, he really was trying to not have the overwhelming need to feed. He was too busy concentrating for there to be any coherent thoughts.

"Hello, Jasper." Bella smiled at him, a light pink tinge still present on her cheeks. "It's nice to meet you all - you have a very beautiful home." Bella's eyes searched the room again.

She's sweet, too! Esme thought.

"Thank you, we're so glad that you came." Esme replied.

Me too! Alice thought.

She is so brave... Esme's thoughts continued.

She was quickly becoming absorbed with Bella, too. She was trying desperately to hide her other thoughts from me. I'd heard the thoughts before, but she was probably oblivious about thinking it. She had always thought there was something defective with me. Now, she was jubilant, joyous, that I had finally found someone.

Edward, Carlisle called out to me in his mind.

His eyes met mine; Alice has seen a coven, three of them, that will be very close to Forks. I didn't want to say anything in front of Bella. I wasn't sure how she would take the news. They know we are here, which means that they might make an appearance. Alice said they were curious.

Alice knew we were having a conversation. She was well practiced with our silent ones. She knew what we were communicating about and wanted to tack on any information she felt might be left out, or to just bug me, knowing her it could be either one.

I don't think they will be coming close to home, but it is a possibility. I knew that the news of a coven feeding in the area would be important to you considering you love a human. Alice added. And I love her too.

I nodded once to acknowledge their thoughts. I would tell Bella though. The word secret had a different meaning to me now, because I knew from now on I would tell her all of them. They would be our secrets.

I tried to not listen to my family's thoughts, but they were always as clear as if they were talking directly to me. I watched a vision along with Alice as it played out in her head; I was playing the piano, Bella in awe. The vision shifted and we were talking about the cross in the hall.

So far, the day looks uneventful, Alice mused. She was wrong about the day being uneventful. Every brief moment of time was tremendously significant to me, and very much so...eventful.

And Emmett wanted me to tell you sorry for not being here... Rosalie has become...irritated at the fascination Emmett has on humans now. She remembered a conversation about the Ben kid from Spanish class.

Of course, I thought. I returned my gaze to Bella. We were so close I could still feel the warmth flowing through my body from hers. I inhaled her scent while my wild desires and new found sensations went through my body. Jasper gave me a look. I knew he could feel everything I was feeling. Esme's thoughts brought me back to the room.

She keeps staring at the piano, Esme pondered.

"Do you play?" Esme asked Bella, leaning her head to suggest the piano.

Bella shook her head, "Not at all. But it's so beautiful. Is it yours?" she wondered.

I added this news to the list of things I knew about Bella, which was growing at a massive rate. She doesn't play the piano, but liked the piano...she was classy.

Why haven't you told her? Esme scolded me.

"No," Esme laughed, a sign of ease, "Edward didn't tell you he was musical?"

"No," Bella glared in my direction, indignation on her face. I formed an innocent expression, anticipating her reaction. "I should have known, I guess." she added.

I don't understand, Esme lifted her eyebrows at her words.

"Edward can do everything, right?" she explained.

Did she really believe that? She was so absurd.

What have you been telling her? Whatever it is, I want to know...I mean seriously, you have got to be kidding me, Jasper thought and then snickered aloud.

Tisk, tisk, Esme criticized.

"I hope you haven't been showing off - it's rude," Esme reprimanded me.

"Just a bit," I laughed.

Please keep her around...please please please. I have never seen you so light hearted. Esme thought.

Bella distracted me from Esme, "He's been too modest, actually." she corrected.

"Well, play for her," Esme encouraged me. You can play her the song that she inspired, sheadded mentally.

"You just said showing off was rude," I objected feebly.

She smiled, "There are exceptions to every rule."

I turned my gaze to Bella, "I'd like to hear you play," Bella insisted.

"It's settled then," Esme pushed me to the piano.

At the look on Bella's eager face it was inconceivable to think to say no to her. I conceded. I reached for Bella, bringing her into my side and taking her to the piano. I breathed in her heady scent while the electric pulse that always came from our touch surged through my body.

He just casually touches her...how fantastic. Esme thought.

We sat at the bench, her warmth warming my cold skin from the inside out. I turned my gaze to her, gauging her reaction. I didn't know what to play.

Her song Edward, her song...Esme encouraged.

I was still looking at Bella and she could sense the exasperation in my face. I placed my hands on the keys then, and settled on playing Esme's favorite. I was measuring Bella's expression. After a few seconds I watched her face go from peaceful to shocked instantly. Her mouth opened in astonishment. I heard my family members chuckling behind me at Bella's reaction. I was probing their minds to see all the different views of Bella at once. What was she thinking? Was it good or was it bad?

"Do you like it?" I inquired.

"You wrote this?" she inhaled quickly, realization in her eyes.

I nodded, "It's Esme's favorite." I noted.

We are just going to leave you two alone. Esme nodded to the others to leave, she is wonderful... no wonder he is so protective of her.

I ignored the crowd leaving the room because I was so absorbed by Bella's every reaction. I watched as she lightly closed her eyes in exasperation and shook her head back and forth. Did I do something?

"What's wrong?"

She looked saddened, or upset. "I'm feeling extremely insignificant." she explained.

I decided to take Esme's advice and play her song. The music slowed, and I began playing the beautiful song that I had composed and changed many times since I had met her until it became the sweetest of notes blending together to make magic.

"You inspired this one," I whispered, making sure she understood that she was the most significant thing in my world. She was speechless. The silence of her thoughts was just as frustrating as ever. I breathed her in, letting the flames rip down my throat. Desire was constantly raging a war inside me. She was still silent.

"They like you, you know." I admitted, "Esme especially."

Her eyes darted over her shoulder and then around the room. "Where did they go?"

"Very subtly giving us some privacy, I suppose," though I knew they could hear everything that was going on in the room.

Bella sighed and I turned to look at her again.

"They like me. But Rosalie and Emmett..." she trailed off but I understood where her thoughts were going, for once, I added.

Of course she would notice that they weren't here. I didn't want to talk about Rosalie. My lips turned down, "Don't worry about Rosalie, she'll come around." I lied smoothly, though I hoped one day she would.

She looked unconvinced, "Emmet?" she wondered.

"Well, he thinks I'm a lunatic, it's true, but he doesn't have a problem with you. He's trying to reason with Rosalie," I tried to explain.

I looked into her wide eyes, trying to read her thoughts. I saw the line between her eyes crease at the complexity of her mind, "What is it that upsets her?" she finally asked. She looked anxious, waiting for my explanation.

I didn't want to tell her something that would possibly upset her. The thought of causing her any type of pain sent an overwhelming feeling of remorse through my body. I took in a deep breath, a sigh really. The burning temptation was still present. I distracted myself, no more secrets, "Rosalie struggles the most with...with what we are. It's hard for her to have someone on the outside know the truth. And she's a little jealous." I explained, the words coming quickly.

Her eyes grew wide during my explanation, "Rosalie is jealous of me?"

"You're human," I shrugged. I thought it was obvious why she would be jealous of something as magnificent as her, "She wishes that she were, too." I continued to explain after seeing her question my first statement.

"Oh," she looked upset by this, but shock was still present on her delicate face. Her facial expressions changed to contemplation. I wanted to groan in exasperation from her quiet mind. What was she thinking? Her short pauses were the loudest silence I have ever heard.

"Even Jasper, though..." she left the sentence hanging, realizing I would understand her thoughts. She didn't know how much I didn't comprehend them, though. I sighed.

"That's really my fault," I explained, "I told you he was the most recent to try our way of life. I warned him to keep his distance."

I watched while a shiver ran down her spine. Was she finally scared or was she cold?

"Esme and Carlisle...?" she added quickly.

"Are happy to see me happy. Actually, Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet. All this time she's been worried about me, afraid that there was something missing from my essential make up, that I was too young when Carlisle change me...She's ecstatic. Every time I touch you, she just about chokes with satisfaction." I finished her sentence.

"Alice seems very...enthusiastic." Bella noted.

Of course she noticed.

"Alice has her own way of looking at things," my lips grew tight at the many visions I had seen in her head since I meet Bella.

She must have read the hesitation in my voice, "And you're not going to explain that, are you?"

I saw myself mirrored in her eyes, watching as each of our expressions changed in unison. She knew I was keeping Alice's visions from her. There were several good reasons why I was keeping these from her. One, I didn't want to scare her, and two, I didn't want her to get any ideas. No, I would still not confess what I have seen through the eyes of a psychic.

"So what was Carlisle telling you before?" she asked, bringing me from my distraction.

She was incredible. She picked up on all the signs that I thought were subtle. Was she really that perceptive or was my fa?ade waning? I could see the wrinkle appear between my brows through the reflection of her deep brown eyes.

"You noticed that, did you?" it wasn't a question, it was a statement.

She shrugged, like there was nothing unusual about the whole situation, "Of course," she murmured.

Better tell her now, I suppose. I monitored her face, I continued to play her song. She seemed complacent enough so I answered, "He wanted to tell me some news - he didn't know if it was something I would share with you."

"Will you?" she responded quickly, eagerly.

"I have to, because I'm going to be a little...over-bearingly protective over the next few days - or weeks - and I wouldn't want you to think I'm naturally a tyrant." I said.

"What's wrong?" she gasped in horror. Her blood started warming and moving at a quicker pace. The monster inside me clawed at my bones, wanting to embrace the temptation. I took in her fragrance, letting it fill my lungs. I easily over-rode any enticement this caused me.

"Nothing's wrong, exactly. Alice just sees some visitors coming soon. They know we're here, and they're curious," I explained quickly, trying to calm her now rampant pulse.

"Visitors?" she questioned.

"Yes...well, they aren't like us, of course - in their hunting habits, I mean. They probably won't come into town at all, but I'm certainly not going to let you out of my sight till they're gone." I watched her face apprehensively.

Her body trembled under stress.

"Finally, a rational response!" I exclaimed, "I was beginning to think you had no sense of self-preservation at all."

She didn't contest my observation and I was shocked that she would have this reaction to anything dangerous at all. Her blood slowed in her veins bringing her pulse back to its normal speed. She turned her face from mine, her eyes flowing from one end of the house to the other, distracted. I followed her gaze. Was she still looking for something suspect? "Not what you expected is it?" I asked.

"No," she admitted, returning her gaze to me briefly before continuing to soak up the rooms setting.

"No coffins, no piled skills in the corners; I don't even think we have cobwebs...what a disappointment this must be for you," I teased.

She remained serious, "It's so light...so open," she said.

"It's the one place we never have to hide," I explained to her. I also wanted to admit that she was included in this place... I would never have to hide from her.

My fingers were on the piano, automatically playing. The song was finally coming to a close. When it was finished Bella looked at me, "Thank you," she murmured.

I turned in my seat; bringing my whole attention back to her. There was moisture prominent in her eyes. The tears flowed over her eye lids. The aroma emitting from her tears was something I had never smelt before. She wiped the tears from her eyes. I noticed she had missed one. I brought my hand to her face, trapping a tear on my finger. I studied it. As a vampire, we could not produce tears. This was something entirely new. I brought it nonchalantly to my lips, seeing how it would taste. I was curious. It didn't taste disgusting, but it held no significance for me. She was staring at me with curiosity flaming in her eyes.

"Do you want to see the rest of the house?" I asked, distracting her.

"No coffins?" she verified.

"No coffins," I promised, a smile forming on my face.

We walked up the staircase that led to the upstairs where my room was. I watched her carefully as she made her way to the top. She was lightly caressing the stair rail as she went. I was jealous... I wanted it to be me. When we reached the top of the stairs I pointed out rooms as we walked, "Rosalie and Emmett's room...Carlisle's office...Alice's room..."

She froze, turning into a statue. Her eyes grew wide. I followed her gaze until I realized she was staring at the wooden cross at the end of the hallway. I remembered Alice's vision.

"You can laugh," I told her, "It is sort of ironic." I took a deep breath, bringing her fragrance into my lungs again. I was used to the dull ache.

She brought her hand out to touch the cross, but she did not proceed, "It must be very old," she guessed.

I shrugged, "Early sixteen-thirties, more or less." I mused.

She turned to face me, "Why do you keep this here?"

"Nostalgia. It belonged to Carlisle's father." I explained. I knew I was giving more information away then I had ever told a single soul before.

"He collected antiques?" she suggested doubtfully.

"No. He carved it his himself. It hung on the wall above the pulpit in the vicarage where he preached." I said.

She looked shocked.

"Are you all right?" I asked, worried about her expressions and silence.

"How old is Carlisle?" she wondered, trying to do the mental math in her head. I watched as her eyes looked fully in thought. I could almost see here calculating the numbers mentally.

"He just celebrated his three hundred and sixty-second birthday," I admitted.

She looked at me, questions burning in her eyes. I knew I would answer them all, if she were to ask. I took in another deep breath while I let her scent assault me.
19#
发表于 2016-8-17 21:30 | 只看该作者
18. Stories

I was worried that if I were to divulge the information that she would request that she would decide to never grace me with her presence again. I decided this was the best time to release some of our stories. She hadn't run away yet. I knew I would feel relieved once she knew the truth.

"Carlisle was born in London, in the sixteen-forties, he believes. Time wasn't marked as accurately then, for the common people anyway. It was just before Cromwell's rule, though." I began.

I watched her face carefully for any sign of distress. She showed no emotion. I continued, "He was the only son of an Anglican pastor. His mother died giving birth to him. His father was an intolerant man. As the Protestants came into power, he was enthusiastic in his persecution of Roman Catholics and other religions. He also believed very strongly in the reality of evil. He led hunts for witches, werewolves...and vampires."

Her pulse began picking up at the last word; I continued without pausing, "When the pastor grew old, he placed his obedient son in charge of his raids. At first Carlisle was a disappointment; he was not quick to accuse, to see demons where they did not exist. But he was persistent, and more clever than his father. He actually discovered a coven of true vampires that lived hidden in the sewers of a city, only coming out by night to hunt. In those days, when monsters were not just myths and legends, that was the way many lived.

"The people gathered their pitchforks and torches, of course," I laughed in a non humorous way at the thought of a human bringing harm to a vampire. I continued, "and waited where Carlisle had seen the monsters exit into the street. Eventually one emerged."

I knew I had arrived at the part of the story where I wasn't sure how to proceed. I went on, but kept my voice low, "He must have been ancient, and weak with hunger. Carlisle heard him call out in Latin to the others when he caught the scent of the mob. He ran through the streets, and Carlisle - he was twenty-three and very fast - was in the lead of the pursuit. The creature would have easily outrun them, but Carlisle thinks he was too hungry, so he turned and attacked. He fell on Carlisle first, but the others were close behind, and he turned to defend himself. He killed two men, and made off with a third, leaving Carlisle bleeding in the street."

I paused. The images that were in my mind were of the agony that he felt. The pain of the venom breaking through his veins and causing him to burn for days was forefront in my mind. I met Bella's eyes and she was eager for me to continue.

"Carlisle knew what his father would do. The bodies would be burned - anything infected by the monster must be destroyed. Carlisle acted instinctively to save his own life. He crawled away from the alley while the mob followed the fiend and his victim. He hid in a cellar, buried himself with rotting potatoes for three days. It's a miracle he was able to keep silent, to stay undiscovered. It was over then, and he realized what he had become."

My eyes had never left Bella's. Most of the color had drained from her face during my story. She didn't know much of the transformation process and I am sure that she was learning some things that she hadn't known before. She was silent and I was worried I had gone too far, "How are you feeling?" I asked.

"I'm fine," she said automatically.

She hadn't convinced me though. In a nervous gesture, she began biting at her lower lip. She looked like she wanted to say something; she was hesitating. Curiosity was burning in her eyes. She was regaining her color and I was becoming frustrated once again at the silence of her knowing mind.

"I expect you have a few more questions for me." I guessed.

"A few."

Of course she did, she was always curious; always interested in things she shouldn't be interested in.

"Come on, then," I smiled, "I'll show you."

We turned around and I brought her back to Carlisle's office.

I'm guessing you want to show her the pictures, Carlisle wondered, "Come in," he invited.

I slowly pushed the door open. Carlisle was sitting behind his desk in his leather chair.

Perfect timing, Carlisle thought, "What can I do for you?" he asked.

Carlisle rose from his seat. He was already aware of what I was up to, but I didn't want Bella to think we were having our normal silent conversations.

"I wanted to show Bella some of our history. Well, your history, actually," I explained to him.

"We didn't mean to disturb you," Bella apologized.

Silly Bella, I thought.

She sure is polite, isn't she? Carlisle smiled, "Not at all," he looked at me, "Where are you going to start?" he asked.

I had many stories in mind and I decided I would start out as simple as Carlisle's story could ever be, "The Waggoner."

I placed my hand on Bella's shoulder. An electric shock rose up my arm and through my body. I knew she felt it too because her heart starting pounding, her pulse racing.

Does that always happen? To deny yourself what you crave most when her pulse rises is truly significant in your relationship. You two are truly meant to be together. Carlisle's thoughts continued more to himself.

I turned Bella to face an oil painting that was on the wall behind her, ignoring Carlisle. I could tell that she was interested again.

"London in the sixteen-fifties," I explained. I knew questions must have been racing through her mind.

Carlisle walked up behind Bella. His continuous flow of thoughts had stopped, "The London of my youth," he added.

Bella must not have realized he was behind her because she recoiled at the sound of his voice. I squeezed her hand.

"Will you tell the story?" I wondered. I didn't want to get anything wrong, or put my foot in my mouth.

I'm sorry. You will have to explain it to her because I must leave for work. Don't worry, you'll do fine. Carlisle thought.

"I would," he turned to Bella, "But I'm actually running a bit late. The hospital called this morning - Dr. Snow is taking a sick day. Besides," his eyes met mine, "you know the stories as well as I do." Carlisle had a wide smile across his face.

Carlisle gave Bella a warm smile and ducked out of the room. I looked at Bella, nervous about this conversation. I was still waiting for the wailing and screaming. A sickening jolt surged through my stomach at the thought of her leaving. Her eyes were fixed on the painting.

"What happened then?" she asked eagerly while removing her eyes from the painting and meeting my gaze, "When he realized what had happened to him?"

My eyes moved from her face to another painting. She followed my gaze. "When he knew what he had become," I said in a low voice, "he rebelled against it. He tried to destroy himself. But that's not easily done."

"How?" Bella asked with shock present on her face.

I contained a sigh, "He jumped from great heights," my voice stoic, "He tried to drown himself in the ocean...but he was young to the new life, and very strong. It is amazing that he was able to resist...feeding...while he was still so new. The instinct is more powerful then, it takes over everything. But he was so repelled by himself that he had the strength to try to kill himself with starvation," I explained.

I knew at any moment she would comprehend my words and descend the stairs and quickly exit the house.

"Is that possible?" she asked darkly.

"No, there are very few ways we can be killed."

I saw her open her mouth and I rushed to get the words about before she could ask me another question, "So he grew very hungry, and eventually weak. He strayed as far as he could from the human populace, recognizing that his willpower was weakening, too. For months he wandered by night, seeking the loneliest places, loathing himself

"One night, a herd of deer passed his hiding place. He was so wild with thirst that he attacked without a thought. His strength returned and he realized there was an alternative to being the vile monster he feared. Had he not eaten venison in his former life? Over the next months his new philosophy was born. He could exist without being a demon. He found himself again.

"He began to make better use of his time. He'd always been intelligent, eager to learn. Now he had unlimited time before him. He studied by night, planned by day. He swam to France and -"

"He swam to France?" Bella shrieked incredulously.

I had to compose my face because I was trying desperately not to laugh at her reaction, "People swim the Channel all the time, Bella," I reminded her.

She blinked foolishly, "That's true, I guess," shock was evident in her eyes still, "It just sounded funny in that context. Go on."

"Swimming is easy for us -"

"Everything is easy for you," she interrupted, a little perturbed.

I paused, waiting for her to ask another question. The look on her face was very comical. Her mouth hung open a little and her eyes were wide with surprise. She was quick to perceive my obvious reason for hesitating before I continued, "I won't interrupt again, I promise," she said with a small smile.

I laughed because I knew that she would interrupt again when she hears what I have to say next, "Because, technically, we don't need to breathe," I began until Bella burst out, "You - "

"No, no, you promised," I laughed because I knew that when she heard this bit of information that her reaction would be exactly what it was now. Her face was screwed up in longing to finish her questioning. I brought my finger to her lip to silence her, "Do you want to hear the story or not?"

She spoke with my finger pressed lightly against her warm lips, "You can't spring something like that on me, and then expect me not to say anything." Her voice was mumbled, trying to speak past my silencing finger. I traced my finger down her jaw and stopped at her neck. My stomach did summer-salts when her pulse speed by my touch. I had momentarily forgotten about the story or where we were. It was just Bella and I, together.

"You don't have to breathe?" her eyes were still wide with interested; her question bringing me to the present.

"No," I answered, instantly nervous that this proclamation would be the thing that scares her away, "it's not necessary. Just a habit." I shrugged, showing her how little it really mattered.

She dropped her voice, almost conspiratorially, "How long can you go...without breathing?"

"Indefinitely, I suppose; I don't know. It gets a bit uncomfortable - being without a sense of smell." I tried to explain very nonchalantly.

"A bit uncomfortable," she mirrored.

I continued to look at her face. Each expression fluttered across with little time to settle. Her eyebrows pulled together and I wanted to take my thumb and smooth out the complexity lines. Trying to understand her thoughts was like trying to read sign language unknown to humans.

A new speculation loomed in my mind. I removed my hand from her, letting the cold return. Something was eating at me from the inside. I was bringing her into this mythical world. Each new revelation bringing her closer to the doom I was prepared to fight. Bella's face grew very grave. She was watching my expressions now, "What is it?" she asked gently.

She brought her hand to my face, trying to comfort me. I felt each pump of her blood. Her hand warmed my cheek to several degrees than my normal temperature. I sighed because I knew that I was inviting her to tempt fate and that I would allow it.

"I keep waiting for it to happen." I said quietly.

"For what to happen?" she asked urgently.

"I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too much. And then you'll run away from me, screaming as you go," I pasted a smile across my face, trying to ease the tension building inside me, "I won't stop you. I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I want to be with you. The two desires are impossible to reconcile..." I kept my eyes fixed on her, waiting for her to agree with me and just leave.

There was a long and painful silence before either of us spoke again.

"I'm not running anywhere," Bella promised with obvious triumph in her voice, like she was looking fate in the eye and taunting it.

I remembered the story, and thought that if I continued maybe, just maybe, she would hear something that would scare her away, "We'll see," I smiled.

Her lips turned down at the corners, a frown forming on her face, "So, go on - Carlisle was swimming to France."

I caught my breath, delighting in the ever present yearning in my stomach. I moved my gaze from her face to another painting deciding to continue, "Carlisle swam to France," I repeated, "and continued on through Europe, to the universities there. By night he studied music, science, medicine - and found his calling, his penance, in that, in saving human lives. I can't adequately describe the struggle; it took Carlisle two centuries of torturous effort to prefect his self-control. Now he is all but immune to the scent of human blood, and he is able to do the work he loves without agony. He finds a great deal of peace there, at the hospital..." I trailed off, my thoughts moving in a different direction.

I willed myself to be like Carlisle. I wished to have his self control, to never have to second guess my senses. I inhaled; something I used to do to calm myself, but now it brought red hot flames ripping down my throat. I mentally shut out the yearning I had now. I remembered what my purpose was for this conversation. I brought my hand to the painting in front of us, tapping lightly on it.

"He was studying in Italy when he discovered the others there. They were much more civilized and educated than the wraiths of the London sewers." I said while lightly tracing the figures in the picture; the Volturi.

I was so deep in thought, remembering things that Carlisle had seen when a startled laugh burst out of Bella's lips. I turned to see what the matter was; thinking that maybe she finally had lost it. Dawn crossed my face as I realized what she was looking at. It was Carlisle's face in the painting with the Volturi.

"Solimena was greatly inspired by Carlisle's friends. He often painted them as gods," I laughed at the impossibility that any vampire could ever be a god, "Aro, Marcus, Caius," I explained as I pointed each one out to her, "Nighttime patrons of the arts."

Her eyes darted from the painting to me face, "What happened to them?" she questioned.

Her hand reached up to touch the figures in the painting but her finger never touched.

"They're still there," I shrugged, "As they have been for who knows how many millennia. Carlisle stayed with them only for a short time, just a few decades. He greatly admired their civility, their refinement, but they persisted in trying to cure his aversion to 'his natural food source,' as they called it. They tried to persuade him, and he tried to persuade them, to no avail. At that point, Carlisle decided to try the New World. He dreamed of finding others like himself. He was very lonely, you see.

"He didn't find anyone for a long time. But, as monsters became the stuff of fairy tales, he found he could interact with unsuspecting humans as if he were one of them. He began practicing medicine. But the companionship he craved evaded him; he couldn't risk familiarity.

"When the influenza epidemic hit, he was working nights in a hospital in Chicago. He'd been turning over an idea in his mind for several years, and he had almost decided to act - since he couldn't find a companion, he would create one. He wasn't absolutely sure how his own transformation had occurred, so he was hesitant. And he was loath to steal anyone's life the way his had been stolen. It was in that frame of mind that he found me. There was no hope for me; I was left in a ward with the dying. He had nursed my parents, and knew I was alone. He decided to try..."

During my story telling, I had visualized everything that Carlisle and I had both witnessed during the few days before and after my transformation. The painful memory was something I rarely thought of these days. I looked out the window, banishing the unpopular imagines from my mind.

My chest was swelling at the relief I felt for finally releasing the information that could doom me from ever seeing this delightful creature again. The feeling of happiness that was surging through my body at this moment in time was completely indescribable. I hadn't realized that I would feel like this, too; that knowing she wasn't running, that she was one hundred percent accepting. I returned my gaze to Bella. She looked humble and my lips turned up; an automatic response to her beauty.

"And so we've come full circle," I finished.

"Have you always stayed with Carlisle, then?" she asked.

She was constantly asking all the questions that gave everything away about me and nothing about her, "Almost always," I replied.

I slowly reached out and placed my hand on her waist, exaggerating the movement. I delicately moved her along with me, always remembering how fragile she was.

"Almost?" Bella asked while we were walking down the hall.

Crap, I thought. Why was this the one question, of all the questions, to ask? I knew I would give her the answer. The internal argument of her safety still loomed in my mind. She should stay away from me but I loved her and the thought of her leaving caused me physical pain. Pain was something I hadn't felt since before the transformation. Bella brought out all the human aspects of me, including the weakness of pain.

I sighed, "Well, I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence - about ten years after I was...born...created, whatever you want to call it. I wasn't sold on his life of abstinence, and I resented him for curbing my appetite. So I went off on my own for a time." I explained.

Now, this would be it, the thing that makes her scream in terror. I waited, but, instead of terror she was intrigued.

"Really?" she asked her eyes wide with curiosity.

She wasn't frightened? I admitted to killing humans and she was...curious. She is so peculiar. That was an understatement. She had lost her mind. We ascended the next set of stairs. I was leading her to my room. I turned and looked at her, "That doesn't repulse you?" I asked curtly.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I guess...it sounds reasonable," she said firmly.

A laugh escaped my lips as I thought of the absurdity of her answer. Horrified delight sliced through my veins.

"From the time of my new birth," I replied quietly, "I had the advantage of knowing what everyone around me was thinking, both human and non-human alike. That's why it took me ten years to defy Carlisle - I could read his perfect sincerity, understand exactly why he lived the way he did.

"It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his vision. I thought I would be exempt from the...depression...that accompanies a conscience. Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil. If I followed a murdered down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl - if I saved her, then surely I wasn't so terrible."

I watched as she shivered. I continued in my quest to be nothing but honest with her, "But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn't escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified. And I went back to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back like the prodigal. It was more than I deserved."

I stopped in front of my bedroom door, "My room," I told her while opening the door and leading her inside.

I watched her as she took in everything. Her eyes flowed rapidly from one side of the room to the other. Her stare lingered on my CD's.

"Good acoustics?" she asked.

My good mood was vibrant now. The pain from not knowing today's outcome had subsided. I was radiant with glee. I chuckled and nodded at her question. I decided I would give her an example and turned the stereo on from a remote. When the jazz music began to play she whirled spectacularly in a circle, delight in her eyes at the sound. She stopped and moved over to my collection of music. Her eyes read through several labels, "How do you have these organized?" she asked in astonishment.

I was barely paying attention to her words because I was in complete merriment of how the events unfolded today, "Ummm, by year, and then by personal preference within that frame," I answered automatically.

She turned around to face me. The whirl wind of her warm aroma hit me like a wrecking ball. I continued to breathe evenly, reveling in the pain. I couldn't shake my new found happiness that was ever present in my being. She wanted me; all of me. Her eyes met mine and she read my face, "What?" she asked.

"I was prepared to feel...relieved. Having you know about everything, not needing to keep secrets from you. But I didn't expect to feel more than that. I like it. It makes me...happy." I shrugged my shoulders, but the jubilance radiated out of me and a smile crept up my face.

"I'm glad," she replied with a smile.

I continued to gaze at her. I tried to read her expressions but they were so swiftly changing since she entered this house. I willed myself once more to read her mind. I tried probing it with mine over and over to no avail. My forehead creased in concentration.

"You are still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren't you?" she wondered.

My lips turned up lightly and I nodded.

"I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually," she lied silkily.

Disbelief was strong in my mind. I raised an eyebrow at this news. A sinister thought raced through my head and before I acted a wide smile spread across my face, "You really shouldn't have said that," I laughed.

I growled very un-menacingly, brought my lips above my teeth to show them off, and hunkered down. Her eyes grew wide with terror.

"You wouldn't" she shrieked.

I let my body recoil as I sprung.
20#
发表于 2016-8-17 21:32 | 只看该作者
19. Baseball

As I pounced on Bella I brought her into my arms and held her there securely while flying through the room at a ferocious velocity. When we collided with the couch it went flying across the room until it settled against the wall with a large crashing blast. She was breathing in large heavy gasps of air and her heart was drumming madly. She tried to move out of my protective arms and I refused.

I moved her closer into my embrace letting her warm my body. She eyed me suspiciously and a playful grin spread across my face without my permission. It was just something I did naturally when I was around her.

"You were saying?" I pretended to growl.

"That you are a very, very terrifying monster," her voice was sagging with sarcasm under her heavy panting.

"Much better," I agreed.

She looked up at me, still a little jarred by my sudden movement, "Um..." she paused and continued to struggle, "Can I get up now?" she asked.

"What the hell was that noise?" Jasper asked Alice.

"Ha-ha. Edward is wrestling with Bella." Alice answered cheerily.

Oh my, Jasper began thinking, but his thoughts turned frenzied.

I began laughing at Bella and Jaspers now frantic thoughts.

"Can we come in?" Alice asked from the hall.

Bella continued to struggle in my arms but I refused to let her go. I repositioned her so she was on my lap. I could feel the warmth of Bella's blood as it raced up her cheeks when she realized that Alice and Jasper were in the door way.

"Go ahead," I barked a laugh.

How can he get that close to her? It seriously blows my mind, Jasper was panicking mentally.

Jasper had a strong belief that being this close to a human was impossible without feeding. His belief was now being thrown out the window.

Alice's thoughts were just a humming of approval. She was radiating with glee as she moved fluidly into the room, dropping to the ground and crossing her legs with a gleaming smile across her face.

Jasper continued to stay in the door way. His thoughts were still fanatically stunned.

"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share," Alice said while she failed extravagantly at trying to suppress laughter.

Bella stiffened like a board in my arms but met her gaze unflinchingly and I couldn't help but grin at both of them. When Bella saw my face she relaxed. I looked at Alice and answered back playfully, "Sorry, I don't believe I have enough to spare."

I tightened my arms around her. Her heart was still humming quickly and her blush was still pronounced on her cheeks. Jasper finally got his thoughts out of a tangle as the mood of the room finally hit him.

Wow, I've never felt Edward feel so...happy...and...in love. A smile spread across Jaspers face automatically at the cheerfulness in the room. "Actually, Alice says there's going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett wants to play ball. Are you game?" he asked while walking into the room.

Playing ball did sound fun. I knew Emmett would be thoroughly pissed if I didn't show up this time. I remembered the vampires that are visiting in the area and without thinking about it I looked at Bella and realized I would never leave her for a moment with those creatures at large. Before I could respond Alice chimed in, "Of course you should bring Bella."

What? Jasper looked mildly surprised and sent Alice a quick look but turned back so quickly I wasn't sure if Bella caught it. Once again I had to remind myself that it was always her choice, "Do you want to go?" I asked as excitement burst through me.

She looked at me and without hesitating she said, "Sure. Um, where are we going?"

This is going to be so much fun! Alice's thoughts flitted through my mind.

I can't believe this. Oh well this should be...interesting. Jasper thought while curiosity was willing inside him.

"We have to wait for thunder to play ball �C you'll see why," I smiled at her.

A sign of nervousness was evident on her face when she bit her lower lip. She didn't realize she was doing it when she looked at me and asked anxiously, "Will Ineed an umbrella?"

We all started laughing but I was relieved because I was finally aware of what her sudden apprehension was.

"Will she?" Jasper asked with a most peculiar expression.

"No. The storm will hit over town. It should be dry enough in the clearing." Alice said while the vision of the clearing ran through her head.

Jasper was so full of happiness and joyfulness from the situation happening in the room that he couldn't contain his smile, "Good, then," he exclaimed.

Being around Alice was always a little strange because I was constantly seeing the future. This time it was just the coming minutes going through her mind. I saw her going to Carlisle and asking about playing ball.

"Let's go see if Carlisle will come," Alice jumped off the ground and headed toward the door with a wink in Jaspers direction.

"Like you don't know," Jasper teased.

Jasper closed the door behind him, Have fun bro.

Bella turned in my lap, her heart fluttering at our closeness, "What will we be playing?" she wondered.

I laughed at the thought of letting her hold a bat, or worse, letting her try to hit a ball with a bat.

"You will be watching," I clarified, "We will be playing baseball," I explained.

She rolled her eyes at me, "Vampires like baseball?" she asked in disbelief.

"It's the American pastime," I said in mock seriousness.

Some very annoying sound was in my ear. I was driving down Bella's street when little droplets of rain began splattering onto the windshield. That was not what was bothering me. Billy Black was waiting for Charlie in his driveway so he could tattle tale like a little kid on Bella's new found relationship with me.

"Damn Quileute legends," I muttered so low that Bella couldn't hear me.

Jacob and his father were taking shelter on Bella's front porch and I was instantly tense.

Can't she tell there is something wrong with that kid? His cold white skin, his aversion to the sun...I will settle this though. Charlie will listen to me and force her to stop seeing the Cullen kid. Billy Black thought with a sneer and a curse in each thought with my name.

Charlie isn't even here, why are we waiting here in the rain like idiots? Jacob thought until he saw Bella, Oh, well...maybe this wasn't a wasted trip after all.

I had heard enough. The thoughts radiating off of them were about to drive me to let the monster free. I couldn't let that happen when Bella was around.

"This is crossing the line," I said vehemently.

Bella's eyes found mine and they were worried. "He came to warn Charlie?" she asked horrified.

I gave her a grave look and nodded. I turned toward Billy then and I was seeing red. My eyes were narrowed into tiny slits. I can just get out of the car and scare them off. Or maybe I could...

"Let me deal with this," Bella interrupted my internal rage.

I didn't want to let her leave my side. To think of the things she was going to hear from Billy's mouth. His thoughts continued to get snippier and nastier each time he glared in my direction. I knew if I left the vehicle now and released my anger that I would lose Bella, so I quickly agreed, "That's probably best. Be careful, though. The child has no idea."

"Jacob is not that much younger than I am," she reminded me crisply.

I turned my gaze on her because she pulled me from my anger. She always knew exactly what to say to calm my nerves and bring me back to earth. I grinned at her, "Oh, I know," I assured her.

She looked exasperated. She reached for the door handle and sighed. I needed to leave here before my temper came back.

What the hell are they doing? What is taking so long? Billy thought angrily.

"Get them inside so I can leave. I'll be back around dusk," I commanded.

Her eyes met mine again, "Do you want my truck?" she asked.

Hasn't she learned better by now? I rolled my eyes, "I could walk home faster than this truck moves."

A sad look entered her eyes, "You don't have to leave," she said longingly.

She had no idea how difficult it was for me to leave while there were vampires lurking in the vicinity and the Blacks were here to cause trouble. I looked at her expression realizing she didn't want me to leave just as much as I didn't want to leave her. "Actually, I do. After you get rid of them," I glared in the Blacks direction, "you still have to prepare Charlie to meet your new boyfriend," a smile spread across my face.

She groaned loudly, "Thanks a lot."

Her face was so adorable when she was upset or angry. I couldn't help but smile at her. "I'll be back soon," I promised.

If she doesn't exit that truck in one minute I am going to go over there and make sure she is okay, Billy swelled ominously.

I turned my glare back in the direction of the porch at the last thought. I wanted to taunt Billy just a little bit and Jacob too. I leaned down and slowly brought my lips to Bella's jaw. I kissed lightly and her heart jumped up in her chest. Her blood was pulsing quickly and the scent made me go wild. The kiss was all flames and electricity down my throat. When I moved away from her, she looked towards the porch and could see the same thing I could. Billy had a death grip on his wheel chair and his thoughts were in frantic disarray.

Oh, how... oh, goodness. I... Well...disgusting! Billy's thoughts were choked.

Bella realized how panicked Billy was now and she was suddenly in a rush, "Soon," she ordered while opening the door to the truck and stepping out into the rain.

When the rain droplets ran down her face I could see them evaporate while the wind blew her rainy scent in my direction. I gripped her steering wheel so tightly I almost broke it off. She shut the door quickly and ran to the porch for protection from the rain.

I decided to keep my attention on the Blacks and not on the way Bella's scent was covered in a delicious sweetness.

"Hey, Billy. Hi, Jacob," Bella greeted them in a incredibly false pleased voice, "Charlie's gone for the day �C I hope you haven't been waiting long."

Right, right, I don't believe she is worried about our wait at all. Billy thought with disappointment etched in every sagging line of his face. "Not long," Billy replied dully, "I just wanted to bring this up," he pointed to a brown paper sack in his lap.

I wonder when Charlie will be home. I still can't believe what I saw in her truck. Billy thoughts continued to curse me.

"Thanks," Bella responded in a confused voice, "Why don't you come in for a minute and dry off?" she offered.

She doesn't seem scared or nervous...not at all like she was just with a vampire. Billy was alight with a feverous fanatical burn.

Bella opened the door and showed them in. Before the door was shut I was out of the truck and pelting through the woods.

Each step dragged as I was contemplating going back and scoping up Bella and running for it. The only reason I didn't was because Billy was right about everything. She shouldn't be with me. She should realize the appalling creature that I am and run away screaming. But she didn't; she continued to pull herself ever closer to me and I allowed it. I embraced her and wanted her in my arms. The love I was feeling for her was overwhelming. If anything were to happen to her... I stopped running in the forest to take several unneeded deep breaths. When the fear and anxiety finally dulled I swiftly made my way back home.

For the first time in ages Alice wasn't waiting for me at the porch steps; Emmett was.

"Hey! I heard that you and Bella are coming out to play ball tonight!" Emmett laughed loudly while his face twisted with glee.

"No, Bella will not be playing," I said with a grim smile.

"Oh, damn it. I was hoping to see Bella with a bat in her hand," Emmett smiled sinisterly.

"Please, like I would place a bat in her hands!"

Yeah, yeah I get it. You just don't understand how funny it is when she does something human, Emmett chortled a wild little laugh as he walked into the house.

Alice walked over the threshold then, You know this is going to be a good game. There will be a tie breaker. Do you remember what happened last time between Jasper and Emmett? Esme is going to have to come up with a better idea for tie breaking.

I smiled at her, "So are you pitching?"

Of course, you can't let Carlisle do it; he's just not that good at pitching. Alice thought.

We were both silent for a few seconds and I could tell what topic of conversation Alice really wanted to cover, "Go ahead, ask me," I suggested.

When can I take Bella shopping? Please let me take her soon! Have you seen the dreadful attire she was wearing? Just wait until you see what she is wearing tonight. Ugh! Alice pouted.

"We'll see," I replied.

Fine, okay... Want to throw the ball around? Alice asked, bored.

"Sure."

Alice flew through the house, grabbed a baseball and flew to the backyard. I was already waiting for her. We threw the ball back and forth for several minutes until Jasper and Emmett came outside to join us. Emmett and Jasper decided that throwing the ball back and forth was 'boring' and needed some spice.

They began throwing the ball as far as they could to see who would be the first to not catch it. This went on for several long minutes. I sat on the grass watching the sun slowly descending behind the trees. I got up in a hurry to pick Bella up.

Take Emmett's Jeep. Trust me. Alice sent a vision of us running through the forest, She would appreciate it if part of the way there wasn't on your back, she giggled.

"Hey, Emmett, I'm taking your jeep," I informed him.

"Okay, bring it back in one piece, oh, and you better help Bella get into the Jeep. I wouldn't want to see her get hurt trying to get in it," Emmett's bellowing laugh echoed and reverberated off of the trees.

"Funny," I muttered.

I could hear Charlie and Bella's conversation from a mile down the road. I caught the very end of it. Bella had informed Charlie that we were going on a date and Charlie was having a hard time comprehending the match. "Where is he taking you?" he asked protectively.

I could hear Bella groan loudly, "I hope you're getting the Spanish Inquisition out of your system now. We're going to play baseball with his family," she explained.

Baseball? Hum, maybe I had things all wrong with this Edward kid, Charlie mumbled in his thoughts, But, Bella, playing ball? A loud chuckle erupted from him. "You're playing baseball?" he asked in disbelief.

I was extremely pleased that she finally told Charlie the truth about our plans.

"Well, I'll probably watch most of the time," she responded.

All of the time, I amended in my mind.

"You must really like this guy," Charlie observed suspiciously.

I heard Bella sigh as I parked in the driveway. I heard the water going in the kitchen. "Leave the dishes, I can do them tonight. You baby me too much," said Charlie.

I promptly made my way to the front door and lightly pressed the door bell. Bells began ringing throughout the house. I heard Charlie's footsteps followed by Bella's coming towards the door. He opened the door swiftly sending their scent flying out into the rain. Every particle of air around me began soaking up Bella's scent instantly. Charlie's scent could have been non-existent compared to hers. I could almost catch her taste on the saturated air.

"Come on in, Edward," Charlie greeted me.

Bella exhaled a large gust of air sending another tantalizing scent ripping down my throat and sending my stomach into knots at the fragrance.

"Thanks, Chief Swan," I replied respectfully.

"Go ahead and call me Charlie. Here, I'll take your jacket," he reached for it.

I pulled it off quickly and replied, "Thanks, sir," before handing it over.

"Have a seat there, Edward," he ordered while pointing to the seat.

I saw Bella's face in my peripheral vision and she looked like she was going to be sick with anxiety. I sat down in the only chair. Bella and Charlie sat on the sofa. Bella glared at me with her arms folded around her stomach. Her kittenish out-rage was comical at best and so I winked when Charlie's back was turned. Her cheeks turned bright pink - in horror or embarrassment I wasn't sure.

"So I hear you're getting my girl to watch baseball," Charlie mused.

"Yes, sir, that's the plan," I answered courteously.

"Well, more power to you, I guess," he said incredulously and we both broke into hooting laughs.

Blood had boiled to the surface of Bella's face and rage flowed out of her mouth. She stood up, "Okay. Enough humor at my expense. Let's go," she ordered.

I waited for Charlie to stand up and then followed him. We met Bella in the hall while she angrily pulled her jacket over her flannel shirt. I don't care what Alice said, the flannel looks pleasant on her. When she flipped her hair it sent a wave of her bouquet my direction and I inhaled deeply at the pleasurable pain that was echoing in my throat.

"Not too late, Bell," Charlie instructed.

"Don't worry, Charlie, I'll have her home early," I promised.

What he didn't know was that I would be staying the night in his daughter's room...again. Holding her tightly against my body and tracing every line of her face, arms, and shoulders. I imagined her trembling under my touch when Charlie finally distracted me.

"You take care of my girl, all right?" Charlie ordered and I could hear the mental humming of his love for his only daughter spilling from his mind in large waves crashing into me all at once. I wondered briefly if this is what Jasper felt like when he absorbed someone's mood.

Bella groaned again but we both ignored her.

"She'll be safe with me, I promise, sir."

There was no doubt that she would always be safe with me, that I would never let any harm come to her. Charlie's thoughts became muffled like they did at times but I could still tell that he believed me. I grabbed my jacket and watched Bella walk angrily down the hall. Bella, still in her kittenish rage, turned to look at me and then marched out of the house. Charlie and I both laughed and I followed her. When she reached the porch her jaw almost dropped to the ground when she caught sight of the Jeep. Charlie came into view of the Jeep too and whistled.

"Wear your seat belts," he stammered.

Bella finally got her act together after taking in the whole jeep. Her eyes had roamed from the monster tires to the metal guards over the headlights and the crash bar. She stalked forward and I followed her, opening the passenger side door. I saw her look at the ground and then at the seat while her eyes slightly popped. She crouched like she was about to spring up into the seat. I sighed remembering Emmetts taunts and I carefully grabbed her around the waist and lifted her into the Jeep with one hand. It was pouring down rain and her scent was teasing me by swirling around my nose and deep in my lungs as I inhaled.

I walked around to the front of the Jeep while watching Bella struggle with the seat belt. I suppressed a chuckle. I opened the driver's side door and she looked at me confused, "What's all this?" she asked pointing to the buckles.

"It's an off-roading harness."

"Oh-oh," she looked nervous.

I watched her struggle some more, delighting in the blood flushing her face at her frustration. She wasn't going to give up the fight and I finally sighed, reaching over her to help. I brought the seat belt over her neck caressing her lightly and brought my finger tips across her collarbone. Her hands went limp in her lap and her heart was like a humming bird's wings. She began breathing heavily. The scent of her breath hit me like a ton of bricks, sweet and delicious. I pulled away once she was buckled. I did enjoy dazzeling her.

I turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared the life. Bella was looking rather nervous. "This is a...um...big Jeep you have."

"It's Emmett's," I informed her, "I didn't think you'd want to run the whole way."

She was still breathless, "Where do you keep this thing?"

"We remodeled one of the outbuildings into a garage," I explained.

She looked at me with one eyebrow raised, "Aren't you going to put on your seat belt?"

I threw her a disbelieving look. She was being ridiculous. She continued to stare at me and her look suddenly became horror struck, "Run the whole way? As in, we're still going to run part of the way?" her voice rose a few intervals.

I tried to prevent a grin from spreading across my face but it was a hopeless attempt. My lips turned up at the corners no matter how hard I tried to suppress it, "You're not going to run."

"I'm going to be sick," she pulled her lips together tightly like she was preventing herself from getting sick right then.

Again, I tried to prevent a smile from appearing and yet there it was.

"Keep your eyes closed, you'll be fine."

With her normal nervous gesture she began biting at her lower lip. When she did this it always made me a little anxious that she might hurt herself, but she never did. I watched her carefully as the panic was racing through her veins. Her pulse was hammering and her breath was heavy on the air. Her hair was slightly wet from the rain and I couldn't help it - I brought my nose to her head and kissed her hair. A groan came out of my throat without my permission. I pulled away and she gave me a questioning look.

"You smell so good in the rain," I explained.

I took more air into my lungs, a whirl wind of her warm scent swirled into them. I held it there for a second before exhaling and doing it all over again; reveling in her aroma.

"In a good way or a bad way?" she gave me a furtive look.

I sighed, "Both, always both."

Once our journey took us off the paved road and into the forest conversation became impossible for Bella because she was bouncing up and down. I swear I could see her eyes rattling around. I couldn't help but smile at her look. It was hilarious and no matter how hard I tried to hide my smile, it was brilliant and brightly plastered across my face. The end of the path loomed into view and we could no longer drive any farther. I stopped the Jeep turning the key as the engine became silent.

"Sorry, Bella, we have to go on foot from here," I explained.

"You know what? I'll just wait here," she answered sarcastically.

"What happened to all your courage?" I asked with a smile, "You were extraordinary this morning."

Her face started draining of all color, "I haven't forgotten last time yet."

I wrenched the door open and hopped out of the Jeep and in less than a second I was on her side of the Jeep unbuckling her seat belt. She stared at me indignantly.

"I'll get those, you go on ahead," she protested.

I finally unbuckled all of the straps and decided teasing was the best way to go, "Hmmm...," I mused, "It seems I'm going to have to tamper with your memory."

I pulled her into my arms and sat her gently on the ground.

"Tamper with my memory?" she asked anxiously.

"Something like that," I teased.

It was no longer raining and the mist was falling into her hair sending the sweet seductive scent evaporating into every particle of air around us. I took in a generous amount of the air in between us. I decided a distraction was needed so I could get her into the clearing.

She was leaning against the Jeep and I took two hasty steps until I trapped her there by placing both of my hands on either side of her. I brought my body ever closer to hers. She backed away slightly but didn't seem to mind my closeness. Her warm body enveloped me as I brought my face ever closer to hers. I wanted to place my lips to hers. I was nervous to see what her reaction would be this time.

"Now," I breathed, "what exactly are you worrying about?"

"Well, um, hitting a tree -" she gulped, "�C and dying. And then getting sick."

I remembered both times when she got sick; at school and after running with me. I couldn't help but smile at the memories but quickly smoothed my face. I moved the few extra inches until her warm breath was now in my mouth. I brought my lips to the hollow at the base of her throat. I kissed lightly moving my nose under her jaw lightly.

"Are you still worried now?" I breathed on her skin making her tremble in pleasure.

"Yes." her voice quivered in bliss, "About hitting trees and getting sick."

Apparently I wasn't distracting her enough though I was thoroughly distracted. I was euphoric. I trailed the tip of my nose up her throat and down her jaw line to the tip of her chin.

"And now?" I whispered while breathing in her every breath.

"Trees," she inhaled, "Motion sickness."

I brought my lips to her eyes and kissed her eye lids, "Bella, you don't really think I would hit a tree, do you?"

"No, but I might," her confidence failing extravagantly.

I began my journey to her mouth. I kissed slowly down her cheek letting her skin warm them. I brought my lips to the corner of her mouth. Gently, I let my bottom lip softly brush against hers.

"Would I let a tree hurt you?"

My lips were barely touching her. A curious sensation crawled up my throat. With every touch of our lips electricity shot through my body sending a joyous feeling through my veins. Her bottom lip was trembling in absolute pleasure. I took in several generous gulps of her breath.

"No," she breathed against my lips.

"You see," I said my lips touching hers as I spoke, "There's nothing to be afraid of, is there?"

"No," she sighed and she became limp against the Jeep, giving up.

I pulled her face into my hands a little rougher than usual and brought my lips to hers fiercely. Our lips were moving together and we were both panting heavily at the sensations shooting through our bodies. She brought her arms around my neck bringing me closer to her. We embraced frantically while our bodies were welded together. My hands moved eagerly to her back bringing her closer to my chest while bowing her body against mine. She was quivering with delight as her lips parted slightly and she sighed heavily bringing her breath deep in my lungs. Excitement exploded in the pit of my stomach.

I let go and staggered back several steps, flustered, realizing this was the only sensible course of action. I couldn't believe I let myself get so out of control.

"Damn it, Bella!" I was gasping, "You'll be the death of me, I swear you will."

I watched as she leaned forward placing her hands on her knees and panting.

"You're indestructible," she mumbled while continuing to breathe heavily.

I was so angry at myself for letting it get that far. I monster inside me wanted me to lose control and I couldn't let that happen.

"I might have believed that before I met you. Now let's get out of here before I do something really stupid," I growled.

I pulled Bella onto my back while trying to be as gentle as possible. She secured herself to me by wrapping her legs around my waist and pulling her arms around my neck. The warmth rippled down my body.

"Don't forget to close your eyes," I reminded her.

She lodged her face into my shoulder and it sent a jolt of electricity through me. I could feel her warm breath. I broke into a run and her pulse picked up, her heart beating out large palpitations.

It only took a matter of minutes before we arrived just outside the clearing where my family was already preparing to play ball. Bella did not move as I stood there waiting for her to let go. I was terrified that she had opened her eyes and fallen sick like before. I reached behind me and ran my fingers through her silky hair gently.

"It's over, Bella," I said softly.

She sighed in relief and she was suddenly no longer wrapped around me. I heard a pulpous noise that was followed by, "Oh!"

I turned around swiftly worried she had hurt herself. I did the smallest of double takes before I saw her expression and the tension finally broke between us. Her face was screwed up in embarrassment. I was trying my hardest to hold in laughter but I was unable to. I barked out a laugh. Her expression had twisted into indignation and chagrin. She pushed herself off the ground while brushing dirt and bracken off of her backside. She turned, muttering silently, and marched off in the wrong direction.

A smile was still on my face as I wrapped my arm around her waist. "Where are you going, Bella?"

"To watch a baseball game. You don't seem to be interested in playing anymore, but I'm sure the others will have fun without you," she said bitterly.

"You're going the wrong way," I said coolly.

She turned on her heal with a firm and purposeful tread in the opposite direction. I shook my head back and forth at her and grabbed her around the waist a second time.

"Don't be mad, I couldn't help myself. You should have seen your face," I tried to explain but a chuckle broke through my composure.

She looked at me haughtily. "Oh, you're the only one who's allowed to get mad?" she asked while raising her eyebrows.

I paused for a moment and studied her face. "I wasn't mad at you."

"'Bella, you'll be the death of me'?" she quoted crisply.

"That was simply a statement of fact," I said while still trying to hold in my amusement.

She gave me a look of pure abhorrence and turned to stride away again. In a quick motion I pulled her to my chest. I couldn't take it if she left me now.

"You were mad," she persisted, her face stricken.

"Yes."

"But you just said �C" she began.

"That I wasn't mad at you. Can't you see that, Bella?" I asked patiently. "Don't you understand?"

I felt completely exasperated. She was so sweet, loving...fragile; there was nothing she could do to make me upset at her.

She pursed her lips. "See what?" she insisted with a confused expression.

"I'm never angry with you �C how could I be? Brave, trusting...warm as you are," I explained.

"Then why?" she asked softly.

I analyzed her face, trying to read her mind once again. I reached the barrier I always did while trying to probe her mind, the silence persisted. She looked just as confused as ever. I sighed and pulled her delicate face in my cold palms. Her cheeks instantly warmed my whole body. I looked her straight in the eyes. "I infuriate myself," I said quietly. "The way I can't seem to keep from putting you in danger. My very existence puts you at risk. Sometimes I truly hate myself. I should be stronger; I should be able to �C"

She placed her warm palm over my mouth touching my lips softly. "Don't."

She stared into my eyes, the depth of her eyes were communicating with mine. I put my hand over hers and moved it to my cheek. The warmth radiated off of her skin and deep into my body. I felt the sudden urge to bring our lips together and tell her how much I loved her. The words were exiting my mouth before I made the decision to do so. "I love you," I stated. "It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true."

Her face softened at my words. "Now, please try to behave yourself," I pleaded as I slowly bent down and brushed my lips lightly across hers.

She didn't move but her heart raced and she parted her lips with a sigh. I inhaled copious amounts of her breath into my lungs letting it send flames down my throat.

"You promised Chief Swan that you would have me home early, remember," she whispered against my lips. "We'd better get going."

My insides were twisting in pleasure at our touch but I finally got my act together.

"Yes ma'am," I replied while continuing to smile.

I released all of her but her hand. I showed her the way through the forest. It was only a few feet until we reached the clearing. I was feeling radiant with glee. Esme, Rosalie and Emmett were sitting on a large rock. When they caught sight of us they all three rose. Alice and Jasper were in the distance throwing the ball back and forth and Carlisle was marking bases.

Right on time! Alice thought.

I'll just hold my breath if she gets too close, Jasper contemplated.

I thought I heard them, Esme thought while walking in our direction.

Rosalie strode off in the other direction without a single glance behind her. Oh great...the human's here, Rosalie sneered, alight with malice.

Come on! Jeez, not this again... Emmett stared at the back of Rosalie as she marched away from us. Whatever, I'm not missing this. Emmett followed behind Esme.

"Was that you we heard, Edward?" Esme asked as she approached us.

Yeah, that weird gurgling noise. "It sounded like a bear choking." Emmett chortled.

A small timid smile was on Bella's face. "That was him."

Oh, I see how it is, I thought internally. "Bella was being unintentionally funny," I explained with a wide grin.

Alice came running towards us. Five seconds, she thought as she stopped in front of us.

"It's time," she announced.

Lightning flashed through the dark cloudy sky while thunder rippled overhead shaking the ground around us. Bella's eyes grew wide in wonder.

Her face is hilarious, Emmett thought. "Eerie, isn't it?" he winked at Bella hoping for her to make another 'human' face.

"Let's go." Alice grabbed Emmett's hand and they speed swiftly away toward the field.

I'll take care of her. Go play now, Esme vested.

Excitement was flowing in my veins. It had been a long time since I had felt so light and buoyant. "Are you ready for some ball?" I asked eagerly.

Her face showed a mix of awe, bewilderment, and perplexity at the game. She seemed extremely intimidated. "Go team!" she said enthusiastically. A chuckle came through my lips as I fluffed her hair up in a frenzy and bounded after Alice and Emmett.

Another crash of lightning sent a rumble of thunder through the earth at our feet. All the amazing feelings shooting through my body were making me exceedingly intoxicated with bliss. In this moment I felt like I had everything I could ever want. I flew past Alice and Emmett.

Show off, Emmett thought.

I just chuckled at his expression as I turned to run backwards, stopping in the outfield next to Carlisle. I peered over Emmett's shoulder to see Esme and Bella walking toward the field.

"Same teams?" Carlisle asked.

Everyone nodded in agreement. My team members, Carlisle and Alice, left to go to their positions. Carlisle went to stand between first and second base while Alice went to the pitcher's mound. I darted toward the outfield.

Edward, you are such a gentleman, Esme commended.

I hadn't been paying attention to their conversation and listened to the end of it as they finally reached the outside of the playing field.

"You don't mind, then? That I'm...all wrong for him?" Bella asked Esme incredulously.

She's not all wrong for me, I'm all wrong for her. I amended internally.

"No." Esme began. I'd never want to take Bella away from Edward, I just couldn't imagine... "You're what he wants. It will work out, somehow." He needs to change her but I know if he never will, Esme was thinking wistfully.

The ground shook below us as thunder rumbled overhead.

Get ready, Edward! Emmett chortled internally. He was swinging the bat back and forth.

He'll miss the first one, Alice snickered.

"All right," Esme called out. "Batter up."

Emmett raised his bat, ready to strike. Alice continued to snicker internally as she pictured Emmett missing the first pitch. She brought the ball to her waist. In a swift stealthy move she brought the ball into flight. It flew past Emmett at amazing speeds as Jasper caught it.

He's going to hit the next one, Edward. Be prepared, though, there is a ninety-seven percent chance you'll catch it. Alice mused in her mind.

Jasper threw the ball back at Alice and she showed her gleaming teeth at him.

Damn she is so attractive when she pitches, Jasper thought.

I began ignoring Jasper's thoughts quickly after that. I didn't need to be distracted from the game. Alice brought the ball back to her waist. She threw it with great force again and I was prepared. Emmett hit the ball with such strength that the aluminum smashed into the ball making a sound so fierce that it reverberated off the trees. It sounded just like the thunder. I caught a glimpse of Bella before I took off running. Her face looked stunned.

The ball suddenly flew toward me at a ferocious velocity. It went whizzing by me at lethal speeds and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to catch it. Bella had distracted me with yet another one of her expressions. I hurtled through the woods, jumping over downed trees, hopping over rocks until I caught up with the ball. I put all my strength into my leap as I jumped and caught the ball while grabbing onto a branch and swinging down to the ground.

With immense speed I ran back to the clearing, ball raised high and a smile prominent on my face.

"Out!" Esme yelled to Emmett's disappointment.

Don't worry, I'll get you back... he threatened.

Bella had a bewildered expression. I heard Esme explaining what happened. "Emmett hits the hardest, but Edward runs the fastest."

Jasper was next to bat. He already knew that throwing one towards me would be a mistake and was going for a ground ball. He hit the ball and it bounced off the ground. Carlisle caught it and started running to beat Jasper to first base. They collided and sent another thunderous noise through the night's air.

Bella was sitting on the grass and jumped up with a look of concern on her face. I laughed harder than ever at her expression.

"Safe." Esme called out.

We continued to play until the other team had three outs. We switched positions and I was at Bella's side in a quick motion that she almost didn't see.

"What do you think?" I asked in excitement.

"One thing's for sure, I'll never be able to sit through dull old Major League Baseball again," she smiled widely.

"And it sounds like you did so much of that before," I laughed.

The thrill of the game and the desire I felt when I was around Bella had me feeling high.

"I am a little disappointed," she said teasingly.

"Why?" I asked, perplexed.

"Well," she grinned, "it would be nice if I could find just one thing you didn't do better than everyone else on the planet."

She thought I was better than everyone else on the planet. I was soaring. I didn't think anything could remove the smile that seemed to be permanently plastered on my face.

I'm going to have to have a talk with her about filling your head with non-sense, Emmett guffawed stupidly.

You're oozing love over here. You're up lover boy, Jasper joked.

"I'm up!" I told Bella while heading to the plate.

We continued to play for several innings when several things happened simultaneously. I had bent down to get into the catching position, Carlisle had walked up to bat and Alice gasped in horror while she shrieked in alarm in her mind. I brought my eyes to hers as I saw what she was seeing. Terror rose inside me as a large dead weight fell through my chest and into my stomach.

Three vampires were running in our direction, curious about playing ball. The next series of visions had me scrambling to Bella's side in terror.

Edward, no! Alice thought while her vision continued as one tall vampire caught Bella's scent on the wind and attacked. In her vision Bella didn't die because we prevented him from sucking her dry but she had been bitten. Only a part of a second had passed and I was at Bella's side.

Get her out of here now! Alice bellowed from her mind. My brain was in limbo because I saw the other outcomes too.

Everyone was saying Alice's name alarmingly in their heads but Esme was the first to break the silence. "Alice?" she asked, her voice strained.

"I didn't see �C I couldn't tell," she mouthed almost soundlessly.

I felt Bella tense up as everyone flew rapidly to her side in protection. Bella knew - she had to know. She was always so observant. Everyones thoughts were jumbled in confusion and alarm. Panic burst inside me like poisonous gas.

"What is it, Alice?" Carlisle asked in a business like tone.

It's too late, Edward. I'm sorry. "They were traveling much quicker than I thought. I can see I had the perspective wrong before," Alice's eyes were blank yet horror struck.

They'll have to go through me before they get to Alice, Jasper thought protectively. He moved closer to her. "What changed?"

She looked up at him in absolute horror. I could see how split second decisions were altering her visions. None of them looked promising. "They heard us playing, and it changed their path," she explained with pure agony in her voice.

It's my fault, she thought feebly.

We all looked at Bella and saw that her face was shocked. Her heart drummed madly as she comprehended our words. I saw through seven pairs of eyes Bella's expressions from every angle. Each of their thoughts were ricocheting in my head. Was this the punishment I would suffer for being selfish? Losing her? I cried internally. My heart was screaming in protest.

"How soon?" Carlisle asked me.

Alice was in a stunned stupor. I read through each line of her thoughts as they flitted across her mind. "Less than five minutes. They're running �C they want to play." I frowned at him.

Take Bella and run! "Can you make it?" Carlisle asked me nervously.

I brought her scent into my lungs. It was just another reminder of how weak and fragile she was.

"No, not carrying �C" I cut short. "Besides, the last thing we need is for them to catch the scent and start hunting."

It was one of the many visions that had gone through Alice's mind: Bella being hunted. Each decision we made turned the outcome into something different. Some were more devastating than others. As soon as I decided it I saw the reaction of the vampires. They would hunt �C we would lose. I couldn't run with her.

This isn't good, Carlisle thought.

All right, a fight! Emmett exclaimed in his head, completely unperturbed. I glowered at him. He shrugged, I'm sorry. I don't want them to hurt Bella any more than you do.

"How many?" Emmett asked Alice.

"Three," she clipped in a muffled wail.

"Three!" That will be too easy. "Let them come." Emmett scoffed and began flexing his muscles.

Everyone's thoughts were in such a frantic state of mind I couldn't listen anymore. They were coming at me from all angles. Bella's name was coming up in every single thought. I began dissolving in misery. It was entirely fault.

"Let's just continue the game," Carlisle finally decided. "Alice said they were simply curious."

This is ludicrous! I can't believe this crap...all for a human girl. Rosalie muttered reproachfully.

Now that the decision is made what is the outcome? Carlisle asked me.

I shrugged because there were too many situations where decisions have yet to be made. I knew my face was screwed up in concentration and I knew that worry lines were etched into every crease of my face. I could see myself perfectly in Carlisle's mind as he stared at me.

Everyone began walking out onto the field to continue the game. Their minds were somewhere else though.

Forest is clear here, Emmett thought.

I nodded in his direction. Esme grabbed my arms and pulled me just a few feet away from Bella. The short distance felt like miles. I was so horrified that I had brought her to danger. Anguish was ripping through my body. A knot formed in the pit of my stomach.

"Are they thirsty?" Esme whispered.

I shook my head.

That's good to hear. Esme was relieved.

I headed back to Bella quickly. "You catch, Esme. I'll call it now."

I stood in front of Bella protectively. I would die to save her if I had to. She didn't deserve any fate but life. My insides were plummeting sickeningly with each aching second before the crimson eyed creatures were to come into view.

I won't let anything happen to her, I swear. Alice tried to assure me.

She had refused to go back onto the field, staying at Bella's side in a protective stance. I knew that in this moment Alice showed her loyalty to me. The space between her and Jasper made him relatively nervous and he, too, was staying closer to Alice because of the situation. Emmett and Rosalie were staying in the infield. Chaos was filling everyone's minds around me.

The wind blew across Bella's neck sending her sultry scent down my lungs. "Take your hair down," I commanded.

Her face looked positively terrified as she obediently slid her rubber band out of her hair and shook it out. She could tell that eminent danger was around the corner. The smell assaulted my lungs again.

"The others are coming now," she stated.

I knew she could understand. Her knowing mind always amazed me. For a fleeting second I thought about what it would do to me if she were no longer around. Pain ripped through my chest leaving large angry scratches.

"Yes, stay very still, keep quiet, and don't move from my side, please," I pleaded.

The billowing wind blew her scent towards me again. Each time it was a reminder of how easily this could go wrong. The knot in my stomach tightened. I pulled her hair forward and tried to wrap it as closely to her neck as possible.

Edward...Edward. Edward! Alice was shouting my name from her head but I was too preoccupied to notice. "That won't help," she whispered, "I could smell her from across the field."

"I know," I said, frustrated.

Bella was like a gazelle in a sea of lions.

I didn't want to scare her but you wouldn't respond. Alice sighed in her thoughts.

The rest of my family began playing baseball again. This time they were lightly bunting the ball and barely running at top speeds. We weren't interested in the game anymore. The waves of terror continued emitting from everyone's mind. I felt Bella's heat against me. She had moved within inches of my body. "What did Esme ask you?" she whispered.

I wasn't going to tell her but I realized that I had too. I hesitated for only a second. "Whether they were thirsty," I was thoroughly discomposed.

This is the dumbest idea ever. I don't know what the hell Edward is thinking keeping her human. Grr. So frail and...mortal. Rosalie wailed in a real temper.

I ignored her because I was too busy looking for the minds of strangers in the forest.

I wonder how many there are. An unknown 'voice' flitted through my head.

My eyes snapped up to the edge of the tree line. I couldn't believe I had put Bella in this kind of danger. I was constantly putting her in harm's way. "I'm sorry Bella," I cried, "It was stupid, irresponsible, to expose you like this. I'm so sorry."

I couldn't expect forgiveness because I didn't deserve it.

This should be interesting. I heard an unfamiliar female's mind.

I heard them in the distance and so did the rest of my family. There was a quivering silence cutting through the air as my family peered out at the darkening forest in the direction of the coming doom. They were just lurking out of sight. I was convinced for a whole shining second that they had changed their minds until three dark figures emerged from the forest.

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